Help- dress apathy?

[LuckyLady]

Hey all-

Does/did anyone else feel apathetic or ambivalent about their wedding dress? Meaning one that is already picked and ordered?

I looked at TONS of dresses and couldn't find "the one". I was getting down to the wire and really need to pick a gown, so I just picked one. It's definitely not "the one" although I am not sure that I would ever feel that way about a dress- there were too many gorgeous ones.

I don't mean to imply I feel any negativity towards the dress- it's beautiful and has most of what I wanted, and nothing I didn't want, but I am just not overly excited about it. I wonder if I had more time I might have picked something different.

I should also say that I am definitely a fashion-clothes person and this is generally really important to me. I really thought I would end up with some very unique, show-stopper of a dress but I ended up with one that is very simple and romantic.

And I definitely spent a decent amount of money on the dress, so there is no way of buying another dress unless I want to go into debt and pay for it myself (my parents generously are paying for the dress).

Just hoping for some similar feelings out there since everyone in real life keeps telling me that you "will know" and don't buy a dress until it's "the one". Ugh.

 

[janinegirly]

i think you are just worrying too much. you say it''s a beautiful dress,excellent quality, based on your taste, romantic and simple..it sounds wonderful! When you have all your makeup, veil, flowers , jewelry, you''ll "feel" it! I would think finding another dress, stressing about it would make it all worse!
I''m sure it''s a beautiful dress! i haven''t started looking yet, but i''m sure it''s not going to be some magical moment where I find my soul dress or something

 

[labbielove]

I''m right there with you Lucky,
although I do love my dress,
it''s just that, now that it''s ordered,etc. I am constantly second guessing myself.

But, you know the dress is beautiful, you look good in it, etc. So- at the end of the day, it is after all just a dress, and I don''t think it makes or breaks the day in total.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 1/3/2007 1:21:07 PM
Author: labbielove
I''m right there with you Lucky,
although I do love my dress,
it''s just that, now that it''s ordered,etc. I am constantly second guessing myself.

But, you know the dress is beautiful, you look good in it, etc. So- at the end of the day, it is after all just a dress, and I don''t think it makes or breaks the day in total.

Ditto!!! I keep questioning mine also, but I''d just stick with your original choice. I never got the "THIS IS IT" feeling either, but I don''t think I will over another dress.

 

[sumbride]

I''m so apathetic about the dress I can''t even get myself to a store to try them on. I haven''t had a chance to order one to be apathetic about.

 

[dtnyc]

umm I was a 2-dress bride. I bought both at sample sales- the first was total impulse buy. Gorgeous one of a kind Christos dress that was a fantastic buy, but when I saw "the one" I decided I didn''t like it anymore. Dress one was very traditional, lovely, dress 2 was (a year ago anyway) much more unique. I was able to get dress #2 because #1 was so cheap.

My only advice to you is stop looking.

 

[AmberWaves]

I''m with sum. So not ready to get out there and strip to my skivvies to try on a dress that (I wish) weighed more than me.

I have ten months (to the day) until the wedding and I''m just blah.

I''d just stop looking if I were you, too.

 

[LuckyLady]

Thanks all. Just wanted some words of encouragement!

I have stopped looking, just keep thinking about it.

The funny thing is that the only one I have seen in a magazine that I went "wow" looks really similar to the one that I picked. I am sure it will be a perfect dress on the day, just concerned b/c I am not as "EXCITED" as some of the other girls on here. Maybe it''s cause I am a bit "older" (in my 30''s)???

I am just thinking that once it is in my size I will fall in love with it again- I can''t really find a picture so I kinda forget what it looks like!

For those of you that are reluctant to go, may I suggest champagne? I made a day of it whenever I did it, would have lunch and champagne or something else decadent afterwards. It was really fun!!!!

 

[sumbride]

Oh, I''m definitely going to need SOMETHING alcholic!

 

[janinegirly]

lucky, i can definitelyl relate even though I haven''t started looking yet. I think i''ll be ho-hum about dresses too. I''m also in my 30''s and sometimes i feel guilty about doing the fulll traditional wedding. It''s costing more than I imagined and I feel kinda silly at times...like all this $$ my parents are forking over when I''m fully independent and deep into my 30''s! But then again, I don''t want to miss any of the experience..

 

[LuckyLady]

Janinegirly- Exactly. I never wanted a big traditional wedding, yet I am having one anyways. Somehow once I started planning, I realized I really did want more of the traditional stuff than I thought! I think it is insane the amount of money we are spending on basically a big party, and I keep offering to run off to an island and do it, but both my parents and my fiance really want a wedding, so... It will be fun, but I really just want to be married. So maybe that is where the dress thing comes from- like it''s important but not really what I am focusing on??? At least let''s hope I am that reasonable and un-bridezilla like!!!

 

[akw94]

LuckyLady, what''s funny to me is that I always thought I would be so excited about all the wedding planning, including the dress. I like to look at pictures but honestly, not having a deep desire to go shopping. I am hoping for that WOW moment though b/c if not, I''m not sure I''d ever pick something. My mom and bridesmaids are much more excited about dress shopping. Weird!

