HELP! Much-needed job interview while preggo

[Miscka]

I know there have been similar threads, but my situation is kind of weird so I thought I would appeal to the lovely ladies of PS for some help.

I unexpectedly lost my job last Dec. Through a staffing agency, I had 2 interviews for a WONDERFUL job very much like my old one, with slightly better pay and better benefits. I went through 2 rounds and was one of 2 final candidates. They chose the other and I was bitter

SO I ended up taking a MUCH lower-paying/lower-skill level job bc my DH was still in law school and I HAD to work asap. It has been difficult emotionally, mentally, etc to say the least. The pay cut was rough but mostly just hard on the old ego.

I am 21 weeks pregnant and debating what to do after the baby comes. Quit? Part time? Keep truckin? I don't know. Side note: neither DH nor I have employer insurance, we both work for small companies. We are currently still on COBRA from my old job but that runs out shortly after the baby is due.

OK now Friday I received a call from "the one that got away" that they are again looking to fill the position I missed out on and they wanted to know if I would still be interested and if I could come in next week to talk to them again. I dont know what happened, but thats another issue itself. I should have had that job the first time, frankly. I am extremely qualified and I KNOW I could kick a$$ at it. And it would be much more fulfilling and the pay and insurance would literally change EVERYTHING for us right now.

I am really flattered that they kept my resume for 9 months and thought of me in this situation. I know that pregnancy aside I could go in and kill the interview (I mean, I've already been through their process and know where to improve, etc).

What do I do about the pregnancy? It's kind of a guys-club in there. They are all really close though and the turnover rate there is miniscule. There is NOTHING similar in my town and this opportunity is unreal.

I am so nervous though that I will lose out AGAIN because I am pregnant. I would absolutely return to work and do my best between now and then, etc to give myself and my family this opportunity.

Sorry that was a novel. Any help? Do I mention it in the interview? I mean I could probably disguise it, they may think I gained weight and I assume they wont dare ask. But the other option is to cop to it and explain why I don't think its a problem, etc.

HELP!

 

[Mara]

At 21 weeks preg...you are 1/2 way there. Sure you could disguise it but lets say you get it and start in 2 weeks. 23 weeks preg... you can't fake not knowing so essentially everyone would know that you got the job by not mentioning it and knowing you'd be out in another 5mo.

There sounds like there is a very real risk of not getting the job due to the pregnancy. But I think that you have to know that and try for it anyway and just do your best. I also think that everything happens for a reason and if they don't take you--then maybe you really don't want to be there anyway. Timing is everything. You mention it being a boys club--what would the atmosphere be like when you come back from mat leave and need a slightly more flexible schedule? If it will be grueling or they won't be supportive--is that the way you want to go?

When you come back from mat leave--you may be surprised at your feelings about returning to work. I definitely was. I still went back and now 5mo later I am happy I did but thankfully my company has been fairly accommodating for me because I didn't want the same grueling schedule I had before.

So I'd say go in, try to kill the interview, mention the pregnancy and give your reasons why it won't matter, but really pay attn to how the company reacts and what they seem to think. Good luck!

 

[Steel]

I'm neither job hunting nor preggo (more is the pity) but I think Mara hit this on the head here "So I'd say go in, try to kill the interview, mention the pregnancy and give your reasons why it won't matter, but really pay attn to how the company reacts and what they seem to think. Good luck!" because it is not just about getting the job - which you would- it is about working there.

Good luck.

 

[megumic]

I disagree. I wouldn't mention being pregnant. You're there to interview for a job and talk about your qualifications for their opening, not to discuss your personal life. In fact, it is illegal for them to ask you anything personal about topics related to family, pregnancy, children, etc.

In my mind, being pregnant is moot and not a topic of conversation that is appropriate during an interview. While I understand your concerns and do not discount that there is a real chance you may not be hired because you're pregnant, I think it is up to you to set the tone and be clear about your intentions.

Good luck on the interview!

 

[charbie]

I disagree. I wouldn't mention being pregnant. You're there to interview for a job and talk about your qualifications for their opening, not to discuss your personal life. In fact, it is illegal for them to ask you anything personal about topics related to family, pregnancy, children, etc.

