How do you get over a break up?

[Imdanny]

Time.

 

[Imdanny]

Time.

OMG, we had the same exact answer!

It's true, though. They say that time heals all things. I know it's a cliche but it's absolutely true in this matter.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Everyone, Princesss isn't able to log into PS and post right now, but she wanted me to pass on that she is reading the thread.

And Princesss, big hugs from me.

 

[kenny]

Time.

Great minds think alike.

 

[KimberlyH]

Princesss, be so proud of yourself for doing the right thing for you! It's so often easier to stay, even if you're not happy, because you're comfortable, or at least know what to expect. Now the future is wide open. Grieve, it's normal and you lost something too, doesn't matter that it was your choice. Then celebrate your new future (have a break up party with your best friends, go out for a nice dinner, take a trip, whatever excites you!). You get to pick a new path, what a wonderful gift you've given yourself. My best to you.

 

[katamari]

Big hugs, Princesss! I hope you are doing well.

I would suggest taking up a very intense pastime. In your case, I would join the women's traveling Ultimate team if you are not already a member. On a traveling team, you have practice a couple nights a week, conditioning, and tournaments nearly every weekend. You hardly realize that all you do is work and play Ultimate because it is such a good time. Any intense activity would be good, though--at least IMO--because I believe a busy mind deals with things and moves on better and faster than an idle one.

Katamari's Break-up Mix:
Last Goodbye - Jeff Buckley
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover - Paul Simon
Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five
I've Been Loving You Too Long - Otis Redding
Not About Love - Fiona Apple (most FA will do)
Should've Been in Love - Wilco
Don't Think Twice, It's Alright & It Ain't Me - Bob Dylan
About Today - The National
Smile - Lily Allen
I'm Not Crying - Flight of the Concords
I'm Looking Through You - The Beatles
Tear in Your Hand - Tori Amos
Lost Cause - Beck
Ten Years Gone - Led Zeppelin
Your Ex-Lover Is Dead - The Stars

 

[Sabine]

Rebound!

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, and you probably won't feel better for a while, but honestly, it has always helped me to throw my attention onto a harmless crush or spend time doing some harmless flirting, even if it doesn't go any further. It just helped to find some new guy that I could think about in a happy way, steal glances at, etc. to keep my mind off of how upset I really was and make me feel better about myself.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Hugs to you!!

I know I've already told these to you, but.. Just to reiterate for anyone else reading.

Before going out with the girls:
"You Don't Own Me"
"Boys Boys Boys" - Lady GaGa

When you're bummed and need to be cheered up:
"Haven't Met You Yet" - Michael Buble
"Love is On the Way"- Celine Dion


When you need a good cry:
"Keep Breathing" - Ingrid Michaelson
"Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum (only if you really want to cry though!)

Two good for your specific situations:
"Breakin' Up"- Rilo Kiley
"Silver Lining"- Rilo Kiley

 

[MsP]

I am feeling the same pains and reading this thread with much interest...

My SO of nearly 3yrs and I just broke up. Not mutual--he just wanted a break as something "felt off". I said I don't do breaks--only break ups. I know I will survive but I came to a new area with him and all of my social outlets have involved him. Lots of memories that won't be easy to get over. I think I cried for about 12hrs today.

I just feel very, very alone at this point.

We also have two vacations booked together in the coming months and I'm not sure how that'll work--he can take one, I'll take the other? Who knows. It's a big shock to say the least.

 

[Blackpaw]

Im sorry Princess. Nothing to add really. Music and bedding are a great start. Maybe take up a hobby you've been wanting to. As was mentioned, this is a good time to be self-reliant and to be *yourself* as opposed to yourself in a relationship. So try some new things and see how they fit - painting, a foreign language, dance, whatever!!

