How did you know your guy was *the ONE*?

[rockzilla]

I figured it might be nice to take a break from the trials and tribulations of planning and think about what got us here. I''m not talking about love at first sight here....though I guess if that applies to you, then tell that story.

I''m talking more about the moment where you went from "I really love this guy, he''s great" to "yeah, this is definitely the person I want to spend the rest of my life with"

Mine was last year while we were doing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. At the end of the second day, as we were nearing the end, having walked nearly 40 miles with him, I realized that there wasn''t anyone else I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Or that I trusted to stick with me through the good and the bad.

That, and anyone who can put up with me for 40 miles is worth hanging onto

RZ

PS Grooms feel free to tell the story of when you knew she was "the ONE" - I''m betting none of them start with "well, she was pestering me about this ring for a while..."

 

[zoebartlett]

I don''t have an actual moment or event. We''ve been together for 5 years, so things naturally progressed, I suppose.

We''ve definitely had moments where both of us questioned whether we wanted to stay together, and in these 5 years, we''ve even had time apart (a month here, a few weeks there) when one of us wasn''t sure. Actually, we took time apart a few years ago and when we got back together again, it was with the understanding that this was it. No more wondering -- we both had to know that we were going to be in it for the long haul. A few months after that, we bought our condo together and moved in with each other for good. In that time, like I said, things just naturally progressed. I hate to say it, but age was kind of a factor. I''m 34 (will be 35 in the fall) and my FI is 36. We knew that if we wanted to get married and have a family, we should do it pretty soon. I''d love to have a family by the time my FI is 40. I never wanted to be an "older" first time parent but that''s how it worked out.

I think I might have veered off topic a little.

 

[Krissie]

Good question!

I met my fiance at a hotel bar on the very night that a guy I had been dating humiliated me in front of his friends. I was drinking to drown my sorrows and was totally distracted and feeling sorry for myself. D. had just arrived in town from England and was severely jet-lagged. We both work in the same group and were at the hotel for a conference. I sat at a table with him and 4 other people, and we kind of noticed each other, but neither of us was in a position to talk given the circumstances!

I saw him a few other times during the conference but nothing really registered. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself, and he was too preoccupied with work stuff and wasn''t looking to meet a girl. I remembered his name, though.

About 2 weeks later, I found out that I was going to be transferred to the London office, and he was the first person I e-mailed. We corresponded over the next 3 months prior to my move about anything and everything. Halfway through, I found out that he had a girlfriend. I was really disappointed even though we had never made any overtures to anything other than friendship. That''s when I realized I was falling for him.

We met up when I was in London 3 weeks before my move to secure housing. We had a great lunch together, and he showed me around various neighborhoods. It was like the most perfect first date ever, even though I was cognizant it wasn''t a date. I was in town for 4 days, and at the end of that time I was really excited to move there because I liked him so much. I remember spending the flight back from London wishing I could be talking with him.

I didn''t think he felt the same at all - that really never registered - and because I knew he had a girlfriend, I decided not to share my feelings. I resolved to move on. But right before the move, I got a late-night email from him telling me that I should get there quickly because he missed me! I dismissed it.

Fast forward to my move, and my first 2 weeks in London. We hung out as work colleagues but that was it. I began talking to a new guy, although didn''t have anywhere near the interest as I did in D. But I needed to move forward. Only, I found out 2 weeks later, that D. had broken up with his girlfriend and had been quizzing folks at work whether I might be interested in dating. Silly goose.

Of course we started dating almost immediately, and I really have to say that I knew almost instantly that it would work out. But when I knew 100% for sure was when we went on a mini-holiday together to the Canary Islands 4 months into dating. It was an effortless, fun trip and I could see myself travelling with him for years to come. He''s smart, funny, cute, and has from day 1 been committed to me - not once have I ever doubted his sincerity or dedication to this relationship. He makes me want to be a better person, and life is just 100% better when he''s around.

