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How long before engagement?

somedaysunday

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2011
Messages
84
I mentioned this, but my BF and I have only been together for 8 months. Even with that short time, I've really started feeling the LIWitis. My previous relationship ended after 4 years, and I don't think I was half as close with that guy as I am with my current BF.

Mogster and I touched on this a little bit in my intro post yesterday, but here's the question: How long were you and your BF together before you realized you wanted to get married? For those who are already engaged, how long were you together first?

In a way, I'm scared that I'm fooling myself and this is still just the honeymoon stage of the relationship - but it just doesn't seem to be the case. I really feel us being in the functional, day-to-day phase. Thoughts?


SS
 

jlp86

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 13, 2011
Messages
199
I don't think you are crazy for feeling this way at all! I think as you get older you realize what you want. I to was in a 3 1/2 year relationship before my current relationship. When that relationship ended and I met my current BF I realized that so much was missing from that last relationship. My BF was also in a 4-5year relationship before me. We both agreed that those past relationships helped us realize what we wanted in life and in a relationship.

We have currently been dating for a year and some months. We have discussed engagement, there is a ring being made, and I am just waiting for that special day! I would say we realized it was coming to this point at around 6 months. We didn't necessarily talk about it directly but we were looking for places to move into together.

So, I would say 8 months is not too short of a time. I may be wrong, but didn't you say in your intro post you were 28? If I am right then I think 8 months is fine. Thats my opinion!
 

gem_anemone

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Messages
682
My FI and I talked about marriage on day one and moved in with each other after only dating for 3 months. He had never lived with a GF before and I had only lived with one BF and that was over a decade ago and only for a few months (it was a mistake I made in my young years! :devil: ). I believe we had found what we wanted for a future mate in each other by that point. However, the next step for us was buying new cars and a house together. This may be weird and not everyone will agree, but FI and I actually consider buying property together to be at least as big of a commitment at marriage as it is potentially more expensive and difficult to get out of and we wanted to be stable before we started planning for the future. FI and I officially got engaged this year. Our three year dating anniversary is this November.
 

shanshans2005

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 15, 2011
Messages
28
I don't think you are crazy!!! My BF and I knew a month into it. I didn't start feeling the Liw-itis until maybe 6 months ago. Mind you me and and my Bf have been together 4.5 years and we absolutely made sure we were not to get married or engaged until we are done with at least our B.A's. He is done with his and I'm done in December.Its not to say i'm getting engaged in December and he is being super illusive which doesnt help my OCD lol. Anywho!! Everyone is different and so is every relationship!! All i can say is enjoy your time with him as his girlfriend and dont stress about it when it is your time to get engaged it will happen! Just have fun and enjoy!!!

Sending Dust your way!!!!!! *~*~*~*~*~*
 

OrchidVee

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 13, 2011
Messages
98
I'm not engaged yet, but my ring was purchased last month, so hopefully soon!!

I don't think 8 months is too soon! I also don't think it's appropriate to put a time limit on when you "should start thinking about marriage" in a relationship. I feel that every relationship is different and if you feel that you want to marry your bf after 2 months, then so be it! I knew that I wanted to marry my bf after 3 months of dating. Now, I did have a little bit of a lead on that because we were friends for a year before we started dating, so maybe that added to me knowing he was the one? Either way, I definitely thought it was just the honeymoon stage, but after 2 years of dating (oct 17th) and 3 years of knowing each other (Jan 11th) I still feel that same giddy feeling when I see him (which is all the time because we live together lol), touch him, kiss him etc. Bottom line is, I think what you are feeling is normal, amazing, scary and exciting at the same time. Enjoy it!!!
 

Glitz

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Messages
292
gem_anemone|1316711973|3023037 said:
This may be weird and not everyone will agree, but FI and I actually consider buying property together to be at least as big of a commitment at marriage as it is potentially more expensive and difficult to get out of and we wanted to be stable before we started planning for the future.
Totally agree with you gem_anemone! We wanted to have everything settled before we get engaged/married. We've owned our house for almost a year now and I'm so glad we spent that money on our house instead of a ring/wedding. When we were signing the house documents I was thinking how it's a pretty huge commitment, almost the same as marriage without bringing the family and religion into it. We're finally in the perfect position to take the next step. To answer the original question, I knew 100% he was the one a little over 2 years into our relationship when we both went through a traumatic event together, he was my rock and still is.
 

sjm

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
47
Hi Someday! I don't think you're crazy!!

I met my now FI after a relationship that lasted 7 years and I spent the first three months with him being pretty non-commital and really analysing him and our potential because after the previous relationship I really needed to allow myself the time to determine that I was entering the relationship for the right reason and with no concerns before committing. After about 6 months together we started talking about marriage and the future and started ring shopping in month 8. That was almost 2 months ago and now we're engaged and we feel very aware of the committment we are making and both feel we are going in with open eyes that are full of love.
 

Amzizzle

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
476
I am already Married, but we knew we would be together forever after a year. We then got engaged at the 4 year mark,because we had stuff we both wanted to get in order first. I thought it was the perfect timeline for us,but everyone is different :)
 

mjertl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 9, 2011
Messages
203
You are not crazy...

My boyfriend and I have also been together about 8 months, and I am expecting an engagement in the next month or so. I knew I was falling in love with him about 3 weeks into our relationship, and by the end of 2 months I knew he is the only one for me. The logical, rational side of me has pondered, "don't you have to be together for a year before you get engaged?" But truthfully, if we waited to the one year mark it would only be a formality. I don't feel like we're "honeymooning" anymore, some of my favorite times with him are the quiet moments in the evening when we're both just reading on the couch - not exciting at all, but peaceful, just how I picture us 20 years from now.
 

somedaysunday

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2011
Messages
84
This is awesome to know that there are other ladies out that are/were in my situation - I can't thank you enough for your responses! I'm such a rational person; it's just been strange to have my emotions/gut feelings be more in control than my rational thought processes.

