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How do I tell my mom I want a different dress?

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larussel03

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Ok, all of you know my story, but for those who do not, my mom bought my wedding dress in August--the Maggie Sottero Olympia. The dress is really lovley, but what I wanted was something more along the lines of the capri royale or the capri marie. Basically dropped waist, corset back, and BUNCHES! She sort of pursuaded me out of looking at those, saying that the Olympia would not look dated etc. Which is true. But....I want the pick ups....

The thing is I feel awful b/c I know it's a nice dress and she dropped $750 on it. If I were to buy the Capri Marie or Royale it'd likely be the same or more (of course I'd pay, I wouldn't dream of asking her to buy me 2 dresses!)

How do I tell her this though, if I decide to go through with it, without making her super mad? She's not really the type to get mad over these kinds of things, but there's $750 involved...so it's a bit different than the normal "I changed my mind".

I have an appointment to try on the capri royale tomorrow at lunchtime at a store near my work. I know the best thing is to not try anything on, but I've never been super thrilled with my dress that I have now, I just sort of let her run the show. Which is my fault, totally, but I'm just not excited about wearing my dress. She just really wanted to be there when I tried on dresses, and I moved to MI from MA a few days after we went dress shopping. And I have become sort of apathetic about the dress, but I'm thinking maybe it SHOULD be something that I am really excited about?



Advice? Tips? Experiences?

Thanks!
 

FacetFire

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Joined
Jun 26, 2006
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1,879
What size do you need?

http://www.sellyourweddingdress.com/index.php?a=2&b=375

http://www.sellyourweddingdress.com/index.php?a=2&b=195

http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/listing/1692.htm

http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/listing/1623.htm

I had to go through a similar thing with my mom, only she decided she didn't like the dress anyway after a while. And I told her that I could probably sell it online, so that helped. Definitely see if you can find the dress on one of these kind of sites to save yourself money. If you want pick-ups, I say wear pick-ups! I really think everything looks dated eventually, so who cares? It's about how you FEEL on YOUR wedding day!
 

larussel03

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Oct 22, 2005
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1,747
Date: 1/24/2007 7:03:58 PM
Author: FacetFire
What size do you need?

http://www.sellyourweddingdress.com/index.php?a=2&b=375

http://www.sellyourweddingdress.com/index.php?a=2&b=195

http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/listing/1692.htm

http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/listing/1623.htm

I had to go through a similar thing with my mom, only she decided she didn't like the dress anyway after a while. And I told her that I could probably seel it online, so that helped. Definitely see if you can find the dress on one of these kind of sites to save yourself money. If you want pick-ups, I say wear pick-ups! I really think everything looks dated eventually, so who cares? It's about how you FEEL on YOUR wedding day!
THANK YOU so much for these! I really appreciate the links! My previous maggie is a 6 (measurements 32 - 27 -36) and I'm 5'7"
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
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1,084
I''m in the same, but reverse, proverbial boat. I wanted pick ups but now I want the straight a-line skirt lol. I will probably be putting the deposit down tomorrow on the new maggie ;-) And it makes me feel SO excited. I tried to drum up the same excitement for my pick up dress but it''s not the same. So, I''m gonna bring my pick up dress to a store that also has my new maggie tomrororw......try them both on wiht all the fixin''s (viel, shoes, bra, crinoline etc).....and choose. But I have this gut feeling I will buy the new maggie. It just gives me stomach flips to think about it :) The other dress is very pretty but not the same anymore. Mom and sis and bms will have to deal with it :)

I hope you can come to terms with your own change of heart because when you do, it feels SO good to love your gown!!!!

Keep us posted!!!
 

