How do you deal with snarky and not so nice people?

[missy]

For me it depends. Sometimes I ignore them. Other times I confront them and call them out on their bad behavior. And sometimes I give it right back to them. Totally depends on the circumstances and how well I know the person and how much I expect from the person. If I don't know you or if I don't expect much from you I won't go to much trouble dealing with you since it is not worth my time. But again it really depends on the specific circumstance and how egregious the behavior is.

I thought this was amusing so sharing it here.

http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/What-to-Say-to-Mean-People

1. To the Random, Infuriated Stranger: "Happy New Year!"

In our world of road rage and viral tirades, dealing with a jerk in public can be dangerous. So, proceed with caution—and where possible, kindness, too. Consider the technique used by a real-life relative of mine, when the man behind her in the drive-through-banking line felt that she was making her deposit too slowly. He laid on his horn, then proceeded to get out of his car, walk over and lean in toward her window, demanding to know, at a high volume, what in the bleep was taking her so long. Stunned, she answered, "Merry Christmas!" It was eight weeks past Christmas. The out-of-nowhere response confused him, shutting him up—and, as an added bonus, made her feel great, the way saying "Merry Christmas!" can. No fighting, no yelling, no stooping to his level. When he opened his mouth again, she added, "Happy New Year!", then calmly completed her transaction while he, rudeness-neutralized, stormed back to his vehicle.

2. To Your Bitter Co-Worker: "Let's do this over email."

You don't go to bed before an anger-dissolving heart-to-heart with your spouse (if you want to continue to live with this person). You explain to your best friend how she hurt your feelings and hug it out. But with crabby Carol from accounting, who always manages to sneak a snippy aside into every three-minute rendezvous at the Keurig, a little bit of avoidance is not going to damage your nonexistent relationship. The next time she attacks, simply say, "Oh dear, I've got to go. Let's continue this on email."

People tend to stick to the point on email—they want to do something for you or they want you to do something for them. Commentary on your new (very reasonably priced!) car or (slightly outdated!) hairstyle rarely comes up—and if it does, you can always click and drop the email directly in the trash.

3. To the Bad First Date: "This isn't just about the soggy French fries, is it?"

Fifteen minutes in and you've already heard about how much he hates the food, his fantasy football league, his ex-wife and the uncomfortable chairs in doctors' waiting rooms. When he yells at the waitress about the soggy fries, you may just want to dump your ketchup on his lap. Instead, remember how Martha Beck puts it, "Why are people mean? Here's the short answer: They're hurt. Here's the long answer: They're really hurt," and ask him for a little backstory. The really good news here: His tale of past pain and woe doesn't have to merge with your future. Express your sympathies. Don't order a second drink. And check your dating app when he gets up to complain about the food.

4. To the Loudmouth, Extended-Family Member: "I'm sensitive."

I'm not here to engage in a public conversation about the artistic merits of Jewel, the late-90s chanteuse, but I do want to remind you of her sweeter-than-sweet song with the refrain, "Please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way."

Because this is not the year that Uncle Kevin is going to miraculously transform into a person who refrains from making withering asides about everyone's eating habits/child-rearing skills/voting record/city of choice/favorite sports team/preferred barbecue-sauce brand. Luckily, his lack of a filter is not your responsibility to fix, particularly since you only see him once a year. But you are allowed to express yourself, perhaps by saying, "You know what, Kev? I'm really sensitive to comments like that." He'll probably be so surprised that it will at least buy you a few minutes of quiet. Just fight the urge to apologize. You're not sorry, you're sensitive.

5. To the Lady at the DMV: "I would like to apologize on behalf of the human race."

You're miserable from the Kafka-esque hours spent waiting in line to renew your license, and the flickering fluorescent bulb has installed a permanent twitch in your left eyeball. Imagine how it feels to be there: All. The. Time. You get to leave (eventually). She doesn't. Acknowledge that, with a kind, "People must be so rude to you here. I am so sorry. In fact, I'd like to apologize for people everywhere." Extra points if you can say it without bitterness, even after she's handed you 12 more forms to fill out. It might not make her any nicer, but even just attempting empathy is scientifically proven to improve the moods of everyone involved.

