Wedding How much are you sharing?

[CJ2008]

How many details are you sharing before the wedding day? Part of me wants to keep it all to myself, to have my mom, sister, aunt, etc., see it all for the first time the day of. There's an element of surprise, of "wow! everything looks beautiful!"

But on the other hand, will they miss some of those details unless they know to look for them? For example, with the songs I picked for our ceremony, they may not even realize each of those songs were hand-picked. Same with the song we'll be making our "entrance" to the reception to.

Of course there are some things I won't tell them about (i.e., the flowers for my mom will be a surprise, and because I don't think it's a tradition in Argentina, won't be expecting them at all), a song I want to play for our parents (from an Argentinean singer that should bring back memories for all the older people there), etc.

I'm just afraid that if I don't somehow point out certain things, they'll go unnoticed. So, how much are you sharing?

I don't know if this matters, but keep in mind, FI and I are paying for our wedding ETA so we're making all the choices/handling all the details on our own.

 

[mimzy]

haha it never even occurred to me to hold things back for the sake of surprise. i''ve told my mom and sister just about everything when they ask or when i make a new decision. if i don''t let someone else in on something it''s probably because i think talking about them with it will just bore them

the only surprise that we might have (MIGHT) is playing my parents (my mom and stepdads / dad and stepmoms) wedding songs during dancing. it''s still up for debate though.

i''m sure that there will be things that i just forget to tell them or bring up that will be a surprise though!

 

[Pandora II]

FI and my mother know everything.

FI even helped choose the fabric for my dress.

Otherwise I have kept it a complete secret from my extended family - my bitchy aunt and grandmother will have plenty of time to rip it to shreds after the event, they don''t need a head start. And boy are they going to have things to bitch about - my orange/yellow flowers, my choice of non-traditional music and readings etc etc

 

[bee*]

D and I have told our parents and sisters pretty much everything. We''re not telling our friends or other relatives anything. It will be a surprise for them on the day.

 

[CJ2008]

mimzy - I kind of do the same thing (if they ask, I tell them) or if it''s a new decision that I want to share with them, I will. So they know what flowers I will be using for my bouquet, what the centerpieces will look like in general (I don''t know what they will actually end up like, I''ve been thinking of paying the florist to do a mock-up). But there are some things I''ve been kind of "secretive" about, like the menu, the cake, even the music. First, I don''t want opinions, or to even hear what may sound like questions but are really opinions, like "oh. well, are you going to have this type of music and that type of music? and what about this type of food?" That said, I think FI and I are really going out of our way to keep what we know about our guests'' preferences in mind, and adding some special touches...

Pandora - my FI knows everything, except for everything having to do with how I''m going to look (my dress, hairstyle, jewelry, etc.) You know what, sometimes I feel like showing my FI the dress. And actually, I''ve talked to him about seeing each other before the ceremony, to share a moment beforehand. I think no matter how beautiful everything is, somebody at some point will have something to say. Good for you that you''re doing whatever you want anyway though, and not what people think you should do.

bee - writing this post now, I''m realizing I''ve told my parents and sister more than I realize!

I think I''ll tell them about the songs so they know they mean something, otherwise I am sure they will be "missed".

 

[SarahLovesJS]

FI and I have told parents everything pretty much. And his sisters will be in the know since they''re going to be my only BMs other than the maitron of honor. I am trying to keep everything else as secret as possible aside from venue, date, and time. But as of right now I am even going to keep the exact date relatively secret until this summer I believe. My hair stylist already knows though, so we''ll see if I can keep my mouth shut. Hehe.

 

[Gypsy]

My mother tries to SHUSH me everytime I mention ANY thing about my wedding choices in company... even something inoccous as "I''m having tall centerpieces" gets a huge SHUSH from her... so I''m not sharing much at all. It''s making me a bit sad, honestly. The sharing is part of the fun, I think.

 

[Haven]

I never thought to keep anything a secret. People haven''t really been asking me much, though, except whether we''re having a band or a dj. Apparently, everyone we know is extremely anti-dj, which is good because so are we!

What things do people keep secret? Now I''m curious.

