have any of you travelled with your in-laws?

[ficklefaye]

my FI''s father passed away three years ago and FI has mentioned taking his mom on vacation with us one day, our next trip is our honeymoon, so we obviously wouldn''t invite her with us, but we are also planning another trip later this year

part of me wants to invite her, but another part of me wants to have privacy with my soon to be hubby, we are getting married in about two weeks

am i being selfish or is this normal for this early in the marriage?

 

[Haven]

We''ve traveled with my family, and with his.

I''m not exactly in a rush to do either ever again.

 

[bee*]

We''ve travelled with both my family and his family and it was great both times. Last month both families went travelling to France together as well without us! Provided you get along well at home, it should be fine travelling together, but make sure that you''re able to get away and do your own thing for a day or two as well.

 

[sba771]

I have traveled with my FI''s parents. It was fine, just felt a little weird doing certain things since their hotel room was next to ours. Also they have a different travel style so it was in bed super early and up super early. At one point FI and I were sitting in our hotel room like uhhhh what now? We felt like little kids again being told to go inside. It had its perks too...they were really generous and treated for a lot and also this way there were people to take pictures of the two of us together.

 

[swingirl]

Wait until you are not newlyweds.

 

[Lynnie]

I''ve travelled with DH''s family (mom, stepdad & siblings). MIL & her hubby are very new-age, and open about EVERYTHING (think Ben Stiller''s parents in Meet the Parents). This makes for very interesting trips, to say the least.

I think that it''s nice that your FI is thinking of his mother. If you''re uncomfortable about spending a whole vacation with her, a nice compromise could be a long weekend getaway somewhere. You could do more touristy stuff, like museums and shows. Vegas is nice in the winter months, and there are some great deals to be had.

My in-laws invited us to the NUDE beach one time

... we declined!

 

[trillionaire]

not married yet.

We''ve both travelled with each others families, and it went really well. Clearly I was more comfortable with my own family, but largely because I know our vacation routine. If we go to a resort, we exploit every possible activity to the fullest. FI and his brother complained about what they couldn''t do rather than focusing on what they could do...

Also, FI''s family got us our own private room to stay in, while in my family, we are either in two adjoining rooms with a suite or something like that... and FI and I are not allowed to sleep in the same bed. He sleeps in the ''guy room'' and the ladies sleep in another room.

Once you get used to the differences, it''s not that bad. I had a lot of fun, and look forward to doing it again. I would LOVE to get both families together for a vacay... DW anyone???

 

[vespergirl]

Yes, and as much as I love my in-laws, I hate travelling with them. DH''s dad is afraid to fly, so they barely travelled during their lives. My parents, on the other hand, brought us on at least two international trips per year since the time we were born.

Whenever we travel with DH''s parents, they are afraid to do anything by themselves - always scared they will get lost or mugged or something, so they tag along with us & it''s impossible to go off for a day on our own. When we travel with my parents, we do some things together, and then other times they offer to take our son for the day or evening so we can do our own thing, which is great.

It also annoys DH that his parents are such tag-along travellers, so we have been planning less trips with them, unless it''s a place that they have been many times, and they feel comfortable doing things on their own.

 

[Blair138]

Yes, before being engaged, while engaged and thankfully not yet while married. It is fun, but we go with the WHOLE FAMILY (18 of us) and it is easy to get away sometimes because after a few days I can start to get REALLY ANNOYED by some of them.

They have been weird on occassion. When we were not engaged, we were not allowed in the same bed because his cousin and his GF''s (at the time) parents didn''t want her in the same bed. We slept in the same room (his grandparent''s den) though. While engaged we had our own room (no problem) but then we went on another family vaca and shared a large suite and I wasn''t allowed to sleep in the same bed on one night (after his 22 year old stepbro came) because they didn''t want the stepbro sleeping with his GF. His other brother wasn''t allowed to sleep with hiS WIFE...Kinda messed up and I was NOT happy as we had slept in the same room and bed THE NIGHT BEFORE and they knew about it. Didn''t understand their thinking but I expressed my distaste to DH.

