How did you do it?

[aprilcait]

This is the first year FI and I have split holidays between our families (i.e.: Easter with his family, Thanksgiving with mine, Christmas Eve with his, Christmas day with mine...). I was fine giving up Easter because my family doesn''t do anything big other than church and maybe brunch that day... but Christmas Eve is our big family dinner. Being that this is my first time missing my family''s Christmas Eve and my first Christmas morning away from my immediate family, I''m getting kind of sad. It''s odd for me though, as I''ve never been a sentimental person or one who tends toward being homesick. Nonetheless, I find myself getting teary thinking about missing those holiday traditions. Though I look forward to starting new traditions, I guess it''s just hard to let go of that to which you are accustomed.

How did all of you handle your first time breaking a holiday tradition or the first time being away from family during a big holiday? Any advice?

 

[Kayakqueen83]

This is the first year that FF and I alternated holidays with our family. We moved far away from both of our parents (his are in Atlanta- mine are in North Florida). We tryed to start the transistion last year but my parents just recently got divorced and my bother wasn''t coming home last year. I just couldn''t leave them all alone to celebrate Christmas. So FF and I split up for the holidays. This Thanksgiving we spent with his family in Atlanta and this Christmas we will be spending half of it with my mother and half of it with my father. I missed my family alot during Thanksgiving (and I missed my mother''s suffing!) But is was very nice to spend that time starting new traditions with FF''s family. It''s hard, but it''s not at the same time. It''s the start of something new and sharing a life with your man!

I will say that next year will be difficult for me as it will be the first Christmas leaving my mother and father to spend Christmas alone, but it''s what needs to be done. It''s only fair to split your time with your family and your in-laws.

It will just take some getting used to, I guess. And before you know it, it will be like you''ve always been spending your Christmas'' like this!

 

[somethingshiny]

We didn''t/don''t "alternate" per se. We each picked the MOST important Holiday for ourselves. I chose Christmas Eve (that''s the big party at my parents'' house), he chose Thanksgiving night. Then, we each listed how important each Holiday was. For DH, July 4th isn''t a big deal, but in my family, we have a huge party. DH loves Easter at his aunt''s, and we like Christmas Day at our house. So, pick and choose, pick and choose.

Good Luck with your festivities!

 

[pennquaker09]

You''re so not alone. This is the first year that we''re doing the alternating and I have to say that it was difficult. I always told my parents that I was never moving back to Alabama once I got my degree, but I find that I miss being able to see them. My parents have been divorced a for . . . gosh almost 11 years, but I''ve pretty much spent every Christmas with my mom. This year, we went to his parents home in Atlanta for Thanksgiving and we''re going to my dads for Christmas. Fortunately, my parents still get along great and my mom is going to join us. But since his family celebrates on Christmas Eve, we''re going to fly into Atlanta and then drive to Birmingham on Christmas Day. I feel like everyone kind of gets what they want.

I have to say that since I don''t live near home, it doesn''t really feel like Christmas to me.

 

[musey]

FI is an only child, and his parents were happy to spend Christmas with our family this year. They'll be flying from the Seattle area to the midwest to do that. For Thanksgiving, we had actually already been planning on all convening in Seattle, because FI's family is there and so is one of my siblings. So the WHOLE family met up there.

We don't really bother with holidays other than those two, and even those aren't that big of a deal in either of our families.


We've taken care of next year already: our holidays will be spent in LA where we live, which we justified by saying that we'll be SPENT (both mentally/emotionally AND financially) be the time we return from our honeymoon in mid-October. If either set of parents want to celebrate holidays with us, they'll be traveling our way

There were little twinges of hurt feelings beginning when we first started trying to plan this out (on the part of our parents). We would just have none of it. The moment anyone started sounding whiney about our choices, we just said "Okay, well maybe we should just stay home and celebrate on our own, and that will be fair to everyone." That cuts the whining pretty quickly

 

[BriBee]

In my family Thanksgiving is THE holiday, and I've made that pretty clear to my FI. He has already spent a couple of Thanksgivings with us, but ironically this year, the first year we would have attended as an engaged couple, he stayed home, but this was mostly due to the fact that we had a new puppy that I didn't want to leave. That all being said, I take Thanksgiving and his family can have everything else. We are fortunate because our families all live within about 30-45 min radius of our house, so it's easy to get to everyone. However, his parents are divorced and even though they get along great, they each do things with their sides of the family for the holidays. So instead of splitting between mine and his for Christmas, we have to split between his, his, and his...

If it ever doesn't work out for him to come to Thanksgiving, I've told him that I will be going no matter what, even if it means I go alone.

ETA: The one thing that makes Christmas a little easier is that there's Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day, so if you're like us and don't have to get on a plane or drive for HOURS, this can be an easier holiday to split.