 

[isaku5]

For DD''s first wedding, she and I shared everything as we planned it together. Her dad and brother weren''t really into the whole wedding vibe. We planned a garden wedding at one of our favourite dining spots. I thought we did a great job and everything came off without a hitch. Sorry, I can''t say the same for the marriage.

It was a totally different story for her second wedding, though, as she and her fiance made their plans together. DH and I were wondering what we could contribute to the event so I asked a few questions and found out enough to tell me that this wedding was going to be "over the top" and there was no way we could afford much of anything they had in mind. The hall where the reception took place was overflowing with red roses, the centrepieces were about 6'' tall - red roses and there was an open bar and 7 course dinner for 300 guests. The wedding date was February 28, a notoriously stormy day in Ontario. ( Great discounts for many things, but a premium price for roses)

I didn''t realize until after the reception that the servers passing the hors d''oeuvres in the foyer had been given strict instructions not to let hubby and me anywhere near the reception area. After the guests were seated, as the parents of the bride, we were introduced first. When we entered the room, I was surprised and stunned. The scent of the roses was perfect and the whole room looked like something out of a fairy tale. They told us later that they wanted us to be blown away when we got our first glimpse. They truly succeeded as I''ve never seen anything like it before or since.

Oh, and btw, it was an unseasonably warm and sunny day...and, more importantly, they''re still happily married 10 years and one daughter later.

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/20/2008 9:20:51 PM
Author: Haven

What things do people keep secret? Now I''m curious.

To be honest, I have a big mouth and would love to tell people but D is so secretive about everything to do with the wedding-he wants it all to be a surprise for guests. So we''re keeping secret: that we''re having a gospel choir for the music during the ceremony, that we''re having a vintage Rolls Royce, my dress obviously will be kept a secret, the band that we''re having will be kept secret, favours, first song etc.

 

[allycat0303]

I''m not sharing, because I feel like everyone gets REALLY sick of wedding talk. Besides, my mom and his mom have very definite ideas about how they want the wedding day to be (and since we are paying for it ourselves) I find it gives them less chance to object to what I have decided.

 

[anchor31]

Well, my mom wants to know everything and I don''t mind telling her because she''s very supportive. Now that my brother is planning his own wedding 3 months after mine, he asks me about everything. He calls me at least three times a week, sometimes more than once a day. He really wants us to have distinct events (which I appreciate), and of course he''s probably feeling a little overwhelmed planing a wedding in 6½ months, so he''ll take any advice he can get. Yesterday, I teased him and said I should start a business! He called me again 5 minutes later to ask yet another question, and I answered "R''s event planning, how may I help you?". Heh.

I don''t like to discuss prices, however. Money is just too delicate a matter. When my parents offered to pay for half the wedding, I promised that I would try to keep it as reasonable as I could, which they appreciate, even though they said it wasn''t necessary (which I appreciate, although it''s necessary for us since we''re paying for the other half!). They know I''m very good with money and they trust me. They''re letting me do my thing and we''ll split the bill when we''re done. As for my brother, he''s been asking how much we paid for everything, and that makes me uncomfortable. It''s just so easy to start saying "I think you''re paying too much, I wouldn''t pay that much, I think you''re being cheap", etc, etc. So I prefer telling him about the prices ranges we encountered while planning and let him decide what he thinks his reasonable for his wedding. His FF wanted to know what I paid for my dress yesterday... I told her the designer and where I got it, and that I was quoted 100$ and 150$ more in other stores, but I didn''t tell her how much I paid. I''m not being paranoid, am I?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 4/20/2008 9:20:51 PM
Author: Haven
I never thought to keep anything a secret. People haven''t really been asking me much, though, except whether we''re having a band or a dj. Apparently, everyone we know is extremely anti-dj, which is good because so are we!


What things do people keep secret? Now I''m curious.

Well I have a motive for keeping things secret at least temporarily. I know someone who habitually steals ideas.

And while it sounds silly probably, ahhh I don''t want them to steal my wedding!

