How many people will you be introducing yourself to at your wedding?

[zoebartlett]

So, one of my showers was last weekend. Aside from sitting in the corner where I couldn''t really see anyone other than the people on either side of me, it was fun.

It was a very thoughtful gesture for my future inlaws to show -- throwing the shower, that is. It was the first time I got to meet my FMIL and FFIL''s sisters. I guess they don''t really keep in touch with my FI''s family often, although they all live somewhat near one another. It got super awkward when I was opening gifts and I realized that I couldn''t remember which way to look (left or right) as I thanked some of the gift givers who I had just met. So I just said a really long thank you while my head swept left and then swept right.

Anyway...

This got me thinking. In all likelihood, I will probably only see some of these people a handful of times, if ever. I started feeling very awkward for having people I don''t know attend our wedding. Usually, people would assume that of all people, the bride and groom would know their guests, but that won''t be true in our case. How do you handle introductions at a wedding?

 

[karasue91]

FI has a huge family, so I know exactly how you feel. I probably won''t know at least 25-30% of the people at our wedding, and it is weird for me too. We are having a rehearsal BBQ for all of our out of town guests, so I''m sure I''ll meet a lot of them there, but obviously there''s no way I''ll remember their names. I''m just counting on lots of hugs and "Congratulations!!" at the wedding and no instances where I need to know names. If there is an instance like that, I plan to be next to FI so he can save me. We have already had discussions about this topic, because I''m extremely shy around people I don''t know.

As for people that you meet for the first time at the wedding, I promise no one will expect you to remember their names after being introduced once. Everyone knows a bride''s wedding day is absolutely crazy, and if they expect you to remember their name after one introduction, then they probably aren''t worth the effort anyway!!! I would worry most about the older guests, but that will probably be easy to remember because you''ve probably heard FI''s family talk about "Aunt Jane" and tell stories about her, so at that point it will be nice to put a face with the name!

Bottom line, I wouldn''t worry about it too much, you are the bride and everyone knows you have WAY more things to worry about on that day!!

 

[musey]

Date: 6/6/2008 9:58:28 PM
Author:ZoeBartlett

This got me thinking. In all likelihood, I will probably only see some of these people a handful of times, if ever. I started feeling very awkward for having people I don''t know attend our wedding. Usually, people would assume that of all people, the bride and groom would know their guests, but that won''t be true in our case. How do you handle introductions at a wedding?

I don''t like the prospect of this, either.

We tried really hard to fight it, telling our parents that we didn''t want anyone there that one or both of us didn''t feel close to. It worked with my parents, not so well with his... we made the mistake of using the "we don''t have the budget" approach first, and from that moment on that''s all his mom heard when we''d protest to add-ons (even when we used different arguments). So she offered in the end to pay for the extra heads. Well, that wasn''t the real issue, but it''s not worth fighting about it (and I think it would take a fight).

Anyway, in answer to the topic, I think there are about 40 people invited whom I''ve never met and probably will never see again. They''re made up of FI''s very extended family and friends of the future-in-laws.

FI has at least met most of them, so I imagine he''ll introduce me to those he does know... but for those neither of us have met...?? I''m a little lost, to be honest! Maybe we''ll let them initiate their introduction? I dunno, it feels a little funny for us to both walk up to two strangers and introduce ourselves. I mean, it is our wedding, so obviously they know who we are... they''re the ones who are the mystery!

 

[neatfreak]

I think there were about 8 people at our wedding that one of us had to be introduced to. But the big thing for us was that there was NO ONE that both of us had to be introduced to. That was really important to me.

 

[Pandora II]

I know every single person who is coming to our wedding, FI knows about half of them.

We didn''t give his parents any spaces for guests - they''re divorced, remarried and it would just have been difficult. None of their friends would have been people who had had anything to do with FI so why would we want them there anyway?

We also both have big families.

My parents, who are hosting and paying for the whole thing, have got about half the spaces left after family and FI and I have the other half.

My parents friends are all quite strange but fun people, most of whom I''ve known for a very long time and will continue to see in the future.

FI isn''t bothered about knowing all the people there, whereas I would be!

 

[luckystar112]

I will have 11 guests at my wedding and I will not know 4. That''s like 40%! And in such a small setting, I KNOW it will be awkward.
Believe me, I am NOT thrilled by this...rather annoyed actually.

But we''ve emailed back and forth a couple of times regarding details of the wedding, but that''s it.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Musey you totally hit home for me. We have had multiple arguments over this as well. My family is relatively small, and his is very large and since they insist on people being invited across the board on one side (so all uncles and aunts or no uncles and aunts..all cousins or no cousins, etc.) we''re going to have a lot of people we don''t know.

I am excited about meeting new people, and excited that if they come they''d be there to share this with us. I am also uncomfortable with people I don''t know watching me get married. I am a very private person, so that is probably why I feel that way.

It''s nothing against them, it''s just I don''t know them. Sorry for rambling. But to answer your question I plan to let FI and his Dad introduce me to everyone.

