Have you ever been the online bully?

[OreoRosies86]

Interested to hear counter stories. No judging here. If you were a bully, what did you learn from it? What motivated you to stop? Was it someone who got under your skin and you took things too far? Were you bullying in spite of yourself instead of walking away?

Curious to read any and all honest replies!

 

[monarch64]

Yes, I have. I learned a lot about myself from the experience and I can tell you that I felt (and still feel) very remorseful and sorry about what I did. It was not a good time in my life and I took out my negativity on someone else and it was very uncalled for. I hope that person knows how very deeply I regret my actions.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Yes, I have. I learned a lot about myself from the experience and I can tell you that I felt (and still feel) very remorseful and sorry about what I did. It was not a good time in my life and I took out my negativity on someone else and it was very uncalled for. I hope that person knows how very deeply I regret my actions.

Thanks for the honesty and kicking off the discussion. Did you or would you ever reach out to the person, or was it best left alone?

 

[Rhea]

I probably have. Sometimes I get sucked into threads and pile on in a way that I think could be bullying. I try very hard to walk away rather than getting into group think. I can't think of a particular individual instance, but from the way that some threads go here and on other forums and seeing how quickly it spirals I'm positive I've been that mean, bullying person before.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Yes, I have. I learned a lot about myself from the experience and I can tell you that I felt (and still feel) very remorseful and sorry about what I did. It was not a good time in my life and I took out my negativity on someone else and it was very uncalled for. I hope that person knows how very deeply I regret my actions.

This.

Additionally, I have a tendency to be very blunt sometimes and I have strong opinions that I don't have a problem voicing. There are times when these opinions and the way they are delivered aren't well received, but they're never said with the intent to be cruel.

 

[CJ2008]

No.

And I hate when I see it happen to others.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I suppose I shall add my confession here...

I was a member on a real estate forum that had a behind-the-scenes facebook page established by the site's more... biting members. There was no one in particular on the main site who bothered me but I have a sarcastic streak which maybe caught their attention and after some months of membership I was invited to join the secret facebook group. I don't know why, and it was completely out of character, but the pack mentality was very quick to set in. It crossed over into "inside jokes" and trying to expose people on the main board. It was very strange behavior. I was more of an observer in that I didn't directly address or attack, but none the less a participant in that I was reading and laughing at someone else being mocked. One day one of the targeted people vanished from the boards and never appeared online again that I could tell and i always wondered about it. To say I was utterly disgusted with myself would be a huge understatement.

It did in the end motivate me to say yes to kindness and shocked me by how easy it had been and how good it felt to do that to someone who was obviously troubled and insecure. This was around 6 or 7 years ago and I still wonder what ever became of them.

(Edited for spelling and clarity)

 

[Sky56]

I never have done that. My on-line persona is the same as my real-life one.

 

[monarch64]

Yes, I have. I learned a lot about myself from the experience and I can tell you that I felt (and still feel) very remorseful and sorry about what I did. It was not a good time in my life and I took out my negativity on someone else and it was very uncalled for. I hope that person knows how very deeply I regret my actions.

Thanks for the honesty and kicking off the discussion. Did you or would you ever reach out to the person, or was it best left alone?

I think it is best left alone. Basically, I tried to make someone else look like an *******, and in the end I looked like the ******* because I WAS the *******. Sorry for the language, but that's just what it was.

ETA: I just read your last post, and just want to say I can relate. Sometimes we just do stupid things to each other. I know a little about the person I mistreated currently and they seem to be doing very well and for that I am happy.

 

[Dancing Fire]

No, maybe I should start being the big bully here...

 

[texaskj]

No, no, DF.
We love you just the twisted way you are.

 

[Karl_K]

Well if you ask some of the PS vendors if I once was they might say yes! LOL
Or some of the 10000s I g-lines and k-lined not to mention those beyond count killed(kicked off the server, not actually killed LOL) back in my ircop days.

 

[Karl_K]

No, maybe I should start being the big bully here...

rofl!!!! naw if you try we will send the chainsaw after you :}

 

[dk168]

I am assertive, direct, and honest, on and off line, some would say brutally honest, and am far more diplomatic online than off.

