Higher education -- your beliefs and your parents'

[Jennifer W]

My mother has a degree, my father left school at 15 with no qualifications. His family needed the income, so he and his brother worked from age 15. Their sister went to college though - the thinking was that it's harder to make a good living when you have no qualifications, and it's even harder for women , with fewer options, so if any of the three needed the extra help it was the girl. All three of them had very successful careers, and my father worked for professional qualifications later in life.

It was expected that I would get a degree, there was never any question about that. It wasn't even discussed, it was just an innate expectation. That said, if I'd wanted to do something that needed a vocational qualification, I'm pretty sure they would have supported that too. They weren't so much interested in education for it's own sake, but rather as my best chance at providing for myself and having a reasonable standard of living.

I would like my own child to go to university and to enjoy it, and I'll support and encourage academic achievement. If she isn't interested, that's fine too. I just want to be confident that whatever she does she will do well enough and with enough dedication to provide (well) for herself.

 

[Pandora II]

I'm actually working on my degree right now. I'll graduate with an associates in Human Services this December, and will be continuing on for either my MSW or MEd, not quite sure yet. Neither of my parents graduated from college. My dad went to work at a factory right after graduation, and is still there, and my mom took a few courses at community college after she dropped out of high school, but never completed her degree. IMHO it would have been a waste of money for her to have completed it anyway, she was a SAHM when I was a kid, and still doesn't work.

My parents never really stressed how important education really is. I went right to work after high school, and after 8 years I went back to school after I lost my job. I wish I'd have gone right after high school, but I really wasn't ready. My brother never graduated high school, though he did get his GED. FI also has his GED, and will be enrolling in college to begin next semester.

That is such a sad thing to say IMHO and is why women have been treated like second-class citizens for so many hundreds of years... oh, they're female and will probably just stay at home and raise children so what's the point in wasting education on them.

Even if a woman is a SAHM, she is bringing up children and will impart to them what she knows: educate a woman and you educate a nation.

Sometimes education is for personal satisfaction and interest not for potential financial gain - hence the number of 90 year-olds on degree courses in the UK!

 

[dragonfly411]

I think it's important to go to college, but I feel like it's a waste unless you know exactly what you want to do.

 

[elrohwen]

It was always expected that I would go to college and not have any debt - my parents were able to pay for a state school, but we talked my grandma into helping me out. At the time I would've been very upset if I hadn't gone to my first choice school because they wouldn't let me take on debt, but now I'm very happy for it. I hope to do the same for my kid someday if it's possible.

Both of my parents have graduate degrees that are required in their field (psychology). They didn't expect me to get a graduate degree unless it was necessary. They were very happy I went into engineering where a good job can be had with only a BS. Their primary concern was that I would choose a profession where I could make a decent income. They are both in psychology and have always been bitter about the field and what they pay new employees. So in that sense, it was a "do as I say, not as I did" thing. Personally, I hope any future kids would go into the sciences or engineering like DH and myself, but I'm not going to force it. I do think it's important to go to college with a purpose and to consider future career opportunities.

eta: Zoe's post got me thinking about my grandparents - in my mom's family education was extremely important which is why they helped fund my education. Unfortunately they are also into big name schools and were very upset when my uncle didn't get into an Ivy (he went to Stanford). I know most of the reason they agreed to help me out is that I got into any Ivy - I don't think money would've been forthcoming for something they considered a lesser school, which is sad. To them education was important as a status symbol (neither of my grandparents went to college).

In my dad's family, college was not a big deal. They lived in a rural area and my grandpa owned a good local business, so college wasn't really on the radar. My dad ended up getting his PhD, but most of his siblings don't have degrees or have two year degrees. One still lives in the same rural area and owns the family business and has done well for himself.

 

[chemgirl]

It was always expected that I would go to college and not have any debt - my parents were able to pay for a state school, but we talked my grandma into helping me out. At the time I would've been very upset if I hadn't gone to my first choice school because they wouldn't let me take on debt, but now I'm very happy for it. I hope to do the same for my kid someday if it's possible.