 

[Mannequin]

I went through a big breakup 3.5 years ago and posted about it on here for support - you are also getting great advice from everyone. I dumped my ex-FI after nearly five years of dating and had a rough time initially, as you are. (((HUGS))) I had the hardest time dealing with disrupted routines, like getting ready for bed together, and I had to cancel a wedding seven months out. I made it through and became an even stronger, more fabulous person, as you will, too. After the bust-up, I shook up my life with Match.com dates, starting grad school, buying a condo, and leasing a silver convertible!

My best advice is 1) to take steps to find your own place or make the place you are in "new" by changing up your decor and your furniture if possible. Rearrange the layouts, get the new bedding, hang some new prints. It's a nice transition into a fresh start. And 2) lean on your family and friends for support as much as needed. I had some really good friends checking up on me and making sure I was okay.

And you also asked about music. I spent about two weeks eating ice cream with the cat and listening to sad songs before I decided to move on with my life and happiness. In celebration of beginning this new phase of life, I listened to Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" daily for months.

 

[oddoneout]

I'm sorry it's rough but as you say if it's the right choice to make than good for you for making it. Breakups are hard. You cry and get upset and analyze things but eventually you get better (emotionally) and feel good and life gets better. You will survive. I think journaling, doing activities alone and enjoying them, and time are all good healers.

 

[princesss]

You all are so amazing. Thank you so much. I've been reading all weekend, but am having issues logging in from home right now so I couldn't post.

I've been keeping busy, and have had the most amazing support from friends and family and am very grateful for all of it. Normally I'm not one to ask for help, but I don't think this is the kind of thing I can get through alone.

The place I looked at this weekend was a no-go, but there are plenty of fish in that sea, so we'll see what comes up in the next few weeks. Until then, I like the idea of rearranging furniture.

Katamari, I'm on the women's traveling Ultimate, so I definitely like that suggestion! We had a tournament this weekend, which was fantastic (even though we got our butts kicked), and I might be going with the team to Savannah in a few weeks. We've got sectionals coming up, and we've got a lot to do before then. Tournament weekends are tough (I'm mentally exhausted and I don't that there's a muscle in my body that isn't sore), but they make our team so much stronger. SO much stronger. We're ordering our jerseys this week (SO EXCITED!), and we're starting to really feel like a team. It's exactly what I need right now - you're right, my life is work and Ultimate, but I'm having too much fun to think that anything else should matter.

Again, thank you all - I really really appreciate the support I've gotten here. I knew there was a reason I love PS!

 

[Steel]

Princesss: You sound more positive. I'm glad you have a support network around you. Well done on your progress to date.

I am feeling the same pains and reading this thread with much interest...

My SO of nearly 3yrs and I just broke up. Not mutual--he just wanted a break as something "felt off". I said I don't do breaks--only break ups. I know I will survive but I came to a new area with him and all of my social outlets have involved him. Lots of memories that won't be easy to get over. I think I cried for about 12hrs today.

I just feel very, very alone at this point.

We also have two vacations booked together in the coming months and I'm not sure how that'll work--he can take one, I'll take the other? Who knows. It's a big shock to say the least.

I saw your post and I'm very sorry for your sadness. It must be difficult to be in a new area and a 3 year relationship is something that needs to be mourned. Take your time. Do you wanna open up a thread to talk it through? I'd love to help, even it is just to 'listen' and I'm sure other PS'ers would be only to happy to support you too; if you want.

 

[anchor31]

princesss - I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. You have gotten some fabulous advice and seem to be on the right track. One thing I love to do when there is a big change in my life is change my hair. It feels so liberating to me!

 

[Indylady]

I second Steal.

I've been in a new city for the past 2 months, and I've been having a really hard time with it too. I miss my friends and family, and all the familiar places and things I used to do. Lots of happy healing dust to you two. I'll be thinking of you both.

 

[MsP]

Princesss: You sound more positive. I'm glad you have a support network around you. Well done on your progress to date.

I am feeling the same pains and reading this thread with much interest...