In my mind, being pregnant is moot and not a topic of conversation that is appropriate during an interview. While I understand your concerns and do not discount that there is a real chance you may not be hired because you're pregnant, I think it is up to you to set the tone and be clear about your intentions.

Good luck on the interview!

I agree. I think you need to read how the interview is progressing, and if it feels like there is a reason to bring it up, your keep it short and to the point. A quick, "ok, so no use beating around the bush, but I'm pregnant, due in 5 months, and know this could be an awkward situation. However, I also know my qualifications are superior and I would dedicate myslef to this job and can see myself here for a long time." Point made, no elaboration needed. I think if you dwell on it, it will not help your cause that you can dedicate yourself to this position.

 

[taovandel]

I'm with Charbie on this one. I would read how the interview was going first before offering up any details....or if you have to go through the multiple interviews again--I would wait until further into the process before bringing it up.

 

[labellavita81]

I disagree. I wouldn't mention being pregnant. You're there to interview for a job and talk about your qualifications for their opening, not to discuss your personal life. In fact, it is illegal for them to ask you anything personal about topics related to family, pregnancy, children, etc.

In my mind, being pregnant is moot and not a topic of conversation that is appropriate during an interview. While I understand your concerns and do not discount that there is a real chance you may not be hired because you're pregnant, I think it is up to you to set the tone and be clear about your intentions.

Good luck on the interview!

I ditto this post! Hit the nail right on the head!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Tough one. I don't have advice because I can see both sides. Just wanted to wish you the BEST of luck!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I've heard a lot of discussion on this topic in the context of medical residency interviews since it's a tough job with long hours.
But from what I understand, it's technically illegal for them to ask you about your pregnancy status or your plans for pregnancy. That being said, I hear people will ask anyways, or that some people like to bring it up themselves if they are obviously 8 months pregnant and feel like they need to address it.

Personally, I wouldn't bring it up unless they are obviously fishing around for a way to discuss it, or unless it's very obvious you're pregnant. I think if I were to interview while very visibly pregnant, I would just say near the end of an interview "I think I would be a great fit for this position. If you have any other questions or concerns, I'm happy to address them." I would want them to feel comfortable asking me about it since I definitely wouldn't want them just gossiping and theorizing about it after I left, without a chance to explain why it wouldn't affect my job performance.

Every interview is different though, it all depends on who you're talking.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I disagree. I wouldn't mention being pregnant. You're there to interview for a job and talk about your qualifications for their opening, not to discuss your personal life. In fact, it is illegal for them to ask you anything personal about topics related to family, pregnancy, children, etc.

In my mind, being pregnant is moot and not a topic of conversation that is appropriate during an interview. While I understand your concerns and do not discount that there is a real chance you may not be hired because you're pregnant, I think it is up to you to set the tone and be clear about your intentions.

Good luck on the interview!

I ditto this post! Hit the nail right on the head!

Thritto megumic's post! While I wouldn't go out of my way to hide pregnancy I also wouldn't mention it. At this point you really have nothing to lose so go in there and knock their socks off! Good luck!!

 

[Mara]

I still think you should consider saying something (at some point). I've worked with people who have started a job and then a few weeks later admit they are very-far-along-pregnant. The response from coworkers is often not pleasant when they feel that trust may be an issue. I wouldn't want to start a job (esp one I was hoping to love) in that way....but on the other hand part of what I like about my job is the relationship I have with my coworkers. I wouldn't want to start on a weird foot.

At the end of the day, if you think that there may be a chance you will get the job--I'd say SOMETHING.

They will be putting themselves out there to hire you, train you and then you will leave so they will need to replace you (again) for a short period of time. I personally think honesty is the best policy so that you avoid potentially creating a particularly uncomfortable situation for yourself later. If that costs you the job--so be it.

I will say that if this was something like a 6mo contract I may advise differently. Because you could pretty much finish out the contract and be gone and that is it. But for a FT permanent position, I'd feel differently.

Worth noting, they probably just had some presumably bad experience with this other person they chose over you if they are now gone and it hasn't been very long.

Anyway good luck!