If peeps take my assertive, direct and honest approach the wrong way, then it is their problem, not mine.

DK

 

[OreoRosies86]

I am assertive, direct, and honest, on and off line, some would say brutally honest, and am far more diplomatic online than off.

If peeps take my assertive, direct and honest approach the wrong way, then it is their problem, not mine.

DK

I wouldn't consider being honest bullying. Targeting someone's online posting is where it gets into bully territory for me.

 

[Rhea]

I wouldn't consider being honest bullying. Targeting someone's online posting is where it gets into bully territory for me.

Then perhaps I need to change my answer. I've never targeted any one individual.

I think piling on has the potential to be bullying and I have been a part of that. I'm trying very hard to not visit the thread on children on leashes as I think that has the potential to become a thread where a particular member is picked on or bullied. The opinions are honest and I agree with most of them, but as a point keeps being made but not received it's getting meaner and meaner on both sides. I think that can lead to bullying in particular threads and I've been a part of that. Or is that not bullying?

 

[arkieb1]

I am assertive, direct, and honest, on and off line, some would say brutally honest, and am far more diplomatic online than off.

If peeps take my assertive, direct and honest approach the wrong way, then it is their problem, not mine.

DK

Yeah me too and I read a wonderful thing recently about a successful young Aussie Real Estate Agent who is achieving big things in the US. He said he has really had to tone down his sarcasm, wit and general humour because most Americans don't understand this and find him quite offensive.

I think unfortunately I fall into both categories, brutally honest and I have a deeply sarcastic wit going on as well. People might take that to be mean or perhaps feel bullied when really that was never my intention. It's difficult online because you cannot always convey a serious versus a mockingly funny tone nor can you see that I might be sitting at my desk with a smile on my face when I am typing something.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I wouldn't consider being honest bullying. Targeting someone's online posting is where it gets into bully territory for me.

Then perhaps I need to change my answer. I've never targeted any one individual.

I think piling on has the potential to be bullying and I have been a part of that. I'm trying very hard to not visit the thread on children on leashes as I think that has the potential to become a thread where a particular member is picked on or bullied. The opinions are honest and I agree with most of them, but as a point keeps being made but not received it's getting meaner and meaner on both sides. I think that can lead to bullying in particular threads and I've been a part of that. Or is that not bullying?

I in all honesty do not see debate or even heated debate as bullying. Some people do, but I see a line crossed when other posters follow someone's online activity around off the boards or discuss someone off the board and use it to embarrass or belittle them. Discussions are fair game within reason. You are right in that if an OP is not responding to different ideas or being deliberately obtuse it is best to just drop it and go read something else.

 

[Rhea]

I wouldn't consider being honest bullying. Targeting someone's online posting is where it gets into bully territory for me.

Then perhaps I need to change my answer. I've never targeted any one individual.

I think piling on has the potential to be bullying and I have been a part of that. I'm trying very hard to not visit the thread on children on leashes as I think that has the potential to become a thread where a particular member is picked on or bullied. The opinions are honest and I agree with most of them, but as a point keeps being made but not received it's getting meaner and meaner on both sides. I think that can lead to bullying in particular threads and I've been a part of that. Or is that not bullying?

I in all honesty do not see debate or even heated debate as bullying. Some people do, but I see a line crossed when other posters follow someone's online activity around off the boards or discuss someone off the board and use it to embarrass or belittle them. Discussions are fair game within reason. You are right in that if an OP is not responding to different ideas or being deliberately obtuse it is best to just drop it and go read something else.

I wasn't necessarily talking about debate, that's healthy. I was talking about when it gets into the picking on and name calling. I would think that's going into the bullying territory. That doesn't sound like your definition though so I revise my answer for the purposes of your thread. No, I've never been a bully.


Edited because I temporarily forgot how to spell.

 

[OreoRosies86]

No, your definition is just as valid as mine. Some people can and DO feel bullied and victimized by harsher-than-neccessary comments, even if it is ended with the thread in question. I don't, but that in no way is meant to minimize people's feelings if they do. You could also say the same if you simply don't like someone and make it a point to respond to every single one of their posts. Just leave them alone and save everyone some grief!

