How do you say "no children please" ?

[Amanda.Rx]

Hi there!

I''m trying to figure out my wording for my reception enclosure. I would like for my wedding to be an adult-only event, although I''m not going to throw a hissy-fit if someone DID bring a child. I would just rather not have 15 of them there. Besides only addressing the invitation to the parents, would this be an appropriate reception card enclosure (without being too assertive or rude about it).


Dinner, dancing, and merriment following the ceremony
with our adult friends
at the name of the venue

For accommodations, directions, and more:
www.nameofourwebsite.com


If anyone has any better suggestions, please let me know. Thanks in advance!

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/2/2009 1:01:32 PM
Author:Amanda.Rx

Dinner, dancing, and merriment following the ceremony
with our adult friends
at the name of the venue

For accommodations, directions, and more:
www.nameofourwebsite.com


If anyone has any better suggestions, please let me know. Thanks in advance!

I was thinking this:

Adult Reception
Dinner, dancing, and merriment following the ceremony
at the name of the venue
For accommodations, directions, and more:
www.nameofourwebsite.com

 

[Winks_Elf]

If people actually followed standard etiquette, the invite just needs to be addressed to "Mr. & Mrs." or "Ms. so-and-so and guest", and then on the response cards just have "Number of adults attending: _____"

 

[purselover]

Date: 12/2/2009 1:14:07 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
If people actually followed standard etiquette, the invite just needs to be addressed to ''Mr. & Mrs.'' or ''Ms. so-and-so and guest'', and then on the response cards just have ''Number of adults attending: _____''

exactly if it''s just addressed to the parents they should get it, if they ask or RSVP with their children added just politely explain it''s adults only, putting adult reception seems very unnecessary

 

[DiamondsforDee]

I think that any incantation of "adults only" or "adult reception" is rude. I think simply being explicit in addressing your invitations works quite well. If Mr. and Mrs. Smith respond that 3 people will be coming to your wedding, you just call and say "Oh I''m sorry but due to budget/personal/space reasons we could not extend an invitation to little Timmy Smith. I do hope that you and Mr. Smith can still join us!" But you know your family and friends best. If they wouldn''t mind "adults only" then you shouldn''t worry. Most of my guest list would be highly offended (lots of traditional, old fashioned guests), but my friends probably wouldn''t even notice it.

 

[meresal]

The thing is... people completely ignore that the invite doesn''t specifically say their kids.

They seriously go straight to reasoning WHY their kids weren''t on the invite, but "I''m sure they are still invited."

Honestly, no matter what you put on the invite, people are going to assume that thier kids are invited and you will have to explain to some people after you get their RSVP that it is not an "and family" invite.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/2/2009 1:22:49 PM
Author: DiamondsforDee
I think that any incantation of 'adults only' or 'adult reception' is rude. I think simply being explicit in addressing your invitations works quite well. If Mr. and Mrs. Smith respond that 3 people will be coming to your wedding, you just call and say 'Oh I'm sorry but due to budget/personal/space reasons we could not extend an invitation to little Timmy Smith. I do hope that you and Mr. Smith can still join us!' But you know your family and friends best. If they wouldn't mind 'adults only' then you shouldn't worry. Most of my guest list would be highly offended (lots of traditional, old fashioned guests), but my friends probably wouldn't even notice it.

DD- Most traditional/old fashioned people that I know will be offended no matter what, that kids aren't invited. No matter how you say it. Wouldn't you say? My parents are very traditional and always have something to say when a person doesn't want kids at a wedding. Traditional people tend to value the "Family joining" factor of the wedding, and don't understand why you wouldn't want youngsters around. To my parents and grandparents, it is saying you care more about the party than the family.

 

[Winks_Elf]

It''s unfortunate but a reality that so many people don''t use their heads. We''re having a 6 pm reception with an open bar. Do you really think that''s a good place to bring the little ones who are in bed asleep by 7:30? I don''t want to have toddlers screaming and ruining the party for the adults. I have four children myself, and there is no way I would bring my little ones to a wedding that late in the evening. More importantly than spoiling the fun for the adults is tormenting the babies with loud music and disrupted schedules. Those same brain-damaged parents that think nothing of bringing babies with them to weddings that late in the day would never bring them to a club. I don''t get it.

 

[caribqueen]

This is always a hot-button issue for many people. Some people feel that weddings are an adult affair and others feel they are family affairs. It''s another one of those things that depends on the kind of wedding you''re having. A backyard wedding, sure kids are great. But a cathedral wedding and ballroom like I plan, I don''t think so.

I too am not inviting children to my wedding. The only ones there will be the flower girl and ring bearer. But it''s difficult because I''m on the younger side of more than 30 first cousins who have married and multiplied. But guess what? There''s no way I can expect to have 20+ children and pay for them with food at $90 a head (maybe half that for children, but still). So we had to make an executive decision and not invite any children except the ones in the bridal party.