Anyway, dress = #1 secret. Almost everyone (except for some family and friends) cannot see the dress. We''re going to be telling people the location and the date (as of later this summer we''ll give out the date). Colors = kind of secret. Flowers = eh don''t really care, not so secret, but my ideas ahhh secret! Wow okay I guess I am just keeping it all secret nevermind. Of course PSers are included, I just mean some family and family friends that we are not telling things to.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 4/21/2008 9:30:22 AM
Author: anchor31
Well, my mom wants to know everything and I don''t mind telling her because she''s very supportive. Now that my brother is planning his own wedding 3 months after mine, he asks me about everything. He calls me at least three times a week, sometimes more than once a day. He really wants us to have distinct events (which I appreciate), and of course he''s probably feeling a little overwhelmed planing a wedding in 6½ months, so he''ll take any advice he can get. Yesterday, I teased him and said I should start a business! He called me again 5 minutes later to ask yet another question, and I answered ''R''s event planning, how may I help you?''. Heh.

I don''t like to discuss prices, however. Money is just too delicate a matter. When my parents offered to pay for half the wedding, I promised that I would try to keep it as reasonable as I could, which they appreciate, even though they said it wasn''t necessary (which I appreciate, although it''s necessary for us since we''re paying for the other half!). They know I''m very good with money and they trust me. They''re letting me do my thing and we''ll split the bill when we''re done. As for my brother, he''s been asking how much we paid for everything, and that makes me uncomfortable. It''s just so easy to start saying ''I think you''re paying too much, I wouldn''t pay that much, I think you''re being cheap'', etc, etc. So I prefer telling him about the prices ranges we encountered while planning and let him decide what he thinks his reasonable for his wedding. His FF wanted to know what I paid for my dress yesterday... I told her the designer and where I got it, and that I was quoted 100$ and 150$ more in other stores, but I didn''t tell her how much I paid. I''m not being paranoid, am I?

I know what you mean about money. I am willing to discuss it when I get a great deal, but overall I really don''t like it when someone (outside of PS of course that''s different) asks me how much someone or something cost me or is going to cost me. I feel like it''s kind of intrusive. I mean if they were planning a wedding it might be different since I''d be being helpful, but random people or even some family members ask and it''s none of their business. They want to tell me how much they think a wedding should cost.

Yeah, okay. I think we all just need to be happy that FI and I nixed the $1 million wedding idea.

Just kidding of course!! I would never actually have a wedding that cost that much. If I was spending that much I''d send it to a charity.

 

[musey]

My mom has finally jumped on the planning bandwagon, so she hears everything.

Same with my MOH/cousin and FI.

With everyone else, I subscribe to a "don't ask? don't tell!" policy. No one wants to hear about that wedding mumbo jumbo anyway, they just wanna show up for the free booze

Date: 4/20/2008 10:13:49 AM
Author:claudinam

I'm just afraid that if I don't somehow point out certain things, they'll go unnoticed.

I don't think that anything will go completely unnoticed--all elements contribute to the general ambiance. As a guest, I would assume all ceremony songs are hand-picked... are they usually not? For every 'moment' song (first dance, processional/recessional, etc.) I always figure that the couple chose it themselves.

 

[CrownJewel]

If people ask, I tell them...but so far it''s just my close friends and family asking. People usually want to know about the dress and that''s it. Haha. I figure it''s ok to tell them because they will all forget by the time the wedding comes around.

For a while I didn''t tell FI about my dress but I have the hardest time keeping anything from him. I''m so excited about my dress that I just had to tell him about it.

 

[Haven]

I have thought of one thing I'm keeping a secret--our invitations! I'm so excited about them, and they're so very me, and I didn't want anyone to see them until they arrived in the mail. So I AM keeping something secretive.

I only tell people about the wedding when they ask, but that's because I'm just not that into wedding planning and all the details. In fact, I think I avoid talking about it in general because, well, it's just not that interesting. We're having a wedding, there will be food and music and a lot of other people. I'm going to wear a dress. FI is going to wear a suit. What's there to talk about? My guess is people don't really care when they ask about the wedding, anyway, they're probably just trying to make conversation, anyway.)

ETA: How bizarre that people steal other people's wedding ideas! Honestly--aren't there enough glossies out there from which to take ideas? That's hilarious, really, in a sad and pathetic kind of way. So sorry to hear that people do that. I can't imagine any of my friends doing anything like that.