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He gave me a timeline...

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cRaSh

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
Messages
101
My b/f and I were discussing budgets, future etc. last night. We have been looking for a place to live together. We aren''t ready to buy at this point. We need to get some things paid off, and save some money. We figured the most logical thing is for me to move in with him. He has a two bedroom apt., and the rent is SOOOOO cheap. I would save $275 per month just in rent! We practically live together now, our stuff is just in two places. We stay together at one place or the other every night.

My lease is up in June, so I''ll be moving in with him in June.

He is from the Old School. Kinda. So he said, "I think we need to be married before we live together. Make it right."


While I''m NOT opposed to the idea of getting engaged before we move in together. I think that''s a little soon to be married. I figured he would propose this year, but I was thinking November of 2008 to get married.

I didn''t say anything last night. I kinda laughed it off because he made a joke about making me an honest woman, and we got sidetracked.

I hope he will be open to the idea of waiting a little while longer.
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
935
I know you really want it, but are resisting.....

I can understand, you had a few arguments, bumps in the road, you should tell him why you would love to get married, but things needs a little more time to work itself out.
I find that I argue and fight with my boyfriend more than anyone I''ve ever dated, of course I love to throw that in his face... lol I guess we are a lot alike, two stubborn fire signs (I''m a Aries he''s a Sag) I think it definitely makes sense to move in with him, you obviously love each other and are crazy over each other. You''ve been together for a year right? And you are in your late 20''s?? You said you seen yourself marrying him, can you imagine you life without him?
I really can''t see myself with my b/f, despite that he''s a blue collar worker, redneck, hilbilly, white trash and he likes to call himself and I''m the college, studenty, soon to be school teacher, that has an obession classic cars and jewelry (expeithnsive hobbies) lol. My mom thought well, are you sure you really like this guy? When she first met him... she thought it was a clashing match, but she loves him to death now, he comes over at 10 o''clock at night to change the faucet my dad screwed up on, he''s really handy and she''s so impressed, like my pop pop :) I knew that I wanted to marry him after three days, I knew we would end up with each other when we were friends, kinda a sixth sense.

anyway...
I''d say decide what engagement ring you want, and maybe a purchase within the next 6 months? At least be engaged for another 6 months before getting hitched.
If all goes to plan me and b/f will get married next august, we will have been together for 3 years! I''ll be 25 then, but I feel like 18, I feel like I''m being naughty like it''s a crime or a sin, I feel like I''m still too young and people will look down on me because I''m far too young, but then I remember gee, 25 isn''t THAT young, my sister was married with two children already. I guess that''s just self confidence.
 

cRaSh

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
Messages
101
We have so much in common. We are VERY MUCH a like, in MANY ways. He''s the male version of me. I cannot imagine life without him. For the first time in my life, I feel like I''m complete. I feel like I''m at home when I''m with him. Love songs make sense. I love his family, they love me. My family loves Jeff.

The problem? I''ve been married before. I was separated long before the divorce was final. The divorce was only final in September of last year. Jeff and I have been together since April of last year though.

I am a little scared. No one gets married thinking it won''t work. BUT there were MANY MANY signs and red flags with my EX. Even the day before the wedding, I wanted to call it off, but had invested too much money, and thought it could work. Everyone knew it wouldn''t work. It was like everyone was just waiting on it to fail. And I was determined to prove them wrong. Didn''t happen, they were right, I was wrong.

I know it''s my life, and I''m an adult. But I don''t want people, and my family thinking I''m making ANOTHER mistake. I wanted to do this right. I guess that''s why I want to wait more than anything. Is because of what OTHERS will say and think. I know I shouldn''t be that way. I''m nearly 30 years old. But I want everyone to accept Jeff, and the relationship. I want it to be positive.

I want people to see the relationship as a serious relationship. Not like two crazy people running off to get married on a whim. Does that make sense?
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 4/6/2007 11:39:51 AM
Author: cRaSh
We have so much in common. We are VERY MUCH a like, in MANY ways. He''s the male version of me. I cannot imagine life without him. For the first time in my life, I feel like I''m complete. I feel like I''m at home when I''m with him. Love songs make sense. I love his family, they love me. My family loves Jeff.


The problem? I''ve been married before. I was separated long before the divorce was final. The divorce was only final in September of last year. Jeff and I have been together since April of last year though.


I am a little scared. No one gets married thinking it won''t work. BUT there were MANY MANY signs and red flags with my EX. Even the day before the wedding, I wanted to call it off, but had invested too much money, and thought it could work. Everyone knew it wouldn''t work. It was like everyone was just waiting on it to fail. And I was determined to prove them wrong. Didn''t happen, they were right, I was wrong.


I know it''s my life, and I''m an adult. But I don''t want people, and my family thinking I''m making ANOTHER mistake. I wanted to do this right. I guess that''s why I want to wait more than anything. Is because of what OTHERS will say and think. I know I shouldn''t be that way. I''m nearly 30 years old. But I want everyone to accept Jeff, and the relationship. I want it to be positive.


I want people to see the relationship as a serious relationship. Not like two crazy people running off to get married on a whim. Does that make sense?
But Jeff is NOT your ex, so you can''t believe the same thing is going to happen with him that happened with your ex. People are going to think what they want to think, whether or not they are right. If you feel like you could see yourself being with him for the rest of your life, then go for it! Just tell him your reasons for wanting to take the marriage part slowly, and maybe have a long engagement instead.

