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Higher education -- your beliefs and your parents'

zoebartlett

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,461
I started typing this in DF's college thread but I was going slightly off-topic. I thought I'd begin a new thread.

I'll get right to my questions and then go into detail in another post. Do you and your parents share the same educational beliefs? Did your parents encourage you to attend college or were they "hands off" and let you make your own decisions? What was the environment you grew up in regarding education and expectations?
 
My husband and I have had many, many discussions about this. He is the youngest of 5 kids, and he's the first one in his family to graduate from college. He began a 2 year associate's program later than the typical 18 year old. He went on to get his BS, but he was working full time and finally earned his degree 7 years after entering his program (in his early-mid 30s).

His parents don't have a higher education. His dad entered the military right after high school, and his mom worked at a store. I believe they married not long after graduating, and they started their family right away. They moved around a lot before my husband was born, both within the US and other countries. They have a lot of life experience although they don't have an education beyond the twelfth grade. I'm sure they believe that education is important, but they didn't instill a strong value in it with their children, in my opinion. It was acceptable for my husband and his siblings to come home with Ds but not Fs. I don't think they were very hands on in that regard, and they didn't set high expectations. To be honest, this bothers me. A lot.

I grew up in a very different environment than my husband. My parents have 3 masters degrees between the two of them, and they both attended 4 year colleges. They had high expectations, and it was never a matter of IF my sister and I were going to attend college, it was a matter of where. My sister was a much better student than I was in high school. I worked hard, but math and science were not my strong subjects. I came home with Cs in those areas and Bs in others. My sister was a straight A student. We both went to 4 year colleges (my sister went to an Ivy League school), and I have an M.Ed. Our parents had a strong belief that higher education will get you farther in life.

I know there's not one right way to have life experiences, and I get that college may not be for everyone. I do think, though, that it's important to have high expectations for children when it comes to education. I think our parents' beliefs helped my husband and I shape our own thoughts on higher education.
 
Zoe|1303034903|2898282 said:
I know there's not one right way to have life experiences, and I get that college may not be for everyone. I do think, though, that it's important to have high expectations for children when it comes to education. I think our parents' beliefs helped my husband and I shape our own thoughts on higher education.
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This sums up perfectly how I feel Zoe. Can't say it any better :)

My dad was one of 7. There was no money for college. My aunt, his older sister, really loved my dad and when she saw him going down a bad path she forced him to enroll in the military. He did not go to college although he was studying for his AA before he passed. My mom is one of 10 and grew up in Dominican Republic. She has a high school education which, in modern times, is probably equivalent to a middle school education.

Growing up my dad really pushed the importance of school. My mom didn't care either way. She was very much an old fashioned, stereotypical SAHM. She believed women should find a good man to marry and then stay home with the kids. She didn't see the point in going to college, assuming I would find a man to take care of me. When my dad passed, she completely changed her beliefs and started pushing going to college. She expected me to go, paid closer attention to my grades, and helped me save for it. My dad definitely set the foundation for me but it was with my mom's support that I was able to succeed. I was also first generation college graduate on both sides. My brother, who is graduating in 2 weeks (!!), will be #2 and my baby brother will be #3 next year.

My FI's parents did not go to college either. They value hard work and also didn't see the point in college. My FI never went. It wasn't until he was older that his mom started pushing education but he's an old dog set in his ways.

College is not an option for my child(ren). I've witnessed the alternatives and while I do know of people who are living well despite not having a degree, they are capped out at the max of where they can go with their employer. My mom is one who is a great example of someone who has been very successful without a education. She learned to invest and is a master saver. She put all 3 of us through college with no one's help. Her house was paid off after 13 years and she has a hefty bank account. But her hard work comes with a lot of well...hard work--back pains, burns, sickness, chronic fatigue, etc.
 
There was also never a question of whether or not me and my siblings would go to college. We each took different paths but all 5 of us now have undergraduate degrees and we'll likely all have Masters degrees eventually. (My 2 oldest siblings already have them, me and my other older brother are on the way to them and my twin sister will most likely go back to school in the next couple of years.)

