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How do you deal with a know-it-all?

Nashville

Nashville

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 10, 2010
Messages
837
My friend's boyfriend is an extremely argumentative person. Even if he doesn't really have a point to make or anything substantial to say, he will argue with you just to be contrary.

If I say I like McDonald's french fries he will launch into a debate session about the virtues of buying local and how McDonald's is an evil corporation that suckers idiots (like me, I guess) into eating there.

If I say I enjoy Facebook, he will tell me that only people (I guess, again, like me) with huge egos and a God complex use Facebook because they think everyone in the world cares what they have to say (or the 60 family and friends who can see my private page...)

I could say the sky is blue and I can just anticipate him jumping in with some sort of argument about why it's not.

I've walked away from him, I try not to engage but he's really just annoying. So how do you deal with know-it-alls? Or is it just a lost cause?
 
I just try to ignore. My pet peeve is people who can't say "I don't know". If you ask them a question, they'll go on and on trying to answer it, even if they're wrong, instead of just saying "I have no idea" and then eventually get ticked off about it because they realize they're wrong. This is most annoying at work!

The argumentative people are also a pain, because I always bite. I'm a sucker for that and will almost always get drawn into an argument before I realize what's happening. I just try to deflect and turn the conversation in a new direction if I realize what's going on.
 
I had a friend like that, and when she launched into a rant, I just tried to not engage myself in her conversation. That tendency of hers got old very quickly with me.

Actually, my husband's family all go on a bender of their own when something important is reported in the news. In their book, our government is always lying to the people, there's really a conspiracy at work, and we're all a bunch of fools for even believing 1/10th of what's reported in the news. That got old really quickly for me too, especially when my husband's brother claimed to "know a guy who knew a guy" who knew for a fact that our government knew about 9/11 in advance and our government let it happen anyway. I could give you more examples, but it's all just boring stupidity spread as truth by exceedingly ignorant people who will believe literally anything that's juicy gossip. I just roll my eyes and completely tune them out.
 
The way I deal with them is to accept them and to remember that this is the way that they try to communicate. I know they will be annoying before any encounter and I usually do my best not to say anything when they are there. When they make stupid/rude comments I remind my self that responding in anyway will only encourage the behavior and I resist the urge to respond.... it is very HARD.

Your friend sooner or later will likely tire of this behavior and will dump his insecure bum and he can get out of your life. until then accept that this is how he chooses to communicate, as annoying and rude as it is, and try to resist the urge to get into any sort of snippy arguments, because that is what they want to do!
 
Avoidance is the best tactic, if you can. Not engaging is the next. This person is extremely insecure for some reason. I knew a guy like that back in highschool/college. I mentioned this trait of his to his sister, who laughed and said that he even did it to HER. He eventually grew out of it with time, but yes, it was VERY annoying. And it's funny that you use the sky thing. I too used to say that if I said the sky was blue, he'd say it was green, just to be contrary. ;))
 
Nashville said:
My friend's boyfriend is an extremely argumentative person. Even if he doesn't really have a point to make or anything substantial to say, he will argue with you just to be contrary.

If I say I like McDonald's french fries he will launch into a debate session about the virtues of buying local and how McDonald's is an evil corporation that suckers idiots (like me, I guess) into eating there.

If I say I enjoy Facebook, he will tell me that only people (I guess, again, like me) with huge egos and a God complex use Facebook because they think everyone in the world cares what they have to say (or the 60 family and friends who can see my private page...)

I could say the sky is blue and I can just anticipate him jumping in with some sort of argument about why it's not.

I've walked away from him, I try not to engage but he's really just annoying. So how do you deal with know-it-alls? Or is it just a lost cause?
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It is a lost cause, sorry. Now if your friend's BF is an expert in his field then it may not be wise to contradict him. But if he is just a know-it-all then you might have to give up talking to him!

This is what I have done. Once I have worked out that it is in fact know-it-all-itis and not just poor social skills (though you could venture they are the same) just say; I know you are knowledgeable in a number of areas but sometimes it is nice just to discuss an issue, you don't have to always have the final say. It has worked the 2 times I used it and we did not fall out.