*M*
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
935
yeah I can totally understand, Stacie

Waiting can help, but that''s just time and not quality and working on your relatioship.
Why did people have so many doubts with your ex?

My friend has been with her FI for 10 years, engaged for 5 years and she says hopefully it''ll last, I guess just a pestimistic person.
I said last??!! You''ve been together this long, why are you worried? I don''t think she''ll ever not have doubts and the wedding in this october. just and example..
Everyone says he''s too good for her, I''m friends with both of them and he''s not perfect, she has to put up with a lot, like he''s spending sprees and not consulting her... etc.

Your family loves him, so who has doubts? Who are you worried about?

It doesn''t mean you are rushing into the relationship because you happened to meet him right after you separated, that can be coincidence and just the way things pan out. People will always have not so nice things to say, everyone has an opinion, but if the majority of your family loves him and you love his, that''s half the battle.

I was engaged to a man 20 years my senior for 4 years, so I know about disapproval and stupid comments. I''m not looking at the situation blindly. I can relate, you want that approval so badly, and fair enough!
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
935
p.s. I''m not saying rush off and get married, but to get engaged in another 6 months to a year isn''t unreasonable, if you found the one you want to be with, try to place the situation with you ex aside. You''ve moved on and on to better things....

1.5 TO 2 YEARS being together is not too crazy people, that''s pretty much thought thru- and if people think different $%^7 them!
they are a-holes as Chris the little boy in my aftercare would say.... lol

You were separated from you ex for awhile, so you had time on your own to think about what you really wanted in a guy. I knew sometimes divorces can take forever. If I would have married the guy I was engaged to I would have probably just gotten divorced when I met Mike. We met a year and two months after the big split with my ex. Mike''s brother just got a divorce after 13 years of marriage and they were together 6 years before that, and his divorce was just finalised and he''s already going on dates, probably before that, but didn''t want to say anything to the family
 

cRaSh

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
Messages
101
Date: 4/6/2007 11:55:19 AM
Author: MustangFan
Why did people have so many doubts with your ex?
Because our relationship was rocky from day one. Over the course of two years, he kicked me out, three times. WHY I kept going back, I''ll never know. WHY I wanted to marry that man, I''ll never know.

He was cruel to me. He would get with his family and degrade me, behind my back. (I found the instant message exchange)

I think I believed that he was the best I could hope for. Even with all that, it was better than the drunk, physically violent man that I dated before him.

We rushed things too. That''s why I don''t want people thinking this is a repeat.

I can''t help the timing. I KNOW that I want to marry Jeff. He''s good for me. He''s made me feel like I''m worth a million dollars.




And it''s my mom I''m more concerned with than anyone. She was married to my dad for nearly 30 years. She is sort of cynical when it comes to marriage. (Even though she''s remarried). She has always tried to find the bad in every thing in my life. I love my mother dearly, but she is the type that isn''t willing to accept MY decisions, or think that MY decisions are good. She points out the flaws in everything. I can''t feel good about calling and saying, "Mom, we are getting married." She will play Debbie Downer, and tell me how I messed up before, and don''t I think I''m rushing, and do I think it will work.

Right now, she''s trying to fix me up with another guy. And she LOVES Jeff!!!!


All of mom''s family is like that. I went to Cleveland last month to visit, and everyone in the family congratulated me on my divorce, and was warning me to NEVER get married again. I don''t want it to be that way! I want them to be happy with me!


Thanks for letting me vent guys!!

You guys are some really great supporters!!!!
 

cRaSh

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
Messages
101
Last night my b/f said he has something for me, and wanted to wait until today to give it to me. He''s been talking about going to dinner all week. We usually go to dinner on Saturday. He keeps saying he wants to go somewhere nice. He''s talked about going out all week. That''s really out of the ordinary. And he is NOT a gift giver. He doesn''t buy gifts... EVER. For no reason I mean.

He kept looking at me last night, and smiling all big, and saying he loved me, I was cute... etc.

Today makes one year since we first met.

Ya think!!!?????????? Is he going to propose today!??

He''s been acting really antsy all week. He called me from work a few minutes ago.
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
935
Will you except? What would you do if he asked you?

A couple of days ago you were afraid and now you are excited, I hate to be honest but I''m confused here. Did you have a talk with him about waiting a little bit longer?

Regardless, I''ll be so happy for you if he does! and it does sounds that he''s got an important present.
 

cRaSh

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
Messages
101
I will accept if he asks.

My issue is not being engaged at this point. I''m ready to make that committment. I KNOW I want to marry him someday.

I just want to wait a few more months before getting married. I don''t know why really. What''s the difference? We are committed. We KNOW we want to get married. It''s just a matter of making it legal, and getting the paper that says we are married.

Sorry to be confusing. I''m confused myself. Sometimes the thought scares me, and at other times, it really excites me.
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
935
I think there is a golden rule, when you get engaged, wait st least six months before you get married. At least live with him for 6 months as an engaged couple at see how things work out living together. You know this already, you are a grown woman and were married before. Living together adds a whole other dimension to the relationship. Besides you have a whole life to live as married, engaged is a fun and exciting time and you should enjoy it for awhile
 
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