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Helping ppl find stones urgently

gregchang35

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Hmm.

I have seen a few of these posts recently and it got me thinking... men are not planners are they??????

I am being generalist here with my comment that men are the ones proposing. i know that women propose as well. but the threads i am talking about are the ones where guys have the time constraint- find something in 2 weeks so i can propose. or ladies who are helping their male friends find something quickly to propose.

I also know that there are other men that go over and beyond to propose.. taking months to get it all organised for the event.

I dont think that majority of men can ever plan for the proposal in a timely manner. Yes, i know i am gender bashing... and i am also a man! LOL....

I guess, with something as important as the engagement/ proposal... somethings just need the time and attention that it needs. of course, the proposal is also something that may not be that important as long as the 2 consenting adults are on the same page...

I know i am similar with b'day and x'mas presents... doing it the last minute.... but these are yearly events.. not a life changing event like a proposal in marriage....

Any way, rant over... or maybe just observations perhaps! LOL!
 

madelise

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I find it annoying too. It's just as thoughtless as those guys who walk into a mall store and buy the first thing they see when it's supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime special event.

Guys will research for months for a car, but walk in and buy any ring.

:eh:
 

Calliecake

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Greg, Your comments had me laughing out loud. I worked in an office of mostly men for over 30 years. I can not count how many of them asked me to help them find the perfect ring for their girlfriends. They usually asked me on a Monday or Tuesday and said they wanted the ring by the weekend so they could propose. The part that amazed me the most was their girlfriends talked to them endlessly about diamonds and they seemed so clueless that it may take a month or longer to find the diamond and setting.
 

Medical

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Eh, I think it's pretty case dependent. I spent about 6 months researching and designing the ring, and now I'm spending two more planning the proposal. Personally, I think it just matters more or less to different people. At the end of the day- it's just a ring and one moment. The goal is to communicate a sentiment that lasts a lifetime. Or so I think haha.
 

LLJsmom

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You all should see the thread on the guy who needs to find a stone on BN in short order and who has "no problem doing some work". People are feeding him diamonds which is very kind of them. However if I was about to spend $10k plus, I would not just trust others and try to learn as much as I can so I can understand if not verify other people's advice. It surprises me that people don't feel the same way, but they don't. So I do get annoyed, and respond very rarely. :). Bad PSer...
 

gregchang35

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I guess for these guys.... it is not that important an event. :wall: :naughty:

C'est la vie.....

people vary, right?

The most important thing is to have the correct partner for the union to work. The ring and the prep work is only minor in the whole scheme of things.....
 

Gypsy

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I don't think it's something inherent in men. It's not in their DNA.

I think it's a societal thing. We make lots of excuses for men. We say "Men aren't planners." And we say that "Jewelry just isn't important to men."

Instead of saying "this is important. Because of what it represents. Because of the feelings involved.

But instead we say, "oh well FEELINGS, men aren't good with those either." And excuse them.

And so when we excuse them when our FEELINGS aren't important to them, as mothers, as sisters, and teachers, we teach them that our feelings are NOT important and that they don't have to respect them.

It's up to us to teach men how to respect us.

And that's what it is, IMO, disrespect.

Ask a man to buy a car. See the time and care he takes with it. Some of the rings purchased cost as much if not more than a car and yet they give it no more attention or notice than they do the toilet paper they buy.

It's up to us as mothers, sisters, and even brothers to say, "Hey, this is a once in a lifetime thing. And it's not an easy purchase, nor should it. Be you should pay care to this. It is symbol of your commitment to each other."

Instead of just giving them a thousand excuses to get away with their negligence.

I've had enough of "boys will be boys."
 

tyty333

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On the other hand, I dont think some people (men and women) realize how long it takes to find a nice stone, pick a setting, and
then get it to you. Of course, a little bit of research (planning) would help them figure it out.

