Having a Separate "just in case" account

[robbie3982]

I was just talking to two of my older coworkers (one man, one woman, both in their 60''s I believe) and the topic of having separate money came up.

My female coworker, S, said that she hides a little bit of money from each paycheck in her house and has a separate checking account in just her name for "just in case" money. She''s been married for over 30 years and doesn''t see a divorce anywhere in her future, but she''s very cautious since this is her second marriage.

My male coworker, M, said his ex-wife (who was a homemaker) had a separate checking account at a different bank in hers and her mother''s name that she hid money in (he eventually found out about it, but she lied and told him it was Christmas money).

I chimed in and said that DH and I don''t have any separate money. Both names are on all accounts (well, except for our 401k''s, but we have eachother listed as beneficiaries if anything should happen. Can you even put 2 names on a 401k?) and that I really feel like even if we ever did get a divorce (I definitely DON''T ever see this happening) we wouldn''t be fighting over money. DH doesn''t like conflict. He avoids it at all costs. He''s not vindictive. If we were at the point where our marriage was over I really think he would just want to be done with everything and not drag it out. We both have a strong sense of doing what''s fair and we currently make about the same salary (difference of about $5k).

I''m sure you have all guessed by now that they''re both calling me naive and saying I really should start setting some money aside. Maybe I am naive, but the thought of having a contingency plan to our marriage really bothers me. We vowed forever and we meant forever and I guess I kind of feel like setting $ aside would mean that I don''t really believe this. I don''t know, maybe if we were in a different situation in the future where I was staying home with our (future) kids and not working I would feel differently, but right now I just really feel like it''s not for me. I know that everyone goes into their marriage thinking it''s forever and that the divorce rate shows that about half of those people are wrong, but I still just don''t like the idea.

I''m curious as to what everyone one else does/thinks about the subject.

 

[sumbride]

Well... it''s not exactly secret... and his name is on the account too... but it''s MINE and though he does have access to it if he needs it, he is not to use it, nor does he have any idea how much money is in it. I do feel better about having it as a backup, but I don''t think it would be enough to help me handle leaving or whatever. Maybe a couple of nights in a hotel, but not a new lease. I''m not worried about that though, and I honestly don''t think people should be preparing for a divorce, but I can see where having a little extra set aside is helpful. And hey, who knows what may come up. I may need it to flee a hurricane or something.

 

[neatfreak]

Well...we have separate accounts in addition to our joint accounts (where most of our $ is), but we don't call them "just in case" accounts. They are fun money accounts. But you can bet your butt that I squirrel away a bit into savings every month. Not because of my husband, but just in case life throws me a whammy. No one goes into a marriage thinking that there might be a divorce or a nasty divorce later, but I *do* think it is a smart idea to squirrel away some money for yourself or your family.

What if your hubby died and for some reason your joint $ was tied up? I know it's a horrible thing to think about, but that is actually a scenario I worry about for some reason, so that is more my motivation for holing up a bit of $.

Then you can use it on a vacation, jewelry, etc. as it builds up, but you still have a nice little nest egg if you were to ever need it.

Just my .02. I am VERY practical though and not super romantic!

 

[Kismet]

I have a separate account in addition to our joint account. My husband had one too at one time but ended up closing it as it became too much of a hassle for some reason. Mine isn''t a just-in-case account, it''s just there so I can save for large purchases I want to buy so I don''t feel like I''m dipping into the household money.

 

[asscherisme]

I 100% recommend you to have an account in your name only. I''m not saying it needs to be secret, but its really important to have SOMETHING in your name only. I would also maintain a credit card in your name only as well and make sure all your credit is not joint.

Believe me, you never know what will happen in life. And I''m sorry to say so I''m going to try and be gentle, but I do think you are being a little naive by saying if you ever split, he would not be vindictive. Husbands (and wives) can become someone you don''t know or recognize as the same person you married when you are having problems. You are a newly wed and life sometimes takes you places you don''t expect.

I am in a situation now where I am thankful I have maintained my own credit and a seperate account. And if you have a lifelong happy marriage which I hope you do, it never never never hurts to have extra savings stashed away. And if the worst happens, its good to have the money.

And I can''t emphasize enough maintaining a major credit card in your name. Super important. Especially if you ever become a stay at home mom. If you did not do this, I would apply now while you still have income. Just a safety net.

