Help talking to parents

[kinetics]

I plan on proposing to my GF in London in a few days. I got her a trip to the spa for Christmas and plan on using this time to talk to her parents with my intentions. Can anyone give me advice on what to say other than I want to marry your daughter. Please help.

 

[sajc]

Surely this has been covered before in the forums?

Anyway...

I've been thinking about that a lot too, since my time to ask is going to be next week

I'm not going to make a big deal of the event, like taking them to dinner or anything like that, as has been suggested by others. I think that'd be both too awkward, and also too difficult to arrange for it without my intended knowing (Yeah, I want to do the surprise proposal thing)!

I think I'm going to talk to her father initially, and keep it short and simple; I'm just going tell him that I have something important that I'd like to discuss with him - I expect he'll know exactly what I'm going to talk about as soon as I say that - I think he knows us well enough to know I'm not announcing the other kind of important thing you speak to parents about

. I figure that'll be a good way to 'break the ice' on a conversation like this!

I think I'm going to tell him that we've been going out for a long time now (he knows), tell him that we love each other very much etc (he knows), tell him that I'll do all in my power to care for and look after his daughter (I assume he knows!), tell him that I think we're both ready to commit to each other and that soon we'll both be financially stable (I am already, but she's finishing her degree, so she isn't now but will be by the time we actually marry). Then I'll ask for his daughter's hand in marriage... then lastly, I'll attempt to convince him not to tell anyone! My partners family can't keep anything secret from each other. I can just imagine her mother calling her up every single weekend from now until I propose saying "So... any interesting news?"

So that's my plan anyway. Not sure if it's good... not sure if it's right... but that's my plan

SAJC

 

[kinetics]

That is kinda what I had in mind but I am going to have to talk to them both. I am closer to her mom and she would want to be there. However she cant hold water. so I have been putting it off as long as possible. Well todays the day and I had it all planned out on when to talk to them. I got my GF a trip to the spa for Christmas. While she was there I was going to talk to them. I just got a call from them saying that they cant to it today. I am freaking out!

 

[door knob solitaire]

ETA: I don't understand your last entry. The spa can't do it or the parents can't meet you?


I am a woman...so I really shouldn't step in here. (I need no excuse to stick my nose where I shouldn't though!!) But my thoughts are just keep it simple.

Sir, I am here to ask for your daughters hand in marriage.

I have a feeling he will lead it the way he wants...and would anyway. Prepare your thoughts, your plans, your dedication, you understanding you are taking on the responsibility to care and protect his daughter...and you have the drive and determination to stop at nothing until she is happy.

Honesty and courage to stand before him is what he will see in you. You aren't selling the latest presentation to the board of directors...you are there to assure him that you have the utmost highest respect for him, and most importantly his daughter.

Short and sweet...well, again ...that is my take. I have never stood in your shoes, or in any mans shoes for that matter. You guys were skis! Save the sap for your intended.

§

 

[kinetics]

Sorry I was in panic mode when I was typing. The spa couldnt do it. It all worked out though. I was able to find another spa and talk to her parents. Everything worked out in the end. Her parents gave me great advice even her younger brother. I only have two more days until the big day. Thanks for all the help.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Great!!

Hey, would you post how you went about it ...or add pointers for the next nervous guy who will read this thread. You guys can help each other out! Woo Hoo just two more days!! Please come back and fill us in on the reaction!! Best of luck to you!! §

 

[captainobvious]

Date: 12/26/2007 8:21:19 AM
Author: sajc
Surely this has been covered before in the forums?

Anyway...

I''ve been thinking about that a lot too, since my time to ask is going to be next week

I''m not going to make a big deal of the event, like taking them to dinner or anything like that, as has been suggested by others. I think that''d be both too awkward, and also too difficult to arrange for it without my intended knowing (Yeah, I want to do the surprise proposal thing)!

I think I''m going to talk to her father initially, and keep it short and simple; I''m just going tell him that I have something important that I''d like to discuss with him - I expect he''ll know exactly what I''m going to talk about as soon as I say that - I think he knows us well enough to know I''m not announcing the other kind of important thing you speak to parents about

. I figure that''ll be a good way to ''break the ice'' on a conversation like this!

I think I''m going to tell him that we''ve been going out for a long time now (he knows), tell him that we love each other very much etc (he knows), tell him that I''ll do all in my power to care for and look after his daughter (I assume he knows!), tell him that I think we''re both ready to commit to each other and that soon we''ll both be financially stable (I am already, but she''s finishing her degree, so she isn''t now but will be by the time we actually marry). Then I''ll ask for his daughter''s hand in marriage... then lastly, I''ll attempt to convince him not to tell anyone! My partners family can''t keep anything secret from each other. I can just imagine her mother calling her up every single weekend from now until I propose saying ''So... any interesting news?''

So that''s my plan anyway. Not sure if it''s good... not sure if it''s right... but that''s my plan

SAJC

Sounds pretty good to me.
My fiance''s father is not really a part of her life, and her mother lives right next to us. I considered asking her mother, but I knew she would be an emotional mess and with my fiance seeing her pretty much everyday, I felt it would have been less than a "surprise".

 

[sajc]

Date: 12/27/2007 9:44:38 PM
Author: captainobvious
My fiance's father is not really a part of her life, and her mother lives right next to us. I considered asking her mother, but I knew she would be an emotional mess and with my fiance seeing her pretty much everyday, I felt it would have been less than a 'surprise'.

Yeah that's the problem with me too! She's very close to her mother and father, but that family can't keep secrets.

There's two problems: 1) None of her family can keep a secret, and her two younger sisters still live at home with her parents, which makes that problem even worse; 2) they live about 1,700km away... So that means that I can either make sure it's a secret by asking closer to the date, but then having to do it impersonally on the phone, or I can ask while I'm there next week and hope they can keep the secret for the next two months (I'm planning my proposal in February next year (no, not valenties... her birthday, two days later ). Unfortunately, her dad is the 'ask in person' type, so I think I'm just going to have to really try to get them to control themselves... doh!

sajc

 

[evolve]

it sounds like you have everything planned out. Keep us posted on the after math, as I am reading up on this section closely (Will be in all of your shoes very soon.....)

 

[sparxs111]

Personally I found short sweet and simple to be the best. The day you want to do it, just call up and ask to stop by for a short visit to discuss something. Once there, basically speel out you feelings, and I personally found the most important thing was not asking ''permission'', but to get their BLESSING. If for some strange reason they didn''t give permission... would that really stop you from proposing??