We also didn''t feel comfortable saying "adult-only reception" on the RSVP card, although some etiquette experts say that is okay. So we will just put the number in the party on the RSVP card and pray that people respect it and don''t assume their children are invited.

 

[anchor31]

We were having a small wedding, and our reception was open bar, so we weren''t comfortable with having people under 18 there. We simply wrote "Adult only reception" on the reception cards. We had only one person throw a hissy fit (complete with swearwords on the RSVP, but that''s a whole other story...).

 

[ChemGeek]

Another option that I have seen on some of the RSVP cards shown on here by some of the other ladies is to word it in this way:
M_______________________________
We have reserved ___ seats in your honor
___ of ___ will attend
___ Unable to attend

That way there is no question about the number of people invited and from this they should be able to figure out that their children were also not invited. This is what we are doing to avoid any extras tagging along since the guest list is already ginormous!

Here is also another way of saying "adults only" without really saying it: "Please join us after the ceremony for an adult reception at (name of venue)"

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/2/2009 1:30:29 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
It's unfortunate but a reality that so many people don't use their heads. We're having a 6 pm reception with an open bar. Do you really think that's a good place to bring the little ones who are in bed asleep by 7:30? I don't want to have toddlers screaming and ruining the party for the adults. I have four children myself, and there is no way I would bring my little ones to a wedding that late in the evening. More importantly than spoiling the fun for the adults is tormenting the babies with loud music and disrupted schedules. Those same brain-damaged parents that think nothing of bringing babies with them to weddings that late in the day would never bring them to a club. I don't get it.

Umm, a little rude dont'cha think? "Brain-damaged"...

Between me and my sisters, we have had 3 very formal weddings with over 200 guests and kids. They had a blast and were dancing on the dance floor all night. Personally, I loved seeing their smiles all night and how much they loved that they got to stay up late for such a special occassion.

It is all about personal preference, but just becuase some of us like haivng kids involved the entire night, doesn't make them any less educated than others. I have no comment on babies. Any person that I ever saw bring a baby to an evening wedding, left after the dinner and dances were over.

Like carib said, there are people on both sides and everyone has their debates, but just like some ladies are very adamant about not having kids, there are many people that think kids at a wedding celebration are an integral part of the party.


I was just pointing out that no matter what is written on the card, people are going to think what they want. You will have to make a personal call or two, to let people know after you receive their RSVP card. Where I ran into a problem, was some of my IL's friends automatically assumed their 3 kids were invited, and when it came down to it MIL didn't want to woman-up and call to correct them. Personally, I wouldn't have an adult only reception, BUT if I was, I would indicate it on the card, so that you have a leg to stand on later, if you end up in a situation like mine.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 12/2/2009 2:44:51 PM
Author: ChemGeek
Another option that I have seen on some of the RSVP cards shown on here by some of the other ladies is to word it in this way:
M_______________________________
We have reserved ___ seats in your honor
___ of ___ will attend
___ Unable to attend

That way there is no question about the number of people invited and from this they should be able to figure out that their children were also not invited. This is what we are doing to avoid any extras tagging along since the guest list is already ginormous!

Here is also another way of saying ''adults only'' without really saying it: ''Please join us after the ceremony for an adult reception at (name of venue)''

Ditto. We did that too, just to be on the safe side.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think the "reserved __# of seats in your honor" and addressing it only to the parents is a pretty clear way to say it.

I had an adult only reception, but even so ended up with a few kids there. For example, one Uncle brought his daughter since his wife couldn''t make it. They had originally RSVPed as a couple, but she had to work last minute, and he brought the daughter instead. I didn''t really care, but it just goes to show that some parents really will just assume that nobody would object to kids at a wedding (no matter how much alcohol or how late into the night it is).

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

We simply stated "Adult Reception to Follow at _________".

It got our point across. We did have a few children at the wedding who are family and my two godson''s were there. Not a single person gave us grief over the adult reception and we were married on Halloween, a night that is sometimes difficult to get a sitter.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

All very good suggestions, ladies. I see that this is a heavily debated topic. Like I said, I wouldn''t be put off if kids were to show up, and we''re not having a sit-down plated dinner, so it''s not THAT big of a deal. I don''t want to come off as rude, but I''m just not into the kid thing yet, and I would prefer to have adults-only. I''m not having a ring bearer or a flower girl b/c nobody in my family has kids old enough for the job.

I''m just concerned b/c the last few weddings I went to, kids were distracting (a baby crying during the ceremony, a kid constantly kicking the back of the pew in front of him, a little girl (non-family) following the bride around all night). None of the parents intervened...

Anyways, thanks for your suggestions- I''ll have to give it some more thought.