 

[mimzy]

i've never met any of FI's family except his grandma, one aunt and one uncle. so that's.....35 people that i've never met that will be invited right there (if they show up is another issue/question). there's one couple of my parents friends that i've never met before (that i remember), and more than half of FI's parents guest list is people neither of us have ever met (NOT thrilled about.they are more like filler spaces because FMIL doesn't think any family will show so they need to have more people on their side...even though neither FI or myself have ever met these people and they are being invited 'so they don't get offended'...whatever...*don't get worked up lex*)...so that's another 14 people.


so 50 people total, out of 240. but there's really nothing that can be done about it at this point and i have bigger fish to fry

 

[Gwyn]

FI and I will both know everyone at our wedding. OF course, there will only be 50 people total, so not too bad. We are also having a reception on the east coast with 75-100 people (my family). However, my sister just got married, so FI met all of them at her wedding (She had over 200 guests at hers!).

 

[Sabine]

This is one of my big concerns too. There are only a handful of FI''s family members that I haven''t met, but we lost the fight with both of our parents about them inviting a few close friends of theirs. So there are a few friends of my mom''s that although I''ve heard a lot about, I''ve never met and FI has no clue about. And there are some close friends of FI''s parents that he hasn''t seen since he was very young and probably won''t recognize that I have no clue about. I''m just hoping that our parents will be around when we have to talk to these people, and I think it''s natural that they won''t be monopolizing much of our time at the wedding.

I''m actually much more worried about the bridal shower. It''s so much more intimate, and there are a few of FI''s aunts who are coming who I''ve met once or twice a few years ago (very briefly, at a funeral). But I don''t really remember them, and am going to need to be REintroduced to them, and I think that will be pretty awkward since I feel like I should remember them.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m glad to know that others have thought about this too. When we first got engaged and began making the guest list, we had 80 people. Both of us would have known everyone, or at least would have met everyone on the list a few times. Then the list grew and grew. My FILs, at first, didn''t want to add anyone from their side -- they were leaving it all up to us. I thought that was a little strange, since they''re both from larger families -- I thought they''d at least want to invite their brothers and sisters (my FI''s aunts and uncles). Then after the save the dates went out and we had decided on the menu and costs, etc., my FILs decided that in fact, they did want their brothers and sisters at the wedding after all. Okay fine. The funny thing is that, although my FI''s from a large family (he''s one of 5 kids and his parents have 4-6 siblings each), he doesn''t really know his extended family at all. He couldn''t even tell me who was related to whom (which aunt was married to which uncle). It''s just SO DIFFERENT than how I grew up -- it''s very hard for me to relate.

Yeah, I guess I won''t worry about it. Everyone will know who we are -- the tux and wedding dress will kind of give it away

. I''ll probably just smile a lot and say "it''s so nice to see you -- thank you for coming" over and over again, without using certain people''s names.

 

[Rhea]

We had one person at the wedding I didn''t know. DH had met her a couple of times. She''s the partner of one of DH''s close friends.

 

[DMBFiredancer]

at first there was going to be quite a few people that i didnt know (or could only recognize as meeting when i was a kid)from my parents side of the family - mainly older relatives that i personally dont keep in touch with. i am from the east coast where my family still lives, but live out west now.
we were thinking of having our wedding out east at first but one of the things that pushed us to have it out here was seeing the list my parents wrote up of people they wanted to invite. i saw waaay too many names that i did not know, and went into a panic that i would spend my wedding answering questions like "sooo...what do you and your new husband do for a living?"

as selfish as that sounds, i dont want my day spent making small talk with people i will never talk to again. having it out west cancels out that entire possibility because my parents dont want to invite them if they have to travel. i''m sure they are disappointed (my dad especially) but we also decided to pay for it all ourselves.

 

[BlueKeet]

I think there were 8 out of 120 I had never met, and I didn't meet them at the wedding either. My husband didn't get a chance to meet all of my relatives, but that is ok, there will be other opportunities. One of us knew all of the guests that came. It was so difficult to find time for all of the family and friends I did know; I just didn't bother with the new ones. In fact my husband and I just visited independently with the guests we were "responsible" for and almost everyone (not all though) got time with one of us. I've been to many weddings where I didn't get to talk to the bride and groom - maybe they said hi to the entire table. I did a calculation and figured that if we spent time with eveyone who was invited that would be 2 minutes per person if all we did was socialize with them during the reception (assuming no eating or dancing). Sadly, since we split the socializing duties, I didn't even see my husband much during the reception. We were together for our first dance, the cake cutting, the 5 minutes it took us to wolf down our food, and after everyone had left - that is it. This could be why my favorite part of the day was the time we had alone between the ceremony and reception.

I too was very annoyed inviting people who after 5 years with my guy, I had never met. My advice, don't worry about the ones you have never met, you won't even notice them there. If someone else wants them on the list, they can entertain them because you won't have time. Ok, with 11 guests, you'll have time, but maybe you'll like them.