It is surprising to me that people who are going to spend such a large amount of money dont put more time/thought into it.
 

telephone89

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So true Gypsy. We/society enables this behavior. I remember trying to get my H to put me on his benefits. He would send an email, forget, I'd bring it up a month later, he'd forget again, etc (there were also problems with HR at this point, but still). He started researching buying a new car - would spend literally HOURS looking at it. And I finally said, if you spent as much f#$%ing time trying to get benefits done as you do researching this car, it'd be done months ago. He smartened up after that. It wasn't important to him, so it wasn't a priority - even though (imo) it was important to our family. I was not able to call his company for that, nor should I have to. I'm NOT a nagger, I'm not the person that will remind someone every single day until it gets done.

But yes, all those urgent threads are a bit annoying I'd say.
 

arkieb1

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If it makes you feel any better my husband bought me a car a really hated a number of years ago too. And he planned it as a surprise he thought I would like.... He tries really hard but rarely buys things that I actually do like, pretty well when it comes to everything. At first this caused a lot of disharmony but now we both accept it and I buy whatever I want and like for myself.
 

Rockinruby

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There have been a lot of these threads lately. It's hard for me to understand spending that much money without putting time & care into the decision. :wall: Thankfully there are quite a few PSers who kindly help these people. :clap:
 

Gypsy

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I'd like to state for the record, that my husband went to four states (NJ, NY, PA, DE) for my diamond (before internet shopping was a big thing). And he really spent time and effort on the purchase.

That was more important to me than the ring itself. Still is to this day.
 

gregchang35

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Gypsy|1448179080|3952708 said:


yup....i wonder how much time he takes to purchase his car? as mentioned before, the ring is not something that he sees as important. if he is only spending at most $3500, then the ring is only a small token to him.....
 

Gypsy

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No.

If he is "ONLY spending 3500" then it's likely he's a student, or just graduated with a bunch of student loans. Or frugal. Those the majority of posters we get with budgets under 4k.

And if you read his post he speaks as if 3500 is a good chunk of change for him.

So that tells me this is NOT a negligible amount of money. And that he should pay even MORE care as a result.

And if he CAN afford more and she's just so desperate for a ring that she's decided to make it as cheap and easy for him as possible, because he CAN'T be bothered, then frankly she should reconsider her attachment to him.
 

gregchang35

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I stand corrected.


It still seems that time is something that he doesn't have nor does he have the inclination to spend it on researching something for an engagement.

I hope that your post will help him in the direction that he needs for her.
 

Gypsy

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gregchang35|1448183252|3952715 said:
I stand corrected.


It still seems that time is something that he doesn't have nor does he have the inclination to spend it on researching something for an engagement.

I hope that your post will help him in the direction that he needs for her.

I agree with you about his attitude. It is underwelming to say the least.

I do it out of pity for the women. And out of the hope that maybe, the guys are otherwise worthwhile.
 

Snowdrop13

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I do think some men get quite overwhelmed by the whole diamond thing and don't approach it logically. I was appalled recently when a young co-worker told me about his ring buying experience- he is a scientific, professional guy, used to judging and applying evidence but he went out into the high street, accepted all the usual guff from the sales assistants (ohh, this is a GIA E VS2, little mention of cut) and spent a 5 figure sum on a stone! Why on earth did he do that? He had actually heard of Blue Nile but was really, really wary of buying unseen. I have no idea why he didn't do much more research when pretty much all the info was at his fingertips. The girlfriend wanted as big a rock as possible too, he could have done so much better.....
 

gregchang35

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Having said all that i have said, i am one of those men that felt overwhelmed with the diamond buying.

I am probably a pot calling the kettle black.

But i have learned from PS. the more that i read and the more that i buy, the better i get. :)
 

Niel

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gregchang35|1448180254|3952711 said:
Gypsy|1448179080|3952708 said:


yup....i wonder how much time he takes to purchase his car? as mentioned before, the ring is not something that he sees as important. if he is only spending at most $3500, then the ring is only a small token to him.....

I think that's an insulting way to look at it. 3500 is a lot of money to spend for me. It's a lot of money to spend for most of my friends, of other is know. I have friends, and than one, with budget less than 2 k. And I can tell you they spent months looking for stones, figuring out her style, and making sure it was her size so she could wearnit asap. It was very important to them.

For some people 3500 is 10%+ of their yearly income. So I think it's a bit jaded to say that.


ETA: I also hate when people come to hangout and make threads bashing new members. It's very rude and unwelcoming.
 