 

[elrohwen]

A few summers ago we rented a cabin in the Adirondacks with my parents, FI''s mom, and FI''s sister (though the sister and her bf only came for 3 days). It was fun I guess, but if I did it again I would do it with friends and not parents

I wouldn''t mind going on vacation with our parents at some point in the future, but really not any time recently after we were married.

 

[shimmer]

Almost every vacation we have been on together in the last 10 yrs, except 1, has involved family--either visiting them or all traveling together. Even our DW, we planned to stay a little longer than everyone for a honeymoon but part of his family came late and left within an hour of us leaving! We didn''t know until after they booked, or we would have said something. We only had about 1/2 the day after our wedding alone

Although we did both felt a little guilty that everyone travelled so far, and his brother was there who he only sees once every few years.

DH''s mom is widowed as well. The great part is is that I love his family, they are my second family and were to me even before we dated! I even said yesterday, ''our next trip we should go to Thailand... your family should come too, they would love it there!''. Then I''m like ''no, our next trip we should go by ourselves'' but part of me does want them along (for Thailand) because they are so much fun. But at the same time couple-time is important too.

I do understand where you are coming from, you are not being selfish. Maybe have a few vacations alone first (as newlyweds), then starting next year invite her along for every other vacation or so. Does he have any siblings that she can go with as well?

 

[musey]

Well, everyone is different, but we''ve traveled with each and both sides of the family and had a great time! If it doesn''t sound good to you, don''t do it, I guess.

 

[swingirl]

Vacationing with family members is different that a couple taking the MIL. When there are a lot of people to chat with and enjoy various conversations it can be great. But mother, son and wife could be tricky because there are 2 women who want to spend time with the same person. Throw in being newlyweds and it could tax even the best in-law relationship.

Personally I''d hold off for a bit. When you are a newlywed you want to act like one.

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 9/19/2009 11:17:43 PM
Author: swingirl
Vacationing with family members is different that a couple taking the MIL. When there are a lot of people to chat with and enjoy various conversations it can be great. But mother, son and wife could be tricky because there are 2 women who want to spend time with the same person. Throw in being newlyweds and it could tax even the best in-law relationship.


Personally I''d hold off for a bit. When you are a newlywed you want to act like one.

thank you everyone for your responses. i think swingirl pretty much summed up my thoughts on this, i love my FMIL and she''s been wonderful from the first time we''ve met, but it does feel different bringing her on vacation with us because i see it as FI and me''s adventure time together and i don''t think i''m ready to share him yet, we are going on a family trip with my sisters and their SOs next year so i want to invite her then if she doesn''t mind, FI''s brothers don''t like going on vacation so i doubt we''d ever do anything with them

i do try to invite FMIL on day outings like museums, concerts and that sort of thing, so i guess i''m still building up to an actual vacation

 

[CNOS128]

We traveled with his family (parents & sibs) before we were married. It was fine, but we made sure to have plenty of time to ourselves. Now, I would be more hesitant to travel with them. We''ve spent a weekend here and there with his parents -- and that''s tolerable -- but I would never again want to travel with his brother & sister-in-law.

I think it''s normal to want to take romantic vacations with your new spouse -- there''s plenty of time in the future to travel with other people.

 

[Bliss]

I have brought my mom along with us on trips and I will be honest: it's difficult! Love her to death. But she's old school and we end up catering to her and making sure she's happy, well fed and entertained at all times. Maybe if you have a more self sufficient mama, it would be easier. We do have fun, but it's really like we're her worker bees and she's the queen! She's a hoot. We love her. But it's a lot of work!

 

[Elmorton]

We haven''t traveled with parents, but I would in a heartbeat. Maybe I''m completely naive about this, though!

 

[meresal]

I really enjoy traveling with my family... DH's family, ehh. However, we would never take just one parent. Make it into a "family" trip. Invite your parents and if you get along with them, invite siblings and their families. That way you still can create alone time with your hubby and not feel like you're leaving someone out.

