Home How do you feel about 1-2 yo''s in child/day care?

[JulieN]

I'm pretty sure I don't want my kids to go to elite schools. There is enough time for prestige whoring when they apply to college. In SoCal, there's only one elite prep school that I would consider sending my kids to...but otherwise, our public schools are quite good.

 

[Girlrocks]

I don''t know of any moms who would chose to put their child in daycare without a reason, I mean, someone is not going to just sit around all day at home by themselves watching TV and pay to put their kids in care. So I think there are many valid reasons why kids are in daycare, and it''s up to every parent to decide what works best for their family. I can say as a mom of 4 as well as a business owner who works from home, it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get any work done from home with kids under foot. My business partner pays someone to come to her home 3 days a week to watch her kids while she works right down the hallway in her office.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/8/2008 5:07:09 PM
Author: redfaerythinker
I was in a private day care from the ages 1 to 5. Before that I stayed with a woman down the street. My mother had to return to work when I was twelve weeks as well. I feel that I have turned out just fine and it didn''t scar me in the least. I found it much more traumatizing to see young children cry on the first day of school because they had never been separated from their parents. These were also the children that clung to older siblings and were unable to use their social skills in an unfamiliar situation.

As far as my views on child care. I go back and forth. If you want your child to go to elite schools, the child needs a basis that pretty much only pre school can provide. This is not true everywhere but I have found it to be the norm. I personally would prefer to stay home for at least the first year with my child, but I know that isn''t always possible. I know it wasn''t for my mother.

Everyone''s situation is different and no one solution works for everyone. However, I''m fairly certain that daycare will not irreversibly harm the ''average'' child. No matter the age.

Why is that?

 

[redfaerythinker]

Most private schools have an admission process that usually includes an "interview" of sorts. The child''s behavior is closely monitored for a set amount of time, playing and doing small tasks. There are also minimum requirements of reading abilities, writing abilities, following directions, that sort of thing. There is also an intelligence level that they look for and many pre-schools predispose children to show their intellect in it''s best light. Many of these schools can be EXTREMELY competitive as far as admissions go. Pre-school provides a learning environment and a resume booster that can give kids an edge.

Again I put my disclaimer that this is in no way shape or form true for all schools. This is just the way it was for me in the schools I went to. I hope that made sense.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/10/2008 8:28:45 AM
Author: redfaerythinker
Most private schools have an admission process that usually includes an ''interview'' of sorts. The child''s behavior is closely monitored for a set amount of time, playing and doing small tasks. There are also minimum requirements of reading abilities, writing abilities, following directions, that sort of thing. There is also an intelligence level that they look for and many pre-schools predispose children to show their intellect in it''s best light. Many of these schools can be EXTREMELY competitive as far as admissions go. Pre-school provides a learning environment and a resume booster that can give kids an edge.

Again I put my disclaimer that this is in no way shape or form true for all schools. This is just the way it was for me in the schools I went to. I hope that made sense.

It did. Thanks!

 

[aprilcait]

Date: 9/10/2008 10:56:43 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 9/10/2008 8:28:45 AM
Author: redfaerythinker
Most private schools have an admission process that usually includes an 'interview' of sorts. The child's behavior is closely monitored for a set amount of time, playing and doing small tasks. There are also minimum requirements of reading abilities, writing abilities, following directions, that sort of thing. There is also an intelligence level that they look for and many pre-schools predispose children to show their intellect in it's best light. Many of these schools can be EXTREMELY competitive as far as admissions go. Pre-school provides a learning environment and a resume booster that can give kids an edge.

Again I put my disclaimer that this is in no way shape or form true for all schools. This is just the way it was for me in the schools I went to. I hope that made sense.

It did. Thanks!

I agree with redfaerythinker. The private school I attended, as well as other private schools in the area, conducted an "interview". I *believe* a preschool background is actually required at my old school (Montessori was preferred). Children had to enter kindergarten being able to read and do basic writing. I remember I almost didn't get in because I tended to write my Z's backwards.

 

[LuckyTexan]

Date: 9/7/2008 7:38:43 PM
Author:JulieN
I recently found out that BF and I have wildly different views on this.

His 1.5 yo sister is in daycare for about 6 hours a day for most of the week (I want to say 4 days) even though her mom only works 1 day/week. I was shocked when I found out. The girl's parents are both shrinks (not sure if it makes a difference.) They also both work out of their home (office and living areas in the same apartment.)

BF says it provides her with more stimuli and socialization (and I guess he thinks the earlier, the better!)

Your BF has a sister who is a baby? That's going to be fun if you guys have kids together anytime soon!!!

To answer your question.

I have very strong views about this, but it's because of how I grew up. Your BF obviously feels the way he does because he's experienced it with his parents, and them being mental health professionals, he is going to assume they know what they are talking about!

I was raised by my SAHM along with my 4 siblings... and have never stepped foot in a daycare center. DH was raised by his SAHM and never stepped foot in a daycare center.

Our children will be raised by me, a SAHM, and with the exception of an hour here and there at the gym, will never step foot in a daycare.