 

[yssie]

I still think you should consider saying something (at some point). I've worked with people who have started a job and then a few weeks later admit they are very-far-along-pregnant. The response from coworkers is often not pleasant when they feel that trust may be an issue. I wouldn't want to start a job (esp one I was hoping to love) in that way....but on the other hand part of what I like about my job is the relationship I have with my coworkers. I wouldn't want to start on a weird foot.

At the end of the day, if you think that there may be a chance you will get the job--I'd say SOMETHING.

They will be putting themselves out there to hire you, train you and then you will leave so they will need to replace you (again) for a short period of time. I personally think honesty is the best policy so that you avoid potentially creating a particularly uncomfortable situation for yourself later. If that costs you the job--so be it.

I will say that if this was something like a 6mo contract I may advise differently. Because you could pretty much finish out the contract and be gone and that is it. But for a FT permanent position, I'd feel differently.

Worth noting, they probably just had some presumably bad experience with this other person they chose over you if they are now gone and it hasn't been very long.

Anyway good luck!

This, absolutely.

From an ethical perspective - let's be realistic, your efforts toward furthering the company goal *will* change once you give birth because of that huge change in your personal life - that is an unavoidable part of having a baby, and IMO they are not wrong for wanting to take that into consideration when making the hiring decision.

From a practical perspective - yes, they can't legally ask if you're pregnant or what your plans are post-delivery. Yes, they can't fire you if you hide it and they're upset by it and your choices when it comes out - and obviously, it will come out. But if you do hide it (and by hide I mean allowing them to believe that you are *not* pregnant) and they are upset when it comes out, A) they can make your time at work quite miserable without crossing any legal lines, and B) if you ever need references from them you've just shot yourself in the foot.

 

[Blenheim]

I can see arguments for both sides.

To those anti-hiding-it: How would you feel about not saying anything during the interview, but bringing up the need for time off after the offer has been made and during the salary/benefits negotiating process?

Mischka - good luck, whatever you decide!

 

[megumic]

Nobody ever asks men in an interview whether he is expecting, or has children, or a wife to handle that if he does have kids. So why should women feel the need to share, let alone offer up such personal information? I would not mention being pregnant or entertain such a discussion until after the offer was made and the ink on my signature had dried.

I might be of the extreme feminist view point, but I almost take offense to the fact that pp think it's okay for employers to consider your family status in the interview and hiring process. I know it is unintended, so I'm not actually upset, but I just find it hard to believe that women *still* think it's okay for us to be treated as lesser job candidates with lesser of a commitment because we are the ones who bear children. In fact, it perpetuates the problem.

Being a mom has nothing to do with employment, qualifications for a particular job or even performing at work. If every employer took the fact that any woman *can* get pregnant while employed with them, women between the ages of 13 and 50 would never be hired.

 

[lliang_chi]

Miscka, I really can't say much to help you in your decision, but I do want to say good luck.

I know in my last job (it was a proprietary HFT company) my manager who knew me previously noticed my e-ring and asked me about it. Now an engagement doesn't hold the same weight as a pregnancy, but it was assumed I'll be taking 2+ wks off sometime in the near future. I still got the job, so it didn't hurt my chances, but I kinda know what you mean about being "called out" on a condition.

And I can see it both ways. If they turn you down for being pregnant, then honestly I don't think you'd want to work there anyway.

 

[Mara]

Nobody ever asks men in an interview whether he is expecting, or has children, or a wife to handle that if he does have kids. So why should women feel the need to share, let alone offer up such personal information? I would not mention being pregnant or entertain such a discussion until after the offer was made and the ink on my signature had dried.

I might be of the extreme feminist view point, but I almost take offense to the fact that pp think it's okay for employers to consider your family status in the interview and hiring process. I know it is unintended, so I'm not actually upset, but I just find it hard to believe that women *still* think it's okay for us to be treated as lesser job candidates with lesser of a commitment because we are the ones who bear children. In fact, it perpetuates the problem.

Being a mom has nothing to do with employment, qualifications for a particular job or even performing at work. If every employer took the fact that any woman *can* get pregnant while employed with them, women between the ages of 13 and 50 would never be hired.