 

[purrfectpear]

Breeders, please leave your spawn at home.

 

[soontowed]

I went to a wedding where one of the kids pulled the fire alarm. We had to evacuate and could not go back in until the fire dept. came and gave the okay. Needless to say I do not want kids at my wedding and included "an adult only reception to follow" on my invitations.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

We had a destination wedding and HAD to invite everyone for obvious reasons.

If we''d had the ceremony at home, it would have been adult only and we also would have used hubby''s cell phone jammer during the important parts.

I would be devastated if I received my wedding video and heard kids screaming and crying or cell phones ringing during our vows or saw kids running and sliding during our first dance, etc. I''ve seen all of this at other people''s weddings and I am completely HORRIFIED that there don''t seem to be any parents around.

Two of our friends that were married this summer before us, used hubby''s cell phone jammer during their weddings and it was a dream! People actually had to get up and walk all the way out of the venue to take or make a cell phone call...imagine that...people had to use MANNERS and not rudely interrupt someone''s wedding event. We received excellent thank you gifts from both brides.

We went to all FIVE weddings this year alone and had a great time at all of them. We included kids in our wedding because they had to travel with their parents to attend, but we only had 6 kids and that included our two and all the parents kept an eye on their kids for the most part.

 

[pinki]

Date: 12/2/2009 5:15:56 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
We simply stated ''Adult Reception to Follow at _________''.

It got our point across. We did have a few children at the wedding who are family and my two godson''s were there. Not a single person gave us grief over the adult reception and we were married on Halloween, a night that is sometimes difficult to get a sitter.

I used this wording as well, although my reception starts at 8:00pm and is open bar, so its definitely more adult-themed. I don''t think it''s rude to communicate your wishes for your own party - then at least it cuts down unneccesary stress on yourself to have to call people who rsvp''d the whole family and explain to them why you don''t want them to bring their child.


Cj

 

[Liane]

Date: 12/2/2009 2:44:51 PM
Author: ChemGeek
Another option that I have seen on some of the RSVP cards shown on here by some of the other ladies is to word it in this way:
M_______________________________
We have reserved ___ seats in your honor
___ of ___ will attend
___ Unable to attend

This is a great idea and I'm totally stealing it*. Thanks!

Now, to figure out where I can get a cell phone jammer...


(* -- for one of my sisters, who only dates horrible guys, this is definitely going to read "we have reserved 1 seat in your honor." Ahee.)

(Edited to add: lest anyone accuse me of being horrible -- which I am, admittedly -- she's not seeing anyone right now, so I'm not actually excluding a real live person with that wording. More like... pre-emptive strike.)

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 12/2/2009 2:45:02 PM
Author: meresal


Umm, a little rude dont''cha think? ''Brain-damaged''...

Between me and my sisters, we have had 3 very formal weddings with over 200 guests and kids. They had a blast and were dancing on the dance floor all night. Personally, I loved seeing their smiles all night and how much they loved that they got to stay up late for such a special occassion.

It is all about personal preference, but just becuase some of us like haivng kids involved the entire night, doesn''t make them any less educated than others. I have no comment on babies. Any person that I ever saw bring a baby to an evening wedding, left after the dinner and dances were over.

Like carib said, there are people on both sides and everyone has their debates, but just like some ladies are very adamant about not having kids, there are many people that think kids at a wedding celebration are an integral part of the party.


I was just pointing out that no matter what is written on the card, people are going to think what they want. You will have to make a personal call or two, to let people know after you receive their RSVP card. Where I ran into a problem, was some of my IL''s friends automatically assumed their 3 kids were invited, and when it came down to it MIL didn''t want to woman-up and call to correct them. Personally, I wouldn''t have an adult only reception, BUT if I was, I would indicate it on the card, so that you have a leg to stand on later, if you end up in a situation like mine.

I agree with Meresal here. I am from a Mediterranean culture that values family and loves children - I would not have felt that my wedding was complete without smiling little faces there. I couldn''t imagine not inviting the younger members of our family - the wedding would not have been as enjoyable for us.

That said, people are entitled to have whatever type of wedding that they want. I think that "adult reception" on the RSVP card, and "2 seats are reserved in your honor" are good ways to convey the message of how many people are invited from that family. We have attended adult-only weddings without our son, and we were fine with it - we got a babysitter and had a great time.

The only time that I was really annoyed was when I attended the wedding of one of my best friends who did not specify whether or not children were invited on the invitation. None of us with kids knew whether they were invited (it was an 11 am outdoor casual ceremony, and the reception was from 12 - 3 pm at a farmhouse). Not wanting to be inappropriate, I sent my friend an email to ask her if children were allowed to attend - no answer. Then I called and left her a message, letting her know that I needed to know either way for child care arrangements. Still no response. So, we decided not to bring our son, just in case it was a no kids allowed affair (even though I thought that was kind of hippocritical since the bride was 6 months pregnant - if she gets to bring her kid ...