I slacked majorly in high school but still got into the school I wanted to go to, and so did my sister. My brothers both joined the Army after high school but ended up going to West Point after a few years of being enlisted. My older sister is a typical oldest overachiever and got her Masters right after she got her undergraduate degree.

My parents think that life experience is just as important as an education, but they have always stressed that that piece of paper really does help you get your foot in the door. I was actually just having this conversation with my father a few days ago, because a colleague at the company he just retired from doesn't have a college degree, and the company doesn't want to promote him until he has one. (It's a requirement for the position he wants.) The company actually just made a deal with him that they'll promote him under the condition that he finishes his undergraduate degree.

I don't think that college is for everyone, but unless you learn a lucrative trade, I do think it's hard to do well long-term without a degree.
 
Neither of my parent's went to college. My dad lucked out and found a great paying job and didn't need to go back to school. My mom never became an american citizen so I think she may have decided to take some community college classes in her early 20s, but she moved to the US before age 18 and never went to HS school here.

My mom totally supported me going to college but only would pay if I studied what she wanted me to. It was a horrible mistake b/c not only did I not like the field and quit my only job in that field after nine months, the money was wasted. I decided to go back and began taking classes in studies I liked (but didn't finish/or get a second degree) and I paid for those classes myself and my mom wouldn't talk to me about them. (my dad wasn't involved in the process - he died b/f I graduated from HS)
 
My dad has a JD. My mom got her BA. It was always expected that I would get a degree of some sort. Straight out of high school I went to the local University. Got a 1.37 (?) GPA because I didn't care and didn't go to class. So I dropped out. But I went directly over to the local community college and got my Associates degree in Culinary Arts. Which was ok with my parents, but still not ideal. Then I went to a culinary school across the country that offered associates or bachelors. I went for two semesters. And dropped out.

Came back to NM, screwed around a little for a while, and ended up going back to the community college for basic liberal arts classes, which is where I met my husband. I eventually went back and got my bachelors, graduating just over a year after my mom passed away. It was her wish that I get my bachelors degree.

My husband is the first of his family to graduate college. Except for maybe his aunt. He is currently a phd student. Eventually he plans to be a professor. His father pulled him out of bed and made him take all of the college entrance/standardized exams, and otherwise, he never would have gone. Which is funny because his dad doesn't have anything past a HS diploma himself.

Which leads to our beliefs. We've never actually talked about it, but it's kind of expected that our child/ren will get a degree. Why shouldn't they, seeing as they will likely have access to a free education through my husband's job. Which also leads me to believe that I could potentially go for a free graduate degree later in life as well!
 
My dad went to college and earned several higher degrees as well as advanced military training in nuclear physics, electrical and mechanical engineering. He always felt that college is important but that it should be on my terms and that I should do it for myself. I have three years of college under my belt with no real degree. Choosing one felt too absolute and I was never able to make that decision. Now I'm able to see that it doesn't really matter what my degree is, most employers who require a degree in my area only require ANY kind of degree. I plan on working towards finishing my degree beginning this fall and am guesstimating that it will take a good four years (with also working full time). So a degree by 29 isn't bad.

My mom went to beauty school and never stressed the importance of higher education. About the only thing she stressed the importance of was keeping the house clean and me being skinner than I was. She would also tell me that I would never make it into college and when I did (easily) I think she became jealous of that fact.

Luckly, my father raised me as a single dad beginning from age 9 so his positive attitude and beliefs stayed with me. I don't have kids, and will not have kids, but I believe that college is a choice for each person and isn't always the best choice or necessary. We each have to carve our own path :)
 
My parents didnt even finish high school let along college so no there was no encouragement to go to college...I know my sister want to go and they said fine, but they couldnt pay for any of it and the couldnt get a loan, so she didnt go till she got older and so she ended up going getting her degree in nursing when she was in her early 30's :appl: I fully encouraged my son to go and even offered to pay half of this loans and I am fully cosigned on all of his loans...he only went 2 years...I still have hope that he will go back some day.
 
