How many years should you date before getting engaged?

[MermaidKelly]

I just wanted to see what others thought about this. How many years do you feel a couple should date before getting engaged?

My thoughts are around 2-4 years...

 

[cally]

I think at least 2 years is good... I also think, the younger you are, the longer you should date first.

The boyfriend and I are coming up on five years. Sheesh. Time flies.

 

[sba771]

I got engaged after 8 months, it all depends on the people and the couple.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I think it totally depends on the couple. No relationship is exactly the same, people enter them at different points in their lives and with different maturity levels. If two people feel they are ready for marriage, then there's no reason why they should wait just to satisfy society. My BIL's parents knew each other for one day before they got married and they're in their 44th year. Meanwhile, my brother and SIL dated for 17 years before they got married. I think the more fair question is what's the average amount of time people date before they get engaged and I think that is 6 months to 5 years.

ETA: the above statements are for adults, not teenagers.

 

[MissMina]

As far as getting to know each other I think a couple of years should be enough.

For many couples circumstances like finishing school or establishing a career seem to dictate a longer timetable.

Age too could be a factor. My aunt and uncle were 11 and 14 when they started "keeping company" but didn''t marry till they were 19 and 22. Still young I know.
They had two sons and were together till my uncle passed away.
I guess my final answer would be until you are both ready.

 

[princessplease]

I don''t think couples should follow any ''societal norms'' when it comes to engagement. FI and I were together a year when we got engaged, and we actually moved in together after 7 months. However, my brother and SIL were together 14 years before engagement, and 16 years before marriage. It all depends on how you guys feel as a couple, although I truly believe that the younger you are, the longer you should wait. Had I married the man I was with at 18, I would''ve been a divorcee by my very early 20''s.

 

[lucyandroger]

I would never presume to know how long another couple should date before getting engaged. Their relationship, their life, their decision.

 

[Lauren8211]

3.8

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 3/1/2010 10:07:38 AM
Author: lucyandroger
I would never presume to know how long another couple should date before getting engaged. Their relationship, their life, their decision.

I have to agree completely.

I think as long as a couple is truly conscious to the decision they''re making, it doesn''t matter how long they''ve dated.

 

[princesss]

As many as it takes for them to be confident in their relationship and ready to make such a serious commitment.

 

[Octavia]

Two years, two months, two days, and about two hours. But only because that''s when my DH proposed to me.

Otherwise, whenever the couple is ready, which is different for everyone.

 

[Lilac]

I think it's different for everyone. I would have been ready to get married to my husband after about a week and a half, but unfortunately DH and I were way too young (16/17), so we had to wait four and a half years. I think a couple can date for 6 months and be ready or a couple can date for 5 years and be ready. It depends on the people involved.

ETA: I think it's about the *quality* of the time spent together, not the quantity. If a couple spends a year together and sees each other every day, talks about anything and everything, and learns good communication skills they'll probably be ready for marriage a lot quicker than a couple who spends 3 years together but only sees each other once every few months and only talks once or twice a week and just discusses superficial things.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 3/1/2010 10:08:30 AM
Author: elledizzy5
3.8

No way, too long. 2.6 MAX.

 

[princesss]

Date: 3/1/2010 12:11:27 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 3/1/2010 10:08:30 AM
Author: elledizzy5
3.8

No way, too long. 2.6 MAX.

Uh-oh! BF and I have been together 5.1!

 

[Lilac]

Date: 3/1/2010 12:11:27 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 3/1/2010 10:08:30 AM

Author: elledizzy5

3.8

No way, too long. 2.6 MAX.

I have to agree with elle - 3.8 is PERFECT! (well, in my case, 3.8 and 6 days

)

 

[zipzapgirl]

Depends on the ages and life stages of the couple. The older you are and the more experience you have with kissing frogs, the better you are at realizing if you''ve got a prince or a frog

My policy is the Four Seasons Rule. You need to have gotten through four seasons of the year with your guy so you can see what he''s like over a longer period. Besides, if you go to a party and your fiance has no way of knowing which of the coats on the bed belongs to you, well, there are some things you just don''t know about each other yet, right? The coat is the metaphor.

I think it''s sound advice--A year really isn''t long in the scheme of things when you''re talking the rest of your lives.

 

[LilyKat]

I think you''re ready to get engaged when you know someone well enough to make an informed decision to spend the rest of your life with them. How long that takes is different for everyone. For us, it was 9 months. That''s short, and I wouldn''t recommend it for everyone - but it worked just great for us. I agree that life circumstances (age, finances, knowing yourself and what you want for the future) do make a difference. No way would I have gotten engaged to someone after 9 months of dating when I was 18 and in school.

I would also say that more time does not necessarily equal knowing each other better. I''m always amazed when I hear of people who have been together years and still don''t know how the other person feels about marriage, children, religion, etc. Time is important, but so is communicating and actually paying attention, even to the things you don''t want to see.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 3/1/2010 12:24:25 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 3/1/2010 12:11:27 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 3/1/2010 10:08:30 AM
Author: elledizzy5
3.8

No way, too long. 2.6 MAX.

Uh-oh! BF and I have been together 5.1!

You better get on it!!

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 3/1/2010 1:44:04 PM
Author: LilyKat
I think you''re ready to get engaged when you know someone well enough to make an informed decision to spend the rest of your life with them. How long that takes is different for everyone. For us, it was 9 months. That''s short, and I wouldn''t recommend it for everyone - but it worked just great for us. I agree that life circumstances (age, finances, knowing yourself and what you want for the future) do make a difference. No way would I have gotten engaged to someone after 9 months of dating when I was 18 and in school.

