How do you feel about yourself as a mother?

[House Cat]

@whitewave , how is the med change going so far?

 

[kenny]

Kenny, you're feeding into very destructive stereotypes about childless people being selfish here. You do know that childless women have to put up with this stereotype all the time, wherever they go? It is not selfish to not want children. Some people do not want the lifestyle of pouring much of themselves and their lifestyles into raising children, and that's OK. It's just a matter of different strokes for different folks and it's not a matter of selfishness, it's simply different preferences about how you want to spend your time. I don't know you, perhaps you're a selfish person, but it's not a lack of desire for kids that would make you selfish. Putting yourself first in the majority of your dealings with others is an example of selfish behavior (only you know if that's something you do).

This whole thing about being too selfish to have kids really elicits a hollow laugh from me...you think there aren't any selfish parents out there? Parents who insist their children toe the family line, insist that their kids are just like them in all ways, parents who sabotage their kids' independence, intrude into their lives as adults, require payback for all the years spent raising them, and had them mostly so that they have a caregiver in old age? This describes MANY parents.

So please don't feed into stereotypes about childless people being childless because they're selfish. I am MUCH more giving than some mothers I've known all my life, who were selfish human beings as children and became selfish adults and then selfish parents. When you say what you said above, you're propagating the myth that parents are somehow better than non-parents. Not cool.

Oh GMAB!
Did I state all childless people are selfish?

I'm describing myself.
I'm not "feeding" or "propagating" anything.

Stereotypes are the fault of people who hold them.
Sheesh!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I wish I had more patience.

 

[Rhea]

...parenting an adult child is just as challenging as parenting a toddler, I was not prepared for that...I thought it got easier as the got older...

This.

I'm not a parent. I don't expect to ever be one. My grandmother was a terribly, shitty mother. My mother is a wonderful, if slightly overcautious, mother. I'm not sure I could improve, or at least not as drastically as my mother did. I hate that she has a terrible mother but selfishly it worked out well for me and made my mother the great and loving parent she became to us.

One of the things I noticed early on was that you never stop being a parent. Never. Friends say when they're in their 20s we'll get our lives back. ROTFLMAO! I still interrupt my mother's day. My sister is having a rough year and is spending more time crying on our mother's shoulder than not. She's in her mid-30s.

As a parent you can't control what you get and it's a life-time appointment. Those who have chosen this path have my utmost respect. I'm sorry some of you don't feel as though you're doing a good job. You're doing better than you think you are though.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Someone told me once that little kids stomp on your toes, big kids stomp on your heart. I'm only ten years in but I have to agree.

 

[whitewave]

@whitewave , how is the med change going so far?

Thanks for asking. He is still having panic attacks, but they have been lessened in intensity. I spoke with the director of counseling yesterday and they will give him weekly appointments and said they can handle it and he doesn't need to see anyone offcampus (I wondered about son "draining resources" so to speak...)

 

[Elizabeth35]

This.


One of the things I noticed early on was that you never stop being a parent. Never. Friends say when they're in their 20s we'll get our lives back. ROTFLMAO! I still interrupt my mother's day. My sister is having a rough year and is spending more time crying on our mother's shoulder than not. She's in her mid-30s.

Rhea---that is very astute for a non-parent.

I remember a woman I worked with who was in her late 60's. She was still working because one of her 40-something sons was unemployed and could not afford his mortgage. I was conversing with her when the light bulb went off for me. Wait---you mean it NEVER stops?!?!? She looked at me pityingly, and shook her head.
It was a sad day for me as a mom/stepmom of 6 young adults--lol.

 

[nala]

Rhea---that is very astute for a non-parent.

I remember a woman I worked with who was in her late 60's. She was still working because one of her 40-something sons was unemployed and could not afford his mortgage. I was conversing with her when the light bulb went off for me. Wait---you mean it NEVER stops?!?!? She looked at me pityingly, and shook her head.
It was a sad day for me as a mom/stepmom of 6 young adults--lol.

In my family, it's been the other way around. We have been helping to take care of our parents since they hit the elderly stage--which they defined as early 50's. Thats one goal I have set for myself-- to not burden my only daughter with the task of caring for me at an elderly age. I just hope her dad (my ex) has the same plan.

 

[anne_h]

I feel confident about myself as a mother. As a data person, I think a reasonable measure is to assess the results to date... IMO, our kids are healthy, well-adjusted, doing well socially and academically. They are curious about the world, have empathy for others and generally have good manners. So far so good!

I also feel pretty good about their dad as a parent too.

BTW, it's important for me to feel complete as a whole person, I didn't want to let being a parent become my sole focus. I have a management career and a personal life. I think it's actually healthy for my kids to know they are part of a larger family unit, and not the center of the universe.

I see my real objective in parenting (aside from the usual responsibilties in providing shelter, food, love, etc) to be teaching my kids about how the world works, and how they can successfully navigate and contribute to it.

My two cents!

Anne

PS - We used leashes / harnesses with all three! And also pierced the girls' ears at 9 months.

 

[jordyonbass]

If you put a roof over their head, provide them with a warm bed, 3 meals a day and instill your virtues that make you a good person then you're doing perfectly! Even hitting the first 3 is good parenting in my books as children will not always listen to the lessons of their parents. To put it into perspective, my MIL fails the first 3 and doesn't have a skerrick of morality she could possibly teach anyone and her kids have still managed to turn out reasonably well.

Don't be hard on yourself.