Helping Kids With Isolation

[House Cat]

With the announcement that school was closing yesterday, my teen son declared:

A) He really needed this break right now

And

B) He was going to do a lot of hanging out with his friends.

When I told him that probably wasn’t going to happen, there was push-back with a total lack of understanding. My son thinks the measures we are taking for this virus is just another one of my anxiety freak-outs. He does not believe this is a serious issue. He believes we will all be fine. Meanwhile, he is asthmatic, my husband is diabetic, i am asthmatic, and both my husband and i are former smokers. Chances are, we will be fine, but we would rather not get the virus at all if we can help it.

Truth be told, I don’t want my son to be out and about anymore. I don’t believe it is safe for our family. Am I overreacting? How are people helping their kids to cope with idea of isolation?

 

[missy]

@House Cat these are challenging times and for those with children even more challenging.

Your son can stay in touch with his friends via phone, text, internet and playing video games.
And of course with the family by being able to talk openly about his fears and concerns. Playing games with the family too. I remember growing up we had family game night and it was fun. IDK if people do that anymore but perhaps this is an opportunity to spend more time having fun with the kids and make the best of the situation.

Also having them participate in household chores will give some structure to the day and hopefully there are also online classes to occupy the time and allow school education to continue during the time the schools are closed.

Not ideal but it won't be forever and in the meantime there are ways to occupy their time without seeing their friends in person. If that is the path you choose to take for the family.

Sending you good thoughts and wishes. Hoping the kids adjust as well as possible and do well under the circumstances.

 

[Rfisher]

Is your son planning on hanging out at his friends homes, or are they envisioning grouping at public places with the rest of their peers?

Is it possible to know if his friends parents have the same concerns as you? Therefore each others houses is ok, as no families are participating in large group scenarios?

Best wishes

 

[House Cat]

Is your son planning on hanging out at his friends homes, or are they envisioning grouping at public places with the rest of their peers?

Is it possible to know if his friends parents have the same concerns as you? Therefore each others houses is ok, as no families are participating in large group scenarios?

Best wishes

He would probably be hanging out at friend’s houses. I could ask the parents if they are keeping their kids in, but I kind of feel awkward about it. I guess I shouldn’t, but somehow it feels like a personal question...

 

[OdetteOdile]

I do not think you are overreacting. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to deal with a teenager on this issue though. I am grateful that my kids are little enough that they don't have their own opinion on this. They are aware of the Coronavirus, and they accept that they are not allowed to play with friends. We are trying to make it fun as a family. We wrote a list of all the things we are going to do (build forts, build Legos, listen to podcasts, pet the dog, etc). I think this is going to be going on for months, and it is going to be challenging. I think some of my friends (parents of my kids' friends) think I am crazy. My husband feels very strongly that we self isolate, and we are doing it.

 

[AV_]

It can't be awkward to ask.

 

[Tekate]

I dunno @House Cat this is our first, real, worldwide pandemic (yes there have been others but nothing nada like this) so I think he's just a member of his age group who think parents always are dumb, over react, helicopter etc. In one way it's great he wants to leave the 'puter etc in the other way you feel like screaming at him. I think all you can do is explain again how serious this is, you love him very much and a hospital is the last place you would like to see him in or you in. Raising kids is hard.

 

[House Cat]

Now that isolation is being forced in many areas, how is it going for everyone? My son hates it. He is describing times late night where he is feeling very emotional and is looking to friends for support. He says he doesn’t want my support...he says that’s not what kids his age do anymore. I told him if it got too deep to get me, but I understand, they want to connect with one another. We have daily projects for him. I have him make dinner with me every day. I bought him a new guitar. But we can’t do any of the outlet type things we were planning, fishing, camping, walking by the river. They are shutting all of that down. I feel that all I can do is buy him stuff and feed him and make him spend little snippets of time with me, but none of that substitutes for his friends.

