How Long Did You Wait to Have Children After Marriage?

[Haven]

Zoe''s thread about the "right" age to have children made me wonder--how long did everyone wait to have children after you were married?

We''re getting married this summer, I''ll be nearly 28 and FI will be 38, so I don''t think I''ll be feeling the pressure, but I''m just curious. We ARE already getting some pressure from the family to start sooner rather than later because, GASP!, FI is nearly 40! (As if THAT matters! Isn''t it MY age that counts?)

Anyway, I''m just curious.

 

[robbie3982]

No kids here yet, but if all goes according to plan, we''ll be waiting just over a year before we start trying.

 

[musey]

Date: 10/31/2007 7:58:18 PM
Author:Haven
Zoe's thread about the 'right' age to have children made me wonder--how long did everyone wait to have children after you were married?

We're getting married this summer, I'll be nearly 28 and FI will be 38, so I don't think I'll be feeling the pressure, but I'm just curious. We ARE already getting some pressure from the family to start sooner rather than later because, GASP!, FI is nearly 40! (As if THAT matters! Isn't it MY age that counts?)

Anyway, I'm just curious.

In conception, yes, the age of the mother matters more... but in raising the children? If you had a child right now, your FI would be about 60 when that kid finished their undergraduate degree. My cousin (33) has 2- and 5-year-olds, and her husband (45) tires out a LOT faster than she does when caring for them. I think that's probably more what your family is worried about, rather than age at conception.

Anyway, to answer your question (though I'm not yet technically qualified), FI and I have decided to wait at least 3 years OR whenever we are feeling completely financially stable, whichever comes later. The idea of financial stability is obviously pretty abstract... but if it weren't a factor, we'd start trying around 27-28. We'd both like 2, not less than 2 years apart, so... preggo #1 at mid-27, birth #1 at 28, preggo #2 at 30, birth #2 at 30-31... kids are both out of college my our mid-50's so we're both young and high-energy to enjoy their childhood.

Soooo, that's the current line of thinking for us

We really want kids and don't care to put it off longer than we have to... just enough to make sure we're ready to give them a stable life!

 

[Elmorton]

I''m 24, just married in June, and we''re on the five-year plan (at least). My mom had me when she was 31 (I''m an only, though), and I think the timing is pretty neat - I finished grad school last year while my dad is retiring this year and my mom in two years. Granted, by the time we''re 55, retirement age will probably be 70... Anyway, it''s going to take awhile for us to be able to financially support a child, and we want to have a awhile to just be "us" - and be irresponsible and immature.

 

[Kaleigh]

We waited just over a year before TTC. I was 24 when I got married, was 26 when I had my daughter. Had my son at 28.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We waited 5 months before TTC (and I got preggo). DH is 29, I am 27 (28/26 when we got married). I don't think age should be the deciding factor on when to have children. So many OTHER important factors IMHO.

ETA: I believe your husband's age doesn't effect his fertility. At least not at 40. Even so I doubt it effects the baby's health. With women there are higher risks of downs over 35 but it is still small. Many women have healthy pregnancies in their late 30s/early 40s. Decide b/c YOU both are ready not your families

 

[Haven]

Date: 10/31/2007 8:52:57 PM
Author: musey

Date: 10/31/2007 7:58:18 PM

Author:Haven

We''re getting married this summer, I''ll be nearly 28 and FI will be 38, so I don''t think I''ll be feeling the pressure, but I''m just curious. We ARE already getting some pressure from the family to start sooner rather than later because, GASP!, FI is nearly 40! (As if THAT matters! Isn''t it MY age that counts?)


Anyway, I''m just curious.

In conception, yes, the age of the mother matters more... but in raising the children? If you had a child right now, your FI would be about 60 when that kid finished their undergraduate degree. My cousin (33) has 2- and 5-year-olds, and her husband (45) tires out a LOT faster than she does when caring for them. I think that''s probably more what your family is worried about, rather than age at conception.