BTW: From my tiny understanding, the sky is not always blue it depends on the angle of light as it hits the earth and the atmospheric conditions.....HA. Go on feel free to kick me. :devil:
 
I think he's really insecure too. I honestly don't get it. My friend is a really wonderful person with many friends and a great career, but she attaches herself to these sub-par guys with no personality and bad attitudes. This is not the first time she's been with a guy like this. I think she's looking for someone who's intellectually stimulating, but I wish she could see that there are plenty of genuinely intelligent guys out there who don't have an overly inflated sense of their own intellect.

Not to mention, he's always telling her he won't settle for less than a "perfect" woman, when A) there's no such thing and B) he's no prize himself.

I don't mind confident people, but they have to have the goods to back it up, and he doesn't. I grew up in Boston and half my friends have degrees from Harvard and MIT and they manage to not behave this way.
 
For comments from people like that about where I choose to eat, shop or how I spend my money, I always say either "You pays your money and you takes your choice" or "To each his own". Those 2 comebacks can deflect anything.
For other comments from a know-it-all: If I agree with the person, I'll say so. If not, I'll say something like "That's an interesting perspective".
:devil: I enjoy turning the tables on them when they start talking about subjects I know more about than they do. I don't hesitate to make fools of them in front of other people.
 
This guy sounds less like a know-it-all and more like an a******. I would just stop being around him, and would probably put the efforts into getting your friend to realize this defining trait of his personality.
 
katamari said:
This guy sounds less like a know-it-all and more like an a******. I would just stop being around him, and would probably put the efforts into getting your friend to realize this defining trait of his personality.
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I think all I can do is just choose not to engage. She may see redeeming qualities in him that I don't, but I can choose not to be around him.
 
Stay in your hula hoop ;) Who your friend chooses to date is HER choice. Why are you letting this guy get to you? You are letting him win by letting him have squatter's rights in your brain.
 
Madam Bijoux said:
For comments from people like that about where I choose to eat, shop or how I spend my money, I always say either "You pays your money and you takes your choice" or "To each his own". Those 2 comebacks can deflect anything.
For other comments from a know-it-all: If I agree with the person, I'll say so. If not, I'll say something like "That's an interesting perspective".
:devil: I enjoy turning the tables on them when they start talking about subjects I know more about than they do. I don't hesitate to make fools of them in front of other people.
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I've been known to do that on the odd occasion myself. When I have judged a person to be a "suppository" of all knowledge, they're fair game. ;-)

Another one, if you ARE going to semi-engage, is just shrug and say, "Whatever you need to think to make yourself feel better." and then DISengage. Drives 'em nuts.
 
Tacori E-ring said:
Stay in your hula hoop ;) Who your friend chooses to date is HER choice. Why are you letting this guy get to you? You are letting him win by letting him have squatter's rights in your brain.
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I never said it wasn't her choice to date him. I'm aware of that. It's really not their relationship that concerns me, because like I said he may have redeeming qualities for her that I'm not privy to. But yes, I'm human, and yes, it does get aggravating to not enjoy my dinner/movie/time in general with my friend because this guy is arguing about every inane thing that gets mentioned. It's tiresome. So I was looking for advice on how to deal with it tactfully but firmly. I've been given some great advice so far!
 
Nashville said:
Tacori E-ring said:
Stay in your hula hoop ;) Who your friend chooses to date is HER choice. Why are you letting this guy get to you? You are letting him win by letting him have squatter's rights in your brain.
Click to expand...

I never said it wasn't her choice to date him. I'm aware of that. It's really not their relationship that concerns me, because like I said he may have redeeming qualities for her that I'm not privy to. But yes, I'm human, and yes, it does get aggravating to not enjoy my dinner/movie/time in general with my friend because this guy is arguing about every inane thing that gets mentioned. It's tiresome. So I was looking for advice on how to deal with it tactfully but firmly. I've been given some great advice so far!
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Why do you HAVE to spend time with him? Can't you do a girls night so you can still hang out with your friend without getting frustrated by her boyfriend?
 
