HELP!!! Engagement ring being purchased soon.

[jschomburg]

Hello all... I've been actively reading some posts for a couple months, preparing me to purchase an engagement ring. I need some opinions on what I should do. I saved up the cash (budget of $14-$15k).

I found a couple great stones, the one in particular that I liked is a GIA, 1.50, G, VS1, in an identical Tiffany solitaire platinum setting for $13450. I was getting ready to put a deposit down on the ring when I learned that my girlfriends grandmother gave my gf's aunt an antique ring so I can reset the diamond for the engagement ring.

My girlfriend is very close to her grandmother and the sentimental value would mean a lot. On the other hand, we've been looking at rings for a while and she is typical and enjoys the bigger diamond (I just recently made her comfortable with a higher quality 1.5 vs a lesser quality 1.9-2).

Here is a picture of the ring/diamond



I just had the diamond started to be appraised and its specs so far are 1.13ct, small table (antique cut) J color

Since it's smaller I was thinking of adding side stones like tapered baguettes or half moons, this is one setting that I really like


My question to you is, what should I do??

Should I
A) Give her the bigger, clearer diamond -or-
B) Give her the smaller, lower quality, sentimental diamond that grandmother wants used for a grandkids engagement ring (engagement ring only, no necklace/earring/bracelet use)

Also, since I will be saving a TON of $$$$ with option B, I was going to have it in a different ring box, I was thinking of having the ring sitting on the inside of her most desired of piece of jewelery (after her engagement ring of course), a yellow-gold Cartier love bracelet.



Comments??

Thanks everyone!

Joe

 

[04diamond<3]

reset the G-ma's diamond into a solitaire necklace so she can also wear it... and you can say that way it's "closer to her heart"...are you open to other options?

 

[jschomburg]

Gma wants it in a e-ring, no re-purposing in anything else, there's 8 grandkids, my GF is the oldest so she wants her diamond to go in a e-ring, if not, wait for someone else...

 

[JulieN]

How about Gma's diamond in a superb, delicate halo? That will give her the bigger look she wants.

 

[jschomburg]

I thought about that, but she doesn't like halos very much

 

[JulieN]

Small tabled antique Js are very popular around here.

It sounds like you want to get her a smaller 1.5 G VS, and what she wants is 2 carats. You can easily get a 1.8-2 ct H-J SI in your budget, so is this gift more for her or more for you?

I've been really wanting to get my bf a dress watch lately, because I think his current watch is too casual for dressy occasions. I've spent a lot of hours looking at different models. I made a Pinterest board with everything I liked and told him to pick his top 3 (or even pick something else I didn't think of.) He was just ehhh about my little project, because ultimately it was a gift for me, not for him. The idea has been canned due to his lack of enthusiasm.

Perhaps a middle ground of H/I SI1, the biggest one you can afford, would be a a good compromise?

 

[jschomburg]

Well it's her engagement ring, so it's for her I'm leaning toward the antique diamond, if she doesn't like it she can take the bracelet back and we can go upgrade her rock.

BTW, I love the watch idea! My gf and I have a deal that I get her e-ring, and I get a new watch for the wedding!

 

[nyquestioner]

I was in a similar situation, and what I can tell you is that I am really glad that my then-boyfriend and I discussed it before he made a purchase because I am so much happier having family stones in my ring than with the totally different stone/setting I liked in the abstract (that he discovered I liked through some sneaky teamwork with my friends). Even though I still think that kind of ring is really beautiful, for me the sentimental value of what I have really trumps it.

Since you guys have already been discussing rings so the concept is not a surprise, why don't you just ask her which she would prefer?
I think this would be a good idea for several reasons. First, if you decide to give her her grandmother's stone, even if that is what she would really want, if she is not expecting it, she may be momentarily disappointed when she sees the ring and the stone is smaller and looks different than what she is expecting, until you explain it to her. You don't want any disappointment, just happiness. Much worse, she might have preferred the MRB, and feel bad that she got grandma's stone instead of a cousin who would appreciate it more. On the other hand, if you get her the MRB, and she finds out her beloved grandma's stone was an option, she might wish she had that instead, which would be an unfortunate waste of a great deal of money.

So I would let her know about the option, and that this option frees up money for a fabulous setting of her choice. She could browse the websites of Leon Mege, Steven Kirsch, Victor Canera and Singlestone to see some options for settings that range from very simple but with gorgeous lines to very antique and ornate (what she prefers in a MRB setting may be very different than what she would want for this OEC).

Additionally, money would be freed up for a fabulous eternity ring if that is something she might be interested in (again see above vendors for some ideas). Or, as you mentioned, a Cartier love bracelet, if that is what her heart desires.

 

[bunnycat]

I think you are on some shaky ground, OP and I would second the suggestion to discuss it with her. You've got several options and several conundrums to work through and I think it'd best be done with your GF's input.

-You could accept the antique ring and propose with it with the intent to upgrade to a bigger stone one day. If you do that though, will the family members who gave the antique ring be miffed that she got an "upgrade"? The good part on this option is you get the family stone for the sentiment (if you have any for it) and a nice larger stone later...Bad part is if the family gets mad for doing that...or if someone else could really have used that stone later and now you have it sitting unused in the jewelry box because your (now wife) has an upgrade???