Oh dear, that line was an (apparently failed) attempt at sarcasm. Of course I understand that an older parent will tire out faster than a younger one. Good thing I''m marrying a super-fit ath-a-lete! Seriously, though, I just can''t help it--I fell in love with an older man and I refuse to leave him just because of his age.

My uncle is in the same boat as your cousin''s husband, Musey--he''s 45 with a 4-year-old and twin 2-year-olds--talk about being worn out! Their first was dificult to come by, and then !VOILA!--twins!

I agree that age should not be the deciding factor when it comes to having children, but I do wonder if one ever feels TRULY ready to have a child. FI and I are financially secure, we''re in the process of buying our first home together, we''re keeping our current homes as rental properties for extra income, we have great jobs, we''ve been together long enough to be absolutely sure about each other, we''re excellent (if not a bit overly-involved) pet owners--but a child!? A real, live, actual human being for whom we are utterly and completely responsible! YIKES! Now THAT is a responsibility. And I see up close and personal every single day what happens if you don''t do a great job--you end up with troubled adolescents who get placed in MY classroom! (I''m only half-serious about that last part.)

I have a 25-year-old colleague whose wife just had their first baby, and everyone in our department just keeps saying you just have to decide you''re going to have kids and dive right in--that you''re never REALLY ready. This actually sounds extremely plausible to me. Plausible, and scary.

FI and I are financially secure, professionally secure, and pretty much on the same page about children and our expectations and plans for parenting. We''re fully-functional adults, we''re happy people, we want kids of our own. This seems to be as close as we''re ever going to get to being ready--will a few years of marriage make us better prepared? I keep hearing people say things like "Well, of course you don''t want to have kids right away. You should be married for at least two years first." (NOT that I ever lived my life according to the way OTHER people think I should, this is really just an intriguing discussion point for me) So, ladies, discuss!

 

[asscherisme]

Got pregnant 7 months after we got married. I was 26 when I got pregnant and 27 when he was born. My husband was 31 both when I got pregnant and when the baby was born. He was followed over the next 7 years with 3 more siblings.

I don''t think there is every a right time. I sometimes regret not waiting longer into our marriage to have kids. But then I can''t imagine not having my kids and that they would not be who they are if we had waited. Also, My youngest is almost 4 and it feels good to be at the out of diapers stage.

I was the youngest mom I knew with my first child. I find with my oldest child, VERY often at class funtions, his preschool, his school now, etc that I am the youngest mom often by 10 or more years.

Wtih my youngest, even though she is only 7 years younger, I don''t feel like the youngest mom, I blend in more.

I don''t think there is a right time. At the moment, my husband and felt why not, and we were finacially capable of taking care of our child with no help from anybody. That I think is key, the ablility to provide financially and emotionally for the child.

My husband was still in residency when we had him but we wanted to be young parents.

 

[peonygirl]

I don''t mean to hijack the thread, but asscherisme I noticed that you mentioned that your husband was in residency. We''re thinking of having a baby around April-June of my husband''s 4th yr. I was just wondering whether you were employed, how you handled childcare, etc. I will likely be a student when my child is young, but will probably be a SAHM completely during the first yr. Thanks!

 

[asscherisme]

I wrote residency, but I meant fellowship. He was in his last year when I concieved and I was working full time and going to grad school part time at night at the time! He got his first "real" job after finishing his fellowship, so his residency was already done. We moved half way through my pregnancy and he was making real income and I was going to grad school full time for one semester since I quite my job when we moved 500 miles for him to take his job. I had no problems with this since I got into a great graduate school. I finished my classes when I was 38 weeks pregnant and planned on taking a semester off and going back to the program. I never ever thought I was the stay at home mom type. I was always and still am very driven. But I never ended up going back to the program. I decided to be a stay at home mom and my husband was VERY supportive of that decision. I felt kinda guilty at first, determined to not fit into a "housewife" box stereotype. And I much prefer the term stay at hom mom. I loathe it when I''m called a housewife or homemaker! I feel very fortunate that we were able for me to stay home with the kids.