We were engaged 8 months later and haven''t looked back! He moved to the US with me and it was the smoothest transition ever. I feel super lucky that it was so clear-cut for me, although I''d had my share of non-committal guys in the past. I feel cheesy in telling my friends that when it''s the right one and the right time, you''ll know - the decision will be almost made for you! But it''s totally true in my case.

 

[zoebartlett]

Okay, I had to go back and reread what I wrote. I didn''t mean to sound negative -- that wasn''t my intention. Maybe it was more of a description as to how we got here today. Back to the question:

I guess it was just little things at first. My FI is a very romantic person, much more so than I am. He treats me incredibly well, and he is a very thoughtful and caring person in general. I think we both try to bring out the best in each other, and it''s just everyday things (and some bigger life events that have occurred) that help us know that we''re right for each other. In so many ways we are the complete opposite of each other, but in many ways we are alike. It''s a good balance.

 

[sumbride]

It was about a year or so into the relationship... my cat climbed my dresser one morning, slipped and fell and got her paw stuck in one of the drawers on her way down. She screamed bloody murder and promptly hid under the bed crying. My now DH jumped out of bed and pulled up the mattress and box springs in about 2 seconds so that I could grab her. He then drove us to the emergency vet where we waited for 2 hours to hear the vet say "she can walk, she's ok." I still think she had a small fracture because she's still tentative on that foot, but having him there with me on a Sunday morning, especially since this was the same cat we almost broke up over (another story), meant everything. Of course, that was just the first moment I knew. There have been many other, more conclusive moments since then.

 

[Gypsy]

We’d been together for a while 3 years and it was building, little things, big things it all was pointing that way. Then we had probably the largest fight we’ve ever had. It was about raising children. Which is funny, because neither of us wants any. But we disagreed about a lot of fundamental things. And we weren’t screaming or shouting. We just talking and each minute that ticked by it became more and more apparent how our views on very important issues were not compatible. And the whole thing was infused with such sadness. We finally got to a point where it was like “where do we go from here”… and the logical answer was “wherever we go, it’s not together.” But neither of us moved. We were on a park bench at the beach by the water… I could hear the water lapping against the shore. And neither of us was moving. Then the next thing I knew I was in his lap, and his arms were around me and we were both talking… trying to find a compromise, trying to make it work. And we did. We reconciled our viewpoints… it took hours; I think the sun might have started to come up before we settled everything. But we walked out of there hand in hand. And I knew that I wanted things to be that way always. And, I knew that as long as we wanted to be together, we’d find a way, a compromise, and a solution.

 

[Selkie]

I knew very early on the relationship had staying power, and that if I ever were going to marry someone, it would be him. And I never really wanted to get married, period, so that was a HUGE realization. About six months in, I kind of freaked out because of that and told him I was scared of where I saw it going. I know, who freaks out because their relationship is going TOO well? Yeah, that''d be me.

He was understandably very upset and concerned, but told me he''d give me as much space and time as I needed, would let me direct the course of things for a while, and he meant it. He didn''t get clingy or angry, and the understanding and caring he gave me when I was a mess clinched the deal. It still took another 4 years to get engaged, and we''d still be together even if he hadn''t proposed. But he did, and we''re married now. So, I guess that''s not the warm fuzzy story most people have!

 

[Fancy605]

Gosh, I suspected it on our first date. It was the craziest connection I had ever felt to someone in my whole life. Of course, being a bit of a skeptic, I told myself, "That''s silly. No one REALLY knows who "The One" without investing lots of time into making sure." And what do you know, it turns out I was right.

 

[dogmama]

I was at the doctors and they had just said that they found a lump in my breast. I was alone, I was scared and I was ready to lose it then and there. I called him and told him that they confirmed what I had suspected. He calmed me down as I cried in the bathroom stall, shaking.

Ten minutes later he told me he was on his way to the doctor''s office. He walked into his boss''s office and told him the situation and said that he needed to be with me. When I saw him, I just hugged him and cried. I had never felt more relieved to another person in my life. After I got my sonograms, we drove home. The whole time we just held onto each other''s hands and he and I both cried.

He told me, I''m going to marry you. We''re going to get through this together. No matter what happens. He couldn''t stop saying that he loved me.