Both of my parents have graduate degrees that are required in their field (psychology). They didn't expect me to get a graduate degree unless it was necessary. They were very happy I went into engineering where a good job can be had with only a BS. Their primary concern was that I would choose a profession where I could make a decent income. They are both in psychology and have always been bitter about the field and what they pay new employees. So in that sense, it was a "do as I say, not as I did" thing. Personally, I hope any future kids would go into the sciences or engineering like DH and myself, but I'm not going to force it. I do think it's important to go to college with a purpose and to consider future career opportunities.

eta: Zoe's post got me thinking about my grandparents - in my mom's family education was extremely important which is why they helped fund my education. Unfortunately they are also into big name schools and were very upset when my uncle didn't get into an Ivy (he went to Stanford). I know most of the reason they agreed to help me out is that I got into any Ivy - I don't think money would've been forthcoming for something they considered a lesser school, which is sad. To them education was important as a status symbol (neither of my grandparents went to college).

In my dad's family, college was not a big deal. They lived in a rural area and my grandpa owned a good local business, so college wasn't really on the radar. My dad ended up getting his PhD, but most of his siblings don't have degrees or have two year degrees. One still lives in the same rural area and owns the family business and has done well for himself.

I think this is the main issue with my family and the families of many of my friends. Education is seen as a status symbol. Many many people go without a purpose. Although I want my kids to attend university, I want them to do it with a plan. If they want to do something at the college level, that's fine and I will support that as long as they are goal oriented. Within my family, I think its insane that my cousin is talked about like she did something wrong because she went to dental hygiene school. She has a career and she makes a heck of a lot more than my other cousin with the psychology degree who plays online poker for a living. For some reason he's something because he has a degree. So frustrating.

 

[elrohwen]

I think this is the main issue with my family and the families of many of my friends. Education is seen as a status symbol. Many many people go without a purpose. Although I want my kids to attend university, I want them to do it with a plan. If they want to do something at the college level, that's fine and I will support that as long as they are goal oriented. Within my family, I think its insane that my cousin is talked about like she did something wrong because she went to dental hygiene school. She has a career and she makes a heck of a lot more than my other cousin with the psychology degree who plays online poker for a living. For some reason he's something because he has a degree. So frustrating.

According to my mom, her family was all very disappointed when uncle didn't get into an Ivy and it was always a sore spot with them. When it came to my mom, because she was a girl, they didn't care what she did and she ended up at UofI. Funny enough, that uncle now has all kinds of issues and doesn't have a job because of them while my mom is well adjusted and doing well in her career. It does make me mad that if there were other grandchildren (specifically boy grandchildren) or if I hadn't gone to an Ivy, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have given me a dime. Education was only valuable to my grandmother as it made you better than others, and only if you were male.

I completely agree that just having a degree doesn't mean much if you don't do anything with it or find a decent job of some sort. Your cousin sounds like SIL - she has a psych degree and bounces from job to job. My parents keep telling her she needs a grad degree of some kind to really get a job in the field (especially because the things that interest her are more research based), but she keeps waffling. Why did she get the degree in the first place if she didn't have a plan? It frustrates me a lot.

 

[somethingshiny]

I'm writing before reading the thread so I give you my initial beliefs.

Neither DH nor I hold college degrees. None of our parents have degrees nor have they expressed any views on higher education. I am from a family with 4 kids, my baby sister will be completing her bachelors in the Spring semester. She will be the first college grad in my family. Most of my many cousins hold degrees. One set of Aunt/Uncle hold degrees. Most of the rest of my family are farmers and have attended at least some college. So, that's the background. My parents don't really have views on higher education. They'd say it's good to have a degree. But, it's completely fine not to have a degree.

My views on higher education seem unlikely to most. I value knowledge and intelligence. I don't think that intelligence is only gained in college though. I've met several college grads who are seriously stupid. Just because they can memorize some facts for a test doesn't make them competent, IMO. On the other hand, some of the most intelligent people I know are not college grads. The thirst for knowledge is not quenched by college alone. A truly wise person would not complete college and call their education complete. A wise person continues to learn every day of their lifetime. I would never look down on someone who holds no degree. In turn, I don't necessarily look up to a person who does hold a degree.

We hope that our children are able to get paid doing something they love. If that requires a degree, I hope they get it. If it doesn't, that's fine too. Either way, I hope that our children will have a passion for learning.

 

[Clio]

Education is pretty important in my family. We all have college degrees and, in several cases, graduate/professional degrees. This has been true for several generations (both men and women - both of my grandmother's graduated from college, as did a couple of my great-grandmothers. I do suspect that in one case the institution was really more finishing school than college). My parents had very little money when I went off to college, but a combination of their contributions and generous financial aid made it possible. I put myself through grad school (MA and PhD) with fellowships.

