How are you dealing with uninvited friends and family?

[legallyspoiled]

I'm sure that almost all of us have had or will have to deal with it at some point. Friends, family members, and coworkers who assume that they are invited to the wedding.

I feel like my situation is especially bad. I have two sets of parents (my parents remarried) and he has one set of parents. My guest list is busting at the seams at 330. My budget can only afford 225. 250 guests would be uncomfortable. I currently have 275 people on my "A list."

It seems like everyday, I learn about someone else who assumes that they are invited. This weekend it was the neice of one of my father's closest friends who recently moved to our city. I've known her for a year. Yesterday, it was a distant cousin who I recently added as a friend on facebook. Um...seriously people?!?!

Part of the problem is that both of my parents come from VERY small towns in the south. They are accustomed to VERY informal weddings. I'm talking no paper invitations because all are welcome to come feast off the neverending buffet. Well my affair is very formal (plated dinner and open bar) and kinda expensive.

What are your stories? And how in the heck are you dealing with these crazy people?!!

 

[that_someone_special]

We are having a SMALL wedding.

I had two "friends" say how excited they were for our wedding and it's so generous for my family to fly them to vegas with us and pay for their hotel... AHEM no. I was going to invite them so they wouldnt feel embarrassed but she effing stood me up at my shower ("yes, yes I am excited to come and see you, I can't wait!") and then at the last minute (or hour) decided to go to a concert instead that she just found out about. So no, that cut two people from the list. She is a very one sided friend and has no idea how much things actually cost. arg.


HONESTLY, I understand where you are coming from. Everyone seems to think they are invited. FI and I have been saying things like "While we would love to have everyone attend the wedding, we are having a very small wedding and reception- but we would love to celebrate with you later!" or something to that extent.

 

[nbarker]

i dont see the ones that arent invited enough to care how they feel...might be mean but really? its kind of ridiculous if someone i havent known that long or have seen twice in my whole life assumes theyre invited...

 

[rosetta]

Be firm. Invite who you want and that's it. If the others ask just tell them you've reached your venue's maximum capacity. Find a place that can only hold the number you want. You can't please everybody.

 

[AustenNut]

I've experienced some of this as well. Some of the people at my church seem to think everyone's invited, and I just tell them that it's going to be a small and intimate gathering. So though I don't explicitly say that they won't be invited, I hope they get the point. And people at work have asked if I'm inviting coworkers and I've told them point-blank that I'm not. I don't mind that part so much. But dealing with those who assume that they're invited is awkward.

 

[Haven]

All you need to say is "We are only inviting our very closest friends and family." It doesn't matter if you have 12 or 1200 on the list, if they aren't on your list, that's all you need to say.