FacetFire

Brilliant_Rock
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Wow, if you guys were the same size...you could just switch! Haha!
 

robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 28, 2006
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Sweetpea, I know exactly what you''re going through! I bought a dress that was more like what everyone else wanted me to have. I liked it, but didn''t love it. I''d always wanted a big fancy poofy ball gown, but I bought an a-line with little embellishment. When I told my mom (who bought the original dress) that I was thinking about getting a different one (paid for by me of course) she was upset, but said that ultimately it was my choice. She later changed her mind and flipped out. And told my dad who she''d made me promise not to tell because she knew he''d be livid. Well, he was quite livid. He actually still doesn''t know that I bought the new dress, but he never saw the old dress...

Anyway, I''m really happy that I bought the new one. I just sold my old one on ebay. My parents bought it for $500, I sold it on ebay for $300 and my new dress cost $500, so I''m really only out $200. I still feel kind of guilty about making a bad choice in the beginning, but I knew that I would OBSESS about not liking my dress for years to come if I hadn''t gotten the new one.
 

larussel03

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Joined
Oct 22, 2005
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Date: 1/24/2007 7:46:19 PM
Author: robbie3982
Sweetpea, I know exactly what you're going through! I bought a dress that was more like what everyone else wanted me to have. I liked it, but didn't love it. I'd always wanted a big fancy poofy ball gown, but I bought an a-line with little embellishment. When I told my mom (who bought the original dress) that I was thinking about getting a different one (paid for by me of course) she was upset, but said that ultimately it was my choice. She later changed her mind and flipped out. And told my dad who she'd made me promise not to tell because she knew he'd be livid. Well, he was quite livid. He actually still doesn't know that I bought the new dress, but he never saw the old dress...

Anyway, I'm really happy that I bought the new one. I just sold my old one on ebay. My parents bought it for $500, I sold it on ebay for $300 and my new dress cost $500, so I'm really only out $200. I still feel kind of guilty about making a bad choice in the beginning, but I knew that I would OBSESS about not liking my dress for years to come if I hadn't gotten the new one.
Well, it's funny b/c I'm not the person to make a decision when I first see something. My parents both know that, although my mom is the impatient one (where I get my impatience from) and my dad is the one who needs to mull it over (me too, can ya see the inner conflict??? haa)....so when my mom told my dad in Aug. that we'd found a dress, the first thing he said was "she's going to end up with a different one." Probably just b/c he knows me...I mean we saw this one reception venue and I had to MAKE my mom let me wait a day then I decided that I didnt want it, and my dad observed this. Plus he's only known me my whole life haha. As she has, but she's more like me with the need to get things done immediately. And of course my mom was like "no way". Soooo, I hate to have my mom end up in the wrong also.

Maybe it won't be so bad...my mom claims she's psychic, (ok, don't get me started on that one
) so maybe she KNOWS already?? huh? Huh???

 

larussel03

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Joined
Oct 22, 2005
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Date: 1/24/2007 7:23:28 PM
Author: FacetFire
Wow, if you guys were the same size...you could just switch! Haha!
Yeah really! Wanna traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade?
 

mela lu

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 21, 2006
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2,481
Date: 1/24/2007 7:54:13 PM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*

Date: 1/24/2007 7:23:28 PM
Author: FacetFire
Wow, if you guys were the same size...you could just switch! Haha!
Yeah really! Wanna traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade?
I ''love'' you guys...!!!!


These great conversations keep me sane during the workday!!!
 

larussel03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
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OK, so I went and tried on 2 dresses at lunch time. The MS Capri Royale and the Brittanya (in white, not the hot pink they have on the website--why do they do that???)

Anyways, so the Capri Royal was too much for me, it sort of overwhelmed my frame and flattened me out. Considering I''m an A cup, that wasn''t a good thing.

The Britanya was BEAUTIFUL on! I really cannot get over it! It made me look so great shape wise (although I felt like a mess since my hairs up, skin is broken out and I felt anything but beautiful apart from teh dress).

It had this sash under the bust, so it makes me look more balanced and larger up top, and the a line pick up skirt was wonderful! The only thing is the pricetag is not...it''s alot more than my previous dress. So now I have to think about if I can afford to buy this dress. If you go to the maggie site, there is a bride (the 2nd testimonial on the Britanya page) and she''s got it in white. It''s so pretty!!! I wish I''d gone with my gut and gotten the white pick up style dress I wanted, rather than letting my mom talk me into the plainer ivory dress.....