No one is immune to occasionally forgetting that there is a real person on the other side of the screen.

 

[AprilBaby]

Not online but in real life yes. High school. Hated someone's brother who bullied me so I took it out on her. It's been 35 years. Don't live anywhere near her or know her name anymore. Do I regret it? I should but I don't really think about it. Still hate her brother although maybe he turned out to be a nice guy.

 

[Sparklelu]

I don't think so, but I do know I speak my mind and I'm sure I hurt feelings somewhere!


Unfortunately in my opinion the word bullying has been ruined. It really means someone who attempts through physical or verbal action to gain control or power over someone.
As a teacher I have kids telling me all the time they are bullied. Not being invited to sit at a particular table is not bullying, telling you ,you can't sit here IS bullying.
Not being invited to a party is not bullying, hearing from a group of girls all about the great party and seeing it posted on FB is not bullying, it's girls with no social manners,rude little brats.
Having strong opinions and expressing them is NOT in my opinion bullying, repeatedly insisting that your opinion is the correct opinion, and all other opinions are wrong and the holders of such opinions are wrong and calling such people nasty names IS bullying in my opinion.
I think what happens online is the anonymous nature of the internet allows us to say something and not see the targets facial expression.
If you were to say the same things to their face you might temper your comments because you can see what your words did to them.
I know I have felt we have bullies on several PS threads. I know there have been several threads I have stopped reading because one or two or three very strident posters stated in unequivocal terms their opinion and belittled what might have been an opinion similar to mine and I hesitated to respond because I didn't want to be picked on.

 

[ruby59]

Elliott, please feel free to visit my thread. Maybe it is my age, after having been around the block a few dozen times, but I do not get scared off that easily. No declarations of leaving Pricescope, I can assure you. If you have something to contribute, please feel free to do so. Believe me, I can give as good as I get. Even more - but I do not want to alert "Ella."

And to add about my being "obtuse" and not responding to different asspects of the thread. You are probably right but it was 1 am and the posts were coming in fast. I did not read all of them carefully. Later this evening, I will do so and see if I missed anything that needs clarification.

 

[random_thought]

I was bullied to the point that I almost committed suicide as a teen. I'd be lying if I said I didn't retaliate years later but it was more in the form of 'you bullied me and said i would never amount to anything and here's everything i have in my life right now that you don't' type of retaliation. I'm sure I also called them a few choice names but it felt cathartic.

 

[aljdewey]

Yes, I have. I learned a lot about myself from the experience and I can tell you that I felt (and still feel) very remorseful and sorry about what I did. It was not a good time in my life and I took out my negativity on someone else and it was very uncalled for. I hope that person knows how very deeply I regret my actions.

Thanks for the honesty and kicking off the discussion. Did you or would you ever reach out to the person, or was it best left alone?

I think it is best left alone. Basically, I tried to make someone else look like an *******, and in the end I looked like the ******* because I WAS the *******. Sorry for the language, but that's just what it was.

ETA: I just read your last post, and just want to say I can relate. Sometimes we just do stupid things to each other. I know a little about the person I mistreated currently and they seem to be doing very well and for that I am happy.

I just have to give a shoutout to Monnie here.............Mon, I just love you to death.

You have got to one of the most honest and self-aware people I've met here, and your personal evolution during your PS years here has been inspiring. I admire the heck out of you! HUGE hugs!

 

[OreoRosies86]

Elliott, please feel free to visit my thread. Maybe it is my age, after having been around the block a few dozen times, but I do not get scared off that easily. No declarations of leaving Pricescope, I can assure you. If you have something to contribute, please feel free to do so. Believe me, I can give as good as I get. Even more - but I do not want to alert "Ella."

And to add about my being "obtuse" and not responding to different asspects of the thread. You are probably right but it was 1 am and the posts were coming in fast. I did not read all of them carefully. Later this evening, I will do so and see if I missed anything that needs clarification.

