How do you deal with unfriendly co-worker at the office?

[sasa]

anybody ever have to deal with unfriendly/bit*hy co-worker at the office?

 

[jorman]

Hot glue all of there desk necessities onto their desk (stapler, tape dispenser, pens, pencils, highlighter. keyboard, mouse. phone, paperclip holder,etc.)

No seriously, I am nicer to the unfriendly co-worker than I am to my co-worker friends. Hoping they will break down. 99% it works.

 

[FireGoddess]

Jorman, is that the kill 'em with kindness approach?! You have much more patience than I. I haven't had the displeasure of having a b*tchy/rude coworker around...but I know I've got a hair-trigger when it comes to those types! I usually limit contact if at all possible for fear of saying something snide in return, but completely deserved.

 

[strmrdr]

230gr of lead cranial injection 850fps.
100000 volts wired to the chair.
ex-lax in the coffee cup.
tell his old lady he is sleeping around with the hot chick down the road.

 

[Erin]

I''m a big advocate of ''kill''em with kindness''

yet I have some of her emails saved in a misc file just for evidence should the need arise

 

[sasa]

what if the "kill them with kindness" doesn''t work? And you have to work with them (thank god is not every day, only occasionally)

This is just my thought, people grown up in a wealthy family and continue to take $$ from the family until they are full grown (I''m talking about 30 years old) and only work for fun, not because they have to make a living are some what of a snob.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 8/29/2005 5:24:26 PM
Author: strmrdr
230gr of lead cranial injection 850fps.
100000 volts wired to the chair.
ex-lax in the coffee cup.
tell his old lady he is sleeping around with the hot chick down the road.

*note to self*...no NOT piss off strmrdr.

 

[ame]

I just make her my best friend. heh.

Im in a work pickle right now too...I should post about that.

 

[yellowfan]

At a office party or better yet holidays! Get yourself some of the new laxatives that look and taste exactly like chocolates and put it in a fancy godiva box and laugh!


Seriously, you can do stuff like that for months or you can go to HR. What specifically does the gal do to you?


BTW I love storms suggestions!!! My Dh would love to talk to you, he has a huge gun collection.

 

[Diamonds4Me]

Usually I stay clear of people like that and if I have to work directly with them I usually only limit the time around them to the time needed. When I''m working with them on a particular project I keep all conversation to a minimum..such as..only talking about the task at hand. After that it''s back to my own corner of the office. As far as living off of mom and dad''s funds maybe they threatened to cut the purse strings if they didn''t show a little reponsibility..like holding down a job..who knows..they may be crabby because of that....of course that''s just speculation.

 

[jorman]

I have found that if you continue to "kill them with kindness" and they are still unfriendly, rude, etc. they will eventually be unfriendly, rude, etc. in front of someone else and embarrass themselves. Spoiled princesses (and princes) who have never had to work are the WORST! My sympahties go out to you!

My advice is to keep up the kindness. You will be the bigger person and more respected for not sinking to her level.

 

[Lorelei]

In my experience kill them with kindness, remember who is the professional and never sink to their level. They will shoot themselves in the foot eventually and show their true colours

You have my sympathy - hang tough

 

[Mara]

how do you deal with people in other areas of your life? apply the same principles here as well IMO.

i usually just steer clear of people who i dislike in all areas of my life, life is too short to waste time/words/thoughts on some types of people.

in a work situation i would stay professional and steer clear whenever possible as long as it doesn''t affect my work.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 8/30/2005 11:35:27 AM
Author: jorman
I have found that if you continue to ''kill them with kindness'' and they are still unfriendly, rude, etc. they will eventually be unfriendly, rude, etc. in front of someone else and embarrass themselves. Spoiled princesses (and princes) who have never had to work are the WORST! My sympahties go out to you!