My husband has a BS, which he pretty much paid for himself through loans and jobs - often 2-3 at a time. His parents always stressed how important higher education was, but they did not help pay for it beyond letting him live at home while he commuted to school. It was a stressful time for him.

They did a similar thing for high school: we're going to send you to a private school in the next town over because education is important, but we're going to leave it up to you to figure out how to get there, with no school-provided or public transportation available.

In general, my in-laws were good parents, but this is one area where I think they dropped the ball. I hope to be able to pay for college for our kids, without their having to take on debt.

 

[zoebartlett]

I've read a few comments about how going to college with a purpose and knowing what you want to study is a good idea. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to study in college, but I had always liked and had done well in history and English classes in high school. It came time during my sophomore year to declare my major, and I was in a panic. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew that I could write and I enjoyed learning about the past. I ended up majoring in history and English, but I don't know if I would have chosen that if I had been exposed to more things.

I wish high schools had some sort of internship program that was required for students. I got to take electives but I think high school would have been more interesting if I had done an internship somewhere as well. I don't think schools do enough to broaden students' experiences. Looking back, it might have been a good idea to take a year off in between high school and college, but I didn't.

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm writing before reading the thread so I give you my initial beliefs.

Neither DH nor I hold college degrees. None of our parents have degrees nor have they expressed any views on higher education. I am from a family with 4 kids, my baby sister will be completing her bachelors in the Spring semester. She will be the first college grad in my family. Most of my many cousins hold degrees. One set of Aunt/Uncle hold degrees. Most of the rest of my family are farmers and have attended at least some college. So, that's the background. My parents don't really have views on higher education. They'd say it's good to have a degree. But, it's completely fine not to have a degree.

My views on higher education seem unlikely to most. I value knowledge and intelligence. I don't think that intelligence is only gained in college though. I've met several college grads who are seriously stupid. Just because they can memorize some facts for a test doesn't make them competent, IMO. On the other hand, some of the most intelligent people I know are not college grads. The thirst for knowledge is not quenched by college alone. A truly wise person would not complete college and call their education complete. A wise person continues to learn every day of their lifetime. I would never look down on someone who holds no degree. In turn, I don't necessarily look up to a person who does hold a degree.

We hope that our children are able to get paid doing something they love. If that requires a degree, I hope they get it. If it doesn't, that's fine too. Either way, I hope that our children will have a passion for learning.

Great post, SS!

 

[rosetta]

I don't mind what my kids do. They will reap what they sow.

FI and I are both doctors, his father is a doctor, mine is an engineer. Brother studies law, sister English PhD student, my mother has a master in sociology. Sister in law is a lawyer, brother in law both law and business degrees. I'm in the process of deciding whether to go back to school and get a law degree now. Im finishing off a masters at the moment.

We are all highly educated but I don't plan to push higher education on my children. My parents certainly didn't take no for answer when it comes to us!

 

[Pandora II]

I've never known what I wanted to do - I have always bounced around from one thing to another because I got job offers that seemed interesting. Often my areas of education and my job had little in common, other times they did. I'm not rich but I've always made a decent amount and I've had a lot of fun trying different things. My degree helped in the sense that my cv didn't land in the bin because I didn't have one and IMO anything that you learn in life is a plus and probably useful.

Sometimes it's also good just to study for the pure enjoyment of it - you don't need to have a career or financial purpose.

 

[tigian]

College was expected in our household. Mom and dad both have B.A. My sister and I both went through masters programs after college. My husband went to trade school many hears ago in Hungary and is now working on a B.A here. I stressed the importance of having a degree to him before we got married. I know it is not necessary to have a successful career in many fields, but I didn't want not having a degree to be the limiting factor. I also told him I didn't mind putting him through school and would rather be poor now than 10 years from now when he would hit a ceiling in his career. My mom was not thrilled when I was dating my husband because of his lack of higher education, but came around after getting to know him. I expect to raise our children with the expectation of going to college.

 

[Missy]

Education was a given in my family. There was no question that my sister and I would go on to college and then Graduate school at the very least. Both my parents have bachelor's degrees and my mom has a masters in education and my dad has his DDS. Education is very valued in my family. I remember something my dad would say when I was little about how no one could ever take education from you. Meaning all the material things in the world was no match for a good education. In my family anyway.