I emailed the store that I bought my original dress from asking them what they charge for the Britanya, and explaining the situation. I''m sure I cannot return the previous dress, but I wanted to know how much it''ll cost to get another...

ack.
 

robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
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Sweetpea, what size are you looking for? We''ve got some awesome detectives on this board. Maybe we can find a good deal for you.
 

larussel03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
Messages
1,747
Date: 1/25/2007 2:12:56 PM
Author: robbie3982
Sweetpea, what size are you looking for? We''ve got some awesome detectives on this board. Maybe we can find a good deal for you.
Hi Robbie,


I''m looking for a Size 6....
 

robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
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3,960
Here''s one on ebay in diamond white/silver that ends today for $800 at the moment.
 

stretch4

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2004
Messages
4,360
Oh Sweetpea, I''m so sorry you''re feeling this way! I bet you could always sell the first dress on ebay or another wedding site.

I would definitely think this through long and hard because a lot of brides start second guessing their dress choices. But it does sound like from the beginning you were never in love with this dress... Good luck!!
 

larussel03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
Messages
1,747
Here''s a little good news--the shop owner where I bought my other dress said he''d get it for me for $888 (the shop here would charge 1075) and he will ask around and see if anyone else was looking to buy the other dress...

now I just have to figure out if this is worth potentially upsetting my mom...I don''t know how she''d react and I really dont want her to think I''m ungreatful.
 

FacetFire

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2006
Messages
1,879
I can definitely see where that bustline would be enhancing. It looks beautiful in white! I''ll admit it...I do like it better than the Olympia. I bet it would look stunning on you. I''ll keep an eye out for a deal. Good luck!
 

larussel03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
Messages
1,747
Date: 1/25/2007 3:37:47 PM
Author: FacetFire
I can definitely see where that bustline would be enhancing. It looks beautiful in white! I''ll admit it...I do like it better than the Olympia. I bet it would look stunning on you. I''ll keep an eye out for a deal. Good luck!
Thank you FF and Robbie for your help!
 

AChiOAlumna

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Joined
Mar 10, 2005
Messages
1,678
Please tell your mom....I went through the same thing many years ago. I had a dress from my first engagement. The engagement was called off and the dress went into storage.

3 years later, I was engaged. I could bear to ask my mother for another dress, so I wore the original one. It was still in perfect condition and still fit me. About 1/2 way through the engagement, I came to dislike the dress. It was pretty and it looked good on me, but it wasn''t me. I said nothing and lived with it.

5 years later, my sister got married in a beautiful gown. I told my mom on the night of her wedding, "You know, I never liked my dress. I always wanted another one." My mother responded, "Why didn''t you say anything? I would''ve gotten you another dress!" Live and learn....
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
Honesty is the best policy. Explain that you really appreciate her help, but you really just feel more special in the new dress, and that you will try to sell your other one and minimize the financial impact. Often we work ourselves up so much about how someone else will react, and in the end it is moot. I am sure if you tell her she will understand, this is your wedding day and you should love your dress. I would not mention that you feel she pushed the other one, I would just focus on how much you love this one, the way it fits and the way it makes you feel when you have it on. Hopefully she will get it and be fine with you getting the new one!
 

E B

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
9,488
Sweetpea,

Have you seen this listing?

Maggie Sottero Brittanya

It''s a 10, but according to the poster, the corset can fit a 6-10. And she has it listed at $600, so if no one bids, you might be able to go lower.
 

larussel03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
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Aw, thank you guys so much for your continued help!!! Now I''m deciding b/w Angelica and Brittanya, so once I make a final decision I will go with it. Then I''ll tell my mom. I don''t htink she''ll be super mad, but I just don''t want her to be dissapointed.
 
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