Home How do you feel about 1-2 yo''s in child/day care?

[JulieN]

I recently found out that BF and I have wildly different views on this.

His 1.5 yo sister is in daycare for about 6 hours a day for most of the week (I want to say 4 days) even though her mom only works 1 day/week. I was shocked when I found out. The girl's parents are both shrinks (not sure if it makes a difference.) They also both work out of their home (office and living areas in the same apartment.)

BF says it provides her with more stimuli and socialization (and I guess he thinks the earlier, the better!)

 

[KimberlyH]

Finding good child care is difficult to do, it is even more difficult to secure a position in a good facility (whether it be in-home, or an institution) for one day a week; I share this to provide further reasons why one might place their child in a daycare situation for more days than may seem necessary. While it wouldn't be my ideal, I don't think it's automatically a bad thing, if the child is receiving appropriate care. My nephew began attending preschool at 2 years of age; he goes two days a week for 6 or so hours. My sister is a stay-at-home-mom, but because he is an only child, and will likely remain as such, and she wanted to get a jump on school (the competition, especially when a parent/s aspires to send children to private school is more fierce that you might imagine, starting in preschool) she and her husband decided this was best for him. He really enjoys going to "school", he loves his friends and it gives him the chance to play with children his age (the area where they live is not conducive to finding other stay-at-home-parents to bond with).

 

[neatfreak]

I agree with Kimberly...there are a lot of factors to consider here. I would probably prefer in an ideal world to have my kids home with me when I wasn''t working until they were more pre-school aged, but I don''t think it''s the worst place a child can be at all even at a younger age! And it really is hard to secure part time care...

 

[diamondfan]

That is tough. Most people agree up to age 5 is so critical in forming appropriate attachments. Now, I do not advocate a kid never leaving their mom''s side, so socialization is important and valuable. But if the mom is not working the other days, it seems odd. I could see maybe one other day so the mom has a day to get errands done or do things for herself other than work, but it seems a bit extreme to me.

 

[peonygirl]

Are you disapproving because the mom doesn't work that much or because you don't like the idea of daycare in general? Developmentally speaking, there have been a LOT of studies on daycare vs. stay-at-home parents, and about 90% show that there is no difference in developmental milestones, socialization, or early academic successes between a child who goes to a good daycare vs. a child who does not enter school until preschool. The other 10% are about evenly split on either side.

If the issue is that she's not spending all the time with her child that she could be, all I can say is that I don't know her. I personally plan to be a SAHM during my kid's first year of life and not utilize daycare, but I am sure that there are many times I would want a break, and it would be nice to have something. Perhaps this mom feels more calm and grounded with back-up daycare, which makes her a better mom when she is with her child (the vast majority of the week). Who knows.

 

[Miranda]

Hmmmm...toughie. I will be very diplomatic and say that different things work for different people. What is right for one may be very wrong for another. I choose to say home with my kids and sent my kids (all three) to only one year of preschool. It worked well for my family. They are all excellent students and get along well with other kids. Keep in mind, school is not the only way to socialize kids. You can do a great job of stimulating your own kid''s mind just fine at home. Taking care of kids is not everyone''s bag. I think that''s fine.

I do know many happy families where the kids are in day care or have a nanny even though mom is home at least part of the time.

I do have a bit of advice for you. I don''t know how serious you and your BF are, but, this is an issue I''d hash out before an engagement or marriage. Staying home vs. not and when to send the kids to school can be a MAJOR issue for some couples. Best to get this out in the open now.

 

[sevens one]

Date: 9/7/2008 7:38:43 PM
Author:JulieN
I recently found out that BF and I have wildly different views on this.

His 1.5 yo sister is in daycare for about 6 hours a day for most of the week (I want to say 4 days) even though her mom only works 1 day/week. I was shocked when I found out. The girl''s parents are both shrinks (not sure if it makes a difference.) They also both work out of their home (office and living areas in the same apartment.)

BF says it provides her with more stimuli and socialization (and I guess he thinks the earlier, the better!)

Good thing you found this out now. It sounds like you are on the other side of
the fence with this issue.
It matters more for your relationship if things go further.

People here will have their opinions one way or the other. You two being in sync
on this very important subject matters most.

 

[cara]

6 hr/day x 4 day/wk = 24 hrs/wk is enough time to make a huge difference to the mother in terms of having enough childfree time to get stuff done at a similar level of effectiveness to pre-kid, but not so much time that the kid is anywhere close to at day care more than with the ''rents. And with the mom not working during some of that daycare time, this can really take the load off the family in certain ways.

