How do you announce your engagement. Etiquette?

[Scintillating]

Hey everybody - forever the planner - I've got an ettiquette question.

My proposal is going to be this weekend, I'm 1000% sure.
I'd like to keep the weekend for us to enjoy in quiet bliss.
I don't plan on calling my family or his the moment after he proposes, or 100 other people.
I'm not worried about telling our immediate families about our engagement, it's not really a surprise to them. We've been together for 7 years.
We'll probably tell our parents, and immediate families together when the weekend is over.

My question is how do we tell/announce it to our extended family and friends?
Cousins, Aunts & uncles, Friends, etc?
I don't want people getting offended that they didn't hear immediately/first, or we didn't call them up immediately?
(Note* his is a BIG italian Irish family, complex political environment.)
We're planning on having an engagement party fairly immediately to allow our families to celebrate. Should I wait and just announce it via invitation? That might take awhile and people will definitely hear about it before that happens.

How do we be democratic and diplomatic?
Do we have to call everyone up individually so they don't feel slighted?
How do I handle this politely?
What do I do and what shouldn't I do? And what's my responsibility?

Thank you!

Scintillating...

 

[curlygirl]

Although I knew a proposal was forthcoming as I was instrumental in the whole ring process and my father told me that my now FI had asked for his blessing, I was overjoyed when I actually got engaged! My first call was to my parents, then my sister, then my 5 closest girlfriends. He called his mother and his 3 best friends. That was it. The word spread to our families through our parents. I never sent out a formal announcement nor did we have a big engagement party. It was pretty much all "word of mouth". The next day, I told a few people at work and a few more friends and the rest sort of happened on its own. Once you tell a few people, they can''t help themselves and pass it along!!

I see that your situation is different since you are dealing with big families who may be insulted if they don''t hear it directly from you. I hate to suggest that you call each of them up but if you really think they''ll feel slighted if they get the news elsewhere, you may have to. But after saying that, you could also possibly delegate that responsibility to your parents. I felt that it made my life much easier for my parents to pass the word along to the rest of the family and then I got phone calls, emails and cards from them without actually having to do the work myself! I know, I''m not much help! I just don''t think you should get too stressed out about it. You''re going to be engaged--enjoy it!!!

 

[sunkist]

If you have a big family that is close and all talk to each other, then I''m sure once you tell your parents and siblings the next thing you know EVERYONE in the whole family will know and you won''t even have a chance to personal tell everyone. I also have a big family and that''s how it seems to work. The person with the exciting news gets beat in spreading the news cause everyone else is sooo excited for them

 

[Layne]

There will always be people who are offended that you didn''t tell them or didn''t tell them first. Call your immediates and grandparents. They will do most of the spreading. If you see or talk to someone often tell them the next time you see them. If you are sending late holiday cards you could include the news. A quick email would also be great for aunts, uncles, cousins. Whenever you talk to someone ask them to pass along the news to anyone they see fit.

I hope this doesn''t get you down, and I don''t want to be pessimistic, but I followed etiquette to a T in most of my wedding plans and people were still upset about things. One person may think Emily Post and Martha Stewart and heads of the universe and all that should be right but other people don''t know a thing about "how things should be done" and will be offended by basic etiquette. Whatever, you do the best you can.

 

[MelissaSue]

I told my parents the next morning, and called my sister and best friend the next afternoon. And gradually more of my friends but mostly via IM or email.. .. Everyone else just got to find out through family/friends.. never would I call my cousins/aunts/uncles.. I was questionable with my grandparents. I actually didn''t end up telling them.. but assumed they heard from my parents.. but they didn''t.. They probably didn''t find out for a week or so.

 

[Scintillating]

Thanks pscopers. I''m feeling a lot less stressed about this.

I think I''ll just let him tell his Aunts/Uncles. (They''re a VERY close family, two of the aunts have no children of their own, so he''s essentially like their a child.)

Scintillating...

 

[ame]

Besides my folks, his folks and my friends that already knew...I still called them...I called my grandma''s and his grandma and left it at that. Everyone else found out through the chain.