HELP! Upgrade or not!!!!

[Sarahinwonderland]

HI! Well my wonderful fiance proposed with a 1.51 ct E VS1 EX/EX Signature Ideal asscher engagement ring, but I knew he was having some financial trouble so I told him to send it back and get me a 1.09 ct E VS1 VG/VG Signature Ideal cut asscher.

Ok so we did that and now that he is out of his financial trouble I would like to upgrade to a 1.7ct. I tried on a 2ct and it was so gaudy, in the asscher it really looked fake. A 2ct looked wonderful with a cushion cut, but I am in love with the asscher.

QUESTION: Am I being selfish? He wants to get me WHATEVER will make me happy. But I have always been very financially tuned, meaning I never go into debt and if I do I funnel every penny I earn to get out of it. If we upgrade we will be paying the new diamond off for 6 months!! Now that seems like a bit much for a newly engaged couple to go into debt for? I really really want a larger diamond but maybe I should just settle and put the money towards buying our house or a car or something.

Diamond

or car?

 

[galeteia]

My immediate knee-jerk reaction is to tell you to never finance a ring, always pay in cash.

However, I wanted to clarify a few things; is he amenable to upgrading the ring at a later date in the future, like a first or fifth wedding anniversary, or wedding upgrade. Are you both contributing to financing this ring (you said 'we' will be paying). Lastly, do you NEED a car right now, are you actively looking for a house.

This is already an atypical situation in that you rejected his first ring because it strained his finances too much, and now that he's in a good financial place he's okay with upgrading it. Some people might find that domineering or selfish, but I applaud you two for handling the situation as a couple. I imagine he may have some lingering guilt over having to downsize your ring, and if he is keen (not reluctant) to give you a bigger ring again if that will make you happy ...

I sympathize with being someone who hates debt and is always conscious of it and actively working it off, so I understand that you aren't frivolous with money. If you two can comfortably do this without making a big impact on your finances for a ring you will have for the rest of your life, then do so. If you're going to get upgrades every few years, then wait.

Ultimately, I'm not going to judge the dynamic between you on the basis of a single post on Teh Internets. If you two are collaborating on the ring, then whatever choice you two make as a couple will be the right choice.

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Thanks for the advise. Well he does feel bad about downsizing my first ring, but it was definitely the right decision financially. Our finances will be fairly tight for the 6 months that we are paying it off, but not so strained that we will never be able to do anything together. We do not need a car right now, it is just that I am so worried that some emergency might happen where we will have to dish out thousands to stay alive

. We want to start buying a house once we get married but our wedding is not until 2009 sept.

Other than the ring we have no other large expenses. We dont go out to eat a lot since I love to cook and I have a hard time spending 40 on a meal when I can make it at home for 10. I suppose we dont NEED anything, the only thing I do need is school money because I am still in college, but that is already covered.

Hum maybe we should just do it. I would never make a decision without my fiance being aboard, but in this case I jut need a little extra push

 

[galeteia]

Date: 6/15/2008 1:31:38 PM
Author: Sarahinwonderland
Thanks for the advise. Well he does feel bad about downsizing my first ring, but it was definitely the right decision financially. Our finances will be fairly tight for the 6 months that we are paying it off, but not so strained that we will never be able to do anything together. We do not need a car right now, it is just that I am so worried that some emergency might happen where we will have to dish out thousands to stay alive

. We want to start buying a house once we get married but our wedding is not until 2009 sept.


Other than the ring we have no other large expenses. We dont go out to eat a lot since I love to cook and I have a hard time spending 40 on a meal when I can make it at home for 10. I suppose we dont NEED anything, the only thing I do need is school money because I am still in college, but that is already covered.



Hum maybe we should just do it. I would never make a decision without my fiance being aboard, but in this case I jut need a little extra push

You sound like you have a sensible head on your shoulders.

We too hate eating out because my guy and I are both hardcore foodies and it just grates when we go out to eat and we''re paying through the nose for something we could make at home. This is why we only go out for sushi.

What about saving up for those 6 months and then getting the upgrade?