If this woman were working full time, unless she and her husband were able to slightly stagger their schedules, it would mean the kid would need more than 40 hours a week in day care to account for commuting time. That means all the household chores and errands are done with kid, which of course is what most SAHM do, and what working parents often have to do if they don''t have "extra" daycare outside of their working hours. But maybe that life isn''t what this family wants. Maybe mom isn''t the entertain toddler 24/7 type. Maybe shes the 18/4 + 24/3 type.

Maybe the mom wants to exercise, clean the house, grocery shop, do laundry, write up her extra patient notes, sans kid, and then be able to focus on her child when he''s around, and free up some of the load sharing with her husband. So I guess my answer is, it does sound like a nice balance that might work for some families.

If the day care is good and the child is thriving with this arrangement and the parents are happy and able to make ends meet, thats really all that matters.

 

[JulieN]

Date: 9/7/2008 9:37:01 PM
Author: peonygirl
Are you disapproving because the mom doesn't work that much or because you don't like the idea of daycare in general? Developmentally speaking, there have been a LOT of studies on daycare vs. stay-at-home parents, and about 90% show that there is no difference in developmental milestones, socialization, or early academic successes between a child who goes to a good daycare vs. a child who does not enter school until preschool. The other 10% are about evenly split on either side.

If the issue is that she's not spending all the time with her child that she could be, all I can say is that I don't know her. I personally plan to be a SAHM during my kid's first year of life and not utilize daycare, but I am sure that there are many times I would want a break, and it would be nice to have something. Perhaps this mom feels more calm and grounded with back-up daycare, which makes her a better mom when she is with her child (the vast majority of the week). Who knows.

I don't really like the idea of daycare, but I really thought 1.5 years was a bit young...I was thinking 3 years and older was a more usual age.

I don't mind that the mom doesn't work a lot.

 

[diamondfan]

How does the kid seem? Some kids still do well if the daycare is good, so maybe it works for them?

 

[JulieN]

actually, the kid is doing fine. really happy.

which is making me rethink my position, which is sort of disturbing. I always felt someone should stay at home or arrange to have staggered schedules.

 

[diamondfan]

Julie, I agree. I know couples who work at different days and times so that they can almost always have one parent home with the child. But it is not the answer for all. It is sad to put a baby that young in for that length of time while she is not working, of course she needs to have time to herself too, but it just seems a bit unfair.

 

[D2B]

It is something to try and discuss with your SO now, but beware, having children may throw all your or his ideas out the window, and you find you have strongly different oppinions in either direction once you have them.

At 1 - 2 years socialisation can be achieved via playgroups, meeting other mums one on one for a playdate, baby music classes, baby swimming etc, all with the comfort of mum there for the baby and mum getting out and socialising herself

. True socialisation doest start until 3-4 where, they acutally start to play with each other, rather than parallel play you see before hand.

you can find studies supporting or condeming childcare at a young age, sometimes it is also interesting to see who funded the study which can help provide additional insight into the information provided. If you have a choice, moderation is the key imho, mums need some time alone, and it doesnt hurt younger children to be in the care of excellent childcare. The key is finding excellent childcare, that is the hard bit.

I worked part-time for a while, whilst my DS was 1-2 years old, and really in hindsight, it was a place for him to spend his time while I worked. the care was great. I am a SAHM now, and he goes to kinder and as he is older loves the socilisation aspect. But it is a personal choice, based on circumstances and your own feelings. If you are leaning toward staying home, you might very well find that you are even more inclined to stay at home once you have a baby, then again you might be desperate to get out and have some balance.

good luck, it is not easy
d2b

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I agree with D2B and Dfan. 1.5 is *so* young and its not like they really play with each other (at this age). There are many ways a SAHM can socialize with her baby. I am not sure what advantage daycare will give her. I think at such a young age it is more for the parents than the child.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 9/7/2008 7:38:43 PM
Author:JulieN
I recently found out that BF and I have wildly different views on this.

His 1.5 yo sister is in daycare for about 6 hours a day for most of the week (I want to say 4 days) even though her mom only works 1 day/week. I was shocked when I found out. The girl's parents are both shrinks (not sure if it makes a difference.) They also both work out of their home (office and living areas in the same apartment.)

BF says it provides her with more stimuli and socialization (and I guess he thinks the earlier, the better!)

I don't have children so take my opinion FWIW

I have no problem with a 1-2 year old in daycare. Since I will be a career mom, my future child (if blessed enough to have any) will probably go into daycare as early as 3 months. That's life for working moms and we will probably never really be in a position where one of us can be fortunate enough to stay at home. The most employers will give is 3 months off of work. The only way my child wouldn't go into daycare is if FI's mom would quit her job (which she hates) and we paid her to take care of the baby while we're at work. Or if we can afford a nanny. I had two directors that used to work with me. One took her children into daycare as early as 3 months. The other has an in-house nanny. Both systems from what I've seen seem to be working just fine.