Neither of my parents went to college. My mom was a SAHM until my sister and I were in grade school and my dad enrolled in the Army immediately following high school. My sister and I were given the same options: (1) go to college full time and not pay rent or be required to work, (2) not go to college, live at home, pay rent and work a minimum of 40 hours per week, (3) move out and do whatever we want with no monetary support from mom and dad. We also had to pursue "worthwhile" degrees - no art, music, theatre, film or the like. We both went to college full time and we each ended up working at least part-time during school. I have a bachelors degee in paralegal studies and my sister has a bachelors degree in early childhood education and is working on her masters in educational psychology.

My husband's family was a little looser in that they highly encouraged each of their six kids to go to college, but didn't hold it over anyone's head the way my parents did. In my husband's family:

Mom has a nursing degree (R.N.) - she works as a R.N.
Dad has a masters in geology and also in engineering - he is a civil engineer
Brother 1 has a bachelors degree in business - works as a computer "geek"
Brother 2 is an MD/PHD - working on his medical residency
DH has a bachelors in history and film - works at a gas company as a technician
Sister 1 has a bachelors in international relations and a law degree - works in retail
Brother 3 has a bachelors in art and masters in art - works for Target Corporation
Sister 2 has a bachelors and masters in architecture - works for a mining company (administrative assistant)

I think it is very important to go to college, but realize that it's not for everyone. My husband took time off before college and then spent 10 years getting his degrees, which are useless in my mind. All he has to show for it are massive amounts of student loans that will probably never be paid off so to that end I think that one should avoid going into a field that has very little opportunities for work unless you can go to school without getting into debt.
 
My mom has a degree and a teaching certificate, my dad was a tradesman (retired), and is now a photographer. I think my dad's progress in his career was hampered by the fact that he didn't have any higher education, so at some point he his a ceiling.

Both my mom and my dad have encouraged my siblings and me to pursue a higher education. None of us have had pressure to get good grades because my family is pretty-well self-motivating.

When my parents split up, :angryfire: my new stepmom (:evil:) told my sister that she shouldn't apply to college, and that her priorities should be getting a job and buying a car :angryfire: (she though my sister was a dumb blonde).

My sister graduated at the top of her class in her undergrad program and is pursuing her masters on a full scholarship - I'm so proud of my sister! :appl: My little brother is muddling through his undergrad with little clear direction - I think he needs some time to travel and figure out who he is.

Fi has an undergrad degree, and is the second in his family to do so (one of his sisters does too).
I have my undergrad and wil be beginning a professional program this May.

I wish my parents had given me a little more guidance on what to study I graduated with a useful degree, but the economy crashed, so there's no work until a bunch of old guys retire -so... back to school for more training!

It really seems that college is the new highschool!
 
Growing up, there was never an option to skip college. It was just expected.. Just like we went to high school, we had to keep on going and go to college somewhere. My dad and his whole family went to college and they were all very big into the college thing. 1/2 of them either didn't work or didn't have a job that even remotely related to their career (my dad) but even back then they knew it was a lot easier to get a job with that piece of paper saying you have a degree. My mom didn't go to college and knew how hard it had been for her to move up in jobs. She was very successful and moved up based on experience but she would occasionally get passed up for someone with less experience but who had a degree. My grandparents (dad's side) used to give money towards a college fund for Christmas and birthdays instead of toys.. so lame when I was 5, but so awesome when I was in college! So I guess you could say I was raised from birth with the notion that college was in my future.
 
It was always expected my siblings and I would go to college. Both my parents have advanced degrees. Education is very important in my family. Currently my sister is getting her phd, I am getting my master's, and I am pretty sure my bother will go back for his master's soon. I hope my daughter will go to college when the time comes.
 
