Help! Wedding colors and date-how to keep a friend from stealing!

[snowc]

I am recently engaged and plan to get married May 2012. A close friend of mine just got engaged. Her brother is getting married next summer, so I suppose that she will the following year, 2011. What should I do if she decides to get married in 2012? I am just very concerned because I am having a destination wedding and so many of my close friends, and hers, will have to travel to the wedding. Also, what happens and how should I look at it, if she picks the same colors as me? I know that it is a big day for both of us, but I don''t want my thunder to be stolen! Help!

 

[KimberlyH]

How about just talking to her? Tell her your plans for a date and ask her what hers are. If they overlap work together to find a solution.

As for stealing your colors/thunder or anything else, sort of silly notions. No one owns colors and every wedding is, in some way, unique to the couple being married, and in many ways similar to most other weddings. Your wedding day is special to you and your husband, but it is certainly not the only special occasion that can and should occur amongst friends during a certain time period. I would think it would be quite fun to plan weddings around the same time as a friend, not some sort of competition. And if it was a competition then it must not be much of a friendship.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 9/6/2009 12:12:38 PM
Author: KimberlyH
How about just talking to her? Tell her your plans for a date and ask her what hers are. If they overlap work together to find a solution.


As for stealing your colors/thunder or anything else, sort of a silly notion. No one owns colors and every wedding is, in some way, unique to the couple being married. I would think it would be quite fun to plan weddings around the same time as a friend, not some sort of competition. And if it was a competition then it must not be much of a friendship.

Agreed.

 

[VRBeauty]

You''re getting ahead of yourself.

Take a few deep breaths.

Chill.

Then be sure you''ve congratulated friend properly, with no tinge of concern about the remote possibility that her wedding will somehow conflict with yours.

Speaking of which...

Congratulations on your engagement!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 9/6/2009 12:07:59 PM
Author:snowc
I am recently engaged and plan to get married May 2012. A close friend of mine just got engaged. Her brother is getting married next summer, so I suppose that she will the following year, 2011. What should I do if she decides to get married in 2012? I am just very concerned because I am having a destination wedding and so many of my close friends, and hers, will have to travel to the wedding. Also, what happens and how should I look at it, if she picks the same colors as me? I know that it is a big day for both of us, but I don''t want my thunder to be stolen! Help!

Hon, you need to chill out and really think about this. You''re worried that your friend *might* decide to get married, not only in the same year as you, but at the exact same time, and pick the same colours, and this is based on...what, exactly? Sounds like you haven''t spoken to her and are just finding something to freak out about. Your wedding is 2 1/2 YEARS away. What are the chances of her choosing the same time and same colours?

Unless she''s told you that she wants to get married the exact time of year you do, it seems your turning a possible non-existent situation into a drama-filled "problem" when you don''t even know what her plans are and if there *is* a problem. Why? Just talk to her and find out what she''s thinking. THEN, if there are still conflicts, tell her your plans and figure out a compromise. You both are entitled to your dream weddings, and if you really are good friends, should be able to find a way to work about potential issues considering how much time you have before your wedding. Right?

 

[HollyS]

All this anxiety, and neither of you have even started deciding on details yet???

Relax. And then do exactly the wedding you want. If you don''t want anyone to ''steal your ideas'', don''t share them.

I guess, being older, I don''t understand the need to run every darn detail by each of my friends to get opinions, feedback, or just to have something to yak about.

If you want something to be special, sacred, secret, just yours (and his), individual, memorable, not cookie-cutter, no one else has done it, no one else''s is exactly like it . . . then throw away all the magazines, stop watching the shows, get off The Knot, and do it from scratch, yourself, without input, using all the elements that matter to you. Otherwise, someone has already beaten you to the punch, whether they''re your friend or not.

But if taking ideas from a variety of sources is how you want to do this, then ''it''s already been done''. So relax. What makes the day yours is the emotion you put into it, the love between your FI and you, the family and friends you surround yourself with. Nobody will remember the details except you; your guests will remember the emotions. Our guests remember how relaxed everything was, how much we laughed, how we looked so in love. None of them could tell you what my ''colors'' were. But many of them still talk about how it was the best wedding they had ever been to.

Focus on your own happiness, and don''t forget to congratulate your friend.

 

[LilyKat]

No-one can "steal" your ideas if you don't tell them about them in the first place

So just keep quiet about the details, and that's that problem solved.

If they do by coincidence pick the same colours or themes, I'm willing to bet no-one else will even notice or care. Just relax, plan your wedding the way you want it, and enjoy everyone else's when they come around.

As far as travelling to a destination wedding goes, I would talk to your friend about it and try to space them a few months (like 2-3) apart, to give mutual friends a chance to breathe in between them.

 

[anchor31]

Everyone has already made good points, and I wanted to add that because her brother is getting married in 2010, it doesn''t mean that she won''t. My brother got married just 3 months after I did. Just relax and talk to her...

 

[honey22]

Don''t tell your friend about the details of your wedding, and anyway, even if you end up with similar colours, who really cares? No-one is going to notice, they will be focussed on the important thing - the two of you getting married!!!!!

 

[Delster]

I have a cousin getting married three months after me. A while ago she asked my mother what colours I''m thinking of for bridesmaids dresses, style, etc. and Mam told her and said that I wouldn''t care if she did something similar so not to be worrying about that stuff. Well just today my mother showed me the bridesmaids dresses my cousin is having made - guess what style and colour they are?

Honestly in the last year every single wedding I went to had the same colour scheme and the same style of bridesmaids'' dresses. And each and every one of those weddings was beautiful and unique and perfect for the couple. Seriously, stuff like this just doesn''t matter.

I think Holly''s advice here is excellent

 

[musincy]

My friend and I got married within months of each other and we happened to choose the same colors. Our weddings looked totally different though. I wouldn''t worry about something like that.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

My SISTER is getting married a few months after I am. And we have mutual friends- not to mention mutual family members

She and I even have some of the same colors. (The horror!)


I think it''d be awesome if your friend got married around the same time that you plan to. The fact that you''re having a DW shouldn''t make a difference, especially if her wedding is going to be local. Just enjoy the planning process and don''t think of it as competition.

The MOST IMPORTANT part of the day is that you''ll end the evening a married woman! In the end, table cloths, color schemes, and centerpieces really don''t matter one bit.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 9/7/2009 4:28:57 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom
My SISTER is getting married a few months after I am. And we have mutual friends- not to mention mutual family members

She and I even have some of the same colors. (The horror!)


I think it''d be awesome if your friend got married around the same time that you plan to. The fact that you''re having a DW shouldn''t make a difference, especially if her wedding is going to be local. Just enjoy the planning process and don''t think of it as competition.

The MOST IMPORTANT part of the day is that you''ll end the evening a married woman! In the end, table cloths, color schemes, and centerpieces really don''t matter one bit.

It''s unfortunate that so much time and effort is wasted on trivial things that really don''t matter. In my humble opionion, brides to be (and grooms) should place more emphasis on what goes into making a marriage work rather than focusing on one day