As a woman, I would feel it appropriate to share because when we had our baby, I took four months off. My husband took 3 weeks...and he still did portions of his job from home during that time. I had a temporary replacement that I had to train and hope would do my job properly was gone. When my husband returned it was as if he hadn't left. When I returned, I felt like I'd been gone a year. There is a big difference, and I *personally* would not feel right totally not considering that from a 'work ethic' point of view.

And there's a big difference between comparing any woman that can get pregnant vs a woman who IS pregnant and 1/2 way far along at that. They are two totally different situations.

I don't think it's right for employers to flat out decide to not hire because of a pregnancy, but when I think realistically about it, I can see both sides of the coin.. A position is open because there's a job to do--they need a qualified body. If someone is on leave for 4months of the year... that position still isn't being filled.

Also, IMO part of it is not just about the company and if THEY want YOU there--but also about the OP and if SHE wants to be at a company like this IF they would only hire her if she tried to hide or not mention the preg. Personally--knowing what I know now about being a total work horse and then having a baby, your situation DOES change afterwards. Even if you do return to work, your priorities are just mentally different most of the time. So I'd ONLY want to be with a company that would respect my new status as a Mom but not discount me as a worker. That is why I would personally be honest because if this company turned up their nose at me after the sharing of information, I wouldn't want to work there anyway.

ETA...to Blen's Q...I probably would not wait til getting an offer but if I felt really unsure and absolutely needed/wanted the job, then maybe. But what good is it at that point as well... can the company actually rescind the offer because of it? If not, then you're still in that awkward situation and if you still take the job.

 

[stephbolt]

I can see arguments for both sides.

To those anti-hiding-it: How would you feel about not saying anything during the interview, but bringing up the need for time off after the offer has been made and during the salary/benefits negotiating process?

Mischka - good luck, whatever you decide!

If I was in this position that's what I would lean toward. Even though it's illegal to ask/discriminate against a candidate because she's preggo, it happens. If I'm the employer and I have two similar candidates, one of whom is going to be taking some time off in a few months and one who isn't, the one who isn't would be preferred. I'd rather bring it up before I've officially accepted the job, to kind of get off on the right foot with my coworkers. But my family would come first, and if I felt like hiding the pregnancy was going to help me get a job that would make our financial situation more stable and allow us all to get better health coverage, I'd prioritize that over having my coworkers think I'm a little shady.

 

[Miscka]

But my family would come first, and if I felt like hiding the pregnancy was going to help me get a job that would make our financial situation more stable and allow us all to get better health coverage, I'd prioritize that over having my coworkers think I'm a little shady.

This last quote from Steph is exactly what is on my mind. Financially we don't HAVE to have me work at all, but it would be nice and I just cant work at a job I hate to leave my kid in daycare. I highly doubt I would dislike this job as much as my current one. Its the insurance that I just feel like we really need, so that we dont have to rely on the crap we could buy on our own for our little guy.

To clarify, to me it is not an option to wait until I have started to bring it up. I am debating interview or post-interview/offer stage.

Especially because I would technically be eligible for ZERO time off, and I need some even if unpaid. In a perfect world I would take 8-12 weeks if they would extend me that option unpaid.

Also, the person that had the job before they interviewed the first time lefr because of terminal cancer disability. So that makes me think that they are somewhat used to being short-staffed (she was out a lot for treatments, etc) and could probably survive without me for a few weeks. It is also happily coinciding with their slower time (business centered around an event in November).

Mara - thanks for the input! I certainly see your point of view but I sure hope I don't get the job "because I didn't mention it" but instead because I am otherwise totally qualified

Steal-thanks for the luck! I am following along with your story and always have my fingers crossed for you!

Meg - there is a big part of me that totally agrees with you. But I do feel the pull of Mara's argument, in that I don't want to be somewhere that isn't willing to be somewhat accommodating/understanding if that makes sense? I don't think its any of their business but since I am ineligible for any kind of leave technically, I need to be somewhere that can at least give a little on that. Argh! Thanks for the input In fact your point about the fact that any woman of childbearing age is a good one (so is your point about men) and actually the fact that I am pregnant and due way far from their busy season is a plus! What if I werent pregnant now and got hired and then was pregnant and out for their big time in November? If that makes sense, even.