And I never kept it a secret either! Even when we decided I would stay home with the kids, I always make it clear from day 1 that maintaining my financial identity was super important. And when we decided I would stay home, it make me feel less helpless to have something in my name. Even putting away just $50 or $100 a month adds up. If its in your name only, only you can touch it.

As for 401K, you can''t put it in both names, the best you can do is benificiaries for each other.

However, after you are married for a number of years, usually 10, in the event of a divorce you are entitled to a portion of his retirement account. Usually 1/2 of it. Especially if it was earned during marriage.

 

[allikatac]

Robbie- I think along the same lines as you. We have two joint accounts. One account was mine before our marriage and one was his before marriage. The one account we use mostly for our mortgage payment and then additional savings. I haven''t put any extra money away in it for a "just in case". I think that if I was staying at home with kids then I may think differently, but we are both teachers that make the same and we are just starting out.

 

[janinegirly]

I''m a big proponent of separate accounts (in addition to a joint account). No need for it to be "secret", that''s a whole other issue.

In 2008, most of us work and so there is nothing wrong with having a portion of our earned money somewhere only accessible to us. How much you choose your spouse to know about it is up to you (although I don''t see any reason for keeping it secret). This is an account where you can spend $ on items you choose from time to time (even a splurge) but primarily it''s a source of independence. God forbid, things go south, you have something that is yours.

In cases where one spouse does not work, it may be different, but it''s still a good idea to enter a marriage with some funds which are yours alone.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I think it is smart to have your own account for many reasons. I don''t mean hiding money, I have serious issues with that. My FI and I each have a checking account that is our own, and a mutual savings. There are a lot of good resons to do it that way.
If one of you were to die, in some types of accounts, it really can tie up the money. It can also be a problem if there is a financial judgement against one of you. If there was a financial judgement against one of you or a lien, etc, if all your accounts are joint, not only will the money come from both of you, it can sometimes cost more and effect both your credit, rather than just one.

You may have different money styles. I tend to buy a few big things and FI tends to buy lots of smaller things. The cost is the same, but seeing the the amount in our account always go down would bug me and seem frivolous while drastic drops like mine would scare him. By spending out of our own accounts, this becomes a non issue

I certainly plan on staying married, but for a lot of reasons, including the risk of divorce I do see it as a bit niave to have all shared accounts. However, of you can pull it off, do as you will, different things work for different people.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

My husband and I have a joint checking account and he has his own checking account for his direct deposit (paycheck). He pays the rent and his own debt - student loan and cc and I pay all of the other household bills plus my debt. It equals out for us. I used to have my own checking account but it was a pain to keep track of so I closed it. We also have "secret" stash of money in our house that is savings only and that we both contribute to every pay day.

I don''t think it''s a bad idea to have your own money but some spouses resent that and will feel threatened by it. Personally, I don''t care that hubby has his own account. If I wanted my own I could just as easily open up an account and he''d have no problem with it. We earn about the same per year so it''s not really unequal in that aspect.

 

[Dee*Jay]

I think it's fine to have a separate account (I personally don't, other than my business account, but there is nothing wrong with it in my opinion). BUT if people (men or women) are putting money aside in accounts with only their names on it in case of divorce it won't make any difference in a lot of states whose name is on the account because it's all considered marital property. That being said, in many states what is earned/achieved during the marriage is marital property but you can keep assets from before the marriage separate if you do it in the right way. It must be done STRICLY with no commingling. Gifts and inheritances can also be keep as the recipient's individual asset.

Neat, to address your question about the untimely death of one spouse and the disposition of joint monies, each party owns the funds indivisibly (think in terms of only one party having to sign a check that's written from a check from a joint account) so the surviving party should still have access to that money.

Asscher, iff I'm not mistaken your credit is tied to your spouse regardless of whose name is on the card. That’s why so many people who get divorced have issues if their spouse was irresponsible with credit even if they were not. I encounter this a lot in the real estate arena when people go to talk to the mortgage person and are surprised that their former spouse's actions have impacted their credit.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 5/23/2008 10:31:33 AM
Author: janinegirly
I''m a big proponent of separate accounts (in addition to a joint account). No need for it to be ''secret'', that''s a whole other issue.