The fact is, there are always things you ''could'' be spending the money on, or saving money for. It''s up to you two to decide where your priority is. There is a lot of unreasonable expectations, status quo, and shame mixed in with engagement rings, and my advice to you is to sit down with your guy and work out how you both feel about it. He may be feeling like he wants a chance to redeem the situation; if he sees regret/shame/embarrassment every time he looks at your ring, then the situation needs to be changed.

Hope that helps!

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Date: 6/15/2008 1:45:56 PM
Author: Galateia

Date: 6/15/2008 1:31:38 PM

Author: Sarahinwonderland

Thanks for the advise. Well he does feel bad about downsizing my first ring, but it was definitely the right decision financially. Our finances will be fairly tight for the 6 months that we are paying it off, but not so strained that we will never be able to do anything together. We do not need a car right now, it is just that I am so worried that some emergency might happen where we will have to dish out thousands to stay alive

. We want to start buying a house once we get married but our wedding is not until 2009 sept.



Other than the ring we have no other large expenses. We dont go out to eat a lot since I love to cook and I have a hard time spending 40 on a meal when I can make it at home for 10. I suppose we dont NEED anything, the only thing I do need is school money because I am still in college, but that is already covered.





Hum maybe we should just do it. I would never make a decision without my fiance being aboard, but in this case I jut need a little extra push

You sound like you have a sensible head on your shoulders.


We too hate eating out because my guy and I are both hardcore foodies and it just grates when we go out to eat and we''re paying through the nose for something we could make at home. This is why we only go out for sushi.


What about saving up for those 6 months and then getting the upgrade?


The fact is, there are always things you ''could'' be spending the money on, or saving money for. It''s up to you two to decide where your priority is. There is a lot of unreasonable expectations, status quo, and shame mixed in with engagement rings, and my advice to you is to sit down with your guy and work out how you both feel about it. He may be feeling like he wants a chance to redeem the situation; if he sees regret/shame/embarrassment every time he looks at your ring, then the situation needs to be changed.


Hope that helps!

Yeah we sat down last night to talk about it. He just really wants me to be happy, so it is hard for me to make the decision. We are going to wait until September 08 to purchase the diamond if we do. We are having a very large engagement party with family coming from all over. That is why I would like to have the ring then, because I would like everyone to see the final product, no the temporary one. We are also having our engagement photos done in September and I would love to have the final product then as well. I sat down and set up an excel spread sheet of our expenses for the ring and it is looking good. I would rather pay it off before the wedding than after because after the wedding our expenses will probably go up. Well you are making me feel a lot more comfortable with the purchase

thanks!!!

 

[tberube]

In my opinion when it comes to jewelry, if you cannot buy it outright then you cannot afford to buy it at all.

I''d say to put extra cash into a savings for awhile, and see how things go. That way you''ll have a little cushion of "just in case" money, but in some time, you can decide whether to use it for an upgrade. Then you won''t have to finance at all.

 

[Fly Girl]

Definitely build up your cash reserves first. Don''t put yourselves at financial risk for jewelry.

In the long run, having the final e-ring for your engagement party is not important. You don''t need a ring to get engaged or married. Being together is what is important. And, you will be much happier knowing that you are wearing a ring that you can afford.

Besides, new jewelry is something to look forward to in future anniversaries. I hope that you two are blessed with many, many happy ones in the future!

 

[Rhea]

I understand wanting your engagement ring now, before you''re married or go to all the parties, but I think building your cash reserves first would be the better idea. It''d be something to look forward to on one of your anniversaries.

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Yes I agree, but we do have cash reserves. I have a trust fund and we have a CD where we keep our savings in. The problem is that I do not want to pull money from those accounts for a diamond, I would rather pay month to month. I just have a problem spending money is all.

 

[motownmama]

Stick with what you''ve got - may we see a picture? MUCH better to breathe easy than to have debt - you have the rest of your life to upgrade.

 

[tberube]

Date: 6/15/2008 7:35:31 PM
Author: Sarahinwonderland
Yes I agree, but we do have cash reserves. I have a trust fund and we have a CD where we keep our savings in. The problem is that I do not want to pull money from those accounts for a diamond, I would rather pay month to month. I just have a problem spending money is all.