My SO of nearly 3yrs and I just broke up. Not mutual--he just wanted a break as something "felt off". I said I don't do breaks--only break ups. I know I will survive but I came to a new area with him and all of my social outlets have involved him. Lots of memories that won't be easy to get over. I think I cried for about 12hrs today.

I just feel very, very alone at this point.

We also have two vacations booked together in the coming months and I'm not sure how that'll work--he can take one, I'll take the other? Who knows. It's a big shock to say the least.

I saw your post and I'm very sorry for your sadness. It must be difficult to be in a new area and a 3 year relationship is something that needs to be mourned. Take your time. Do you wanna open up a thread to talk it through? I'd love to help, even it is just to 'listen' and I'm sure other PS'ers would be only to happy to support you too; if you want.

I will... eventually. I can't really talk about it right now. I call my friends and just cry, cry, cry. I went over to one of my best friends apartments last night to "talk" and we just sat and cried over a movie. It's quite pathetic.

 

[princesss]

Princesss: You sound more positive. I'm glad you have a support network around you. Well done on your progress to date.

I am feeling the same pains and reading this thread with much interest...

My SO of nearly 3yrs and I just broke up. Not mutual--he just wanted a break as something "felt off". I said I don't do breaks--only break ups. I know I will survive but I came to a new area with him and all of my social outlets have involved him. Lots of memories that won't be easy to get over. I think I cried for about 12hrs today.

I just feel very, very alone at this point.

We also have two vacations booked together in the coming months and I'm not sure how that'll work--he can take one, I'll take the other? Who knows. It's a big shock to say the least.

I saw your post and I'm very sorry for your sadness. It must be difficult to be in a new area and a 3 year relationship is something that needs to be mourned. Take your time. Do you wanna open up a thread to talk it through? I'd love to help, even it is just to 'listen' and I'm sure other PS'ers would be only to happy to support you too; if you want.

I will... eventually. I can't really talk about it right now. I call my friends and just cry, cry, cry. I went over to one of my best friends apartments last night to "talk" and we just sat and cried over a movie. It's quite pathetic.

MissPru, it's not pathetic! It's just what you need to do. Cope how you cope and don't fight against your feelings. You'll be okay. (I'm really sorry to hear about your break up, btw. Sorry for not saying that in my earlier post!)

 

[Steel]

Princesss: You sound more positive. I'm glad you have a support network around you. Well done on your progress to date.

I am feeling the same pains and reading this thread with much interest...

My SO of nearly 3yrs and I just broke up. Not mutual--he just wanted a break as something "felt off". I said I don't do breaks--only break ups. I know I will survive but I came to a new area with him and all of my social outlets have involved him. Lots of memories that won't be easy to get over. I think I cried for about 12hrs today.

I just feel very, very alone at this point.

We also have two vacations booked together in the coming months and I'm not sure how that'll work--he can take one, I'll take the other? Who knows. It's a big shock to say the least.

I saw your post and I'm very sorry for your sadness. It must be difficult to be in a new area and a 3 year relationship is something that needs to be mourned. Take your time. Do you wanna open up a thread to talk it through? I'd love to help, even it is just to 'listen' and I'm sure other PS'ers would be only to happy to support you too; if you want.

I will... eventually. I can't really talk about it right now. I call my friends and just cry, cry, cry. I went over to one of my best friends apartments last night to "talk" and we just sat and cried over a movie. It's quite pathetic.

MissPru, it's not pathetic! It's just what you need to do. Cope how you cope and don't fight against your feelings. You'll be okay. (I'm really sorry to hear about your break up, btw. Sorry for not saying that in my earlier post!)

Princesss is right, it is just fine to feel upset. It would be extraordinary if you were coping without an element of grief.

My advice (worth what you paid for it ) open up a thread, perhaps over in FHH when it is quiet. I promise you, you will never feel as poorly as you do now about this relationship. In a few days, weeks or months it will be better and you will not remember why you thought to open a thread. It is now that you need support, not when you feel 'up to it'; by then you will be like, what was his name?