While I agree with most of what you said, I have to disagree with this sentence. How about having someone who is bitter at anyone that has more than her? My trouble with my co-worker stems from the fact that she is estranged from her ONLY sister because she felt that her parents favored her sister, she had to pay her way through school and pay for her own wedding etc. She''s a hateful hateful person that HATES MY GUTS because I have loving parents that supported me through college and grad school, I have a loving husband who gives me the world. Am I spoiled? Maybe in her opinion, but I am a very giving person that would do the same for everyone else. Do I have to work, probably not.....but it doesn''t mean I''m a brat.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I really feel for you Bobo, because there is a coworker like that in most people''s lives. I have to sit right next to mine. She''s in the next cubicle, and we probably say 2 things to each other each day.....hi and bye. I have to initiate it. I''ve tried the "kill her with kindness" thing, but she''s resistant. She can''t stand me and I can only assume that it''s because she’s so jealous of me that she can’t be friends. The reason why I know it’s jealousy is because she immediately started hating and treating one of our interns like a bitch because the intern was a hot blond with connections. I was talking about giving the intern something to do when my hateful co-worker pipes up: “She’s not an intern, she’s just a rich girl with a summer job”. This coworker degraded this intern so much, asking her if she knew how to file because “you have to do it alphabetically”. Although I’m not as hot or as “rich” as this intern, my coworker perceives me as having more than her……and hates me for it.

Anyways, sorry to hijack your thread. I don’t think you can make someone like you because their hatefulness stems from something deep within (like an unhappy childhood etc) and something about you just triggers their insecurities. Just surround yourself with people that appreciate you and like you. Let that person wallow in her own misery. I have a lot of friends at work that I go to lunch with etc. The co-worker that hates me has no one because she’ll automatically opts out when she knows I’m going….her loss, people invite ME first.

 

[jorman]

Hey Jaysonsmom- you are not spoiled. You are fortunate.

Please do not take my princesses (and princes) comment the wrong way. I went to private school my whole life, my parents bought my first car, I got an allowance growing up, the tooth fairy was extremely kind to me ($5 for molars- HI), and I have been very blessed in my adult life. I have an amazing boyfriend. I have a high metabolism, I have a great job. If you take all that into consideration- I''m probably seen as spoiled too and probably sound like a huge hypocrite. I am lucky though because my grandfather taught me how important working hard is. He worked until he was 78 years old. He''ll be 80 this year. I always had a part time job and a nanny position in high school and in college I worked 2 jobs while going to school full time.

The prinesses (or princes) that I was talking about are the ones that don''t appreciate what they have been given. A good friend of mine was literally given EVERYTHING. Private school education, Private university education, brand new BMW, shopping sprees at Neiman''s, trips to whereever, whenever, never worked a day in her life- still doesn''t. When she we were in college she would complain about how poor she was because her parents had only given her $1,000 for the month (for eating out, going to the movies- we were in small town Texas). She has a brand new tahoe and is ready for the next line. I love her, and she is one of my forever friends, I am happy for her fortunes, I just want to pop her in the head sometimes so she realizes how lucky she is.

That is what I meant. I didn''t mean to offend. My apologies.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 8/31/2005 1:09:15 PM
Author: jorman
Hey Jaysonsmom- you are not spoiled. You are fortunate.

Please do not take my princesses (and princes) comment the wrong way. I went to private school my whole life, my parents bought my first car, I got an allowance growing up, the tooth fairy was extremely kind to me ($5 for molars- HI), and I have been very blessed in my adult life. I have an amazing boyfriend. I have a high metabolism, I have a great job. If you take all that into consideration- I''m probably seen as spoiled too and probably sound like a huge hypocrite. I am lucky though because my grandfather taught me how important working hard is. He worked until he was 78 years old. He''ll be 80 this year. I always had a part time job and a nanny position in high school and in college I worked 2 jobs while going to school full time.

The prinesses (or princes) that I was talking about are the ones that don''t appreciate what they have been given. A good friend of mine was literally given EVERYTHING. Private school education, Private university education, brand new BMW, shopping sprees at Neiman''s, trips to whereever, whenever, never worked a day in her life- still doesn''t. When she we were in college she would complain about how poor she was because her parents had only given her $1,000 for the month (for eating out, going to the movies- we were in small town Texas). She has a brand new tahoe and is ready for the next line. I love her, and she is one of my forever friends, I am happy for her fortunes, I just want to pop her in the head sometimes so she realizes how lucky she is.