)

Anyway, so we get to the wedding, and as it turns out, she allowed some children, but only children of family members, not friends. I had a problem with the way she handled it for two reasons - first of all, since I had inquired twice what the child policy was, I thought that it was really rude that she never called back to let me know. Secondly, I think that it''s really crappy to say that half the guests can bring kids, and the other half have to shell out for babysitters. It should have been either all or none. Talking to other guests with kids, we were not the only ones irritated by how the bride handled it.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 12/3/2009 2:00:25 PM
Author: Liane

Date: 12/2/2009 2:44:51 PM
Author: ChemGeek
Another option that I have seen on some of the RSVP cards shown on here by some of the other ladies is to word it in this way:
M_______________________________
We have reserved ___ seats in your honor
___ of ___ will attend
___ Unable to attend

This is a great idea and I''m totally stealing it*. Thanks!

Now, to figure out where I can get a cell phone jammer...


(* -- for one of my sisters, who only dates horrible guys, this is definitely going to read ''we have reserved 1 seat in your honor.'' Ahee.)

(Edited to add: lest anyone accuse me of being horrible -- which I am, admittedly -- she''s not seeing anyone right now, so I''m not actually excluding a real live person with that wording. More like... pre-emptive strike.)

DH bought his at phone-jammer.com, it''s the 75M one and it''s currently on sale...but they have cheaper ones (20M and 30M) also.

He bought his because his pet peeve is going to conferences to speak and hearing cell phones or entire conversations in the videos of the speeches, especially when they are going to be published. He just makes sure to put a notice up that cell phone use is not allowed and that cell phone users may experience "interruptions in service" during the speaking events. His has been such a hit that often other speakers ask him to leave the device on during their speeches as well....Not to mention the thrilled brides, who got to hear their actual vows!

I honestly, don''t think that people INTEND to be rude or disrespectful...they are just oblivious to how disturbing their one conversation can truly be to anyone else. My mom is one of the guiltiest perpetrators. She won''t even put her phone on vibrate and she will ANSWER in the middle of movies, weddings, church! It is SO mortifying! And I can''t get through to her that it''s rude, she thinks I am trying to be mean to her when I point out that no one wants to hear Shakira during church...

We didn''t use it during our wedding because cell phone reception was practically non-existent at our resort...but I would have otherwise!

 

[jstarfireb]

I didn''t have this problem as only one of my guests had a child, and she rsvp''d in the negative. But I love the "# seats reserved in your name" idea. In fact I wish I would have done that myself!

 

[noelwr]

we really did not want any kids at our wedding, but we were willing to make an exception for our nephews and nieces, but thankfully my SIL didn''t want to bring them!

so on everyone''s invitation except for his sisters'', we put "Adults Only. No children please." and we didn''t care if they thought it was rude or not because it was OUR day and we were paying for it.

also on the RSVP cards, I put their names, so that people wouldn''t bring guests we didn''t know about. of course we invited significant others, but we wanted to keep the wedding small and didn''t want people bringing random dates.

 

[zoebartlett]

Before we sent out our invitations, I spoke to friends who have kids and explained that as much as we''d love to see their children, we needed to keep it to adults only for the most part. We did have two babies there because both moms needed to feed them during the reception. We also had two little kids there because they''re family and they live far away. Everyone seemed fine with our decision, but I was the one who felt bad because I love seeing kids at weddings. We just couldn''t afford it, however.

We just addressed the envelopes to Mr. and Mrs. X. If anyone except those I mentioned above wrote in their children''s names, we would have called them. It worked out really well though and it wasn''t an issue. Oddly enough, we did end up having a couple random people there, but they weren''t children.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 12/2/2009 1:24:45 PM
Author: meresal
The thing is... people completely ignore that the invite doesn't specifically say their kids.

They seriously go straight to reasoning WHY their kids weren't on the invite, but 'I'm sure they are still invited.'

Honestly, no matter what you put on the invite, people are going to assume that thier kids are invited and you will have to explain to some people after you get their RSVP that it is not an 'and family' invite.

What Merasal said, verbatim.


Oh, and I don't see a problem with inviting family children (who your wedding might mean something to) and not inviting other children. It's not like kids eat/attend free, ya know. They are just like other guests: you want some there, you don't want other's. Just because you invite some kids doesn't mean it's a free for all, if the parent's have an issue with paying for child care or whatever... they have the option of not attending. Period.

Of course, ignoring someone's polite request for information is rude, especially if your invite has been vague. But if everything is correctly addressed in the invite ( I prefer the # pf seats have been reserved in your honor wording for this too), then the repeated questions about "MY kids" are just irritating.