asymons412
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2011
- Messages
- 247
Hey all! 
Well, where to begin.
My SO (Fred) and I met in high school and will have been dating for 7 years this April. He once told me that he wanted to wait for engagement until we graduated from our respective undergraduate schools, since we were long-distance for those four years. Graduation came and went; he has a very stable, well-paying job as an engineer at a company called Raytheon, and I'm working on my PhD in medical pharmacology at the University of Arizona (go cats! ). We live together, which brings me to my LIW story:
Fred graduated a year earlier than I did (he's one year older) and moved out to Arizona. When I found a great lab and PhD program out here, it came time to decide whether we would move in together or if I'd find a place on my own for a while. Long-story-short, for financial reasons and the fact that we were so tired of being long distance-- who can say no to finally seeing eachother every day? --I wanted to move in with him, but I come from a very traditional Jewish family. It broke my Mom's heart to see me move in with him without at least a ring on my finger. We argued about it and talked it over, but in the end he went and spoke with my parents and received their blessing. For the past year and a half, my mom calls at every minor holiday or vacation to ask if I have a ring yet. In my heart, I desperately wish he'd had the respect to honor my parents wishes, but I also understand that we had more growing to do as a couple; coming from a long-distance relationship to live-in lovers is kind of a big deal. Part of me appreciates that he had that foresight. I tend to be the more spontaneous, go-for-it type while he reins me in with his constant deliberation.
Anyway, fast forward to now. We've been happily living together for a year and a half, we have a dog, we really help eachother keep focused on our life-goals and also give eachother the sanity to see them through. I love him more than everything and every day I know that he feels the same. The problem? There's still no ring on my finger.
I'm in no rush to get married-- I'll be happy to have a 2-year engagement and love every minute of it, but with spring, every couple I know (literally-- a dozen in the past month. Even Michael Scott on the Office!) has become engaged. Part of me feels almost betrayed-- we've been working on our relationship so long and have come so far, and yet couples dating for barely a year are happy to take the plunge.
I know that commitment isn't the problem-- Fred has made it clear that he has every intention --but unfortunately my lovely man lacks the ability to follow-through. With our upcoming anniversary on April 12th and a weekend trip planned to San-Diego in May, I could have sworn he was dropping hints. But with the engagement of two of our good friends (who were also my sole hope that a couple of many years could be happy without diamonds involved), he made it obvious that he hasn't really been planning.
We've talked about it and he wants to get engaged; I've caught him online looking at rings, but I just don't know when. Or if he'll have the cash for a while... his salary is more than generous, but he is also very irked by his undergraduate loans and has a tendency to either put his money there or on things like his motorcycle (which, I mean, I'm okay with... we both have love affairs with our bikes. ). I'm just a little disappointed I guess. And when I saw that even fictional characters on TV are getting engaged on the heels of everyone I know... it drives you a little batty and you start to wonder how you screwed up your karma! haha.
So that's my very long introduction! I'm glad there are forums like this where us LIWs can look for some support... I need a way to clear my head! Whimpering 24/7 about your empty ring finger isn't very healthy.
-Ashley
Well, where to begin.
My SO (Fred) and I met in high school and will have been dating for 7 years this April. He once told me that he wanted to wait for engagement until we graduated from our respective undergraduate schools, since we were long-distance for those four years. Graduation came and went; he has a very stable, well-paying job as an engineer at a company called Raytheon, and I'm working on my PhD in medical pharmacology at the University of Arizona (go cats! ). We live together, which brings me to my LIW story:Fred graduated a year earlier than I did (he's one year older) and moved out to Arizona. When I found a great lab and PhD program out here, it came time to decide whether we would move in together or if I'd find a place on my own for a while. Long-story-short, for financial reasons and the fact that we were so tired of being long distance-- who can say no to finally seeing eachother every day? --I wanted to move in with him, but I come from a very traditional Jewish family. It broke my Mom's heart to see me move in with him without at least a ring on my finger. We argued about it and talked it over, but in the end he went and spoke with my parents and received their blessing. For the past year and a half, my mom calls at every minor holiday or vacation to ask if I have a ring yet. In my heart, I desperately wish he'd had the respect to honor my parents wishes, but I also understand that we had more growing to do as a couple; coming from a long-distance relationship to live-in lovers is kind of a big deal. Part of me appreciates that he had that foresight. I tend to be the more spontaneous, go-for-it type while he reins me in with his constant deliberation.
Anyway, fast forward to now. We've been happily living together for a year and a half, we have a dog, we really help eachother keep focused on our life-goals and also give eachother the sanity to see them through. I love him more than everything and every day I know that he feels the same. The problem? There's still no ring on my finger.
I'm in no rush to get married-- I'll be happy to have a 2-year engagement and love every minute of it, but with spring, every couple I know (literally-- a dozen in the past month. Even Michael Scott on the Office!) has become engaged. Part of me feels almost betrayed-- we've been working on our relationship so long and have come so far, and yet couples dating for barely a year are happy to take the plunge.
I know that commitment isn't the problem-- Fred has made it clear that he has every intention --but unfortunately my lovely man lacks the ability to follow-through. With our upcoming anniversary on April 12th and a weekend trip planned to San-Diego in May, I could have sworn he was dropping hints. But with the engagement of two of our good friends (who were also my sole hope that a couple of many years could be happy without diamonds involved), he made it obvious that he hasn't really been planning.
We've talked about it and he wants to get engaged; I've caught him online looking at rings, but I just don't know when. Or if he'll have the cash for a while... his salary is more than generous, but he is also very irked by his undergraduate loans and has a tendency to either put his money there or on things like his motorcycle (which, I mean, I'm okay with... we both have love affairs with our bikes.
). I'm just a little disappointed I guess. And when I saw that even fictional characters on TV are getting engaged on the heels of everyone I know... it drives you a little batty and you start to wonder how you screwed up your karma! haha.So that's my very long introduction!
I'm glad there are forums like this where us LIWs can look for some support... I need a way to clear my head! Whimpering 24/7 about your empty ring finger isn't very healthy. -Ashley
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