Well, then it''s probably even smarter to use those funds than to go into debt...because then you''ll pay interest on your upgrade, and why do that, when you don''t have to?

 

[JulieN]

Yeah, it''s probable that the interest on your CD is very low, where a credit card is much higher. (or where you thinking of financing it another way?)

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Really, I suppose we can go into those funds. I am just a novice when it comes to taxes and everything and now that I am helping my fiance with his finances it scares me. He is an engineering consultant and I am studying to be an engineer, but now I wish I was an accountant!

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Date: 6/15/2008 8:08:00 PM
Author: JulieN
Yeah, it''s probable that the interest on your CD is very low, where a credit card is much higher. (or where you thinking of financing it another way?)

Well we have a payment plan that is no interest for a year. So that was what I was thinking of doing.

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

I put my new wedding set on layaway. I did that because I had been looking for 4 months, and I did not want it to get away. There was no way I could pay cash for it. It is a Tacori set. The shop is letting me pay if off for up to a year interest free. I see no difference between that and putting money away into savings monthly and then buying something. But I don''t do that very often. I had just gotten my first 1 ct. diamond after 16 years of marriage, so I thought I could take a little monetary risk to get what I really wanted.

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Date: 6/15/2008 8:36:56 PM
Author: NeverEndingUpgrade
I put my new wedding set on layaway. I did that because I had been looking for 4 months, and I did not want it to get away. There was no way I could pay cash for it. It is a Tacori set. The shop is letting me pay if off for up to a year interest free. I see no difference between that and putting money away into savings monthly and then buying something. But I don''t do that very often. I had just gotten my first 1 ct. diamond after 16 years of marriage, so I thought I could take a little monetary risk to get what I really wanted.

Oh yes! Thank you for having a view similar to mine. I know that I am being a bit demanding by wanting this diamond now, but I just want to be done with it and once we are married worry about other things other than diamonds. I am not a huge jewelry lover so this will be the only piece I really wear. I think it is worth it to pay it like you are rather than save money and pay in bulk. Just as long as it is something we can afford than I am fine.

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

Sarah, I know what you mean about getting it settled. I wore a .36 ct. marquise for 14 years, and I was so tired of it plus I really wanted a 1 ct. It seems like it took me forever to get it, but now that I am wearing the wedding band (the engagement ring is still on layaway--I have a few more months to go!), I am so happy. It sounds like you guys are more than able to swing it. Have you thought about putting a halo around your current asscher?

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Date: 6/15/2008 8:48:18 PM
Author: NeverEndingUpgrade
Sarah, I know what you mean about getting it settled. I wore a .36 ct. marquise for 14 years, and I was so tired of it plus I really wanted a 1 ct. It seems like it took me forever to get it, but now that I am wearing the wedding band (the engagement ring is still on layaway--I have a few more months to go!), I am so happy. It sounds like you guys are more than able to swing it. Have you thought about putting a halo around your current asscher?

I have thought about the halo. But in the end I decided that what I really really wanted was a larger asscher. I could save the halo setting for an upgrade when we are old. Ideally I would love to have a larger diamond with a halo, but cant afford both so I am choosing what is most important to me. Wow you are making me feel so much better about this

 

[NeverEndingUpgrade]

No problem, I love to help people spend money. JUST KIDDING! You''re going to love having a 1.7 ct., I guarantee that!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 6/15/2008 8:13:19 PM
Author: Sarahinwonderland

Date: 6/15/2008 8:08:00 PM
Author: JulieN
Yeah, it''s probable that the interest on your CD is very low, where a credit card is much higher. (or where you thinking of financing it another way?)

Well we have a payment plan that is no interest for a year. So that was what I was thinking of doing.

Then absolutely leave your savings alone since everyone needs emergency funds. No interest for a year is perfect as long as he can comfortably afford the payments. I''d say go ahead and get it before the party and pictures!

