How do you cope

[Jessie702]

How do you cope with being a LIW some days. Do you ever feel like you SO is never going to propose even though he talka bout getting married and your married life? Maybe im just feeling bad because im not feeling well, but i guess a midnight trip to the ER, and a long period can do that to a LIW

 

[pluck15]

Oh no! ER?? Are you ok???

I find it hard to cope too. I get the feeling of "it''s never gonna happen to me" I feel like at this point he could tell me the day and time, and talk about it all the time, and it still wouldn''t make me believe it. So hopefully some other ladies on here have some good advice.

 

[Jessie702]

yea, im okay, my heart was just racing and i couldnt breath. I have to go to my regular doc tommorow. But im okay, still slow, cant breath 100% and my head is still swimming. But im a lot better than the other night. Thanks

I guess i shouldnt worry since he did take me, and stayed there for hours with me, but still i guess a LIW cant help themselves

 

[Dreamgirl]

Awww Jessie! I hope you get to feeling better. My goodness.

As far as your question goes: Yes, I have those days where I think this is never going to happen EVER. But we talk about it and we talk aobut our future. I just have to remind myself that this just isn''t our time yet. My question is....why as women do we worry about this so much? These guys have ideas in their little heads probably of when it''s going to happen and *no big deal* they go about their daily lives. And then there''s us. When will it happen? Why hasn''t it happened? It''s never gonna happen!!!!

Sometimes I wish the madness in my head would just stop because quite frankly, I have no control over how life really plays out. We can really only do oh-so much and the rest happens all on it''s own.

 

[suchende]

oh man. i hear you. for me it''s like, even though things are going well, there''s this looming feeling that one fight could ruin everything.

 

[crossmyfingers]

I know what you mean, Jessie. Even when things are going great, I still think that I wish we would get married soon - and we aren''t even engaged yet. I try to concentrate on how great things are with us, and I try to tell myself that he''s not going away or anything like that, that we have the rest of our lives... I just wish that part would hurry up.

Good luck trying to stay positive. Hope you feel better soon, too. <3

 

[Squirrly]

oh i''m supposed to be coping? whoops... does this mean i have to start now? all the pity backrubs to help me get out of this seemingly unfounded grumpy mood i tend to get in are rather nice

i cope by getting my friends to whack sense into me and then possibly take them up on their voodoo doll offers in a little while

hugs jessie! and no more with the heart racing thing. you just might have to limit how much you see your FF if he''s having such an effect on you

and yes i know what you mean. M commented last week about how his friend is "getting married two weeks before we are" which should make me infinitely happy. and does, but it''s also slightly frustrating since i would maybe kinda like to be asked before then... just a little bit.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Ah no! Feel better soon! ((HUGS))

I cope by focussing on "my" life as opposed to "our" life.
I try to build on my life separately, by setting new goals for myself, keeping busy with friends and activities, and just generally trying to think positively.

 

[Jessie702]

Well im glad to see im not the only one having a hard time and thank you ladies for get well wishes, i hope i feel better soon too....bf keeps eyeing me closely. I have a doc appointment in a few hours.

So i guess we just all have to learn how to forget a proposal is coming, or for lack of better Cope. So i guess the question now is, how to foget

 

[TooPatient]

Have you seen your doctor yet? I have something like that happen sometimes too. Mine is just anxiety. Swimming head. Feels hard to breathe. Kind of like something is sitting on my chest. Heart going fast. One time I even poofed up so they couldn''t find a pulse.
No way to stop it. Doesn''t matter if he''s around or not. It can be caused by those deep down thoughts that you may not even know about. Best thing to do when it starts is lay down (or stand up -- whatever is good for you) and try to relax. Try not to think about how hard it is to breathe. Sometimes I''ll lay down and drape his arm across my stomach (NEVER chest -- makes me think about the heavy weight and not being able to breathe) and think how lucky I am to have him around.

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better.


As for coping:
coping?

I''m terrified that we''ll have a fight and he''ll call it quits. Or that we''ll disagree on something and it''ll take longer for him to be ready. Or that someone "better" will come along and he''ll toss me aside. Or someone "better" will come along and I''ll move on. Or there will be a car accident and one of us will be killed. Or....

I just try to keep busy. If I''m reading and researching and studying and working there isn''t as much time to focus on this. (of course I''m supposed to be working now....)

 

[LilyKat]

Oh no! I hope you''re feeling better now. Take it easy for the next few days and pamper yourself.

As far as coping goes, focusing on the good aspects of your current relationship (how much you like his company, doing things together with him - just enjoying the present as much as you can), and remembering that every day you spend together is building your relationship and your lives together, is the best advice I can give. You aren''t waiting for engagement/marriage for your relationship to begin - it''s happening right now! Enjoy it.

 

[Jessie702]

K, ladies just an update....went to the Doc yesturday and i am having heart palpattions(sp?) but they are due to severe anxiety attacks. I have to go back and see him in a month, and he is doing a full blood testing. But for the moment he has me on xanax every 6 hours as needed for my axiety attacks. Im 22 and on meds for anxiety thats sooo not cool.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 9/4/2009 1:20:50 PM
Author: Jessie702
K, ladies just an update....went to the Doc yesturday and i am having heart palpattions(sp?) but they are due to severe anxiety attacks. I have to go back and see him in a month, and he is doing a full blood testing. But for the moment he has me on xanax every 6 hours as needed for my axiety attacks. Im 22 and on meds for anxiety thats sooo not cool.

Oh Jessie. There is nothing to be ashamed of about needing medications for anxiety, regardless of what age you are. There are times in life that we need help with getting through a health problem, physical or not, and then you''ve just got to do what you need to to stay healthy and safe.

Don''t be too hard on yourself. Hugs to you.

 

[oceanwaves]

I know exactly how you feel. I''ve been with my bf for almost 6.5 years...and I''m now 28. I gotta admit, my heart drops a little each time I hear of someone I know... getting engaged or married. We talk about marriage, future kids, and everything...but the wait is driving me nuts.

I just keep dropping hints...that I HOPE to be married by 30 (I want a 1 year engagement). Hang in there - I guess it''s all we can do for now.

 

[TooPatient]

Nothing to be ashamed of. It is a lot more common than you''d think. (And I was on them for several years starting at age 15.)

You should be able to cut back on the doses after awhile. It is a lot better once you know what is going on. I still have anxiety problems but am able to control them without medication now. Just knowing what is going on helps me stay calmer when it does happen. And being calmer helps it keep from getting as bad and it is over sooner. (One of the first times happened when I was driving and they had to call the paramedics because they were afraid I was having a heart attack or something).


Just try to remind yourself when it happens that you really can breathe. It may feel like you can''t but your body is still okay. The more relaxed and calm you can get yourself the better. Sometimes it helps to lay down (or walk around or clean -- whatever helps you relax).