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How do you talk your DH out of doing something?

Discussion in 'Family, Home & Health' started by zhuzhu, Apr 13, 2008.

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  1. zhuzhu
    Ideal_Rock

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    by zhuzhu » Apr 13, 2008
    OK, so I love my DH dearly and I know how handy he is. HOWEVER, this cute nut-head of mine wants to do ALL the home repairs and improvements himself! The laundry list include putting in hardwood floor to the WHOLE HOUSE, breaking down a small wall in the bathroom to modify the bathtub, repairing the water regulator system, changing out the sprinkler system in the garden, and seed/landscape the yard/garden himself. He even wants to install ceiling fan by himself!

    Though I am 100% confident that he has what it takes to learn and do them right, it is going to take MUCH LONGER TIME for all these professional-grade improvement items to be done correctly if he does it himself (he is an engineer, not a plumber by training).

    I MUCH PREFER to spend the money to have Home Depo or landscaping professionals to get it done right the first time, but he will not listen!!!

    How do you talk your DH out of doing things that you disagree on? In our case it is not that we could not afford to hire help to do them, but that he just wants to them himself - but I am not so happy about the potential risk and time involved with these DIY. What should I do??? [​IMG]
     
  2. Love in Bloom
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Love in Bloom » Apr 13, 2008
    First off just let me say that I kind of envy the fact that your hubby wants to work on the improvements himself. To me it shows that he cares about making a comfy home for you both, and that he is patient enough to do it the way he thinks is best. My hubby is many things, but is not what anyone would consider "handy" [​IMG]! I am no pro as far as home improvements go, or as far as talking my hubby out of doing something, but here is my best shot at it:

    Prioritize the improvements that need to be made and set a timeline for when they should be complete. Then tackle each task one at a time...maybe if your hubby sees how much time it takes to complete one task, perhaps he will rethink doing them all himself in order to reach your timeline. Or maybe he will be really efficient at it and you''ll both end up happy [​IMG]
     
  3. Dee*Jay
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dee*Jay » Apr 13, 2008
    What about a compromise? Maybe say, OK honey, you do X and we''ll hire someone to do Y. Or, once he does X the bloom might have worn off the rose and he''ll have no further interest in doing Y (or Z!) once he realizes how much of a hassle some projects really are. I would also be hesitant about the more dangerous things (i.e., like those involving electricty--I have this horrible vision of a house burning...) or ceiling fans that could fall in the night and bonk you in the head. Based on your list of potential projects I vote for him doing the outside/yard stuff and hiring someone to do the inside stuff!
     
  4. Skippy123
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Skippy123 » Apr 13, 2008
    Hey, our hubby's could be twins. hehe I use to fight him wanting to fix/remodel everything but now I just let him do it; he really amazes me!!![​IMG] He remodeled our whole kitchen, knocked down a wall (non load bearing), the flooring, except putting in the granite and plumbing. Hubby has redone some of the sprinklers and added a few. I agree w/DeeJay's post; I would be worried about a few of those indoor things like some of the major electrical and major plumbing.
     
  5. zhuzhu
    Ideal_Rock

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    by zhuzhu » Apr 13, 2008
    Maybe I should just get professionals to come do the electrical things when he is not home?
     
  6. Gemma12
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by Gemma12 » Apr 13, 2008
    Boys and their toys (is there an eye rolling smiley?)

    Zhu, I feel your pain! DH loves DIY and I have had to lay down a few ground rules:

    1. No electrical work. Fortunately he is not super keen on this any way. None, zip, zero. It''s just not safe.

    2. No circular saw. I''ve seen too many people post accidents with this to ever want him near one.

    3. If he has a job and hasn''t finished it by x date, I will arrange for someone else to do it. This usually means that the things that he is really interested in doing get done, and he''s happy, and I''m happy too because the jobs I want get done....eventually!

    4. Finish one project before starting on another. Skippy, I''m so impressed with your DH-if mine was renovating the kitchen, he''d start, then move on to the bathroom, then get something happening in the backyard.....without finishing any of the earlier jobs. [​IMG] This way he has to finish a job, even if he has finished enjoying it, before moving on to something else that catches his eye. Plus jobs that he starts that I don''t think need to be done, he does have to finish on his own because those are exempt from rule 3.

    Good luck!
     
  7. Miranda
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Miranda » Apr 13, 2008
    Ditto what these wise girls have said. A compromise has to be made.

