help, ugh, and I''m not even a BRIDE!

[dragonfly411]

So background. I am in a wedding in April as a bridesmaid. The bride is one of my good friends from high-school. One of the other bridesmaids WAS our mutual friend. We also have another mutual friend, who is mutual friends with all three of us that was doing the cake and photos. Proceed with drama.

The other bridesmaid has been very hard to work with the entire time. She has pitched a fit for not being THE number one matron of honor (she was sharing the title with another girl who is closer to the bride now). She hasn''t helped plan anything, and showed up late to the engagement party that I threw myself for the bride and groom, which was also a dessert potluck and she didn''t bring a dish. At this party she complained the entire time about having to work the night before and having to leave early to "go out". She is the ONLY bridesmaid that made specifications for what SHE needed in HER dress (nothing that emphasized her last of bust, nothing that emphasized her rump, etc etc etc). She is a very small girl, and is constantly bringing attention to the fact that she is small. When the bride finally found the bridesmaid dresses, on sale.... for 65.00 (trying to be cost effective b/c WE are paying for them, so she was doing US a favor in finding them on sale!!) she complained that they didn''t have a size 0.... Why not just get a size 2 and have it taken in??? She hasn''t helped with any bookings, searching for vendors, searching for decoration ideas, anything. She also has acted like it is a huge hassle for her to take off THE DAY OF THE WEDDING from work and she has what? 8 months notice?? She has been very unreliable when it comes to doing things, didn''t make it to look at dresses, and planned a date this past weekend when we were supposed to try on the finalized dresses! She also is stuck a bit maturity wise, and is constantly whining to us about having to pay her car payment, and her mom charging her rent (she''s 23 and lives with mom) and having to work full time (she graduated college last year, what did she expect) and her life is so hard..... etc.... etc... etc.

Last week the bride decided that she was going to remove this bridesmaid from the wedding because it was stressing her out to no end, and their friendship has not been the same because of it. I fully supported her in this because I don''t want her to be stressing about whether this girl would show up for other deadlines, and get ready and everything. It isn''t fair to the bride or the other bridesmaids. Of course though the bridesmaid has now turned herself into the victim, singing a pity me song.

SO now the big problem.
I''m sortof stuck in the middle. Bride wants me on her side, bridesmaid also wants me on her side. I''m trying to stay neutral because I DO want to help bridesmaid b/c I feel like she needs someone there for her to help her get it in gear! But bridesmaid went back to our mutual photographer friend and bad mouthed the bride

. So now the photographer basically made the bride out to be a horrible person

. The bride is afraid our friend won''t do her photos now, which was saving her a lot of money. She wants me to go with her to talk to our friend and help mediate so that the other side is heard before our friend says no she isn''t doing the wedding. I do have another friend that can do the photos but it would cost more. What am I supposed to do here though? I feel I should support the bride because it wasn''t ok of bridesmaid to go back and bad mouth her, it''s very bad conduct on her part and she should have kept it between her and the bride to figure out their problems, vs. getting everyone else involved and starting drama and playing up the pity card. Sigh. Sorry, I''m just confused and torn and stuck in the middle.

 

[princesss]

They''re adults, they can figure it out. If the bride wants you to go with her to the photog, I''d say you''d go but only to be the SILENT moral support. This isn''t your battle, and it''s probably best for you to stay out of it as much as possible. No need to be in the middle of it if you don''t want to be.

 

[zipzapgirl]

I would stay out of the she said-she said photographer issue. The bride should have a talk with the photographer herself and explain the situation. You shouldn''t have to run interference for her in this situation.

If asked, I would just say that Bridesmaid friend was having a hard time committing to the wedding in the way that Bride friend needed. It doesn''t have to be harsh--sometimes not every friend is cut out for doing bridesmaid duties at that time in their lives. It works out better for the bride''s sanity and takes the unwanted burden off of the bridesmaid.

Do your best to keep the situation to describing the facts (only if asked) and maintaining the friendship with both friends.

 

[tyty333]

Yep, I would stay out of it. Provide the moral support the bride needs but the bride needs to talk to her other
bridesmaid. If she cant even talk to the other bridesmaid then maybe they werent close enough friends in the
first place.

I feel bad for the bride and I hope she can work it all out.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 10/5/2009 11:29:19 AM
Author: princesss
They''re adults, they can figure it out. If the bride wants you to go with her to the photog, I''d say you''d go but only to be the SILENT moral support. This isn''t your battle, and it''s probably best for you to stay out of it as much as possible. No need to be in the middle of it if you don''t want to be.

IA 150%

 

[meresal]

I would pay more for the impartial photog.

Dragonfly, between this post and the one in Hangout from last night, you''re friends seem extrememly childish. I wouldn''t risk WEDDING PHOTOS on a girl that has already been bad mouthing the bride. These "friends" lie, make up stories, and are completely unreliable. Why would you or the bride even want to take the chance?

 

[dragonfly411]

Meresal - actually is a totally different set of friends. The photog is older than us too. I''m really hoping she can offer her side to try to make her understand b/c I really held her higher than this. But I agree with others that I''d be paying more for an impartial photog, and am still pushing that to her as an option if need be.

I mostly feel bad for my bride, she is so afraid that her wedding will go downhill b/c she made a decision for her own sanity. I''m going to do what I can to make sure she relaxes and her mind is put at ease. She has had enough stress this year.

Thank you all for your ideas and thoughts. I''m staying out of it at this point. I told her that IF the photographer felt torn she should ask an outside view from the other bridesmaids, OR she should back down and let the bride find someone else. The bride is going to talk to her over lunch later this week, so we''ll find out what happens.

I''m just of the mind that any job in a wedding is an honor to have, and I wish others saw it the same way.