College was always an expectation in my family. My mom has a BA and an MA from Northwestern. My father is in the Jewish clergy, and he went back to college as an adult to finish his BA, and then earned his master's from the School of Sacred Music.

I think a large part of my family's strong belief in education comes from their religion. Study is a very important tenet of Judaism, and in our modern world that translates into a college education.

I believe in education, and I imagine I will want our future children to earn a college degree. However, I think that every individual has different needs and desires and abilities, and I don't believe that college is for everyone. Should my child have a passion that would be better served by going out into the field rather than earning an education, then I will hope that he pursues that. I think it is most important to understand what you need as an individual to live a fulfilled life, and to go after that.

ETA: I failed to share that I have a BA, an MA, and an MEd.

My husband has a master's, but his parents didn't seem to value education as much as mine. His mother had a BA, but his father didn't attend college. His entire family are entrepreneurs, not one of them works for someone else. College wasn't necessary for them to pursue their interests and become financially successful, so I imagine they didn't pursue it for those reasons. My husband works for himself, too, but he needed a formal education to enter his field. His family owns real estate and they owned furniture stores for several decades (they just closed them this year :(sad ).
 
Zoe|1303033987|2898275 said:
I'll get right to my questions and then go into detail in another post. Do you and your parents share the same educational beliefs? Did your parents encourage you to attend college or were they "hands off" and let you make your own decisions? What was the environment you grew up in regarding education and expectations?
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My dad has a master's in counseling and my mom has a technical degree. My mom came from a farming family whereas many of the 11 kids in my dad's family went to private high school. My dad and one uncle were the only kids out of the 11 to go on to college. My uncle is also now working on his master's to become a deacon.

I have a master's degree, and my only sibling is also wrapping up her master's degree as I type this (she graduates April 30! Woo!). My dad definitely encouraged us to go on after our BAs for the master's, and both our chosen careers (me a librarian, she a speech pathologist) require a master's. It was assumed that we would get BAs at the local state school, as our parents generously paid for it while we lived at home.

My mom was/is encouraging of us getting advanced degrees, but she definitely didn't full 'get it' when I had a full load of 2 graduate classes and worked 30 hours a week how much work that actually was.
 
Thing2 -- you mentioned that your brother slacked off in high school. My husband did too, BIG time. In fact, he attended regular high school in the mornings from grades 9-11 and then he spent the afternoons at an alternative high school. He was so unmotivated and he resisted any type of help, that his parents thought he might do better in a different environment - a place that was focused more on experiential learning than regular academics. He did return for a full day at his traditional high school for his senior year. I've always wondered if my husband would have been more successful and if he would have had a more positive outlook if his parents were more hands-on with his education. I never get the impression that they pushed him and honestly, I don't get that at all.

He's very successful now, and I'm so proud of how hard he's worked since embracing the value of an education.
 
It's really interesting to read everyone's stories. Thanks for sharing!
 
My dad is an engineer and my mom is a teacher, so they both really stressed education. My highschool is "elite" for the area so almost all of my classmates went to university. I'm happy that my parents pushed me academically, but at the same time I think that a lot of my classmates are going to university for no reason. I'm thinking of my friends who's parents pushed to go to university rather than college and who are now working in coffee shops or similar. In Canada things like fashion design, culinary school and graphic design are college level, not University. You get a diploma and not a degree. I think its a shame that so many of my peers were steered away from these career choices by their parents. I know so many people who did political science and psychology degrees simply because their parents would have freaked out if they didn't go to university. Art history is interesting and has its place, but a graphic design program teaches a very marketable skill. Now these classmates are having a difficult time finding jobs because their degrees didn't really lead them to anything concrete and they have no practical experience. The girl with the psych degree who's making pizza's because she loves to cook probably should have gone to culinary school. She probably never will because the attitude is that she has a degree, so why go for a diploma.