When we got home he distracted me with food and movies and was just the best. I knew that day that he was it for me. I always thought I KNEW, but that day really cemented it for me. In my time of need, he dropped everything to be with me. I knew then he would be my partner for life.

 

[noelwr]

wow lilythespitfire - yours is a really moving story! he does sound fantastic!

I just knew shortly after we started living together (3 months after we started dated). I said to him "I want to be with you the rest of my life" and never changed my mind. since that day I knew I would eventually ask him to marry me.

well, here we are 6 years later and we''ve never had ONE fight! in Feb I asked him to marry me and he said yes.

and because he was so proud and went around work telling everyone that his girlfriend propose to HIM and got HIM a watch made me love him even more (if that was even possible).

 

[iwannaprettyone]

When my mom and I got into a ridiculous fight and said some hurtful things. FI (then BF) went over there when I was at work the next day to smooth things over before I got home. I arrived and I was FURIOUS that he had stepped in with out being asked, but mom walked out in tears and hugged me so he must of said something right. I knew right then he wanted to take care of me...
Looking back on it now it was pretty amazing for him to care about both of so much to feel compelled to mediate the situation. Swoon, he is a kind man.

 

[Pandora II]

It was rather love at first sight, and I told my mother he was The One two days after we met, but I think I knew for definite when I was in hospital about 4 months after we met.

I was having major surgery on my back, it took 40 minutes on the Underground to get to the place where the hospital was and he cried all the way as he was so scared I''d never walk again (idiot man, if he''d told me, I could have said it wasn''t that bit of my spine where there is a big risk of paralysis).

I was in for 5 days and he came to see me every day even though it was an hour each way including a walk up a massive hill, and one evening he did it with a massive vase of flowers.

The woman in the next bed to me asked me one afternoon when we were getting married, and I said we''d only been together 4 months and he''d never had a girlfriend before so not really thinking that far into the future.

Her reply was to tell me that she would be amazed if we didn''t.

When I got home, I remember FI saying that he couldn''t believe that a relationship could feel so comfortable and how happy he was. I knew then 150%.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Around the two year mark, I lost three people in 4 months and it was very hard. He was always there evn though he had his own problems. After going to one of the funerals with me I was a real mess. I asked him how he could handle death so well and he said "becuase if there is an afterlife (he is an atheist), then I have something to look forward to. If there isn't, I will be dead and won't care". Oddly enough, that gave me great comfort. Knowing that not only would he always be there for me, but also that he knew the way my mind worked to cheer me up about something as terrible as some of the deaths, somehow made me know this was the right way to go.
The only other person in my life who understands how my mind works well enough to cheer me up is my best friend from when I was 3. No one in my family, although we are close, is on the same wavelength; it's so wierd that those who love me call it "Cashelian" becuase it is so unique. I figured if I still love my BFF (he's gay so it's in a very different way) after all these years and that my FI has much of the same understanding of me, I could love him for a long time too.

That and he asked

 

[swimmer]

Your stories are all so moving!

We met in line at an ice cream place near where we both live. He asked me what I was picking between and I told him mint choc chip or oatmeal rasin, he said "oatmeal raisin hands down," so I went for the mint. He followed me out of the ice cream place without getting his own and we went on a four hour walk that ended three times with a goodbye kiss but still kept going. My roommate asked me who that was on the front porch, I told her "the man I am going to marry."
He proposed five months and five days later.

 

[doodle]

i actually knew we had serious potential the first time i ever spent the night at his place. i''m one of those lazy, unkempt people who never makes the bed ever, so the sheets and blanket wind up every which way, and my FI is just as bad. however, i have this obsessions about "getting up with up"...as in, the top edge of the sheet and the comforter must line up exactly so or it drives me CRAZY. well, i walk out of his bathroom, and he''s sitting on the bed with this annoyed look on his face messing with the bedclothes, and i said, "what are you doing?" his reply: "well...here''s the thing. i know this sounds nuts, but i have to have the up with the up or i just can''t sleep." how weird are we! hahah