Thank you for adding your perspective, but please know it is not your thread in particular only being addressed here. I don't recall anyone implied you would leave PS? It seems you are taking that thread very personally, so for that reason I will not add any more to it. Internet tone is tough to read and when someone starts appearing to go around in circles or get angry it is a good idea to back off. This goes for all threads, you are not being singled out.

 

[aljdewey]

Unfortunately in my opinion the word bullying has been ruined. It really means someone who attempts through physical or verbal action to gain control or power over someone.
As a teacher I have kids telling me all the time they are bullied. Not being invited to sit at a particular table is not bullying, telling you ,you can't sit here IS bullying.
Not being invited to a party is not bullying, hearing from a group of girls all about the great party and seeing it posted on FB is not bullying, it's girls with no social manners,rude little brats.
Having strong opinions and expressing them is NOT in my opinion bullying, repeatedly insisting that your opinion is the correct opinion, and all other opinions are wrong and the holders of such opinions are wrong and calling such people nasty names IS bullying in my opinion.

Wholeheartedly agree. Disagreeing with someone's point of view isn't bullying (whether it's one person or 15); personally attacking them is. Asserting a strong belief in one's own opinion isn't bullying; resorting to name-calling and personal insults is.

 

[ruby59]

I was bullied to the point that I almost committed suicide as a teen. I'd be lying if I said I didn't retaliate years later but it was more in the form of 'you bullied me and said i would never amount to anything and here's everything i have in my life right now that you don't' type of retaliation. I'm sure I also called them a few choice names but it felt cathartic.

Random, your post certainly puts things into perspective. I am so sorry. There are just too many tragedies out there of children kiling others or committing suicide because of bullying. Not sure how old you are, but in my day at least when you left school you were "safe." Now because of the Internet and smart phones it is 24 / 7. This is surely a wakeup call to true bullying and your ability to overcome it.

 

[monarch64]

Yes, I have. I learned a lot about myself from the experience and I can tell you that I felt (and still feel) very remorseful and sorry about what I did. It was not a good time in my life and I took out my negativity on someone else and it was very uncalled for. I hope that person knows how very deeply I regret my actions.

Thanks for the honesty and kicking off the discussion. Did you or would you ever reach out to the person, or was it best left alone?

I think it is best left alone. Basically, I tried to make someone else look like an *******, and in the end I looked like the ******* because I WAS the *******. Sorry for the language, but that's just what it was.

ETA: I just read your last post, and just want to say I can relate. Sometimes we just do stupid things to each other. I know a little about the person I mistreated currently and they seem to be doing very well and for that I am happy.

I just have to give a shoutout to Monnie here.............Mon, I just love you to death.

You have got to one of the most honest and self-aware people I've met here, and your personal evolution during your PS years here has been inspiring. I admire the heck out of you! HUGE hugs!

Oh, wow! Thank you so much, AlJ. I have always looked up to you, so those words mean a lot to me. Huge hugs back!

 

[Nyc2chigal]

I don't think so, but I do know I speak my mind and I'm sure I hurt feelings somewhere!


Unfortunately in my opinion the word bullying has been ruined. It really means someone who attempts through physical or verbal action to gain control or power over someone.
As a teacher I have kids telling me all the time they are bullied. Not being invited to sit at a particular table is not bullying, telling you ,you can't sit here IS bullying.
Not being invited to a party is not bullying, hearing from a group of girls all about the great party and seeing it posted on FB is not bullying, it's girls with no social manners,rude little brats.
Having strong opinions and expressing them is NOT in my opinion bullying, repeatedly insisting that your opinion is the correct opinion, and all other opinions are wrong and the holders of such opinions are wrong and calling such people nasty names IS bullying in my opinion.
I think what happens online is the anonymous nature of the internet allows us to say something and not see the targets facial expression.
If you were to say the same things to their face you might temper your comments because you can see what your words did to them.
I know I have felt we have bullies on several PS threads. I know there have been several threads I have stopped reading because one or two or three very strident posters stated in unequivocal terms their opinion and belittled what might have been an opinion similar to mine and I hesitated to respond because I didn't want to be picked on.

Agreed!