In 2008, most of us work and so there is nothing wrong with having a portion of our earned money somewhere only accessible to us. How much you choose your spouse to know about it is up to you (although I don''t see any reason for keeping it secret). This is an account where you can spend $ on items you choose from time to time (even a splurge) but primarily it''s a source of independence. God forbid, things go south, you have something that is yours.

In cases where one spouse does not work, it may be different, but it''s still a good idea to enter a marriage with some funds which are yours alone.

I''m with Janine.

We have joint accounts and the majority or our money goes into them. But we also have individual savings accounts--I have nothing to hide from him, I don''t care if he knows how much is in mine, nor do I care how much is in his. I usually use mine for gifts, hobbies, and individual vacations (vacations together come out of joint, obviously).

When it comes to finances, we''ve always completely trusted each other. Neither of us feels entitled to the other''s money, nor do we try to keep any "hidden". We have individual accounts, but that''s because it works for us...if our accounts were 100% joint or 100% separate, it really wouldn''t make any difference at all. We''d still save, spend and invest the same amount.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We have separate accounts but it is not a secret. That is the only part I don''t agree with. I look at marriage as a partnership and don''t think anything should be hidden or secret.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 5/23/2008 10:47:45 AM
Author: Dee*Jay

I think it''s fine to have a separate account (I personally don''t, other than my business account, but there is nothing wrong with it in my opinion). BUT if people (men or women) are putting money aside in accounts with only their names on it in case of divorce it won''t make any difference in a lot of states whose name is on the account because it''s all considered marital property. That being said, in many states what is earned/achieved during the marriage is marital property but you can keep assets from before the marriage separate if you do it in the right way. It must be done STRICLY with no commingling. Gifts and inheritances can also be keep as the recipient''s individual asset.

Neat, to address your question about the untimely death of one spouse and the disposition of joint monies, each party owns the funds indivisibly (think in terms of only one party having to sign a check that''s written from a check from a joint account) so the surviving party should still have access to that money.

Asscher, iff I''m not mistaken your credit is tied to your spouse regardless of whose name is on the card. That’s why so many people who get divorced have issues if their spouse was irresponsible with credit even if they were not. I encounter this a lot in the real estate arena when people go to talk to the mortgage person and are surprised that their former spouse''s actions have impacted their credit.

Dee Jay, it kind of sounds like all of this is a moot point then! We didn''t have any assets before the marriage (maybe $5k at most), and even if we had, it''s all comingled now anyway so it wouldn''t matter. Seems like the only way to have a real "just in case" account is to squirrel away cash in secret.

DH and I each have an "allowance" each month that we can spend on whatever we want. So in that sense we kind of have separate money, but it''s not sitting in an account anywhere in individual names. It just stays in checking until we pay the bills for the month (we charge everything on credit and pay it off in full at the end of the month so that we can earn credit card rewards and continue building good credit).

 

[Dancing Fire]

wife and i always had separate accounts.that way i don''t have to beg her for money if i wanted to buy something. keep your own "secret stash" under the pillow.

 

[eleguin]

Robbie, I think we are a lot like you guys. Everything we earn goes into a joint account. We each have separate checking accounts where we can transfer money to in order to pay bills, but all savings and anything left over after bills go into one joint account. We don''t see a need to have separate savings accounts. We buy what we want for ourselves and pay for it from the joint account. If it''s a major purchase, we talk about it first before making the purchase.

We''ve been together since we were 18 when we had nothing to our names. Ever since the beginning, we had the mentality that what we earned was for both of us. I guess we just never developed the yours vs mine vs ours thought when it came to money.

I can understand how some couples prefer to have separate accounts for whatever reason (feeling more independent, etc), but it has no bearing on what happens in a divorce. Like DeeJay said, all money earned during the marriage is marital property no matter whose name is on the account. In households where there is one breadwinner and one stay-at-home spouse and the breadwinner puts all of the income into an account in his/her name only, all of that money is still considered marital property if the couple were to split. The same is true for real estate purchased in one person''s name during the marriage. I remember in law school reading a case where the husband and wife were having marital problems, so the husband would write his mother a check every month and his mother would hide that money for him. During the distribution phase of the divorce, the wife claimed that the husband was fraudulently siphoning marital property. The judge ruled that he was and ordered the amount he "siphoned" to be added to the calculation to determine equitable distribution.