Here's the other thing - so I mentioned that I was in a 4 year relationship before this. Well, that whole relationship (or at the very least, the last 2 years of it) was an utter mistake. I was not treated as I should have been, our relationship was hollow, shallow and unrewarding. Well, the fantastic thing about where I am now is that I can look back and see how WRONG my ex-relationship was, but I guess my confidence in my life-decision making abilities was shaken up a bit.
 

smokey99

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 16, 2011
Messages
124
Why do I scan the LIW section? Because its nice to see whats going on on the other side and it hopefully makes me more sensitive to those things. Anyway, how about a little input from a guy? :)

I was in a relationship for about 5 years- almost 2 of which were spent engaged. I wasnt thinking about marriage at all until a couple years into the relationship. For different reasons, that relationship didnt work out (we never married). On the opposite end of the spectrum, I started dating a new woman almost 6 months ago. I knew 3 months in that I was going to marry this girl. We have danced around the subject a bit, but I know we are both 100% on the same page and would love nothing more than to get married and spend our lives together. Im excited to see her everyday, smiling back at me.
My point is this: Not only do different people operate on different time schedules with regards to relationships, but sometimes the same person can as well depending on where they are in their lives and the comfort of the person they are with. I would have never thought that I would be this comfortable with someone in this 'short' of a time. Sometimes, you "just know" when it's right :)

FYI- Im shopping for a ring for my gf already ;-) Good luck with yours !
 

QueenB29

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
440
DH and I knew each other for 6 months. (And technically one of those months was by phone.) But we just knew, and I had to move away for a job.

BUT....we did have an 18-month engagement and there were a lot of growing pains in that time ;))

ETA: Our third anniversary was this past Tuesday :mrgreen:
 

BeautyQueen

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 4, 2011
Messages
74
I was in a relationship for 3 years we talked about engagement and getting married and it was something i thought was going to happen , we did end up getting engaged , less then a week later i put the ring on the table and left at 1:00 am in the morning it was never going to work we were never really on the same page .

Long story short i am now with someone who i have been with for less then a year we talked about marriage and getting engaged 7 months into our relationship. Making sure that both are on the same playing field has a lot to do with it , not just surrendering and waving the white flag , but working on issues and moving on is key.


My grandparents have been together since she was 18 and he was 20 they eloped on a train after a few months and have been together ever since over 60 years . " you have to get threw all the bad times and just keep going " My Nana has put up with hell and high water for that man.

Go with your instincts always .
 

PA-C

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2011
Messages
137
I haven't officially joined the LIW forum, but I love this topic so I thought I would chime in. BF and I are both 30 and have been dating a little over 1.5yrs. I knew on our FIRST official date that I wanted to marry him (we had hung out informally three times before that - once the day we met on a hike and then two other times for a few hours.) Sounds crazy, right? Well, I had two previous 6yr relationships (both with engagements) and BF had a previous 7yr relationship. Just as jlp86 had mentioned was her experience, those relationships provided an unparalleled ability to discover what exactly I wanted and needed in a life partner.

When I met BF, I knew without a doubt that he checked every single box in the "want/need" list that had come to fruition after my previous relationships/experiences/heartaches. Since that first date, I have never felt any differently and our relationship - for both of us - is more incredible than we could have ever dreamed! I'm hoping an engagement will come soon as we have discussed marriage, are definitely on the same page, and have looked at and talked about what I hope for in a ring....and because I've had LIWitis since the first date, hehe! :D
 

PA-C

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2011
Messages
137
BeautyQueen|1317241212|3028130 said:
I was in a relationship for 3 years we talked about engagement and getting married and it was something i thought was going to happen , we did end up getting engaged , less then a week later i put the ring on the table and left at 1:00 am in the morning it was never going to work we were never really on the same page.
@ BeautyQueen, I admire this! Having been through engagement breakups myself, I know this takes a lot of courage. Congrats on your new relationship!
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
We were together a little over a year when we got engaged....about 15 months I guess. It would have happened sooner had there been ring money sooner. It's funny you ask this, because just this weekend my fiance and I were talking about when we knew the other was "the one." I couldn't really answer, I think it was gradual for me. He said it was after a trip we took to San Francisco together...less than two months after we started dating! That was nice to hear, and sort of shocking at the same time.

I think one thing that made a difference for us is we were both a bit older (29) when we met. We were well out of college, had our own lives, places, etc. We had each had serious relationships and really knew what we were looking for. Most importantly, we started our relationship on the same page- we both knew that our goal was marriage, whether or not it was to each other. I think a big reason engagements get delayed is when people date just for fun or on a caual basis, and then a few years down the road have to have a conversation about what the intention of the relationship is.
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
13,329
Every single person I've dated, I've started out madly in love and ready for commitment. And then after awhile, the feeling goes away. I've never hit the two years with anyone before, so that's the mark to beat before I'll think about marriage.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
40,263
It is so unique to the individual and the couple so you shouldn't judge yourself by what others experienced. Sometimes you just know regardless of how long you have been together. Take my case for example. It took me only a little over 4 years to know for sure LOL :cheeky:
Lucky for me my dh has the patience of a saint! :halo:

Good luck and I hope it all works out just the way you want it to!
 
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