Among my peer group and my parent's friends, going to college is seen as a form of failure. The only reason to go would be because you're not smart enough for university. I think this is a shame and that both education systems have their positives and negatives.
 
My parents always had high academic expectations for me (only child). I was harder on myself than they were on me in terms of my academic performance, but we definitely shared expectations. However, since I was always academically minded, it's hard to know if they were letting me follow my bliss or pulling strings behind the scenes to encourage me.

I think, more than anything, the best thing my parents did for me, educationally, was to encourage critical thinking. I was encouraged to their question beliefs, could debate rules and punishments (so long as I did so rationally), and talked about politics and social issues (and sports) at every family meal.

This will be a big deal for DH and I, should we ever have children. DH believes in encouragement-regardless-of-goal and I am a tiger-mom-waiting-to-happen.
 
I skipped 2 grades in school and ended up starting college a week before my 16th birthday (on scholarship). I was the first in my family to go to college. I ended up going a little wild while living in the dorms (too young and had come from a VERY strict household) and was forced to talk to the school socialworker (my chearleading coach insisted). During the conversation, the socialworker mentioned that she was proud of me for taking the "hard" route vs getting a job and buying a car....something clicked in my head "wait, I could buy a car?!?"...I dropped out that day.....

Fast foward several years later. I am bartending, on my own, making car payments and people that I had went to High School with are graduating and moving back to the area. I COULDN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!!! I enrolled in a local community college...paying for everything myself and then a 4 yr state school. I graduated w/both a B.S and a B.A. (both w/a 4.0). I am now working on my masters.

Currently I am a SAHM. My husband makes close to 200k/yr WITHOUT A DEGREE. He recently got his associates (although it isnt required by his company) because he felt self-conscious about not having one. The one downfall is that his company basically has him by the b*lls. He would NEVER make that kind of money if he went elsewhere and being that he has 21 years put in at this place he is stuck.

My boys will be EXPECTED to go to college although if they want to take a year off to think about what it is they want to do or to travel I will support them.
 
None of our parents went to college.

My parents went to school outside of US, and they finished what is equivalent to 9th grade in the US. It was expected by my parents for us to get A's in school. Anything less was frowned upon. All three of us went onto and graduated from college with a BS. I am sure they would've loved for us to be doctors, but they never said we have to be one. They never interfered with our educations, though mostly because they don't know anything about it.

My ILs grew up outside of the US also. FIL went to school, not sure how far he got. I think MIL just learned to read and write.I am not sure what their expectations were for DH and his three older sisters. Again, I am sure they would've loved for them to be doctors. It's very much an Asian thing. The oldest and second oldest SILs got AA degrees; I believe the second SIL was working toward a BA in accounting while working, but not sure if she ever did finish. My third SIL has a BA in child development, an AA degree in fashion degree and recently went back to school for an AA in nursing. She basically can't decide what she wants to do in life. DH has a BS and a MBA.

I think it will be easier for our kids because they would get more guidances from us. We will have high expectations for them, but we can also tutor them. We are not sure if we "expect" them to go to college. We want them to go to college, but it's not for everyone. If they happen to be the non-school type, then we would expect them to pick up a trade. Although, we don't think we will let that be known to begin with because we want them to try their best.
 
When I was younger, my mom raised my brother and I alone. She had to work 3 jobs sometimes to support us. If she would have finished college (she got pregnant with me 2 years in), I would like to think that life would have been much easier, on us and on her. When I was a teenager, she switched careers to real estate, and is much happier and more successful because of it. So, yes I do think education is important, more so for women, really. I went to makeup school right after high school (special effects makeup NOT cosmetology, completely different), did that for a while and loved it, but eventually decided to go to college. Now, I know what Im about to say will be unpopular, but I completely regret it. I loved what I was going to school for I just ultimately discovered that I had already been doing what I wanted, and that I only went to college because of outside pressure. (long story, perhaps another time..) So it was a waste of money, because I was already making great money doing what *I* loved. I understand that this is not the norm, but in those cases, I dont think a person really requires college. My DH is another person like that, he is just not a school person, however in his trade he is amazing. He has education is his trade, and makes alot more than most people that we know who have degrees. His trade is in high demand though, and specialized so its not like just anyone can do it. To be honest, a degree doesnt mean jack in his field its about experience.