That is what I meant. I didn''t mean to offend. My apologies.

Apology excepted

. That remark just jumped out at me because of MY issues with MY coworker. I don''t want people to pre-judge me for my material things. Just because I was fortunate enough to have everything handed to me doesn''t immediately make me a hate-target

.

Last year this co-worker was telling everyone about the e-ring that her fiance was designing for her, how it was going to be a princess cut with channel set rounds. Someone at my office told her: "Oh, so it''ll look like Jaysonsmom''s"...she grabbed my hand and looked at my ring, and said: "My ring will be less showy, it''ll have a smaller centerstone with a wider band".....
then she stopped talking to me for months, and when she finally got engaged, she went around showing everyone her ring, and didn''t show me...oh well.

She also overheard me on the phone dealing with car dealerships about a trade-in etc, and asked if I was getting a new car. I said yes, and didn''t volunteer any more info. She asked: "what are you getting?" When I said that I was getting a Lexus RX330, she let out a loud "Hmmph!" and again stopped talking to me for about a month (even ignoring my hi and byes). After I got the car, other co-workers came to ask me about it, ask to see it etc, and she pretended that she didn''t even notice that I got a new car. The only time she acknowledged my car was when I received an e-mail from her with an attachment about faulty brake systems in the new RX models. I kept that e-mail.....for blackmail

We are the closest in age at my job (she''s 33, I''m 32) and she can''t be friends......I''ve never had anyone hate me with such intensity, so it bothered me for a while too. I could have posted this exact thread!

 

[sasa]

Hi jayonsmon, I''m sorry to hear about your problem with your co-worker. I think she''s is very childish...and yes I agree with you, she is jealouse of you and probably very competitive. She is only making her life miserable.

I know the feeling of having to working with someone that''s very close to you (distance wise) and not getting along with them. It sucks...especially when we are not the bit*hy kind. Usually if the "kill tem with kidness" doesn''t work, I''ll just ignore them. It saddens me, why can''t we all get along??

 

[sasa]

and the snob I''m talking about are people that are born rich, living off mom and dad. And they think because they are rich they are better than other people. They look down on people that are poor (anybody that''s not as rich as they are) and think they are superior.

My parents favor my sister, they pay for her school, car etc. I had to work my way thru school and pay for my own wedding. I think that only make me stronger...I have to admit sometime bitter. But that does not give me the right walking around giving people attitude problem just because they are fortunate and I have to work a little harder.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Hi Bobo,

Can you describe how she's bitchy/snobby/unfriendly? Is she condesending? Is she just rude, or does she blatantly ignore you etc. Maybe she just doesn't know how to approach you because you had different upbringing etc. She could also be jealous of you despite of her wealth...maybe you're prettier, smarter, more well-liked etc etc. There are player-haters everywhere, and for different reasons, maybe it's not a matter of her being thinking she's better because of her family money.

 

[sasa]

oh...it''s just not one person. There are many snob in this company I work for. maybe because this is a bigger company (80+ employee) my last job only have 24 employee.

My most recent incident is with a girl, I think she comes from a wealthy family and she is the youngest in the family. Bunch of us are planning a night out after work, we didn''t decide on a restaurant and she didn''t suggest one, she "said" we are going to this restaurant. I didn''t want to go to that one because it''s very expensive restaurant and I''m on budget. So I asked is there any other option, she said no...she want to eat at that restaurant. She think I''m the problem maker because I said it''s a bit expensive and asked if there any other options? It''s a situation that you have to be there to feel the tension in the air...the next day I really don''t want to go to work...I''m the kind of person that let it get to me really easily...I valued other people''s opinion I guess...and I''m working hard on trying not to let other people effect me that much.