I have no idea which is better. There's lots of people who were not raised by just their parents that turned out perfectly fine. Many great leaders throughout history were raised by nannies, governesses, and tutors.

I have heard horror stories about the way children are treated in bigger daycare centers, and horror stories about kids being abused, and molested in the in home daycares... so you really need to be responsible, and picky with where your kids go.

Somedays, I wish I could take my kids somewhere just so I can get some HOUSEWORK done! LOL! It's been a hard adjustment for me having 2 in diapers! I'm sure it will get easier! Thankfully DH is understanding about the house not always being perfect anymore!

I think it's important, at this point, that the two of you come to an understanding of how you both feel about it. If he's going to insist you put your kids in daycare just because he thinks its good for them... and you have always wanted to be a SAHM and do soccer games, and join the PTA... you guys probably aren't ever going to agree on it, and you should move along!

Good luck!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I think it is fine and in fact it is by far the norm in my social circle. My friend''s kids all started daycare around 8 months to 12 months and they are thriving. My own child, when he or she is born, will likely start day-care around 10-12 months. My career wouldn''t "keep" if I took more time off, nor would I want to take more time off than that.

 

[ahappygirl]

I agree it's good you found out your different views now. Personally for me this would be a dealbreaker. I think each family should get to chose what works best for them without being subject to judgement from others. That being said, for me personally, I wouldn't trade a nanosecond of being a SAHM. My DH is SO APPRECIATIVE of me being a SAHM, although he would support me if I felt I wanted to go back to work. My child gets plenty of stimulation and socialization and always has. And he is an only child. When he was 2 yrs 9 mos yrs he went to nursery school 2 days a week for 2 1/2 hours each of those days. We added an extra day last year and this year (he's 4) he goes 4 days a week, still only 2 1/2 hrs. He reads well above his age level. His writing is fine. Both he learned from me. As far as being socialized, it depends what kind of socialization you desire. I personally don't think my 2/3/4 yr old needs to be inundated with a lot of the behaviors and language that unfortunately a lot of families think is fine. It's one thing to see it on a playground where you are present and can deal with it accordingly on the spot. The bottom line is you have to be at peace with the decisions you make, whether out of need or desire, because you can't take that time back.

 

[kelley1975]

Date: 9/9/2008 12:26:39 PM
Author: Girlrocks
I don''t know of any moms who would chose to put their child in daycare without a reason, I mean, someone is not going to just sit around all day at home by themselves watching TV and pay to put their kids in care. So I think there are many valid reasons why kids are in daycare, and it''s up to every parent to decide what works best for their family. I can say as a mom of 4 as well as a business owner who works from home, it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get any work done from home with kids under foot. My business partner pays someone to come to her home 3 days a week to watch her kids while she works right down the hallway in her office.

I have to say that I have a "friend" that does choose to put her kids in daycare (although she calls it "school"). She and her husband are doing very well financially and she does not have to work, nor does she really want to work (not that there is anything wrong with this). The problem is is that she has 3 children (2 3/4, 17 months, and 4 months--yes, she has her hands full!) and sends 2 of them off to daycare 5 days a week from 9am to 5pm. She is not "getting work done" but instead she is always going out to lunch and shopping with friends. She is able to take the youngest with her, but honestly I wonder how long it will be before he is in daycare too! I just don''t understand it. I have friends that work full-time with multiple children that utilize daycare maybe 1 or 2 days a week. I have nothing against daycare, but I feel this "friend" just doesn''t want to care for her children. I''m pretty disgusted with it really. In fact, over the last Memorial Day weekend, her husband was complaining that the "school" would be closed on the Monday and he would have to "babysit" his own children! And, they wonder why the kids are acting up now--maybe they feel like their parents don''t want them around?? Uggh! I would really like to say something to her about it, but I have just been avoiding talking to her in general.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Ditto to DiamondFan, Tacori, Ellen, etc. A loving mother is usually a far better teacher and caretaker than the young woman being paid a low hourly wage at a daycare. I think morning preschools are nice when they are at least 2 or older to give the mom a couple of free mornings to schedule appointments, run errands, etc. And at age 4, I think preschool does help them transition to school.

My daughter worked at a daycare for two summers during college and it was enough to convince her that she'd never leave a baby at one.

Julie, I agree with you. I think it is odd to leave a child 24 hours a week if the mother is not working a lot of that time.

(Oh, and I acknowledge that some women have no choice. But I'd prefer in-home care for a baby over a daycare usually.)

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I used to think nothing of a baby being sent to daycare, as it''s become the "American way" to so many of us.

However, after making several *unannounced* visits to random day cares in my area (due to my job as a social worker), I would never ever want to have any child of mine at one. It''s not a matter of abuse as much as lack of supervision, lack of true attention to a child, and lack of creating real bonds with the children there.

I''m sure day care workers do their best, and some day I may work at a day care. If so, I would hope to never ever become one of the workers who just does what they can to get through the day of toddler dramas, but you never know until you live it.