I can imagine a very awkward "third wheel" scenario if you just take FMIL.

 

[Lilac]

DH and I have never travelled with either of our families since we got married in February, but next year we plan on traveling with my father, stepmom and their family. I think it will be enjoyable, but not relaxing at all. I think I would travel with my mom also. My in-laws though? I wouldn''t travel with them. I just think it would be stressful, unenjoyable, and I would come home happy it was just over.

I think it''s important to take some vacations alone (just DH and me) because it''s a time we really take to re-connect and spend time alone together. The 2 vacations we have taken together have been some of the best times I can remember and I really value that time as "us" time.

I think it''s really great that you want to take your FMIL on vacation with you, but just make sure you won''t resent the fact that she''s there. I know when I get stressed out from work or school I think about the next time DH and I can get away on vacation and I really look forward to our time alone! So if you decide to take your FMIL with you, just make sure you''re ok with having a third person along.

If you decide not to take her on a long vacation, maybe a long weekend away would make her feel good and less lonely, but you and DH could still go away on a long vacation alone together another time. Or just invite her to come to your house for a weekend or a few days! This way she feels loved and wanted, but you can still save your vacations early in your marriage for just you and your husband.

 

[HollyS]

"Have any of you travelled with your in-laws? "



That would be a resounding "Hell to the No!!!"

I. Can''t. Even. Imagine.

Maybe, if I was heavily medicated. Or drunk.

Nope. Not even.

Lord have mercy.

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 9/22/2009 6:16:21 PM
Author: HollyS
''Have any of you travelled with your in-laws? ''



That would be a resounding ''Hell to the No!!!''

I. Can''t. Even. Imagine.

Maybe, if I was heavily medicated. Or drunk.

Nope. Not even.

Lord have mercy.

hilarious!

i wouldn''t mind taking FMIL on a trip with my family, but going on a trip with FI''s family is a whole different story

 

[Lilac]

Date: 9/22/2009 6:16:21 PM
Author: HollyS
''Have any of you travelled with your in-laws? ''

That would be a resounding ''Hell to the No!!!''

I. Can''t. Even. Imagine.

Maybe, if I was heavily medicated. Or drunk.

Nope. Not even.

Lord have mercy.

I tried to be a little more diplomatic in my response above, but I have to say *ditto* to this with regard to my in-laws.

Well put, Holly.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 9/19/2009 8:57:49 PM
Author: musey
Well, everyone is different, but we''ve traveled with each and both sides of the family and had a great time! If it doesn''t sound good to you, don''t do it, I guess.

Ditto! Granted, we have very friendly relationships with our own and each others'' parents, so that probably helps.

 

[merrymunky]

We''ve been away several times with my husband''s parents. They have an apartment in Spain so we go out with them sometimes. It''s great fun. DH and I will sometimes go off for an adventure by ourselves, or have a night out alone but for the most part we stick together.


I would like to go away with my parents but their lifestyle is a lot more relaxed and traditional. It would be very different I think.

 

[LadyBlue]

I had gone on vacation with my parents and my in laws and I really like it. Of course I enjoy more going away just with my DH but sometimes is good to spend time with the family.

I think is really nice that your DH wants to go on vacation and invite his mom. I would be hurt if I want to invite my mom to a weekend away with my DH and he express he would not want to. Of course if you have a bad relationship with her that''s another story.

1 year of marriaged and 2 vacations with my parents, 2 with my in laws and 1 with both families.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 9/22/2009 6:16:21 PM
Author: HollyS
''Have any of you travelled with your in-laws? ''



That would be a resounding ''Hell to the No!!!''

I. Can''t. Even. Imagine.

Maybe, if I was heavily medicated. Or drunk.

Nope. Not even.

Lord have mercy.

Add another one here.

(I''m still a LIW -- for 5 1/2 years -- but I know my family and his mother)


No way would I EVER CONSIDER traveling with any of them. We couldn''t afford the years of counseling we would need to recover from that experience.