 

[peonygirl]

asscherisme, so I am actually thinking about defering med school for a yr to have a baby and then starting when my child is a little over a yr old. Am I going to be hating life? I''m so excited and motivated to do both, but I''m also very confused. Sorry to change the topic again, but I think pricescope has gotten rid of private messaging. Or am I just not seeing it?

 

[upgrading mama]

well, we were married 2 MONTHS when I got pregnant! (We weren''t trying, but apparently that didn''t matter!! lol)
I was just turning 24 and hubby was 23. We had our 2nd 1 1/2 years later and are currently thinking about a 3rd.

I agree with what many have said already, which I am sure you already know...assuming it will happen according to your plan, the only time that really matters is that when you both are ready.

 

[shelly1170]

DH proposed in December 2005(I was 35, DH was 36). Wedding was booked and invitations sent out for August 2nd 2006. In May 2006, I got pregnant! So when we were married I was around 14 weeks pregnant.

Our little Penny was just determined to make her appearance! She was born January 27, 2007. I was 36 and DH was 37.

 

[msb700]

We waited 2 years before we TTC. I was a month shy of 28 when I gave birth to my boy. (Hubby is also 2

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Around 8 years, as I was in the "I don''t think so camp".....I was (very near to) 33 yrs. and my DH almost 39 yrs..

cheers--Sharon

 

[Jas12]

--about 8 hours

We decided we would start trying as of the wedding night and see what happened from there (my pessimistic self was sure it would take months and months or ''trying'') well, it is possible we got preggo that night --or a few days into the honeymoon.

As I''ve mentioned in other threads, DH and I dated for 11 years prior to tying the knot so we had talked about kids for years and were just waiting for the ''married'' status (not like that is really a requirement however)!

 

[snlee]

We waited a little over a year before TTC. Together for 7.5 years so we felt like we had lots of couple time and we''ve always known we wanted to have kids young.

 

[ellaila]

Wow, such a flurry of baby posts lately! I feel so trendy being on the baby bandwagon right now

We got married at 35 (me)/33 (him). Got pregnant six months later, so we''ll be first-time parents at 36/34.

 

[chrono]

Since I am a new mom again, I've been reading baby & parenting books. I recall reading rather recently that the age of the father DOES matter. Fertility for a man does go down after 40; the quality of sperm declines so there are more slow swimmers, malformed sperm, etc. I guess this debunks the old sayings that a man can continue to procreate until he's in his 70s. Well, he can, but the chances are rather slim as he gets older (and not just his ability

).

 

[steph72276]

Hi there! Well, we got married in Nov. of 2002 and had our son in Nov. of 2004. I was 24 when we got married and had him on my 26th bday. We were going to wait until I finished my master''s degree, but because of certain complications I was having, my doctor said I would probably have to go on meds. to get pregnant and it took my mother 9 years to get pregnant, so we were going to do the just see what happens thing in case it took years, but I got pregnant the first month off bc! Sometimes I wish we would have had a little more time to ourselves to travel, etc. but when it comes down to it, I wouldn''t change a thing because he is wonderful and brings us joy everyday!

 

[anchor31]

We''ll be 23/26 when we marry next summer and I want to wait at least 3 years before TTC. I''ll be going to grad school for two years, so I want to be out of school and have a job before starting to think about children... We''d also prefer to have a house before the kids. FI is older than me and has been working for 3 years now so I know he would have been ready to TTC right after we''re married, but I guess he''ll have to be a bit more patient. Being a young parent doesn''t matter so much to me, I''d be fine waiting until I''m 30! I also want to give us 3 years to just be married before we''re parents, ya know?

 

[Sha]

We plan on waiting a year - next October. I''m 31 now and he''s 39. I''m more concerned about his age more than about mine, really - or maybe our combined ''older'' ages.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

We waited only six months, but my husband and I had been together since high school and married seven/eight years after we both graduated so we''d had a long-term relationship. It took me an additional six months before becoming pregnant.

 

[clammer]

we were just shy of three years when I got pregnant. We''re currently living in China and while we are here I don''t really have the option of working so I went off bc figuring if it happened it happened. BAM... two months later I was knocked up. The baby is due April 12