MTG I agree, I dont want people to theorize when I am gone, but I hope they dont ask even if I give them a chance! Since its totally illegal it would make me uncomfortable, even though I know it very well may happen. I am trying to think of ways to vaguely address any issues while not flat-out saying it. Hahaha oh man I am overthinking!

Thanks for all the input! I am still mulling it all over. They still havent called with a time. I got a jacket yesterday that happens to hide it pretty well, and I just liked the jacket. Ha. DH keeps saying "well they should have hired you the first time and then it wouldnt matter if you were pregnant now" which of course I agree with but if only it were that simple!!

Any other thoughts much appreciated.

Also thanks for all the good luck everyone! Dashing back from lunch break or I would respond more individually

 

[Mara]

Mischka... in an ideal world yes I think you should get the job because you are totally qualified and the best candidate possible. But as I said--as a company--they probably have to consider all angles. Could you sell them on why you'd be wonderful even though you're going to be gone for 8-12 weeks? Probably. But no, you shouldn't HAVE to.

I admit I am a little worried about this place given what you wrote, that it's a boys club. To me that doesn't necessarily bode well for being flexible with future family life. BUT I could be totally off-base. In any case, I think you are doing the right thing in thinking about it--try not to over think it and maybe just keep all of this in mind when you go for the interview and see how it plays out. You may find it easier to bring up or an opportunity will arise where it's perfect rather than forcing it into the convo.

The other thing I wanted to say is that if I was preg (or now, with baby already out) and interviewing, I would TOTALLY be grilling the company as to their work/home balance. So just thinking out loud if I was in your position, I'd be asking about the hours, how close is the team, do people work from home, is there flexibility in the schedule, etc.

Questions which--if your jacket isn't completely fab at hiding baby bump--might tip off executive management ANYWAY without you having to say anything at all more descriptive. Because nowadays if I was interviewing I'd want to make sure the job is right for ME and not just me right for them. To me that's part of my 'perfect gig'. Anyhoo. Just more food for thought. Whatever you decide, good luck. I don't mean to run on and on.

 

[Octavia]

Personally, I wouldn't address it in the interview, but would be up-front if they extend an offer. Since you will need them to give you some time off, it's not like you'd be saying "I accept, and by the way, I'm pregnant and will be out for a few months, kthanxbye!" If it emerges in negotiations that they're unwilling to give you the time you need, or it seems like they'll do it but make your life miserable forever after that, you wouldn't HAVE to accept and you may well decide that it's not the best environment for you. If they're cool with it, you start the job knowing everything is all set and the mat leave is just a condition of your employment.

ETA: I agree with Mara about finding a workplace that is as good for you as you are for them. And I think you can learn a lot about a company from the way it handles situations like yours. If it turns out to be the kind of place you'd want to walk away from, better to find out before you accept an offer than later on...

 

[Dreamer_D]

I would personally hide my pregnancy and go apply and not tell anyone. It is none of their business and since leave for pregnancy is your mandated right AND I believe it is illegal for them to discriminate, it is a non-issue in my book. Women need to stop apologising for making babies IMO (not saying you are, but so much of the fear we have about admitting our pregnancy is really sad to me. I felt it too and fought it every step of the way).

FWIW I was on the academic job market when I was 7-8 months pregnant. I said not one word until I showed up for my interviews and even then, only told the chair (I carried in a way that it was not totally clear I was not just fat).

ETA Regaring coworkers being "upset" that I hid it, I suggest that if you go in sheepish and apologetic about it then they will be upset. If you do not apologise and are confident and treat it like NO BIGGIE, because frankly it is not a big deal, especially with 5 lousy months of maternity leave -- we take 12 months in Canada -- then they will not give your grief. Peeople feeling like they have the right to criticize a woman for this type of this is about POWER. The only reason then think they have the right to look down their nose at a waman to applioes for a job when she is pregnant is because she is lower in power than them or perceived to be lower in power -- no one criticizes someone who is confident and powerful, at least not in a way that matters one iota. I think it is shameful that we women even need to think about this stuff at all when we are trying to pursue employment to support ourselves and our families.