 

[neatfreak]

I don't think any of us are saying that the person's single account is untouchable in a divorce or death. BUT if there are estate problems when someone dies, anything in their estate can be tied up, including accounts. It happened to a friend's mom when her husband suddenly died and he had business debts. She had an account that was solely in her name, so it wasn't initially frozen and thus she had $ to live on while it got sorted out.

And in the case of a divorce, what if you need to take your kids and run? And the CC accounts, etc. are in hubby's name and he freezes them? I know it's a horrible situation to think about, but it does happen...and I am sure no one thinks these things will happen when they initially marry, KWIM?

So IMO it isn't a mute point at all...it may END UP a mute point after the divorce goes through, but before it can be helpful to have $ in different places.


We really just keep separate "fun" accounts so that we don't harp on each other for our own personal purchases. My mom and dad did the same thing, and more than once in my life my mom has dipped into her own $ to buy something that SHE thought was important but that my dad didn't. Things they didn't agree on spending the joint $ on, but that my mom thought was important so rather than starting WW3 about it, she just spent her own $. That's the real reason we have separate accounts in addition to our joint and the real reason I squirrel $ away every month too.

I think it's just freeing to know that you have some of your own $ should you need/want it. But I wholeheartedly agree that it's the SECRET accounts that are a bit odd.

That being said, every couple needs to do what works for them!!!

 

[AmberWaves]

We each have separate checking and savings accounts that were opened before we ever got together, as well as a joint checking/savings that we opened a few months before the wedding. We''re paying almost all of our joint bills from the joint account, using our personal for our personal expenses (gifts, clothes, yadda yadda). We sock away more money into the joint savings, but we still have money in our personal savings as well.

We''re happy this way, and he''s happy I can pay all the bills from the joint without needing to remind him to transfer rent money to my personal, as I was the only one with checks.

I think the problem is thinking a separate account is taken sorely as a precaution should you divorce. We never had that mindset, using our accounts as a backup. I agree it''s smart to have a separate account, even if it''s only because he tends to SNOOP trying to find out where you''re buying his presents from (ahem, HUBBY). My husband doesn''t care how much I spend on things, but we, like you Robbie, have a certain amount we can spend out of the joint, and if it''s more we either talk about it or use our personal.

I don''t think it''s a matter of having a separate account because you''re afraid of divorce, though. In our case, we were too lazy to close the accounts, and then realized it was a total benefit. Of course, we had spent months trying to figure out a way to make things as easy as possible on ourselves by deciding what bill comes out of what account.

 

[Aloros]

Well, once FI and I buy a house we will open a joint account. But, we will be keeping our separate accounts. It''s not a secret, and it''s not really just in case...it''s just the way we''re used to doing things.

Plus, I''d hate for him to know what I spend on his gifts, or to even see the purchase ahead of time...!

Our attitude is what''s mine is yours and vice versa, so who cares where exactly the money is?

I say, whatever works for you, and boo-hoo to the naysayers. My parents don''t keep separate accounts, my mom is a SAHM, and they''ve never had any problems with this. It works for them just fine.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 5/23/2008 10:47:45 AM
Author: Dee*Jay
Asscher, iff I'm not mistaken your credit is tied to your spouse regardless of whose name is on the card. That’s why so many people who get divorced have issues if their spouse was irresponsible with credit even if they were not. I encounter this a lot in the real estate arena when people go to talk to the mortgage person and are surprised that their former spouse's actions have impacted their credit.

It's my understanding that these messes happen when spouses have co-mingled their credit by opening a joint card (or adding one another to existing cards) even though they may also hold separate accounts. I don't *think* (although I could be wrong, and it may well vary by state) that your credit gets co-mingled simply by virtue of being married -- I'm pretty sure it requires action on your part. I'm definitely going to check that out, though.

My FI and I plan on keeping mainly separate accounts. It's kind of hard for us to plan financially right now because I'm a student with no income for the next two years, but we both feel strongly about not having to account to one another about every penny we spend. I really don't care if he buys video games and he really doesn't care if I buy shoes, but I do think it works best when neither of us see exactly how much the other is spending on things like that. As long as there's enough in the joint account for housing, food, and other bills, and as long as money is going into retirement and savings, we're not going to divvy up or quibble over the residue. I don't see it as a secret or "just in case" account, just that even after we're married, we'll still be two individuals with autonomy and different spending habits, so separate accounts will balance that with the need for marital togetherness (joint accounts).