Queenie60

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Niel|1448212673|3952792 said:
gregchang35|1448180254|3952711 said:
Gypsy|1448179080|3952708 said:


yup....i wonder how much time he takes to purchase his car? as mentioned before, the ring is not something that he sees as important. if he is only spending at most $3500, then the ring is only a small token to him.....

I think that's an insulting way to look at it. 3500 is a lot of money to spend for me. It's a lot of money to spend for most of my friends, of other is know. I have friends, and than one, with budget less than 2 k. And I can tell you they spent months looking for stones, figuring out her style, and making sure it was her size so she could wearnit asap. It was very important to them.

For some people 3500 is 10%+ of their yearly income. So I think it's a bit jaded to say that.


ETA: I also hate when people come to hangout and make threads bashing new members. It's very rude and unwelcoming.

Well said Niel. I feel the same.
 

Niel

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You don't know why they are in a rush, or how long they have been looking. They have come to PS so clearly they care enough to ask for help, which is more than a lot of people do. For all we know he's been searching for 3 months and is now coming to us because his search yielded no results.

And I know nothing about cars. If I have to buy a car, I may go to a car forum and ask advice. I don't plan to buy a car again for 10+ years, and I'm not interested in cars, but I need one. I would let people who do know about cars lead me in the right direction, then go on my way. Diamonds are the same. Men may not care about diamonds, or ever have the need to buy one again. So if a guy comes and doesn't want to learn hours of diamond info hell never use again, I see no problem with that.

You don't have to know everything, just surround yourself with the right people.
 

kenny

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This one's my favorite.

Imagine the outcry if the caption read, woman!?! :o

_754.png
 

LLJsmom

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Niel|1448212673|3952792 said:
gregchang35|1448180254|3952711 said:
Gypsy|1448179080|3952708 said:


yup....i wonder how much time he takes to purchase his car? as mentioned before, the ring is not something that he sees as important. if he is only spending at most $3500, then the ring is only a small token to him.....

I think that's an insulting way to look at it. 3500 is a lot of money to spend for me. It's a lot of money to spend for most of my friends, of other is know. I have friends, and than one, with budget less than 2 k. And I can tell you they spent months looking for stones, figuring out her style, and making sure it was her size so she could wearnit asap. It was very important to them.

For some people 3500 is 10%+ of their yearly income. So I think it's a bit jaded to say that.


ETA: I also hate when people come to hangout and make threads bashing new members. It's very rude and unwelcoming.

Niel, as this thread shows, everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. I don't think that is what people are doing in this thread, people come to hangout and make threads bashing new members. I find the tone and expectations of some new requests rude and inconsiderate. I am allowed to have that opinion, am I not, just as much as others who feel the opposite of me.
 

Niel

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LLJsmom|1448233857|3952875 said:
Niel|1448212673|3952792 said:
gregchang35|1448180254|3952711 said:
Gypsy|1448179080|3952708 said:


yup....i wonder how much time he takes to purchase his car? as mentioned before, the ring is not something that he sees as important. if he is only spending at most $3500, then the ring is only a small token to him.....

I think that's an insulting way to look at it. 3500 is a lot of money to spend for me. It's a lot of money to spend for most of my friends, of other is know. I have friends, and than one, with budget less than 2 k. And I can tell you they spent months looking for stones, figuring out her style, and making sure it was her size so she could wearnit asap. It was very important to them.

For some people 3500 is 10%+ of their yearly income. So I think it's a bit jaded to say that.


ETA: I also hate when people come to hangout and make threads bashing new members. It's very rude and unwelcoming.

Niel, as this thread shows, everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. I don't think that is what people are doing in this thread, people come to hangout and make threads bashing new members. I find the tone and expectations of some new requests rude and inconsiderate. I am allowed to have that opinion, am I not, just as much as others who feel the opposite of me.

Sometimes posters are rude you're right. I have aeen some posters in the past have a strange dynamic of asking for help but taking offense when constructive criticism is offered. I also can see how some may come off as rude when they are not only in a rush to buy a ring, but inca rush to make others help them.
I completely see how you might feel that way with some posts.

I do not think that's everyone.
 
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