Ok rant over. This is a realy hot button issue for me, because until women get up and fight for equal rights in this area we will never be equal in pay or status to men. And one important way to fight for our rights in this area is to refuse to be shut out of work opportunities because of our biology.

 

[cara]

Dreamer, maternity leave is not a universal right in the US. The OP would in fact be ineligible for the federally mandated leave if she took this new job, as it only applies to people that have been employed by their current employer one year or more. Our leave is not run through some federal or state-wide insurance system, it is provided directly by your employer (though many employers take out insurance policies for this purpose.) So she may in fact need special accommodations to take some amount of maternity leave early in her employment there, unless the company has maternity leave policies more generous than required by law.

I totally get you on the power thing, but the fact is that job applicants *are* in a less powerful position than their potential employers. Especially in today's labor market. Especially in countries that don't have full employment protections for women that give birth and need maternity leave. And while the US does have legal protections for pregnant women, the fact is that the OP is in a vulnerable situation as it would so easy for the employer to actually use her pregnancy in their decision-making process, but in a way that spares them any legal repercussions. Even if they were stupid and did make it clear they had done something illegal (not hired her or revoked a job offer because she was pregnant) the obstacles to her bringing a successful case against them are still large, and in the meantime she needs a job with health insurance...

Miscka, Because you will need accommodation, I'm in the camp of mention it before an offer but not right away *IF* you feel like you have that luxury given your family's situation. (If you need this job even if you have to get it in a way that might leave a bad taste in people's mouth once they have hired you, well then delay mentioning it until after there is an offer - once they have made an offer, if they are smart, they will not revoke it based on you telling them you are pregnant. They may, however, not be happy about it and make it clear during the remaining negotiations. They may also do something illegal/unethical ie. revoke the offer, but there is little you can do about that.)

Generally there is a 'feeling each other out' stage where you get a ballpark idea of compensation and other policies prior to a formal offer being made; this might be a good time to mention the pregnancy and say something to the effect of you would need several weeks of unpaid leave... Though I admit this would require putting on my big-girl pants, as generally I am in Dreamer's camp of don't mention it, its not relevant. Except it is, especially in the US in your circumstance.

And to an extent Mara is right, if they woln't hire a pregnant woman, well, maybe it's not a place I want to work. Though it really went goes against my instincts to not address such things in work settings, I had to tell myself something similar last week when I went on an interview and had arrange for time off in the middle of the day to pump breastmilk. I was tempted to try and go the whole time without pumping so I didn't have to mention it, but chances were good this would result in leakage, so it seamed asking for a break was the lesser potential embarrassment... Anywho, I survived, they didn't seam to dismiss me out-of-hand so hopefully it is okay. But who really knows?

Good luck to you!

 

[Miscka]

Mara, Dreamer, Cara, Octavia - thanks for all the input, I really really appreciate it.

The plot has thickened

The guy called me today to say that the meeting is Thurs, and he really made me feel like the whole thing is just a formality. He told me it would be just 30 min to re-acquaint and they "may just go ahead and say bring me in". I also looked and the job is not posted anywhere. My last interviews were an hour lunch and then a 3-round in-office interview that was maybe an hour or 2.

HOWEVER, they are thinking of doing temp to hire. He said they weren't sure yet. Actually, I had forgotten that the last time it was also temp to hire, so maybe the person did not get hired? Inneresting....

I am torn between whether or not this is a good thing. I am tempted to say its good, that I can go in there and then they can base their decision on my work. If they dont keep me, I SAH with the kid and keep looking, none the worse for wear and I made more money between now and then. Since I am not leaving somewhere with ins for a temp place, that is no concern. I would at least still have the chance to prove myself, and feel it all out. On the other hand, I am giving up my current job completely, so if we were to NEED me to work or if I wanted to do p/t I would have to stat over somewhere else.

Thoughts? Does that change any opinions? I know Mara mentioned if it were a 6 mo contract...

Cara - I agree re: the "feeling out" stage, but since I have already had the details/compensation talk with them I am afraid I won't get that period, either they hire me or they don't if that makes sense.