 

[missy]

Now that isolation is being forced in many areas, how is it going for everyone? My son hates it. He is describing times late night where he is feeling very emotional and is looking to friends for support. He says he doesn’t want my support...he says that’s not what kids his age do anymore. I told him if it got too deep to get me, but I understand, they want to connect with one another. We have daily projects for him. I have him make dinner with me every day. I bought him a new guitar. But we can’t do any of the outlet type things we were planning, fishing, camping, walking by the river. They are shutting all of that down. I feel that all I can do is buy him stuff and feed him and make him spend little snippets of time with me, but none of that substitutes for his friends.

My nieces don't like this and wish they were in school but I think they are making the best of it. My youngest niece is 12 and was due to graduate this year with so many fun activities planned. She is disappointed. My oldest niece who is 14 posts on IG and I can tell from her stories she is frustrated school is closed. My heart is heavy for them but they are kids and hopefully resilient as kids can be more so than some adults.

Of course as adults we realize the enormity of this situation where perhaps kids don't fully grasp it entirely. So we understand the importance of isolating ourselves though it is hard on most everyone. I cannot imagine the majority of people are happy with the situation but we do the best we can under these circumstances. As @Tekate wrote and as I kept saying to my sister via phone yesterday. This is unprecedented in every way. My 86 year old dad said he never lived through anything like this.

Sending you (((hugs))) and good wishes.

 

[chrono]

We are using Discord where they can chat and video call without having to be in contact with each other. Gaming online with friends has also spiked.

 

[kenny]

Sounds like your kid needs a huge serving of blunt reality for his parents to survive this.
Here's what I'd do:
I'd tell him, if he goes our to socialize with his friends his mom and dad are more likely to die.
Ask him, "Do you really not care if you kill your parents?"

If he answers, "No, because hanging out with friends is more important", I'd put him up for adoption.

This is serious.
Kids are clueless.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Sounds like your kid needs a huge serving of blunt reality for his parents to survive this.
Here's what I'd do:
I'd tell him, if he goes our to socialize with his friends his mom and dad are more likely to die.
Ask him, "Do you really not care if you kill your parents?"

If he answers, "No, because hanging out with friends is more important", I'd put him up for adoption.

This is serious.
Kids are clueless.

Are you serious about this advice? Please tell me this is an attempt at humor because anyone who suggests saying that to a child is not anyone who should be giving any kind of advice when it comes to kids.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I'm amazed at the many different ways kids are finding to connect, mostly online but my son actually got a letter in the mail from a classmate! Yup, good old Pony Express and he is planning to write back.

Maybe he could do something with his friends though the mail, a fun game back and forth to break up the monotony. Otherwise video chats are probably the least hokey.

He is probably just having a moment of teenage angst, it's understandable since it's a major life change. I would be factual with him about how contagious it is, that may or may not work but it's worth a try!

 

[Gussie]

@House Cat I didn't read all the replies yet but wanted you to know that I am in the same boat. We are staying in our cabin until...? My kids are 16, 13, and 10. They want to go back to Houston terribly. I feel awful for them but one of the reasons we are staying here is so that we don't have to say no to hanging out with friends. It is really tough. My son (16) has been relatively ok with it. But my 13 yo daughter is acting out. I have tried to reason with her explaining the multitude of reasons why we are better off here but she is still not on board. Half the time I just give up and send her to her room. Today we started a scheduled day for them. It is self directed with scholastic work, outdoor activity, chores, and an environmental "project". This seems to be better for everyone. She had her best day yet, only throwing one minor fit! Too much time on their hands is license to complain. No way around it, this sucks for everyone. Except the dogs!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I should mention our kids have not left the house, only to play in the yard but no car rides or going anywhere apart from one walk around the block, they wish they were back in school! It is so tough on all of us but at least we grasp the severity of the situation, their brains are just not developed enough even in the teenage years.

 

[arkieb1]

I was going to say the same thing as @chrono - mine talks with his friends on Discord every day and they play games and virtually hang out with each other....