 

[zoebartlett]

My family used to go to church on Christmas Eve for the candlelight service. I loved that but we stopped doing that a few years ago. My FI and I spent the first two Christmases apart -- the first one was natural since we had just starting dating more seriously. It was too early to spend the holiday together. The second year, I was with my family visiting my sister and her husband across the country. Now though, we go to my FI''s parents'' house to celebrate with his 4 brothers and sisters, their kids, and his parents. Each of his siblings celebrates Christmas Day with their individual families, so getting together the night before is a way for everyone to be together and exchange gifts.

Since we spend Christmas Eve with his parents, we spend Christmas day with my family. This year it will be at my parents'' house but we''re hoping to visit my sister next year.

We don''t have a routine established for Thanksgiving or Easter. Neither holiday is huge with either of our families, so we usually just decide at the last minute.

The good thing is that we live pretty close to our parents, so visiting doesn''t take much effort. It would be harder if there was more distance between the two families.

Oh gosh, I just realized that I rambled and I didn''t even ansswer the question..SORRY!

When we first moved into our condo two years ago, it was 2 days before Christmas and my parents were visiting my sister and her husband. My FI and I spent Christmas Eve at a local restaurant. The meal was bad and the restaurant was just a step above Friendly''s, which is fine any other night of the year EXCEPT Christmas Eve. I ended up in tears because I wasn''t with my family. The following day, we had Christmas breakfast at Denny''s...horrible, but nothing else was open. We hadn''t unpacked much so we couldn''t even cook a nice meal for ourselves. Our first Christmas in our first home together was definitely memorable but for all the wrong reasons.

 

[Rhea]

Our immediate family (mum, dad, siblings) live in two different countries (US and UK) with extended families (grandparents, aunts, cousins) living further away from the immediate family.

We alternate Christmas - odd years, in England with his immediate family. Even years, in US with my immediate family. Neither of us sees our extended family regularly - last time I saw mine was March 2006, last time he saw his was over 5 years ago.

The rest of the holidays we spend on our own. The years that my family doesn't have Christmas we are likely to spend Thanksgiving with them, but not guaranteed.

We aren't religious so we don't celebrate easter and the like. However, we do have double (US & UK) on the fun holidays - US Independence Day, UK Gay Fawkes Day, etc.

I guess this means I don't have any advice on how to deal being away from your traditions, it's so natural to me between never being close to my extended family (seeing them no more than once a year during my childhood), DH never being close to his family, and both of us spending tons of time in each other's countries away from our traditions for the past 5 years.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Paul and I struggle with this not so much in how *we* work it out, but in how our families see it. I moved to be with him, and as such, we go home (to Cali) for Christmas. The way we see it, we''re with his family for EVERY holiday (Easter, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, the 4th of July, Father''s Day, Mother''s Day, every birthday, etc.) and so, to be with my family for the *biggest* is fair. We still have a Christmas celebration with his family (usually early--this year it will be on the 22nd before we fly out the following morning), and we''ll have *our* Christmas with just us on the 21st. I like it; it''s like we have three Christmases!!

Of course, once we have babies, it can become a little more difficult, because both grandparents will want to have Christmas day with the grandkids.

I say take it as it comes....

For me, dealing with not being around my family for the big days (particularly Mothers and Fathers Days) is hard, so I make sure to call often during the day and I always send a card and a fun present. I also like to call my neices and nephew and ask them to surprise either my mom or dad with extra hugs, from me, through them. It''s fun.

I also like that we''re getting to create our *own* traditions. It''s fun, and I think focusing on that helps keeps things in perspective. We have a life together now, so we have to be willing to compromise. And we have to sometimes help other family members to understand that a need to compromise is needed.

Good luck finding a tradition and plan that works for you and your fiance!!

 

[KimberlyH]

My husband''s parents are both deceased and there are no other relatives that he has contact with (small, broken family) so my family usually gets us for the holidays, for better or for worse. His closest friend, next to me of course, who he has known for over a decade, and her family have essentially adopted my husband and we spend some holidays with them (Christmas Eve, Memorial Day, etc.). It''s a bit difficult because she and I aren''t close (we are night and day different) and her family''s idea of Christmas is very different from my own but I figure it''s more than fair because he does so much for and with my family (and I''m sure misses his own like mad in the midst of it all).

I''d give anything to spend a holiday with my husband''s parents; so whenever I feel a bit torn not getting to spend every minute possible with our adorable two year old nephew I remind myself of how sad it makes me that I never met his father, and his mother was very ill during the short time I got to spend with her, and then it doesn''t bother me anymore.

It''s that whole compromise thing...

 

[bee*]

D and I have always spent christmas with our own families, and will up until we get married. We always spend christmas eve together with my family and then on christmas day I''ll call up to his house (he lives ten minutes away from me) and I''ll have a drink with his parents and then I''ll go back home to celebrate with my family. When we get married, I think we''re probably going to go to my family during the day and then to his family at night.