Mara - when I say boys club, I only met with men while I was there (3 or 4 people total) and I THINK that the industry is fairly male-dominated, but I don't actually know that. Like I said, the last person was there forever and she had cancer and they worked with her, so I don't know that they would be uncool about it, I just would feel differently if there was at least 1 woman involved in the convo (even if thats wrong for me to say). There are of course female employees, just in different parts and the overall turnover is really low so I don't know.

 

[Octavia]

Miscka, Because you will need accommodation, I'm in the camp of mention it before an offer but not right away *IF* you feel like you have that luxury given your family's situation. (If you need this job even if you have to get it in a way that might leave a bad taste in people's mouth once they have hired you, well then delay mentioning it until after there is an offer - once they have made an offer, if they are smart, they will not revoke it based on you telling them you are pregnant. They may, however, not be happy about it and make it clear during the remaining negotiations. They may also do something illegal/unethical ie. revoke the offer, but there is little you can do about that.)

I doubt the employer would be so stupid as to revoke the offer due to Miscka's disclosure that she's pregnant. More likely, they would just refuse to grant extra unpaid leave, which would put her in the position of taking the job and returning to work a couple days after giving birth, or declining the offer. Since the extra leave would be something non-standard, it seems to me the request would be akin to a counter-offer, which the employer could accept or reject. Assuming Miscka is definitely going to return to work after having the baby, it really seems no different to me than negotiating less pay in return for more vacation time, or something like that. I say this because I will almost certainly have to negotiate start date or additional leave soon after I start because of some long-standing plans. I don't plan to talk about that at the interview; if someone wants me to come work for them, then we'll talk about it. While I don't need as much time, I think the concept is the same.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Dreamer, maternity leave is not a universal right in the US. The OP would in fact be ineligible for the federally mandated leave if she took this new job, as it only applies to people that have been employed by their current employer one year or more. Our leave is not run through some federal or state-wide insurance system, it is provided directly by your employer (though many employers take out insurance policies for this purpose.) So she may in fact need special accommodations to take some amount of maternity leave early in her employment there, unless the company has maternity leave policies more generous than required by law.

I totally get you on the power thing, but the fact is that job applicants *are* in a less powerful position than their potential employers. Especially in today's labor market. Especially in countries that don't have full employment protections for women that give birth and need maternity leave. And while the US does have legal protections for pregnant women, the fact is that the OP is in a vulnerable situation as it would so easy for the employer to actually use her pregnancy in their decision-making process, but in a way that spares them any legal repercussions. Even if they were stupid and did make it clear they had done something illegal (not hired her or revoked a job offer because she was pregnant) the obstacles to her bringing a successful case against them are still large, and in the meantime she needs a job with health insurance...

My sympathies to any woman dealing with the situations highlighted in red!

Miska, I guess you can disregard my suggestions, they apply to women in countries will more rights and protections both in their employment and in their medical care.

 

[Mara]

Mish what you mentioned as the update... I would personally like that better. I love contracting though. Does it come with insurance? If it does, then it might be the best of both worlds for you. You could try the job, go your pregnancy, go your leave (unpaid anyway) and then if you come back you could continue as is. Or if the contract ends or they don't get FT budget then you move on. Also if they have insurance through the contract or temporary job, chances are you will be able to get COBRA insurance for at least through the birth or afterward for a period of time. I might ask about this if you are considering it. COBRA is expensive but it's better than no insurance, esp around a birth and postpartum time.

I always view temp or contracts as ways for the two parties to figure out if that is REALLY the right fit for them.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Yeah, America's maternity policies are rather awful compared to other western countries.

I don't know much about Contracting, but best of luck with your decision!

On one hand, it's your absolute right to be pregnant and not be discriminated against just because of that. On the other hand, it's not a decision that affects only you, in reality it does potentially harm/affect your employer, and many people view it as a decision you made (and not something that just happened to you, like a car crash or illness that would require time out). I can see both sides, and it's a difficult place to be. It's absolutely not fair, but it is an unfortunate reality.

