Have you always known what kind of wedding you want?

[kalomeli]

Hi folks!

I have a problem.

This New Year's Eve it's going to be two years since we got engaged. Back then we agreed that the wedding should wait until we both have our Master's degrees. Well... a year from now are both Masters of Science. Yay! (Finally! )

I not one of those girls who plans their wedding starting from the age of three, though I'm starting to hope I was. So, I don't have a clue what I want. We have vague guidelines on what we DON'T want but other than that... No clue! We want to be married pretty soon after graduating (1 to 1.5 years from now) so we really need to start making decisions. At this point eloping sounds pretty good because that way we could avoid the whole wedding planning circus.

Is it clear to you what you want or have you felt as lost as I am?

 

[recordaras]

Hmm, well I was one of those girls who have been dreaming of my perfect wedding since age 6. And I always knew what I wanted: a big church ceremony, a ton of guests, and a huge lavish affair with showers and parties! Guess what we're having? An intimate non-religious semi-destination wedding for 25 guests with no extra events around that.
Dreams are a good thing, but once things start getting real and you start seeing the costs/logistics of things, you vision might really change.

If I had an unlimited budget, would I still want the huge wedding? Probably. However we're paying for it ourselves, and we sat down and decided on a sum that we'd be able to comfortably save over the course of a year (without sacrificing savings/retirement/quality of life) and went from there. Initially it was $5K, but then we adjusted it to $7K to make sure our guests could have everything to make their experience as enjoyable as possible (full sit down dinner reception, unlimited alcohol, shuttles to and from the ceremony/reception site, etc.).

So it really is a work in progress, but I think that once you start really thinking about it from a "what to do next" standpoint, you'll start figuring out. Or you could share your ideas and likes/dislikes with us and we'll throw around some ideas for you!

 

[antiquesparkler]

I had no idea! Well I thought I did but since we have gotten engaged in August, I have planned three different weddings in my head. We started looking at venues for 100 guests for two years out but we realized that for the amount of money we could go on an amazing trip... so we started planning our elopement and then realized we wanted a few important people there. So now we are planning a small destination wedding for 25 guests and a great honeymoon and we couldn't be more excited.

I think step one is coming up with a budget and a vision and then deciding who you want to be there. The rest are just details. Well, some big details and some little details but you know what I mean. Also, I think once you decide budget, you should pick the 3 most important things to both of you and put the most emphasis/budget/time/energy into those things.

For us, it was important to us to pay for the lodging for our guests and take care of all their meals for the weekend. Most of them are traveling long distances to be with us and spending lots of money. It is taking up a large chunk of our budget but we are happy with our decision. It was also important that we have a very intimate, personal ceremony so we asked SO's best friend to perform the ceremony and we will be paying for him to be ordained and writing our entire ceremony start to finish with the help of him and his girlfriend.

I think the most important thing is focusing on what you two want. It's very easy to start thinking about what everyone else wants and giving up things. It's also tough when you have people planning weddings around you and then I feel like naturally you start comparing and trading stories.

Best of luck to you and planning your wedding!

 

[maple2012]

I never thought about a wedding or what type of bride I would be until after I got engaged. I new I DIDNT want a church wedding but that was it.

When we first got engaged, I initially wanted a small wedding but family was against it, so then I planned a larger wedding with 150 + people but then I realized weddings are expensive. I think we are now at a guest list of 100 with the hope that 75 or so show up.

I finally picked my colors last week - I went around in circles with this for MONTHS. I never thought I'd pick a cooler color like Navy versus your traditional fall reds, oranges, purples, etc. Who knew?

So the answer is NO - I never new what kind of wedding I wanted and I am discovering it as I go... and trying to have fun doing it.

 

[kalomeli]

Glad to know I'm not alone! I decided to take advice from you guys and started a wedding related Pinterest board. Everything else is still very much unclear but our wedding is going to be winter wedding. And also... I seem to like black, white, aqua and gold.

To many of us planning their wedding is the first big project - just think about the financial issues involved! On a way it's also a moment to ponder what kind of people we are and how we want to start our life together as a married couple. Interesting times ahead!

 

[dk168]

My family and I lived apart for many years in different continents, and I did not particularly like my would be in-laws.

To have them all under the same roof did not appeal to me, and my husband to be agreed it was going to be a nightmare to organise.

A big white wedding with lots of people costing a fortune was never considered.

Hence we decided it would be just the 2 of us at a registry office, and a very nice meal for 2 afterwards.

The photographer was one of the witnesses, and the taxi driver that drove me to the registry office was the other witness.

We had one of the best meals I have had in my lifetime afterwards.

If I were to do it again, I would do exactly the same, a very private affair for 2.

DK

 

[kalomeli]

Oh, DK! That sounds absolutely lovely!

I think it's odd how even the word 'wedding' brings to most minds huge white dresses and party that requires spending years worth of savings. We actually had a very long and productive discussion about this yesterday and even decided on a few things. We have a big, big family and most of them are either people we don't know or wouldn't care to know. So when it comes to guests this means just the closest family members and best friends (people we actually spend time with) which means a small wedding.

I feel that a small wedding will be perfect as we are very low-key people. That might also be the reason why I find the idea of a wedding planning so intimidating!

 

[recordaras]

I think the majority of us planning ladies on PS are planning just that - a small wedding for our very closest. Which is interesting, because I'm also a member of another wedding board where the average age seems to be quite a bit younger, and it's a very different dynamic there.

 

[wakingdreams53]

The big typical wedding promotes the stereotype of 20-somesthings, college sweethearts and a big everyones-invited wedding. If you fit into that stereotype, I don't judge, but for the not-so-typical, it's not as cookie-cutter.

I had no image of my wedding whatsoever until I realized a low-key, family-only lunchtime get together would be best! As soon as I got that foundation, the planning was super easy! I think it's just about getting past the hurdle and full understanding what you want. Unfortunately in my case, I'm not having that wedding... which isn't unfortunate at all, we just get to save more for a home

 

[inflorescence]

I always knew I never wanted anything big. The smaller the better, eloping was ideal... my dream man would be ok with this. Any planning that had to be done hopefully he would do :p haha....

 

[pandabee]

Hi all! My first official post here as a BIW...woohoo!

I have not always known what type of wedding I want. I do admit that I got caught up in the pinterest craziness but in the last few months and talking with SO, we are leaning very heavily toward eloping (which has now expanded to include my parents and possibly my brother) and then having an at home reception sometime after we get back home. The amount of long distance planning that would be required, expenses, and all around time just doesn't seem to appeal to me the more I learn about wedding planning. I'll be happy with a weddingmoon, and FI is all for it as well.

 

[recordaras]

Hi all! My first official post here as a BIW...woohoo!

I have not always known what type of wedding I want. I do admit that I got caught up in the pinterest craziness but in the last few months and talking with SO, we are leaning very heavily toward eloping (which has now expanded to include my parents and possibly my brother) and then having an at home reception sometime after we get back home. The amount of long distance planning that would be required, expenses, and all around time just doesn't seem to appeal to me the more I learn about wedding planning. I'll be happy with a weddingmoon, and FI is all for it as well.

Congratulations, and welcome!!!
I think you'll find more than enough support and ideas on a low-key small wedding/elopement. It's pretty interesting that so many of us are choosing to go that way.

The absolute best decision we have made so far is doing a Sunday wedding. A lot of our friends and family will be flying in from abroad, so they don't have to be at work on Monday, but I still had some doubts about whether it was the "proper" thing to do. But after all the money we've saved (on average we're getting 1/3-1/2 off of just about everything) I am now completely convinced that it was a brilliant idea.