So there was never a doubt in our minds we would go on to college and further. Of course we had a goal in mind but I see no problem with going to college to see what interests you and then making up your mind. I mean, that is one of the points of college isn't it? I went to a liberal arts college (Barnard) where we had to take a well rounded curriculum each semester and I think that helps you grow. Being forced to take more than just what you think you are interested in or what you think your strong points/subjects are.

My dh comes from a similar background. Both his parents have masters degrees in addition to their BA and my dh has his BA, JD and MBA.

I don't think a formal education is for everyone but I think it helps most people.

 

[iota15]

Both my parents have a university education - which in those days, in their country was quite an accomplishment, especially for my mother.

Between my sisters and I, none of us even questioned that we were going to university. It was as natural as going from elementary school to high school. It was just something you "obviously" were going to do. We all entered great universities, despite my lollygagging in high school. However, it should be noted that if I needed to go to a great university in the middle of nowhere, there was no question my parents would have put the house for sale before compromising what they saw as our future.

Our parents saw higher education as the last great bastion of their obligation as parents to us. We are not trust fund babies by any means, but our educations were paid for and we were all greatful to be given the time to study rather than work through our programs. We still had fun in uni, and one of my sister's and I even went on to get more letters after our names.

My parents are very satisfied that we are all accomplished, self-sufficient individuals now. It was very difficult for my parents to put us through our education. It might sound strange to some of you out there now - but each of my siblings and I give our parents money every month, almost like an allowance, not to re-pay them for our educations but to thank them for all they've done for us. Our parents still work but I know they have fun with the discretionary stream we've given them.

When I have children, education will also be something I hope they'll grow to value. I know there's a possibility they won't see it that way, or want a couple of years of fun before hunkering down at school. However, I hope they'll always value it and even if there's a fun period, return to it one day. University gave me time, not only to grow up, but also taught me how to think. In high school, everything that was taught seemed black or white. For me anyway, university taught me there are so many more shades and colors in between. It was invaluable and I would want that for my children.

 

[manderz]

I'm actually working on my degree right now. I'll graduate with an associates in Human Services this December, and will be continuing on for either my MSW or MEd, not quite sure yet. Neither of my parents graduated from college. My dad went to work at a factory right after graduation, and is still there, and my mom took a few courses at community college after she dropped out of high school, but never completed her degree. IMHO it would have been a waste of money for her to have completed it anyway, she was a SAHM when I was a kid, and still doesn't work.

My parents never really stressed how important education really is. I went right to work after high school, and after 8 years I went back to school after I lost my job. I wish I'd have gone right after high school, but I really wasn't ready. My brother never graduated high school, though he did get his GED. FI also has his GED, and will be enrolling in college to begin next semester.

That is such a sad thing to say IMHO and is why women have been treated like second-class citizens for so many hundreds of years... oh, they're female and will probably just stay at home and raise children so what's the point in wasting education on them.

Even if a woman is a SAHM, she is bringing up children and will impart to them what she knows: educate a woman and you educate a nation.

Sometimes education is for personal satisfaction and interest not for potential financial gain - hence the number of 90 year-olds on degree courses in the UK!

I'm just saying that in MY opinion, in HER situation, it would have been silly for her to complete it. Not as a universal thing, just for her.


Edited because of my foul mood. It's been a rough week, sorry.

 

[swimmer]

I think it's important to go to college, but I feel like it's a waste unless you know exactly what you want to do.

I couldn't disagree more. As a hs teacher and university instructor I see students discovering something they love through the core curriculum all the time and encounter only a few 17yr olds with a clear grasp of their long term plans. If a student loves to learn they will find something to sink their teeth into; specializing is for grad school anyway. The students with firm plans to double/triple major always seem to come back to visit with VASTLY different plans and that is great. I wonder if more students who "know" what they want to do flounder when that plan doesn't work as compared to students who take core requirements and find something along the way...

Well, that is my perspective as a PhD candidate married to a PhD, all of our parents are MDs or Phds, and all but one of our 8 grandparents earned their JD, MD, or PhD. My grandmother had to leave school because of WWI raging in her back yard, but ultimately earned her GED at 87 and went on to attend community college. Our culture puts a strong emphasis on learning to question and citing sources in arguments, this translates well in demonstrating high performance in school.

ETA: so sorry to hear so many people were told what to study by parents, that is really unimaginable to me.