 

[kcoursolle]

I''m going to go out on a limb here and say it''s actually okay to feel just so so about a gown. I think the bridal industry has created an obsession in brides to find "the one" and to spend a whole bunch of money on it. I think it''s a bit silly when you wear it for one day. Stop looking and enjoy the dress you have, otherwise it will drive you mad. Better yet, try it on in front of some friends so they can give you some compliments. This might help you realize how much you already like your dress.

 

[Jas12]

luckylady--you are definetly not the first person to feel this way. I went through the same thing. I love clothing and fashion, and thought the dress would be the one thing about wedding planning I would love, and really be 100% confident about--not. so. I was ambivilent shopping, and noticed that i was all over the map-- i liked lace intricate gowns, simple sheaths, modern, whimsy--i like elements of all, so when i did finally buy a dress i was surprised that none of my original expectations were present in the gown!?? i seconed guessed a bit, but i am trying to get over it now hehe, b/c i think i would do the same thing regardless off what i chose.

 

[diamondfan]

I think you might be giving a lot of "power" to the magic of the dress, and I am sure it is really great...maybe you are just feeling like it has to wow you over the top...but maybe you are just overthinking it, and it will all look awesome...

 

[wolftress]

Luckylady, I''m in the same boat as you are. I only went into 2 bridal shops, tried on a total of 4 dresses, and picked one in an hour. So many other brides say they looked for months to find the right dress, so I really felt like a weird bride when I realised I put so little thought into my dress.

I''ve seen lots of other gorgeous dresses on other brides here and feel a pang of regret that I didn''t look harder, but one of my recently-married friends put it best when she said, "At the end of the day, it''s just a white dress." She got posed portraits taken with her hubby before the wedding (quite common in Singapore) and her dress wasn''t ready in time, so she ended up just wearing a gown the studio had. Nobody could tell the difference when they saw the posed pictures and those taken on her wedding day when she was wearing her real dress.

I had always imagined myself in a slinky, glamorous wedding gown, but I''m very short and petite, so a dress like that would have had to be custom-made. In the end, I found my traditional dress at a second hand bridal store, and it didn''t even have to be altered a stitch. I love the idea that it was worn by a bride who could have been my size twin!!

As a compromise for the slinky gown, I bought another off-the-rack dress for $200 to wear at the dinner reception. It''s what I would have wanted if I wasn''t getting married in a church

Maybe you can have a look at evening gowns that are available in white, to wear at the reception? I believe these are a lot more affordable than wedding gowns, as the price skyrockets when they hear the word ''wedding''.

Just remember that it will be your wedding day, and you will be glowing and beautiful in anything you wear!

 

[flopkins]

I tried on tons of dresses, deliberated forever, and when I finally decided on one it almost seemed anti-climactic. No ''the one'' for me. nope. I even felt apathetic to it when I got it in person and it came in too big and looked weird on me. It looked much better when I got it altered and it''s a gorgeous dress - I would probably pick it again, but never really got uber excited over it....

 

[diamondfan]

I think some girls definitely have that Ah ha moment, but I also think it is a bit misleading to make women feel that there will be this lightning bolt of emotion when trying on the dress that is THE ONE. Sure, it can happen. For some, it happens quickly, if they have a strong sense of what they want before they even go to the store. For others, it can be a longer process, and they may never really have that OMG moment...and they feel let down or that something is wrong either with them or with their choice. To me it is the marketing/bridal industry at work again....and I am sure the second guessing is very common as well, especially if you continue to see dresses after you have chosen yours...

 

[LuckyLady]

Been thinking about this a bit more...

1. The "A-Ha" Moment- I think this may happen more if you know exactly what style you are looking for, as one of you pointed out. My biggest problem was that I didn''t know what "kind" of bride I wanted to be- something all of the salesgirls aptly pointed out. Glamorous, sweet, traditional, cool, sexy, etc? I think that if I *knew* that I wanted a ballgown, then I would have known "the one" of all of the ballgowns I tried on. Same if I decided on the slinky mermaid modern shape. My problem is that I had "one" in every category, so I was indecisive on the style, not the dress. Make sense?

2. Anyone think this can correlate to finding the guy, as in "the one"? I used to believe there is only one guy out there for me- after much dating, I realized that there are many guys out there that I could be happy with. The one I ended up with is absolutely perfect for me- he has everything I want, and nothing I don''t want, which is how I feel about my dress. But I didn''t see him across the room and know he was "the one", much like I didn''t try any dresses on and know it was the one. This "theory" may be a stretch, but it''s kind of an interesting way to look at it!

At the end of the day, I agree that it''s just a dress and that there is so much emphasis and pressure put on girls to find "the dress". I am much more concerned with having a fun, great time, making sure all my friends and family are there and happy as well- part of the reason I picked my dress was that it is very light and easy to move in, and I didn''t want to be uncomfortable dancing.

And to be honest, I always think wedding dresses kind of all look alike. I never really remember what "the dress" looks like- I remember how fun the wedding was, or how intimate and emotional the vows were, that kind of thing. Flowers and dresses kind of all blend...

 

[diamondfan]

I also look back and though I still like my dress overall, it is not what I would chose were I getting married now. (I mean still the same age, but in the decade). When I got married over 16 years ago, NO one really wore strapless. Of course I wanted it but was totally steered away from it numerous times so I compromised with something off the shoulder instead. It was fine but not my favorite and I wish I had gone with my choice...