We're also writing a pre-nup. It's not the most romantic thing, for sure, but we'd rather come to a legal agreement when things are good and expect/hope that we'll never need it, than to risk having to do it if something went wrong. Both of his parents have been in multiple messy marriages, so he's seen firsthand how things can get out of control, and this is a big source of comfort to him. I've always assumed I'd have one anyway, it just seems logical to me, so we were easily in agreement on the issue

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 5/23/2008 12:12:18 PM
Author: Octavia

Date: 5/23/2008 10:47:45 AM
Author: Dee*Jay

Asscher, iff I''m not mistaken your credit is tied to your spouse regardless of whose name is on the card. That’s why so many people who get divorced have issues if their spouse was irresponsible with credit even if they were not. I encounter this a lot in the real estate arena when people go to talk to the mortgage person and are surprised that their former spouse''s actions have impacted their credit.

It''s my understanding that these messes happen when spouses have co-mingled their credit by opening a joint card (or adding one another to existing cards) even though they may also hold separate accounts. I don''t *think* (although I could be wrong, and it may well vary by state) that your credit gets co-mingled simply by virtue of being married -- I''m pretty sure it requires action on your part. I''m definitely going to check that out, though.

My FI and I plan on keeping mainly separate accounts. It''s kind of hard for us to plan financially right now because I''m a student with no income for the next two years, but we both feel strongly about not having to account to one another about every penny we spend. I really don''t care if he buys video games and he really doesn''t care if I buy shoes, but I do think it works best when neither of us see exactly how much the other is spending on things like that. As long as there''s enough in the joint account for housing, food, and other bills, and as long as money is going into retirement and savings, we''re not going to divvy up or quibble over the residue. I don''t see it as a secret or ''just in case'' account, just that even after we''re married, we''ll still be two individuals with autonomy and different spending habits, so separate accounts will balance that with the need for marital togetherness (joint accounts).

We''re also writing a pre-nup. It''s not the most romantic thing, for sure, but we''d rather come to a legal agreement when things are good and expect/hope that we''ll never need it, than to risk having to do it if something went wrong. Both of his parents have been in multiple messy marriages, so he''s seen firsthand how things can get out of control, and this is a big source of comfort to him. I''ve always assumed I''d have one anyway, it just seems logical to me, so we were easily in agreement on the issue

Octavia you are right. Credit only becomes a problem when it is joint credit. Simple example - if I have a cc in my name only and decide to quit paying it the cc company cannot go after my hubby (or anyone else for that matter) for payment. BUT, if I open up a cc account and add hubby as a joint cardholder and then decide to quit paying the cc company can go after me and hubby for payment. Same applies for big ticket items like mortgages and car loans.

As far as credit is concerned I think that it''s better to keep separate credit profiles for cc cards and car loans. Mortgage debt should be joint and both names should be listed on the deed to the house (IMHO). Much easier to deal with in the event of divorce, death or bankruptcy.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/23/2008 11:04:41 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
We have separate accounts but it is not a secret. That is the only part I don''t agree with. I look at marriage as a partnership and don''t think anything should be hidden or secret.

Ditto. And if he needed money from my account, I would glady give it to him, and vice versa. But I like having my own account, always have.

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 5/23/2008 12:40:13 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 5/23/2008 11:04:41 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
We have separate accounts but it is not a secret. That is the only part I don''t agree with. I look at marriage as a partnership and don''t think anything should be hidden or secret.

Ditto. And if he needed money from my account, I would glady give it to him, and vice versa. But I like having my own account, always have.

Same here. We have separate accounts as well as joint checking and savings accounts but it''s totally not a secret.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 5/23/2008 9:51:10 AM
Author: neatfreak

What if your hubby died and for some reason your joint $ was tied up? I know it's a horrible thing to think about, but that is actually a scenario I worry about for some reason, so that is more my motivation for holing up a bit of $.

Regarding death and accounts. My husband's dad died last month and now his wife (my DH's step mom - the second step mom - a woman we NEVER really interacted with, lived on the East Coast) and my DH both hired lawyers and nobody has gained access to any of the accounts and from what we've seen so far, it's becoming an ugly battle.