-You could propose with the antique ring/stone and reset or whatever to suit your gf. Again, is the family ok with resetting in this case or is it a "take it or leave it" kind of thing with the ring and it being kept as is? The good part is money you save on the ring purchase and only having to get a new setting (perhaps). Bad news is what if you GF was totally expecting something else???? If your GF likes and was looking at upwards of 2ct stones and has hopes for that range, I think a 1-ish ct old cut (which is going to probably face small for it's weight already) may be a shock. She may really like the idea of using a family stone, and discussion is the only way to clear this up. If it's a ring she's seen before and said "oh, yeah- I LOVE grandma's ring! I wish I could have it. It would be so cool to have a piece of family history for my engagement" then I think your question is easily answered. But what if she's seen and and gone "hmmm...it's a bit old fashioned for me, especially for an e-ring..."? Some people are highly sentimental about things like this and some people are not. For me, personally, though I am a little sentimental about family jewelry, and have a few pieces I would never consider parting with for the sentimental value, if someone put down an ultimatum like that I'd probably say "thank you for the offer" (and then would politely decline). I'm just not sentimental enough to let people call the shots for me on something like that.

I would agree if you do go with the MRB route to let the people here help you select. You could easily go larger than 1.5 if you relax some criteria like color and clarity as long as you keep to ideal cuts.

 

[Niel]

well dont make a sad face at an antique J, that seems like a pretty great stone to be given down by her grandmother!

I do think asking her is the best idea, but if she likes the idea of using her grandmothers stone, what i would do is set it as a 3 stone with matching rounds, old world diamonds or something could help find the perfect side. Make them really large in proportion to the center stone.

I wish i could find a picture of dreamers 3 stone, but im having troubles.

or a graduated 5 stone, it would still have a ridiculous amount of bling

you could set it in a master bench to really give her an absolute stunner of a ring, thats both blingtastic and sentimental. And you can still feel good about what you've paid, as i know some men feel bad if they dont spend as much as their budget allows.


otherwise, ask other get some help from the group in getting the most bang for your respective buck!

 

[distracts]

I'd get her the new, bigger diamond and leave the ring to be passed on to someone else who might really want it.

 

[Niel]

I'd get her the new, bigger diamond and leave the ring to be passed on to someone else who might really want it.

good point, if this is open to more family members than just your SO, let someone else who cant afford the kind of ring you can have it.

 

[Circe]

That ring looks like a superb example of Edwardian craftsmanship - if you accept it, I hope you'll consider keeping it in its original setting. You know the saying about how they don't make 'em like they used to? This is exactly what they mean: a lot of the techniques have died out, and the very few pieces being produced in that style by modern craftsmen are astronomically expensive. It looks amazingly beautiful to me! And, mind, I'm a size queen, too: it just matters a lot less with vintage settings. I have a non-heirloom setting from the same period that I was thinking of modifying for a larger stone ... but when I popped a one carat stone in there? It looked perfect. It's one of my most worn pieces.

And I think the idea of presenting it to your lady-love alongside your own symbolic piece of jewelry - the LOVE is so perfect for this!!! - is tremendously romantic.

All that said, though, I do still think it's worth at least presenting the question to her as a hypothetical, for all the reasons listed above by the wise ladies of the board. Is it wrong that I hope you guys go with the heirloom ring, just so we can see more photos of it?

 

[bunnycat]

That ring looks like a superb example of Edwardian craftsmanship - if you accept it, I hope you'll consider keeping it in its original setting. You know the saying about how they don't make 'em like they used to? This is exactly what they mean: a lot of the techniques have died out, and the very few pieces being produced in that style by modern craftsmen are astronomically expensive. It looks amazingly beautiful to me! And, mind, I'm a size queen, too: it just matters a lot less with vintage settings. I have a non-heirloom setting from the same period that I was thinking of modifying for a larger stone ... but when I popped a one carat stone in there? It looked perfect. It's one of my most worn pieces.

And I think the idea of presenting it to your lady-love alongside your own symbolic piece of jewelry - the LOVE is so perfect for this!!! - is tremendously romantic.

All that said, though, I do still think it's worth at least presenting the question to her as a hypothetical, for all the reasons listed above by the wise ladies of the board. Is it wrong that I hope you guys go with the heirloom ring, just so we can see more photos of it?

That's true- it is a very nice old setting and it's always such a shame when those get broken up from their stones. SOmetimes in resetting these old stones out of a period setting they may look nice in, a certain something is lost.

And although I understand Circe's point about it being a really romantic gesture and it's great if that's what she wants but having a sentimental piece to wear when you want because you like it is not quite the same as it being the only ring you have to wear and your family expects it to be your ering and you have no other choices now and were hoping for something different but now can't have it without possibly upsetting family members. Or, who knows, they may not care if she upgrades later as long as she was engaged with it, but I'd certainly want to know the answer to that question before deciding if it were me (knowing that she was actively looking at larger stones).

 

[jschomburg]

Thank you for your help everyone! I just found out that the GMA diamond had a chip in it as well. So, I spoke with my girlfriend and she said that she would prefer a bigger one and leave the grandmothers diamond for another one of her siblings in case their significant other can't afford one.

So today I purchased a 1.5 H VS2 Excellent cut/symmetry/polish with a HCA of 1.2, it absolutely sparkles and will look great in the solitaire Tiffany style setting.

Thanks again for everyones help!

 

[bunnycat]

Thank you for your help everyone! I just found out that the GMA diamond had a chip in it as well. So, I spoke with my girlfriend and she said that she would prefer a bigger one and leave the grandmothers diamond for another one of her siblings in case their significant other can't afford one.

So today I purchased a 1.5 H VS2 Excellent cut/symmetry/polish with a HCA of 1.2, it absolutely sparkles and will look great in the solitaire Tiffany style setting.

Thanks again for everyones help!

Congratulations! I'm glad you asked her opinion on the matter! It's a very cool old ring and hopefully someone else will want to use it just as it is some day. Old cuts often have chippy girdle areas after being worn so long so I imagine the condition is on par for its age. And as Circe said, it'd be a shame to separate those two.