Home How do you give parenting advice to someone

[Shoopy]

without offending them?

If you overheard someone give a family member with a newborn pretty bad advice...or maybe not bad, just very outdated...would you say something?

My mom''s friend gave my cousin some advice but I don''t know how (or even if I should) approach my cousin with my thoughts on it. WWYD?

For reference the two things she mentioned was:

1. Keep her son up all day without allowing him to nap in order for him to sleep longer at night; and
2. Cut back on the bottles and give him water instead because he''s taking a bottle every 1 to 2 hours.

I don''t want to be one of those people but I''m so, IDK, irritated maybe?

 

[swingirl]

I would guess that the mother of the baby has some books and is getting input from her pediatrician. She will learn pretty quickly that advice is cheap and comes from many difference sources. Rather than give her more advice maybe you could get her a good baby book and tell her to read since a lot of the information from 20 years ago is outdated.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/28/2010 1:48:09 PM
Author:fiery
without offending them?

If you overheard someone give a family member with a newborn pretty bad advice...or maybe not bad, just very outdated...would you say something?

My mom''s friend gave my cousin some advice but I don''t know how (or even if I should) approach my cousin with my thoughts on it. WWYD?

For reference the two things she mentioned was:

1. Keep her son up all day without allowing him to nap in order for him to sleep longer at night; and
2. Cut back on the bottles and give him water instead because he''s taking a bottle every 1 to 2 hours.

I don''t want to be one of those people but I''m so, IDK, irritated maybe?

I may be full of it on Pricescope, but I pretty much keep mum in real life. I found no one likes unsolicited advice, myself included, so I don''t bother.

In your specific case, I would only mention the water issue since that could be a danger to newborns. If you really want to mention the nap thing, perhaps if she ever asks you about Sophia sleeping, you can say you think she sleeps well at night because she gets plenty of naptime during the day.

 

[Shoopy]

Yeah, I''m more irritated by the water comment. I mentioned to my mom after her friend left that the formula has enough water for him and it could be dangerous for him to get extra water, especially if that means he doesn''t have a bottle because of it. He has trouble eating mainly because he falls asleep. But that''s normal. Most newobrns eat every 2-3 hours and a lot of them do fall asleep so you have to wake them.

She had also told my cousin to time the bottles to get him used to every 3-4 hours. Yesterday when I was visiting I was holding him and he tried to latch on to me

(lol) and I jokingly said there''s nothing in there for you buddy. My cousin seemed frustrated because he had just had 2oz 1.5 hours before and she wanted to wait. I told her that Sophia did that a lot when she was a newborn and I just fed her when she wanted. But then I said "and that''s why she''s the monster she is today" (because she was climbing everywhere) to lighten the mood because I didn''t want to seem like I was judging her. I wasn''t and I never would but I remember how it felt.

I think it is a good idea I keep quiet about the sleeping.

 

[Mara]

can you refer her to some online resources like the weekly emails from babycenter or anything like that...they are pretty good/helpful about what the baby should be doing at week one, two, three etc...and may reference some of that stuff without you saying anything? you could offer something like 'oh it was so helpful to me to get these weekly updates, right around the time i was wondering something...'...

but for me personally if it's family and i knew them well and/or felt comfortable, and i heard an older family member say something like that--i have no problem chiming in and saying 'actually i read quite the opposite and here is the source...'...that way the mom can research it herself OR ask you more about it if she wants. it doesn't have to be ADVICE where you are saying 'i wouldn't do this if i were you'.

the other way you could add something in without it being AT the mom aka judging or saying what you think she should do is to reference sophia--as you did. 'when sophia was this age she ate every 2 hours as well, i could barely keep up' or something like that... at least then she might think 'hmm maybe it's not so unusual'. or she can ask you for more.

personally i usually wait for someone to ask me OR i would reference my own experience. esp if it was a health related issue aka the water.

 

[KimberlyH]

because of the health risks involved with underfeeding a newborn i would say something. i might send off an email or call with a specifically worded message in mind, something like: after seeing you i was thinking back on the early days with sophia and how hard it was to feed her so frequently; having her doctor reassure me that it was not only normal, but necessary helped relieve some of that frustration so i wanted to offer that information to you. if you have any questions that you aren''t comfortable asking baby''s ped i''d be happy to share what i know. you''re doing a fantastic job! love, me"

 

[Sha]

I would say something too, being that it's a family member and not a random person off the street. I would just draw your cousin aside in private, let her know the other family member means well etc, but the current guidelines are that.... etc etc etc. I'm not sure what your cousin's personality is like, but I would appreciate getting that kind of info from a fellow cousin/young mom in my family. I like Kimberley's email and the idea of referring her to online sites or books as well.

 

[Blenheim]

First, do you know that your cousin was taking the advice seriously? I got so much unsolicited advice from some people in situations where it didn''t seem appropriate to argue exactly, and I would just kind of say noncommital things like "Oh, I''ll have to look into that", never intending to follow their advice at all... you know?