The lawyer of the step mom began discussing waiving a bond on her and something about her taking the $ and fleeing the country!!! We said we wanted her to post a bond. . . I have no idea what is going on in that lady's head, but she is completely clueless OR is lying about everything. It's a huge nightmare.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/23/2008 1:36:45 PM
Author: MC

Date: 5/23/2008 9:51:10 AM

Author: neatfreak


What if your hubby died and for some reason your joint $ was tied up? I know it''s a horrible thing to think about, but that is actually a scenario I worry about for some reason, so that is more my motivation for holing up a bit of $.

Regarding death and accounts. My husband''s dad died last month and now his wife (my DH''s step mom - the second step mom - a woman we NEVER really interacted with, lived on the East Coast) and my DH both hired lawyers and nobody has gained access to any of the accounts and from what we''ve seen so far, it''s becoming an ugly battle.


The lawyer of the step mom began discussing waiving a bond on her and something about her taking the $ and fleeing the country!!! We said we wanted her to post a bond. . . I have no idea what is going on in that lady''s head, but she is completely clueless OR is lying about everything. It''s a huge nightmare.

MC: That''s horrible! I''m so sorry that is happening! But I have to say it isn''t the first time I''ve heard it. That''s one of the many reasons having multiple accounts gives *me* peace of mind.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 5/23/2008 1:47:27 PM
Author: neatfreak


MC: That's horrible! I'm so sorry that is happening! But I have to say it isn't the first time I've heard it. That's one of the many reasons having multiple accounts gives *me* peace of mind.

Another problem beyond accounts is when people don't discuss their wills with others or tell relatives of safe deposit boxes, so when someone passes away, thousands are spent on lawyers trying to sort through the mess. My husband's dad tried discussing his will with him and told him that he wanted him to be the executor but my husband didn't want to talk about it at the time (who does?!) so when we got the news, we felt horrible first for his death, but then overburdened with not knowing if he wanted cremation or not or what to do with ANYTHING because we never got a copy of the will and the step mom says she doesn't have it - but we think she is lying because if we cannot provide a copy, it's clearly to her advantage. . . . The step mom has turned nasty and even called the cops on my husband and his sister when they flew down to FL to get copies of all the legal documents.

People REALLY MUST have copies of all the important documents for their families.

It's really idiotic that we fuss over hiding secret spending money from our spouses when there are much more important financial information that must be properly addressed.

 

[Ice Princess Cristy]

we have joint savings, joing checking and then each our own checking. Our direct deposits go partially into each account based on what the bills are. The money in the joint account is for household bills and utilities, etc. The money in our own accounts are for our gas money and any other expenses we each want. Neither of us judge or comment on how the other uses that money in the separate accounts... it''s our OWN to use at our OWN discrection. If there is an unexpected situation or financial issue we will discuss it and perhaps one or the other will cover it or we each chip in equal or what we can afford amounts.... this keeps it relatively simple and allows us the freedom to feel independent without having to ask....
It really works well for us.... we do re-examine the finances and if more is needed etc periodically... overall we are set

 

[Independent Gal]

My grandmother (happily married for 48 years) taught me that a woman should always, always have money of her own. I think that circumstances were a little different in her generation but I still think it's good advice. You just never know what life will throw at you.

I would never keep it secret though. At least not voluntarily. DH is totally bored by anything financial, so any time I've tried to explain our financial circumstances to him, he just yawns off!

 

[msb700]

we both have separate accounts (not a secret) and a joint account...we pool the ''household/daily'' money into the joint account, but we both have our accounts that we''re free to use/do with as we please...this goes to either saving, or spending it all or watever..its pretty much an account for us to do wat we please without feeling guilty about dipping into the household/mortgage/saving account...

 

[LitigatorChick]

We have joint accounts. No secrets here....

 

[somethingshiny]

I did have a separate savings at one time. DH knew I had the money and that it was my "just in case" money. I witnessed my mom put up with years of despair in her marriage and not have the money to get out. I decided that wasn''t going to happen to me.

HOWEVER, there came a time when our marriage was really rocky. I knew at that time, if I was in-I was ALL in-all or nothing. So, we worked through that difficult period and then used my money for an upgraded ring. Now, my savings is the symbol on my hand.