Wedding Help - Rehearsal Dinner Angst

[October2008bride]

Date: 5/21/2008 10:55:14 AM
Author: sumbride

Date: 5/21/2008 10:37:12 AM
Author: Haven

Date: 5/21/2008 10:15:33 AM

Author: sumbride


I guess that''s why I''ve always seen etiquette books as a crock of ****. They only apply to the person writing them and their limited experience.

That''s funny, because the input that people give on here is and can only be based on their own limited experience, yet I value everyone''s opinions here on PS very much.


I was just trying to provide one more POV, Sum, and I didn''t realize that it wasn''t going to be valued because it came from a book rather than from my own experience. I''m surprised by your response, actually. I was just trying to reassure October that her decision would not be considered rude in all circles, and to give her some support.


Isn''t the point of this thread to gather info from various sources to help October make a decision?

Yes, it is, but what I took from your post is that there WAS a universal rule. There isn''t. October has been presented with many many opinions and I hope they have been helpful to her, but as we all come from different circles, backgrounds and regions, there is no universal truth, book or no, and I think that calling the manners books as a definitive answer was inaccurate. People are going to feel differently about these issues, even within the same area, so there is no ''perfect'' solution. I''m not trying to fight with you Haven, I just don''t see Miss Manners as the answer here.

I appreciate all of the input that has been given from all sources. I actually didn''t think that Haven''s post portrayed a universal rule - just a differing opinion and while I appreciate that some experiences, like those of Sumbride and Surf have the OOTers included as an absolute, I am grateful that others have chimed in with their own understandings/experiences. So thanks to all of you!

My parents did come around and now understand how I was feeling, that between the RD with the OOTers and the OOT brunch on Sunday, there were a lot of events that were focused on the OOT guests and I didn''t want to lose the intimacy of the RD. The weekend is going to be a whirlwind filled with nerves I''m sure. I just wanted the RD to be a chance to relax and have something to eat/drink with my close family and bridal party.

So anyways, thanks to all of you for giving your advice/input. I appreciate it.

 

[Haven]

Sum--I have never said that any book was the answer to anything. You are taking liberties that are not warranted with my response. I don''t see any fighting going on here, it''s just that you are clearly misunderstanding my post and I''m trying to clarify:

I never called anything a definitive answer. (Neither my own opinion, which I posted first, nor the etiquette book.)
I never called anything a universal rule.

My post was the same as everyone else''s; I merely provided information for October to help her first make her decision, and then to encourage her that the decision she did make would not be viewed as rude in all circles. I just provided information that might help her feel better about the decision she had already made. In fact, I also qualified that information by adding the source, AND by saying that this is a traidition of those who belong to that section of society we refer to as the "manners-born".

I''m not sure if I can make this any more clear, and I''m shocked that you''re so bent on insisting that I made a statement that is clearly not supported in my posts. I was just trying to help October, and now I''m just trying to make sure my meaning was not misinterpreted.

 

[Haven]

October--I''m so happy to hear that you''re parents have come around!

 

[sumbride]

Haven - Clearly I did not understand your intentions and I''m sorry about that.

 

[Haven]

Date: 5/21/2008 11:44:22 AM
Author: sumbride
Haven - Clearly I did not understand your intentions and I''m sorry about that.

No problem. I just didn''t want to be misunderstood.

 

[Linda W]

OctoberBride, I am so glad things worked out for you. It sounds wonderful what your parents are doing. My cousin, also hosted a Sunday Brunch. Everyone was happy.

There is no way, they could have had 80 out of town guests at their RD dinner. HA!! No one was offended either. At the RD, it was just the wedding party, their spouses, children and parents/grandparents on both sides that was it. Everyone was happy.

I am glad there will be no more stress for you. Now you can enjoy the rest of your planning.

I remember when my daughter got married, what a fiasco. His mother kept adding to the list, after I gave the reception place, the final count. I was ready to wring her neck.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I have lived in Texas my whole life, and have never been given the impression by anyone that it is mandatory to invite OOT to the the RD. Perhaps the previous poster is from a different region than I am - it''s a big state! I have attended over 30 weddings in Texas and have usually been invited to the RD only when I was involved in the wedding. I had to drive four hours to attend most of those weddings. Not once did I consider it rude to have not been invited. I was very pleased and honored to be invited to a RD when I wasn''t in the wedding becuase it meant the couple considered me a close friend. I guess out of town can mean different things to different people because I personally would only want to invite out of state guests and grandparents in addition to the participants and their SO''s.

I have had friends invite only those involved, and I''ve had friends invite practically everyone. I truly believe it is a personal choice. Anyone who gets their feathers ruffled over being invited to a RD is probably going to find anything to get upset about, so just ignore that! I think the seperate dinner and cocktail party is a wonderfully hospitable idea. It also makes their setting and yours more intimate.