    My DH is the same way. He has done so many things around the house. He loves doing it. I am just not always patient enough to wait for him to be a weekend warrior. With our house we have made a priority list of things to do and how long they may take. For example, we just had the builder install the basic flooring because they didn''t have the flooring we wanted. DH wanted to tear out the carpet and tile and put the new floor in himself. I had to put my foot down about that one because it would take one person a good week or two to do it. He''s done all of the crown moulding in the house. I don''t mind that kind of a project because in a weekend a room is done. Painting is another good example of something that is easy to do. Electrical work can be a little more tricky. DH has put all of the ceiling fans in our house, but, he worked for years in the construction industry before he got his BS. This weekend he put one in DS''s room and it took about 2 hours. I can offer one additional word of warning as far as ceiling fans go. The instructions in the box are always terrible so your DH should probably be pretty comfortable working with electrical. And remember...The red wire is always hot. My DH gets a nasty little reminder every time...ZAP!

    Maybe you could write up a cost benefit analysis. I do this with DH when I want something or when he wants something OR when he gets over zealous with the home improvement projects [​IMG].
     
  8. lyra
    Ideal_Rock

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    by lyra » Apr 13, 2008
    Oh my goodness. My DH does not fit in this category at all. Not only does he do everything house reno related, he actually *COOKS* and *BAKES* too! I know, I should be horse whipped or something.[​IMG]
     
  9. zhuzhu
    Ideal_Rock

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    by zhuzhu » Apr 13, 2008
    WOw, maybe my DH can take lessons from you DH in the kitchen front....
     
  10. lyra
    Ideal_Rock

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    by lyra » Apr 14, 2008
    Heh. I didn''t get time to finish my reply last night. Hubby comes from a long line of bakers, so he has antique tools and recipes from the old family bakery (1920''s). His grandfather and father baked as well. His dad taught shop in high school, and built 2 houses, so DH learned all that stuff early from his dad also. His dad mostly taught electrical, so he''s fine with all that sort of thing, although it scares the heck out of me because he sometimes does minor things like changing fixtures without shutting off the breaker. He''s zapped himself several times, but it''s more of an ouch thing than anything serious. He finished our entire basement himself including all the electrical, drywall (specialty rounded and all), plumbing, hardwood, ceramics, jacuzzi tub, etc. The only thing he didn''t do was lay the carpeting in one part and the stairs. Landscaping--we always do everything ourselves.

    I can totally understand paying someone to do this stuff, particularly landscaping. At least you don''t usually get ripped off with outside work. I do worry about overpaying for inside work, but if you get good people that''s great. We always joked that we lived in neighbourhoods where everyone paid to have everything done (even hang Christmas lights), but we were "poor" so we had to do everything ourselves. [​IMG]
     
  11. Pandora II
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Pandora II » Apr 14, 2008
    LOL, FI has banned ME from doing anymore DIY - he says we are paying someone - FULLSTOP.

    I must admit we have been living with just one curtain in the sitting room for 8 months as I haven''t got round to finishing the other one yet. Ooops!
     
  12. lisa1.01fvs1
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by lisa1.01fvs1 » Apr 14, 2008
    You could use his engineers logic as reverse psychology. Ask him about building codes and contractors details.

    Is he up on all that? I know That the contractor working on our house knows every miniscule code issue.

    The balusters have to be at least 4" apart or less. Ducting, wiring, electrical and even shower heads all have rules.

    This has not only made the house safer but increased its value 10 fold.

    Or if all else fails give him lots of sex to dissuade him from attacking the house. [​IMG]
     
  13. zhuzhu
    Ideal_Rock

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    by zhuzhu » Apr 15, 2008
    Super idea!!!
    [​IMG]
     
  14. ksinger
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    by ksinger » Apr 16, 2008
    I just look at him like he has lobsters crawling out of his ears, look over the top of my glasses and say, "No freakin'' WAY. You are NOT doing that. We will hire someone to do that, you silly man. That''s why we went to college." Better a bill than the wrath of ME.

    Needless to say, I don''t pull that one very often: it''s pretty draconian. But it works because he is devoted to domestic harmony more than any other thing. Gotta love him! He definitely has his priorities straight! [​IMG]
     
  15. pennquaker09
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    by pennquaker09 » Apr 17, 2008
    I think that it''s great that he wants to do ALL of these things, but unless he is truly a go getter, the projects are going to end up being drawn out. I would probably compromise and let professionals handle the really important things.
     
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