6. To a Romantic Partner: "Let's listen to this song."

He's not a mean person, but let's say a few mean things have come out of his mouth, inspired by too much honesty, exhaustion or a case of being-so-familiar-with-you-he-thinks-he-can-be-rude. Everyone understands how this happens. You probably do it, too. But enough of these comments can add up to your feeling hurt—and resentful. The next time your partner says something unkind, take a break and let Barbara Lynn do the talking for you, via the song lyric, "If you should lose me, oh yeah, you'll lose a good thing..." (And if things have gotten really hostile, you might want follow it up with, "I actually do want this relationship to last, so let's consider some couples therapy...")

7. To the Online Troll: Nothing at all.

Blocked.

How do you deal with people who behave rudely?

 

[Scandinavian]

LOL such good quotes / stories! I sometimes just say "and apart from that you are doing ok?" I hate rude people. I was just out to buy a coffee (new coffee machine at work that has cocoa and milk powder in the dispenser - contains traces of gluten so nice opportunity to get a real coffee ) and a man was yelling - like really yelling with the hand movements and everything - at a woman in the street. I was almost sorry that the sun is up so I didn't have an umbrella to hit him with... (They looked like they might be living on the street so perhaps not a good idea to start hitting him.. but all the same! Very temping!)

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Depending on the situation I either ignore or use humor on them. I almost always have one of my kids with me so I have to be a good example. Funny story though, years ago I belonged to a gym and I would get a protein shake from the same girl everyday. Well the schedule changed and there was a guy behind the counter, young, decent looking but he had a horrible attitude. So after he had waited on some people and they left I said to him "so are you always this much of an a$$hole or are you just having a bad day"? He looked at me in complete disbelief and after that he started to lighten up and we became really good friends. So it makes me wonder if people sometimes don't realize how badly they come off so I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Years ago there was a woman who said something sarcastic and nasty to my four year old son who carried a cup into a store, it wasn't her store but she didn't think he should have a cup. Mind you I brought it in to throw away and the owner wouldn't let me throw it in her trash. That had a very different outcome. Fine if you want to be a certain way to me but my kids are off limits.

 

[jordyonbass]

I use any of the 3 listed options depending on the person, the situation and how cranky I might be at that particular moment.

 

[kenny]

People just, are how they are.
I don't let that knock me off me bicycle.
I just keep going.

Well, that's my goal.

I try to put it in that people vary/respect diversity category.
People often are just not how I think they should be.

I can't control them, only myself.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Actually, I don't know what I do because I am usually so dumbfounded when it happens. Often I just look at them, kinda shake my head, looking confused and say, "pardon. I not following you"?? Or I just walk away.

However, I do recall what I did last year when I encountered a horribly rude salesperson. This stuck with me because I could not believe what I was hearing. I did the latter.

In short, my husband and I were car shopping. My son had been in an accident that wrote off the car; and he was very traumatized and was unable to drive after due to PTSS. (car saved his life). So we were shopping in his stead.

DH and I went to a dealership. When we were sitting down negotiating price with an employee, upon hearing our story, he states ""What......are you vying for the parents of the year award?"

I was completely shocked by such a rude and inappropriate remark, which otherwise meant, helping my family was officious.

It took me a few seconds to process what he though was funny, but I looked at my DH (I recognize his "stunned" look) and I got up and stated "our business here is concluded". Walked out. Bought a different brand of car from another dealer.

I still shake my head when I think about it.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Kaleigh]

Most often I ignore or use humor to diffuse the situation. I can't do passive aggressive. Life is too darn short!!

 

[Kaleigh]

Most often I ignore or use humor to diffuse the situation. I can't do passive aggressive. Life is too darn short!!