If the situation came up where my child had to be watched by someone other than myself or husband, I would work like mad to find a friend/relative who already stays home with their child/ren to see if they would be comfortable with watching mine, too. At least that way, I know exactly who''s there with my kid, all the time, and can talk to them about anything my child does or repeats that is a concern.

I just don''t think I could work and focus on my job very well after seeing the lack of attention so many children get in day cares. This is across the board, the cheaper day cares and the "elite" that you have to be on a waiting list from pre-conception to get into.....

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is not an all or nothing argument.

If both parents work and in home care is not available, day care might be the only option . A good well run day care is always preferable, but hard to come by sometimes. I too have heard the horror stories, but an in home nanny can be bad too, watch those shows where they show stuff on hidden camera. Scary is all I can say.

Developmentally, yes, being with mom (but also with others too from time to time so the child learns to separate) is preferable. There is research about the value or lack thereof in day care, whether or not they really learn much at young ages, etc. It is hard to know. Any child put with strangers who ignore him or her, where minimal attention is paid, common sense would tell you that is not ideal.

I recall reading about children who were maybe a bit older, 4 or 5, adopted from orphanages in Eastern Europe. They were tended to at the most basic level, and left in a crib at all other times. No one spoke to them while feeding them or changing them or bathing them. No one cuddled them or read to them...neural stimulation that is so critical. Well, a lot of these kids, a statistically high number, once in America, had terrible behavioral issues and would become really out of control physically and emotionally. It was shown that merely taking care of a baby''s basic needs without loving or nurturing the baby was quite detrimental to the baby''s development, especially in the attachment areas.

I would say if you do a day care, find one with small caregiver to child ratios, and be able to pop in whenever you wish without calling first.

 

[JulieN]

What is considered a small (or acceptable ratio) like 1:4? 1:6?

Then, I thought about one of my friends. His dad died when he was in HS, and he told me it was a really good thing his mom worked. And that he had a friend whose dad died, and the mom was a SAHM, and their family did not do very well.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 9/24/2008 12:25:06 AM
Author: JulieN
What is considered a small (or acceptable ratio) like 1:4? 1:6?


Then, I thought about one of my friends. His dad died when he was in HS, and he told me it was a really good thing his mom worked. And that he had a friend whose dad died, and the mom was a SAHM, and their family did not do very well.

That''s why they invented life insurance.

 

[curlygirl]

Julie, a good ratio is 1:3 or 1:4 for infants and 1:4 or 1:5 for toddlers.

 

[redfaerythinker]

As a child of the day care system. I started in an "elite" pre-school at the age of one. I never felt abandoned or alone. I was always being intellectually or socially stimulated. I had friends to play with, classes to go to, and relationships with my teachers that continued for years afterward. I remember my pre-school experience with nothing but good thoughts. I feel that I was extremely well prepared for school due to my reading, writing, computer, and manual dexterity skills.

Now that is not to say that the same could not or would not be expected from a stay at home mom situation. All i''m asking is that you please not lump all day cares together. They are not all just pens to hold children until the work day is over. There are some that are quite good. My experience was so good that I will definitely be sending my child there as the same center is still open.

Just my 2 cents

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 9/25/2008 11:59:34 AM
Author: redfaerythinker
As a child of the day care system. I started in an ''elite'' pre-school at the age of one. I never felt abandoned or alone. I was always being intellectually or socially stimulated. I had friends to play with, classes to go to, and relationships with my teachers that continued for years afterward. I remember my pre-school experience with nothing but good thoughts. I feel that I was extremely well prepared for school due to my reading, writing, computer, and manual dexterity skills.

Now that is not to say that the same could not or would not be expected from a stay at home mom situation. All i''m asking is that you please not lump all day cares together. They are not all just pens to hold children until the work day is over. There are some that are quite good. My experience was so good that I will definitely be sending my child there as the same center is still open.

Just my 2 cents

redfaery,I agree with you 100%. I don''t want to get into a debate with anyone about this because it is such a personal and heated topic and this isn''t meant to turn into a daycare vs. SAHM thing, but I don''t think it''s fair to put all daycares into the same category. Just because there are some people who have had bad experiences doesn''t mean that they are all horrible. No situation will ever be perfect but it''s not fair to generalize. Again, not meaning to spark a debate, just trying to say that there are many sides to this.

 

[decodelighted]

I don''t choose to be a parent myself ... & used to be a little snobby about day care, thinking that my Mom''s choice to stay home with all six of us was the right thing to do. Was a bit put out by my lawyer sister''s decision to put her first & 2nd kids in day care from 4mos on ...

WELLLLLLL ... now that the first is three years old & FAR beyond the average child in language/reading (yeah .. reading)/social skills ... and the 2nd kid is on par with my other stay-at-home sis''s similar aged son Have done a TOTAL 180. The key seems to be a super-high-QUALITY day care. I couldn''t *believe* how awesome theirs is. I''d stay there all day myself!

Not everyone has the luxury of choice ... or the luxury of the super-high-quality child care (either $$wise or vicinity-wise). I''m grateful my sister & her husband are able to provide that environment for my niece & nephew ... as well as a lot of high quality one-on-one time with them AFTER work!