When we do have kids, I will stress the importance of education, but not just college. I also think trade schools are a good option for some people.It depends what our kid is like I guess, Im not going to force *my* ideals on my children, if they arent college material, (like my DH) I see no reason to put undue pressure, I would just rather be supportive of what my child loves and would be happy doing. Also, I think its important to be life learner more than anything. I read and further myself on my own because its important to me, not what anyone else thinks, and I hope my child/ren would feel the same.

ETA- I forgot to answer the other part of the q, sorry! :oops:
My mom put alot of pressure on me growing up concerning education, she was very upset when I told her I wanted to be a makeup artist. Neither of my DHs parents placed high value on education at all, they both barely graduated HS and his mom even let his little sister drop out of HS in her junior year. Um, yeah, dont get me started on that.
 
It wasn't really an option - my family has always been very academic and I grew up expecting to go to University. Education was seen as the gift that can never be taken away.

My father read Medicine at Cambridge University, his father did law at Edinburgh (and was Vice-Chancellor of one of the top universities in the UK at one point). My mother got the grades to go to any university she could have wanted to but her parents talked her into going to a training college to become an Occupational Therapist instead and she has always regretted that decision.

My brother read History and then did Law, my sister did Geography and then a second degree in Speech Pathology. My other sister did Psychology. I studied Archaeology and then switched to Textile Design - I'm now 8 weeks from my finals for the Gemmological Association of Great Britain's FGA. Youngest sister has dropped out of her Psychology degree 3 times now...

My husband read Politic, Philosophy & Economics at Oxford University, his father read Medicine at Oxford, his older brother read Natural Sciences at Cambridge (also has an MA in Artificial Intelligence and an MBA from Kellogg), youngest brother has a degree in Engineering. Brother No. 3 left school at 16...

I'd like to hope our daughter will go to University. Both DH and I are prepared to make a lot of sacrifices if necessary to give her the best education we can.
 
I'm actually working on my degree right now. I'll graduate with an associates in Human Services this December, and will be continuing on for either my MSW or MEd, not quite sure yet. Neither of my parents graduated from college. My dad went to work at a factory right after graduation, and is still there, and my mom took a few courses at community college after she dropped out of high school, but never completed her degree. IMHO it would have been a waste of money for her to have completed it anyway, she was a SAHM when I was a kid, and still doesn't work.

My parents never really stressed how important education really is. I went right to work after high school, and after 8 years I went back to school after I lost my job. I wish I'd have gone right after high school, but I really wasn't ready. My brother never graduated high school, though he did get his GED. FI also has his GED, and will be enrolling in college to begin next semester.
 
Zoe|1303033987|2898275 said:
I started typing this in DF's college thread but I was going slightly off-topic. I thought I'd begin a new thread.

I'll get right to my questions and then go into detail in another post. Do you and your parents share the same educational beliefs? Did your parents encourage you to attend college or were they "hands off" and let you make your own decisions? What was the environment you grew up in regarding education and expectations?
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my parents came from the old country (China) they don't understand any English,so did they encourage me to get a good education? Yes!,did i listen to my parents? No! :devil:

as for our kids.. we encourage them to advance their college education as far as they can to their ability, however unlike most Chinese parents we will not put pressure on our kids to become doctors and lawyers.
 
My parents both hold advanced degrees, and my dad was a doctorate professor at a university, so I was always encouraged to go to school. It wasn't ever an option to NOT go, it was just always "when I go...", not "if I go".... They did not, however, pay for my schooling. I got to take out loans and work to get through it, but i'm glad I did it on my own.
 