If I only worked 1 day a week, I would probably still do daycare but not for 6 hours a day, 4 days a week. I would do maybe 2 hours in the morning twice a week. It does provide them with more stimuli and socialization. I believe at 2 they start learning more concrete things in daycare. I would have to find a really, really good one though.

 

[purrfectpear]

All of my female coworkers have their children in daycare from about age 6 months on. So far none of the kids have turned out any differently than kids from male coworkers who have wives who stay home.

If anything, daycare socialises the kids and they have less issues when they start school (already used to other kids, rules, teachers, etc.).

 

[diamondfan]

and as pointed out, kids mostly parallel play at that age anyway. Mom could do classes where the baby is with other babies but the mom''s are there too. I did that with all three of my kids.

 

[Ellen]

To each their own. I chose to stay at home, and only put my kids through pre-school one year, before kindergarten. And that was for them, to adapt to a more social environment. It was also limited to a couple days a week for a few hours.

The thing I think about most with children so young away from their moms, is the moms run the risk of missing "firsts". I wanted to be there to see all the milestones! It would have crushed me to have someone else have that privilege, as they couldn''t possibly appreciate it as much as me.

 

[purrfectpear]

I hear you Ellen. I don''t disagree at all with the idea that it''s better for the mother to be home. Most mommies would definitely prefer that. I just don''t think that it''s bad for the kids to be in daycare.

As for the "firsts", well dad''s have been seing the "first step" about 4 hours later for years. Witnessing the "second step" isn''t so substandard

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/8/2008 11:46:29 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I hear you Ellen. I don't disagree at all with the idea that it's better for the mother to be home. Most mommies would definitely prefer that. I just don't think that it's bad for the kids to be in daycare.

As for the 'firsts', well dad's have been seing the 'first step' about 4 hours later for years. Witnessing the 'second step' isn't so substandard

And I don't disagree necessarily. That was the point of my post, it was about the mommies, and this mommy in particular.

 

[curlygirl]

My daughter started daycare at 12 weeks! I had no choice--had to go back to work. Everyone has an opinion on socialization, etc. so I''m not going to comment on that. I think it just depends on each individual family''s situation. So my short answer is that I don''t think 1-2 is too young to put a child in daycare and I think it''s fine to put a child in part time daycare so the mom can get things done if she needs to. I am working my butt off now so that hopefully when my children are 4 or 5, I can actually be at home when they get out of school, have after school activities, etc. You have to do what works for you.

 

[somethingshiny]

This is a sensitive topic and I do not wish to offend any body.

My personal view is MY child should not go to day care until he has an appropriate grasp on language. I don''t want him to get frustrated with the caregivers because of his lack of communication and I want him to be able to tell me EVERYTHING that happens at day care.

Additionally, I think it''s important for MY child to really understand that he''s the most important person in my life and I would not choose to spend so many hours without him.

I understand and respect that working mothers NEED child care and do their best to find a suitable care giver for their child and I am in no way saying a SAHM is better than a WM. It''s just not for me or my family.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 9/8/2008 12:11:02 PM
Author: curlygirl
My daughter started daycare at 12 weeks! I had no choice--had to go back to work. Everyone has an opinion on socialization, etc. so I''m not going to comment on that. I think it just depends on each individual family''s situation. So my short answer is that I don''t think 1-2 is too young to put a child in daycare and I think it''s fine to put a child in part time daycare so the mom can get things done if she needs to. I am working my butt off now so that hopefully when my children are 4 or 5, I can actually be at home when they get out of school, have after school activities, etc. You have to do what works for you.

This is an important, determining statement. My son will be around the same age when I have to go back to work. Sure DH and I will be cutting our living expenses by more than half by moving in with his parents, but we will be unable to save for a downpayment on our own place unless I work at least part-time. I don''t want my son to go to daycare but both of us have to work in order to get ahead in life.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 9/8/2008 9:11:50 AM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 9/7/2008 7:38:43 PM
Author:JulieN
I recently found out that BF and I have wildly different views on this.

His 1.5 yo sister is in daycare for about 6 hours a day for most of the week (I want to say 4 days) even though her mom only works 1 day/week. I was shocked when I found out. The girl''s parents are both shrinks (not sure if it makes a difference.) They also both work out of their home (office and living areas in the same apartment.)

BF says it provides her with more stimuli and socialization (and I guess he thinks the earlier, the better!)

