My kids seem to think that my finances and my pet projects are a family affair. I try to be gentle with them, but resent having to deal with it.
Maybe it’s karma from all those years of trying to run their lives when they were littlle LOL
My kids don't comment too much. We have been really cutting back the last few months because when retirement kicks in we will have a few months with a very limited income. So we have been saying, 'we cant afford that right now' a lot. We have always been generous with our kids and I find it hard to cut back on that even though they are so old now. It's been a step by step process for me. I find one thing at a time and say to myself, 'ok, not doing that anymore'.
It’s so difficult. I have this in the opposite direction, my mother still thinks it’s fair game to comment on nearly every aspect of my life. Many of her sentences in our conversations start “You should.....” I really don’t know how to tackle it, she’s done a lot for me and still helps me out. But I’m 52. I wish we could develop a more equal relationship based on mutual respect.
I expect as the parent in the situation you can just tell the kids to butt out in a cheery manner then change the subject! Are they worried you’re spending their inheritance, or something?
My kids don't comment too much. We have been really cutting back the last few months because when retirement kicks in we will have a few months with a very limited income. So we have been saying, 'we cant afford that right now' a lot. We have always been generous with our kids and I find it hard to cut back on that even though they are so old now. It's been a step by step process for me. I find one thing at a time and say to myself, 'ok, not doing that anymore'.
Smile, nod, do your own thing.![]()
Lol not quite, but they think I should be making everything around my house state of the art, not understanding that it’s a money pit and I would rather be shabby chic and spend my money where it’s the most fun.
I can remember wanting my parents to spend their funds on a super fancy place...I could not understand how you could have the funds and be so frugal!
Guess what, now I’m glad they were! LOL
As to your relationship with your Mom.. My daughter has me almost trained. It was painful for me, but basically she told me that she would not tolerate my input and I would have to be quiet or we could not have an authentic viable connection. (She’s 38 years old) I still slip up from time to time, but I am fully aware of the boundaries now.
It’s super hard to have an authentic relationship for me, I just want everythIng to be nice and hate getting down into the dirt to get to the truth. Ugh.
Yeah. Same as Joanne. Thanks but no thank you. MYOB.
Sorry you’re dealing with this and I’m pissed off for you.
And it’s not karma. You took great care of them when they were little. They were little and needed your guidance. You’re a grown woman. Intelligent and savvy. And it is your money. I hope they remember that. You’re so generous with them I fear they might need reminding.
Funny, the money part isn’t the worst, it’s them giving suggestions about projects. My goal of a project is to have something to do...just the way I like it. Other people want to get to the results. I am more about creative process. If I wanted instant results, I would hire someone.
I get it. You enjoy the process. Much like my dh does. And occasionally I enjoy a good project too. Their intentions are good but you know what one says about good intentions.
You do you and tell them to do themselves. Or something like that. Not sure about that wording.![]()
I’m working on it. Long distance I am being friendly, but in person I’ll be able to be more effective. Hopefully.
Lol not quite, but they think I should be making everything around my house state of the art, not understanding that it’s a money pit and I would rather be shabby chic and spend my money where it’s the most fun.
I can remember wanting my parents to spend their funds on a super fancy place...I could not understand how you could have the funds and be so frugal!
Guess what, now I’m glad they were! LOL
As to your relationship with your Mom.. My daughter has me almost trained. It was painful for me, but basically she told me that she would not tolerate my input and I would have to be quiet or we could not have an authentic viable connection. (She’s 38 years old) I still slip up from time to time, but I am fully aware of the boundaries now.
It’s super hard to have an authentic relationship for me, I just want everythIng to be nice and hate getting down into the dirt to get to the truth. Ugh.
This is how my Mom is, pretty much, she wants everything to be nice too and doesn't really like getting into the nitty-gritty of life .... She and I talked quite seriously some years back and I told her I could keep it that way too with her, but then what we would have is a superficial connection. I told her if that is how she wanted our relationship, I would honor her preference. She thought about it, and also thought about my place in the family (basically her back-up in her times of need), and she decided she wanted an honest authentic relationship with me. What we have crafted is very special, and it is only because I stepped up to ask for this, and also because I've continued to be there for her and to focus on the positive and the good whenever possible. We enjoy spending time together and I respect her tremendously. I feel blessed that we were able to transition our mother-daughter bond to this level, and she tells me she feels blessed as well. I will say, rarely I say something she believes is intrusive, but if she responds along the lines "that is her business and she prefers not to discuss it," I abide by her decision. Even more rarely, it is the reverse, and she does respect my privacy as well.
Well recently my older son and I had a screaming match because he was telling me what to do with his daughter (like I didn't know and I don't need HIM telling me what to do since I raised HIM, we got over it!)
My younger son says nothing except that he thinks he should be the only executor of our estate 'cause big bro is a loser with money, love mah boys. Older son won't consider that we will die, freaks him out.. next life I'll have more than two kids or none.
Jimmi, basically I ignore it, my son is very forceful in his opinions, like he thinks all republican leaders should be publicly guillotinedand we, in doing the things he says to us, become wary, I think he thinks we have one foot in the grave or nursing home.. so what do I do with my kids? ignore them, I smile and we do exactly what we want. I do think its the big ego's our kids get when they are 'adults'..
Remember it's your life, your finances, and of course it's your bling! (which should be shipped to me asap)..
I guess it's the comes around part of what went around.
xoxo
Remember it's your life, your finances, and of course it's your bling! (which should be shipped to me asap)..
Ah the bling. As my queen bee mentor said, when you come to visit you can wear it all LOL