Zoe|1303073342|2898649 said:
Thing2 -- you mentioned that your brother slacked off in high school. My husband did too, BIG time. In fact, he attended regular high school in the mornings from grades 9-11 and then he spent the afternoons at an alternative high school. He was so unmotivated and he resisted any type of help, that his parents thought he might do better in a different environment - a place that was focused more on experiential learning than regular academics. He did return for a full day at his traditional high school for his senior year. I've always wondered if my husband would have been more successful and if he would have had a more positive outlook if his parents were more hands-on with his education. I never get the impression that they pushed him and honestly, I don't get that at all.

He's very successful now, and I'm so proud of how hard he's worked since embracing the value of an education.
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Ha actually me and my twin sister slacked off, although my one older brother slacked off more than we did. We just did the bare minimum to get by and it worked, even in the AP classes we took. To this day we're both major procrastinators and I think a big part of that is from being able to get away with it in high school and college!

The one thing that kept me from slacking more was that I had to keep up a certain GPA to continue to play sports. I was captain of the field hockey and soccer teams and aside from working on the newspaper, those were the only things I liked about high school. (Aside from all the trouble me and my friends got into, that is! :devil: )

ETA that my parents were not okay with me slacking off, but I was never particularly obedient or people-pleasing so that didn't really motivate me to do better. Unless I was super into a subject I just didn't care, and it showed.
 
Both of my parents went to university and obtained professional degrees. It was a given that my sister and I would also be attending university in a specific areas of study. No liberal arts degrees for us. I graduated from Boston University and my sister from Tufts University. We both went on to get our master's degrees, as well, and worked in our respective fields. My husband [my daughter's father], his father and sister all attended Yale and he received his undergraduate degree and went on to receive his master's at MIT. We assumed our daughter would do the same. She didn't. She dropped out of high school and did a short stint in community college. She was a very talented cook and decided that she wanted to attend the Culinary Institute of America and enter their degree program. She obtained her GED, took SAT prep classes and took the SAT. She did very well and interviewed and was accepted at the Culinary Institute. She was given scholorships and stipends along the way, due to her excellent work. She graduated with honors, just like her Mom. She is working in her field. I never forced her to attend college, but I think that the family values were present. She needed to make the decision, on her own.
 
My parents took some college classes but neither had completed any degree. They stressed my going to college but my twin brother apparently didn't drink the kool aid because he went to a community college while I entered a university as a freshman. While my parents stressed to me to go to college, I attribute my going to college with my schooling. My parents paid for a very exclusive private elementary school with extremely privileged children( My best friend later went on to Harvard and my other friend's parents were both brain surgeons). As I got older, I kept developing a talent in art and my father sent me to small art schools in conjunction with my regular private schools. My father was the main person with the high expectations but he died when I was 14 years old. My mom was a more hands off parent so it was really hard when it came to selecting a university. In the end, I selected SDSU (a California State school) instead of the much higher rated schools I was accepted (USC, Loyola) because I didn't want to take any loans out.

I'm very interested to hear the answers from this thread because one day I will have my own children and I would like to know which method appears to work best. I somewhat believe that the answer lies in the middle. Become too strict and controlling over the schooling and a child may rebel or be too hands off and the children will not aspire. I hear a lot of people talk about expecting their children to go to college so I will probably lean on that side. I think showing your kids my example seems to be a winning answer as well. One thing for sure is that I feel sorry for my children because I'm already obsessing about them and they aren't even born yet!
 
It was not an option for me, nor will it be an option for my daughter. Actually it IS an option, but she won't be raised like that.

My philosophy when it comes to education is to set the bar high, but accept and love if it isn't met. It won't be the end of the world for me if she doesn't go, but she'd better be diligent in doing something else.
 
Neither of my parents went to college. They were both very poor, from large families, and couldn't afford to. But they were both dead set on me getting a higher education. FI's parents went to college but he's the first one in his family with a PhD. Both FI and I agree that we want our kids to go to college, but we won't push them to get PhDs just because we did.
 
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