I don''t have children so take my opinion FWIW

I have no problem with a 1-2 year old in daycare. Since I will be a career mom, my future child (if blessed enough to have any) will probably go into daycare as early as 3 months. That''s life for working moms and we will probably never really be in a position where one of us can be fortunate enough to stay at home. The most employers will give is 3 months off of work. The only way my child wouldn''t go into daycare is if FI''s mom would quit her job (which she hates) and we paid her to take care of the baby while we''re at work. Or if we can afford a nanny. I had two directors that used to work with me. One took her children into daycare as early as 3 months. The other has an in-house nanny. Both systems from what I''ve seen seem to be working just fine.

If I only worked 1 day a week, I would probably still do daycare but not for 6 hours a day, 4 days a week. I would do maybe 2 hours in the morning twice a week. It does provide them with more stimuli and socialization. I believe at 2 they start learning more concrete things in daycare. I would have to find a really, really good one though.

That''s what my mom was supposed to do and she went back on her promise shortly after my son was born. DH and I have had to make some serious decisions because of this and, needless to say, we''re not really happy with my mom right now.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 9/8/2008 12:05:02 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 9/8/2008 11:46:29 AM

Author: purrfectpear

I hear you Ellen. I don''t disagree at all with the idea that it''s better for the mother to be home. Most mommies would definitely prefer that. I just don''t think that it''s bad for the kids to be in daycare.



As for the ''firsts'', well dad''s have been seing the ''first step'' about 4 hours later for years. Witnessing the ''second step'' isn''t so substandard

And I don''t disagree necessarily. That was the point of my post, it was about the mommies, and this mommy in particular.

Oh how I agree with you Ellen. My daughter stayed at home too. I was with her to see the "firsts" and we both wouldn''t have had it any other way. We both will have those memories in our heads forever. We both still talk about them too. We tell the boys stories about about their "firsts" also.

Linda

 

[vespergirl]

When I was in college, I read several studies in my child psychology class that said that children under the age of 3 receive no social, intellectual or emotional benefit from a daycare or preschool setting. Children under 3 thrive best in a one-on-one or at-home care environment. Things like playdates, going to the playground, etc., are fine, but children under age 3 "play alongside each other," they don''t "play with each other." So there really is no "socialization" benefit.

I would understand putting a child that age in day care if both parents MUST work, but if there is a parent at home & they''re just sending the kid off to get a break, the parent is doing it more for themselves than for the welfare or benefit of the child.

 

[vespergirl]

I forgot to mention in my last post, a British study that I read said that some children who went to day care younger than age 3 were more aggressive, vioent, and less willing to listen to their parents or follow directions. So this particular study stated that not only was there no social benefit, there may have actually been a social detriment in some children.

 

[vespergirl]

Here''s a quote from a 2005 NY Times article that discusses one of the studies I read:

"Four years ago, the nation''s most ambitious and longest-running child care study sparked a firestorm with its findings that 4½-year-olds who had spent more than 30 hours a week in child care were more demanding, more aggressive and more noncompliant than others, regardless of the type or quality of care, the family''s socioeconomic status or the sensitivity of the mother''s parenting."

More from the same article:
The report, "The Influence of Preschool Centers on Children''s Development Nationwide: How Much Is Too Much?" by sociologists at Stanford and the University of California found that on average, the earlier a child enters center-based care, the slower the pace of social development. The greatest effect was among high-income children. Youngsters who were from families with income of at least $66,000 and who spent more than 30 hours a week in center-based care had the weakest social skills - including diminished levels of cooperation, sharing and motivated engagement in classroom tasks, along with greater aggression - compared with similar children who remained at home with a parent.

 

[Burk]

Tough subject. I am a teacher and so I was home all summer with my daughter (7.5 months). She's now in an in-home daycare part time and she LOVES it. I mean, the girl practically crawls out of my arms to go "play" with the other kids when we get there so I can see where socialization is good to a point. I only teach part time so DD spends every second my DH or I aren't working with us and I wouldn't have it any other way. We do the best we can as parents and that's all we can do. To each their own. As long as my child is happy and well adjusted (what ever that may end up being) that's all that matters.

 

[redfaerythinker]

I was in a private day care from the ages 1 to 5. Before that I stayed with a woman down the street. My mother had to return to work when I was twelve weeks as well. I feel that I have turned out just fine and it didn''t scar me in the least. I found it much more traumatizing to see young children cry on the first day of school because they had never been separated from their parents. These were also the children that clung to older siblings and were unable to use their social skills in an unfamiliar situation.

As far as my views on child care. I go back and forth. If you want your child to go to elite schools, the child needs a basis that pretty much only pre school can provide. This is not true everywhere but I have found it to be the norm. I personally would prefer to stay home for at least the first year with my child, but I know that isn''t always possible. I know it wasn''t for my mother.

Everyone''s situation is different and no one solution works for everyone. However, I''m fairly certain that daycare will not irreversibly harm the "average" child. No matter the age.