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Yeah we can afford it pretty comfortably. We dont need much. Taxes is probably the biggest drain of our expenses

 

[honey22]

I say go for it now before the party etc etc. It sounds like you know what you are doing financially, have thoroughly thought this out and can easily afford it in the next 6 months. I say why wait until after the party, you have budgeted and you can afford it so go ahead. I am exactly like you it sounds!!! We are about to purchase a brand new car which is leased so it''s saving my tax bill also. We can easily afford it on our base salary (we never factor in my partner''s considerable regular overtime) yet I still feel apprehensive about spending a large amount of money. We could probably pay a second mortgage with his OT (and there has only been 3 weeks this whole finacial year without overtime) yet it''s daunting when you look at the total amount you are spending. I still feel a little sick when I think of the cost of my ering.

Go ahead, spoil yourself! It sounds like you fiance will feel better after downgrading you, so you will both be happy! Post pics ASAP though

 

[Cocosgirl]

I hear you on this. My BF and I, after much much discussion, have decided on a blingy eternity band for my engagement ring b/c we have many other upcoming expenses and just can''t justify spending the $$$ on a big diamond (and unfortunately with my stupid big hands I really didn''t want anything under 2cts which is really kinda obnoxious I know). So we''re going with something that will still look great but nontraditional and stay on budget!

Good Luck!

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Date: 6/15/2008 10:16:55 PM
Author: honey22
I say go for it now before the party etc etc. It sounds like you know what you are doing financially, have thoroughly thought this out and can easily afford it in the next 6 months. I say why wait until after the party, you have budgeted and you can afford it so go ahead. I am exactly like you it sounds!!! We are about to purchase a brand new car which is leased so it''s saving my tax bill also. We can easily afford it on our base salary (we never factor in my partner''s considerable regular overtime) yet I still feel apprehensive about spending a large amount of money. We could probably pay a second mortgage with his OT (and there has only been 3 weeks this whole finacial year without overtime) yet it''s daunting when you look at the total amount you are spending. I still feel a little sick when I think of the cost of my ering.


Go ahead, spoil yourself! It sounds like you fiance will feel better after downgrading you, so you will both be happy! Post pics ASAP though

Thank you

I think I am starting to feel a lot better with your ladies help. I will buy the diamond and definitely post pictures once it is set!! Thanks again ladies!!!

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Oh cocosgirl I am sure your ring will be beautiful!! Show pics!! I have really long fingers

I wear a size 5 ring so it is weird that my fingers are like long twigs, but they make my hands the same size as my fiances!!!

 

[reader]

Humm, you mentioned you can have the ring paid off in six months. If you start a savings account right this second, and contribute the equivalent payment amounts to it, by September, you would have 3-4 months worth of the payments already out of the way as a downpayment, and only have 2-3 payments left to go.
Once the ring is done, keep putting the same amount into the savings account, for FUNds, money that you have on hand to help finance dream items or vacations.

 

[kcoursolle]

Sure, go for the upgrade if fi is on board! However, I''d wait the 6 months until you can just buy it in full without financing it. 6 months isn''t a long time to wait for a great upgrade!!! You never know what life may throw you and I think it''s just best to buy these sorts of things in cash instead of financing.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/15/2008 10:00:08 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 6/15/2008 8:13:19 PM

Author: Sarahinwonderland

Date: 6/15/2008 8:08:00 PM

Author: JulieN

Yeah, it''s probable that the interest on your CD is very low, where a credit card is much higher. (or where you thinking of financing it another way?)

Well we have a payment plan that is no interest for a year. So that was what I was thinking of doing.

Then absolutely leave your savings alone since everyone needs emergency funds. No interest for a year is perfect as long as he can comfortably afford the payments. I''d say go ahead and get it before the party and pictures!

I agree as well, I have done this before and will likely do it again you can use interest free financing to your advantage in certain cases . My only advice is to just make sure to find out what all the fees and charges are and what the best price is for cash, if there are no or very minimal charges and they will not negotiate for cash then I see why not go for it.

 

[Sarahinwonderland]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I believe we are going to save up and just purchase the diamond in September. It is an upgrade so the 1.09ct I have now will go towards the total price. So instead of paying the total it will be the total price - 1.09ct is what we will have to pay. I am excited because this is the size I have always wanted and now it is more than possible. I am just a super saver when it comes to money and things so it is always difficult to make large purchases for me.