Don't forget too, the mods can delete it afterwards.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thinking of you P!

 

[TooPatient]

Aaron Tippin -- Kiss This


She was a woman on a mission
Here to drown him and forget him
So I set her up again to wash him down
She had just about succeeded
When that low-down no good cheatin'
Good for nothin' came struttin' through the crowd

Ah he was layin' it on so thick
He never missed a lick
Professing his never ending love
Oh but I never will forget
When she stood up and said
So I guess you think we're just gonna kiss and make up doncha
That's when she said..

Why don't you kiss, kiss this
And I don't mean on my rosy red lips
Me and you, we're through
And there's only one thing left for you to do
You just come on over here one last time
Pucker up and close yours eyes
And kiss this goodbye

Well the next thing I recall
She had him back against the wall
Chewin' him like a bulldog on a bone
She was puttin' him in his place
And I mean right up in his face
Draggin' him down a list of done me wrongs
Well it was just about now
That the crowd gathered 'round
They've come to watch him pay for his every sin
She called him everything under the sun
And when we thought that she was done
She rared back and she let him have it again, man
She said, she said...

Why don't you kiss, kiss this
And I don't mean on my rosy red lips
Me and you, we're through
And there's only one thing left for you to do
You just come on over here one last time
Pucker up and close yours eyes
And kiss this

Kiss this
And I don't mean on my rosy red lips
Me and you, we're through
And there's only one thing left for you to do
You just come on over here one last time
Pucker up and close yours eyes
And kiss this goodbye
Kiss this goodbye
(See ya)

 

[Dreamer_D]

Hugs woman! I have been there, you will get over it and move on to better things.

In the early weeks after my very painful breakup in my mid 20s I rented every season of Sex and the City and watched them all which eating fudgesicles. I found it very therapeutic.

 

[katamari]

I am so happy to hear you are on a traveling team! I am just too old and slow for it these days, but it sure was fun! I also just saw your post in the Random Comments thread and it seems like you have really figured this out for yourself already. Kudos!

 

[Gypsy]

Princess, honey. I'm so sorry. HUGE HUG. I don't have any advice... I'm not a good one to look to for graceful handling of breakups I'm usually in the depressed for weeks and holing up in an antisocial cave sleeping all my time away camp. I'm a champion example of what NOT to do, however.

((HUGS)) and more ((HUGS))

 

[vbnet]

Hi Princess, Just wanted to send hugs your way. Sometimes when I've been dealing with difficult ongoing situations, I've gone on a workout kick. Doesn't have to be at an expensive gym, but getting a trainer helps. I focus on building physical strength and endurance and I think it helps carry over to the emotional strength and endurance.

Listening to these tunes might be where you are at right at this moment. But don't stay there long. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get moving. Good luck and once again, hugs!

 

[decodelighted]

Just got back from vacation & saw this post. HUGS! I'm searching my brain for song ideas but can't come up with a good one right now. I know my friend swears by the entire John Legend catalog ...

Agree w/the "time" thing. And, you know, the cheesy standard -- the best way to get over someone is to get *under* someone else. That's more just to hopefully make you chuckle!

 

[princesss]

Just got back from vacation & saw this post. HUGS! I'm searching my brain for song ideas but can't come up with a good one right now. I know my friend swears by the entire John Legend catalog ...

Agree w/the "time" thing. And, you know, the cheesy standard -- the best way to get over someone is to get *under* someone else. That's more just to hopefully make you chuckle!

Chuckle? I'm wiping my monitor off right now! That was hilarious, Deco.

vbnet - That's kind of what I've been doing. Throwing myself into sports and staying active. Helps distract me when I need it, and I never feel sexier than when I'm red-faced and sweaty after a really hard game (I'm not even kidding - I feel so powerful and happy after I play a really good game that I feel just plain sexy - I'm a weirdo).

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Remember, someday you will reach this (my favourite break up/get over it song - cheesy but good!):

I will survive

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me