I know in my case, many applicants into medical residency are told either not to get pregnant or not to say they are pregnant because residency directors might not rank you as highly because of it. And while that's infuriating in many ways, from the point of view from the director, he's looking out for the other medical residents who will have to pick up your work load, your call nights, and your patients if you take time off. And it's already a job where you're working 100+ hours a week. It's not that the directors don't like women or pregnant women, etc, they're most likely just looking out for their entire program, and want the most predictably reliable people. And sadly, being pregnant is a factor of unpredictability.

 

[TravelingGal]

Dreamer, maternity leave is not a universal right in the US. The OP would in fact be ineligible for the federally mandated leave if she took this new job, as it only applies to people that have been employed by their current employer one year or more. Our leave is not run through some federal or state-wide insurance system, it is provided directly by your employer (though many employers take out insurance policies for this purpose.) So she may in fact need special accommodations to take some amount of maternity leave early in her employment there, unless the company has maternity leave policies more generous than required by law.

I totally get you on the power thing, but the fact is that job applicants *are* in a less powerful position than their potential employers. Especially in today's labor market. Especially in countries that don't have full employment protections for women that give birth and need maternity leave. And while the US does have legal protections for pregnant women, the fact is that the OP is in a vulnerable situation as it would so easy for the employer to actually use her pregnancy in their decision-making process, but in a way that spares them any legal repercussions. Even if they were stupid and did make it clear they had done something illegal (not hired her or revoked a job offer because she was pregnant) the obstacles to her bringing a successful case against them are still large, and in the meantime she needs a job with health insurance...

My sympathies to any woman dealing with the situations highlighted in red!

Miska, I guess you can disregard my suggestions, they apply to women in countries will more rights and protections both in their employment and in their medical care.

Sad but true.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Yeah, America's maternity policies are rather awful compared to other western countries.

I don't know much about Contracting, but best of luck with your decision!

On one hand, it's your absolute right to be pregnant and not be discriminated against just because of that. On the other hand, it's not a decision that affects only you, in reality it does potentially harm/affect your employer, and many people view it as a decision you made (and not something that just happened to you, like a car crash or illness that would require time out). I can see both sides, and it's a difficult place to be. It's absolutely not fair, but it is an unfortunate reality.

I know in my case, many applicants into medical residency are told either not to get pregnant or not to say they are pregnant because residency directors might not rank you as highly because of it. And while that's infuriating in many ways, from the point of view from the director, he's looking out for the other medical residents who will have to pick up your work load, your call nights, and your patients if you take time off. And it's already a job where you're working 100+ hours a week. It's not that the directors don't like women or pregnant women, etc, they're most likely just looking out for their entire program, and want the most predictably reliable people. And sadly, being pregnant is a factor of unpredictability.

These are just rationalizations used to justify the exising system. Such justifications are an inherent psychological need for most because they make us feel safe and make us feel less angry about inequality, but they maintain the status quo. Do not fall prey to that swan song! Many other countries seem to function very well with good parental leave for both sexes. It clearly will not destroy the functioning of the economy or medical schools!

I am not trying to put you on the spot MTG but I think that it is important to be aware of how our rationalizations and assumptions about what can and cannot be changed maintain inequality. If anyone is interested in System Justification Theory and how it screws us all, here is a link: http://www.psych.nyu.edu/jost/

An excerpt:

System justification theory addresses the holding of attitudes that are often contrary to one's own self-interest and therefore contrary to what one would expect on the basis of theories of self-enhancement or rational self-interest. Thus, our research focuses on counter-intuitive outcomes, such as the internalization of unfavorable stereotypes about one's own group, nonconscious biases that perpetuate inequality, attitudinal ambivalence directed at fellow ingroup members who challenge the system, opposition to equality among members of disadvantaged groups, rationalization of anticipated social and political outcomes, and tendencies among members of powerless groups to subjectively enhance the legitimacy of their powerlessness and, in some cases, to show greater support for the system than do members of powerful groups.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I went to a job interview one week before my due date, no suprises I didn't get that job!

I feel that, if you are not showing, I wouldn't say anything about the pregnancy in the interview. If you are offered the job I would tell them then in the negotiation process. If they don't like it, offer to work on contract until the baby is due, you may find if you do a brilliant job they may be more than happy to let you have a few months off and then welcome you back with open arms.

Goodluck with the interview!!