Sure, I could just refuse to be around him. But to do so would also exclude me from a lot of fun events with mutual friends whose company I actually enjoy. I don't think I should have to limit my social life because he's a jack@$$. I think a polite smile and an "If you say so!" is probably the best course of action.

Easier said than done though, right?
 
Wow, this guy sounds just like my friend's GF, except she'd really dumb on top of being a know it all. :roll:

I try to just be cordial and only talk to her when I have to, and don't get into any "deep" conversations. She admittedly loves to "pick" at people and I find it quite rude and annoying. It's sad, but we don't hang out with our friend as much anymore because of her.
 
I just remembered this: Years ago, a know-it-all and I were discussing the author Ray Bradbury. I said that I really loved his book Dandelion Wine. The know-it-all said "You're mistaken - he never wrote a book called Dandelion Wine." I showed him the book the next day. Needless to say, I didn't let him borrow it.
 
omg, gemgirl! i have those EXACT SAME parent-in-laws! no joke! they're total conspiracy theorists and so ridiculous! they actually think the gov't is controlling the weather through something called chemtrails! they're so nuts.

i do the exact same thing. i tune them completely out or make an excuse (gotta go to the bathroom) to get away from it all. if i even attempted to engage it would end up with me calling them all morons & idiots!

i thought i was alone in this strange little conspiracy otherworld.

one last thought on argumentative/know-it-alls is that THEY WANT YOU TO ENGAGE! if you don't take the bait they get deflated and it's disappointing for them. i love to disappoint these peeps by simply giving them no play! my former bro-in-law was exactly that guy - know-it-all/argumentarian - after a couple rounds when i first met him i made that conscious decision to avoid/ignore any/all conversation with him. i really disliked him. glad he's outta the family now! :D
 
I wouldn't waste my time on them. No matter what you do, they're going to argue. The best bet is to not add any fuel to the fire. Without wood, the fire goes out......

I'd not engage him in any further conversation when he starts being a KIA. If he wants to argue and disagree with you, fine; but if you don't respond, he'll have nothing left to go on and all his hot air will deflate.

I had a friend married to someone similar. Please notice the use of the word "had". I couldn't take it any more. I eventually moved from the area and didn't try to keep the friendship up long distance. He came along with her and I just couldn't do it anymore.
 
it's a lost cause. unfortunately, you can't change people. you just have to deal with it in the best way you can.
 
Avoidance, definitely.
 
So the TEMPTATION would be to start rattling off facts and totally prove him wrong. And if I felt good enough about a topic (as far as my own knowledge went) I totally would.

But, the best way is probably to just avoid, or be nonchalant. Like, if he says "No you're wrong because of X, Y, Z," just respond with, "Oh well to each his own" and let it drop. It would probably really annoy him to be dismissed.
 
I know a couple know-it-alls. This is what I like to do:

Sit and listen to them very calmly as they go on and on, straight-faced, and when they finish I maintain eye contact and say, without even a trace of a smile, "fascinating." Nothing sarcastic or persnipitty. Then, if they had interrupted something I was trying to say, I continue by turning to the rest of the group and say "As I was saying . . . " If they hadn't interrupted me, I either wait for someone else to change the topic, or do so myself.
 
Unfortunately, using only avoidance might interfere with the amount of time you get to spend with your friend. Only you can decide if your friend is worth the extra effort.

"Ok Dave, I know you have some pretty strong opinions on things and I love it that you're not wishy washy, but try to let me have an opinion here. I like Mc Donald fries, they could possibly be the worst thing on earth, but I LIKE them. " As he starts to interupt," Are you saying I can't have my opinion?... "

He might need a little talking to offsides when your friend isn't around. Be sure to give him some kudos for something as much as you ask him to back down a little. You could tell him he comes off with such authority, that others don't want to discuss things because he makes them feel like their opinion doesn't count.
 
What I tend to do is find some catchphrase that fits their particular idiosyncrasy and I repeat it in exactly the same way every time it is appropriate. I don't mind offending offensive people. Sarcastically pointing out just how right they always are or something.

That would be the passive aggressive way lol

You could also just say what you think to his face :) He's not hesitating to tell you what he thinks.
 
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