 

[december-fire]

Fortunately, I find most people are pleasant.

My reaction to rude behaviour varies upon the circumstance and individual.

With strangers, its usually best to ignore the rude behaviour and write it off as being a reaction to stress. They may be overworked, tired, worried about a loved one's health. Maybe the behaviour reflects their true personality but, if its a stranger, I probably won't encounter them again.

If interaction is required or appropriate, sometimes the situation can be defused.

However, although I may think someone's behaviour is rude, they usually think they are justified in saying or doing whatever it is and aren't interested or able to see any other point of view. So what's the point of addressing it with them.

Like Canuk-gal, I'll take my business elsewhere if I encounter rude behaviour.

If rude behaviour is directed at someone I love, I'll react.

I'll also speak up if I think someone is being bullied or subjected to other inappropriate behaviour.

From the other perspective, I would hope someone would tell me if they feel I've been rude. I believe we've probably all been rude at some point without being aware of it and without that being our intention. But we're cursed with being human and all that entails!

 

[packrat]

Tired of snark. JD insists I need to start standing up for myself. Most of the time anymore I'm so flabbergasted that someone would be such an asshat on purpose, I find that I'm at a loss at the time on what to do/say. It was much easier when I was younger and I worked in a packing house laundry. If someone was an ass to me, I gave it back ten-fold, and then there wasn't an issue. I don't like not calling people on it b/c that seems to give them license to act that way. But, yanno..."nice" seems to be over rated anymore..so I feel like I need to get on board the bitchy ******* train.

 

[Dancing Fire]

You mean people like Kenny?... I fight fire with fire!...

 

[Laila619]

If I'm caught off guard in the moment, I sometimes don't know what to do/say.

But most of the time it's either call them on their B.S. if they've been doing this sort of stuff for a while or it's particularly nasty, or give them a look and just ignore.

 

[kenny]

You mean people like Kenny?... I fight fire with fire!...

 

[NOYFB]

Depends on the situation. I've been known to give people "the look" if they're doing something like kicking my seat or invading my personal space in line at the grocery store, etc. I also tend to say things not so under my breath, which, if DH is with me, he will sternly tell me to "Stop" to keep myself from getting into a confrontation. He's probably saved me from getting my ass kicked more times than I can count. I have a hard time keeping my frustration to myself and will admit to being very passive-aggressive via email, especially with some particularly annoying prior condo board members. There are times when I just walk away...like today. A patient's family member/visitor (not sure, since he didn't identify himself) was being very aggressive/hostile toward me because I wouldn't break hospital protocol for him, and I simply told him "I'm walking away now". Of course, he yelled "Come back when you can be more helpful!".

 

[jordyonbass]

You mean people like Kenny?... I fight fire with fire!...

I've never had an issue with him!

 

[kenny]

You mean people like Kenny?... I fight fire with fire!...

I've never had an issue with him!

Jordy, you're the only person here to whom I'm nice.

 

[arkieb1]

I usually offer a wickedly sarcastic comment right back again, but lately I have been attempting to demonstrate restrain by ignoring the situation and moving on.

 

[chrono]

I use any of the 3 listed options depending on the person, the situation and how cranky I might be at that particular moment.

Yup, if I will never meet the person again, I just let it go. If it is someone close to me, then I'm not letting it go.

 

[lyra]

I'm hard pressed to think of the last snarky remark I got in person. I'm pretty sure my response would start with, "Excuse me?". There are many ways to say that phrase, with different intents.

 

[dk168]

I cannot pretend to like or care about a person when I don't.

I normally ignore and walk away, and place them mentally in my Siberian ice bucket.

The "don't mess with me" vibes I give out are usually sufficient for them to take notice.

If they don't, they soon will, as I am not known for my diplomacy or for biting my tongue for long.

DK

 

[kmarla]

Thankfully it doesn't happen often, but when it does I usually just walk away. Then I spend the next couple of days going over it and thinking of things I wish I'd said if only I'd been quicker to react