I would also say that more time does not necessarily equal knowing each other better. I''m always amazed when I hear of people who have been together years and still don''t know how the other person feels about marriage, children, religion, etc. Time is important, but so is communicating and actually paying attention, even to the things you don''t want to see.

LilyKat, sometimes I feel that you must be my PS soulmate, lol. I remember you posting in another thread that you guys got engaged (what some would call) "quickly". FI and I got engaged after 6 months of "officially" dating (there was a 2 month gray area prior).

I credit a huge part of us feeling ready to be engaged to quality time/communication. We had discussed ALL of the big marriage "hot button" issues BEFORE getting engaged, just naturally through our relationship. Not to mention we lived together from the beginning, shared finances, etc. Like you, I wouldn''t recommend a "quick" engagement to everyone, because not everybody''s relationship progresses the same ways ours did. We''re going into this with our eyes, minds and hearts wide open.

 

[LilyKat]

Aww, lilyfoot! I''ve thought the same thing, given my habit of following you around ditto''ing your posts

 

[decodelighted]

Looking back ... how important is "engaged" really? I think the four seasons thing could work as a general rule of thumb but as folks have said -- it all varies from couple to couple. Some years nothing happens -- not even a COLD to see how the other person would deal with it. Whereas some *months* can change your whole life. (Deaths, layoffs, diagnoses, catastrophes etc).

 

[HopeDream]

In a sociology class I took a few years ago 3 years was stated as the average before engagement, and as you move farther away from 3 years the odds of engagement decrease.

I think couples should be together at least until the "honeymoon" phase of the realtionship is past, and each partner knows the other as a complete human being - imperfect and loveable.

My parents got engaged in less than a year and ultimately that did not turn out well; so a one year minimum is a good general guideline.

 

[MayFlowers]

Like others have said, it really depends on the couple. My parents married each other after only having known each other for six months. But, they are about to celebrate their 36th anniversary and I honestly do not know a more happy couple than they are. Me and BF however have dated for almost three years. If we had been older, we probably would have married sooner. We talked about marriage, children, etc very early on and realized that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. But, we were both only 18 when we first met. Besides not wanting our parents to freak out (hahaha) we also didn''t want to get married until both of us were finished were school. So, alas, I am still here waiting.

 

[Cinna]

It all depends

My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year and a month now and we''ve been officially dating for 11 months now, but we''re going to be engaged within the month... as soon as my ring is completed. He says I should call him fiance, but I say not until the ring is on my hand
The shortest I know of before marriage was a couple hours. I know a man who met a woman, knew that she was the one pretty much as soon as he met her and he proposed during dinner. Crazy isn''t it?! But they''ve been together and in love for 56 years now and are so amazing together.

 

[Mobinvera]

For me (as long as the relationship itself is great) it depends on age. I''m in my late 20''s so I think between 1-2 years is appropriate.

 

[Treasure43]

My FI and I were dating 14 months when he proposed. However, we''d been living together for a year at that point. It all depends on the couple and their circumstances. I think for us, everything just came together. We were both out of college and working and both ready to settle down when we met. Had I still been in grad school or had we been long distance, I think we would have dated much longer. But things just clicked. We''re 25 and 26, but we''re both done with the go out and get drunk stages of our lives and enjoy spending time doing the same things (like staying in and watching a movie or playing a game).

However, I know people who''ve dated many years before getting engaged and a few who''ve waited less than a year. Usually it has to do with being financially stable and at the same places in their lives. Hence, most of the people who dated many years before getting engaged were a lot younger and less financially stable. Whereas, some of my older friends and friends of my parents got engaged less than a year after beginning to date because they were more stable.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

If you started dating:

under 20 years of age: 4+ years
21 - 23: 3+ years
24 - 26: 2+ years
27 - 29: 1+ years
over 30? A year or less

These numbers are completely arbitrary based on the fact that when you''re in your young twenties, you don''t really know what you want and it takes a little time to figure it out. By the time you''re in your late twenties or thirties, you know what in the hell you want and don''t want to waste time kissing more frogs.

 

[crossmyfingers]

BF and I have been together for 2.5 years. I still don''t know when we''ll be engaged or married. I''m ready but he''s not, so I''m working to be patient. I think it differs for everyone. Some of our friends have told us that we''ve been together so long that at this point we either need to get married or call it quits. Gee, thanks, friends...? Weird.

I wouldn''t have been comfortable getting engaged before I''d dated the guy for at least a year. I have friends who have got engaged sooner than that and it totally worked for them, but just personally I would rather have longer to get to know him before I agree to marry him.

I don''t think there is a good way to standardize what length of time dating would best prepare you for marriage without being overcooked. I think a lot of it has to do with how each person''s life has gone so far, where they are in their education/career/finances, what they are comfortable with - not whether you have dated the proper amount of time.

 

[Bunny007]

I think most people will tell you it depends on the relationship, although I agree with previous posters who believe age is a factor. Have you asked SO what he thinks?

 

[pinki]

My grandparents dated 3 weeks and got married the next week, they were married over 60 years.

My parents dated 6 months and got married in the 7th month...they''ve been married 37 years.

I have a friend who dated her ex 13 years until the got married. They divorced a year later.

There is no correct equation, depends on you two.