HELP!!!MOH IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

[jjspaz1]

I am having a large wedding with a large bridal party. I am not very traditional and that starts with my bridal party. I have 4 bridesmaids, two MOH and a matron as well.

Heres why: My sister is a maid of honor (my only sister and sibling)
I have two best friends. One is married one is not.

NOBODY has a problem with all of this except the matron. My sister wanted to host the party and have everyone help. She asked me if she could and I said sure because my matron has not said anything to me about it for 7 mo I have been engaged. Now there is 7 mo. left and so I said sure since I didnt think the matron was going to.

Now the matron is all ticked off that there are 3MOH and that she was not hosting the shower. So I tell her ...then you do it :nobody cares they just want to know and help. In the process she tells me my sister is a control freak, and classless since she never contacted her to begin with. My sister is in her mid 20s and has done nothing wrong. She just wants to do something for me (her big sister) My matron is my age in her mid 30s. I am so hurt (she has thrown tantrums like this in the past) and I am not a drama girl.Nor do I need any of this drama before the wedding. EVERYTHING was going smooth until this.

I want her to be my matron but now she wont answer my emails, texts, or calls. What do I do?

 

[monarch64]

If she won''t answer your attempts at communicating with her, I would assume she no longer wants to be the matron of honor or in the bridal party at all. Her tantrums and antics wouldn''t fly with me, she''s throwing wrenches into your wedding plans and that is not cool. I''d send her a final email stating that you don''t feel like having her in the wedding is productive and that you are excusing her from all matron of honor duties.

 

[meresal]

Just because she is the Matron of honor does not make her #1 BM. She needs to realize that. She thinks that she is #1, and so thinks that she is in charge of all BM''s activities. You need to set her straight.

I would tell her that, "Yes, she is the Matron of Honor, but that your sister is still in charge of the Bridal Party and will be standing closest to you on your wedding day."

Hindsight is 20/20... but I would have kept your sister as the only MOH, and then had all the rest be BM''s. I find that adding a Matron of Honor that is not #1, ALWAYS messes things up.

If this girl is #1, and is standing next to you on your wedding day, then disregard everything I just said.
Personally, I would have run it by her first, before saying yes to your sister''s offer. She may not have said anything, but maybe she was waiting for you to bring up a good time or something. Maybe you could ask her to plan the Bachelorette Party instead?

I would send one more email to clear the air, and then go from there depending on if she replies or not.

I hope that you can get this worked out.

 

[jjspaz1]

She was/is? standing next to me. My sister is next. I mentioned that my sister wanted to do the shower about three months ago when we went dress shopping for them. She never said anything at all. I am not sure if its really the shower...or that she is not getting her way and being the "spotlight" only. It was just a tough thing picking between her (who Ive known and been best friends with for 28 yrs and my other best friend of 15 years) So I thought it would be easier and the other two actually thought it would be fun. :/ Thanks for your advice!

 

[jjspaz1]

This is all something I will be considering when I talk to her. Thanks,

 

[meresal]

Ok, I would approach it like this.

The shower is more formal and the bachelorette party is more "fun".

I had 3 older sisters in my wedding that were just BM''s, and they all threw the Bridesmaids Luncheon, and then my MOH who is younger/my age threw the Bachelorette Party. They both loved it, and my MOH loved being in charge of the Bachelorette party. Maybe if you approach it in some manner that would let her feel better about being able to plan something completely herself, would make her feel better?

I get wht you''re saying though, it sounds like maybe she is upset about something else.

 

[jjspaz1]

thanks for your help~turns out we are going to have two seperate showers. One is going to throw a shower for bridal party and friends. The other is going to for the family .