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has this ever happened to you?

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
friend tells you that he picked out an ering...but you wanted INPUT? (yes, I know...why should I have input?!!? I suppose I am used to having some sort of input or say about lots of rings on PS). I'm sure he picked something great (not a diamond, sapphire with cathedral 4-prong solitaire in palladium) but I wanted to suggest interesting solitaire designs!

anyway, anyone else have similar experience?
 

Novel

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2009
Messages
1,199
Yes! Except when it happened with me he bought her a jade ring... which is great, but there's no way she won't break that, and it made me sad. He had wanted to get her a green ring and went with jade. And here I had all these awesome stones dancing in my head...
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
Ha, yes! My old boss was going to get a gemstone e-ring and I knew certain stones were better than others, so I told him I'd get him more info. Instead he went out and ordered an aqua ring off a random website, and from what I know about gems, that's not really hard enough for everyday wear.

That said, I've gotten to help 2 friends with their e-rings and I loved every second of it! I tell all my guy friends to holler at me when it's time to buy the e-ring! (And all my girlfriends know to send their boyfriends my way.)
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
6,893
I wanted to help BFF #1 with her e-ring but her now husband never came to me! And then he got her a 3-stone when she wanted a solitaire. Thankfully she does love her e-ring but still! BFF #2's BF I scared half to death the first time we met because we had a little Talk - i.e. Bad Things will happen to him if he does not consult me :D
 

Guilty Pleasure

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2008
Messages
1,114
Unless your friend has secretly told you that she hopes he gets your advice, it seems a bit overbearing to me. I think anything more than one kind offer (and only when you KNOW that he is planning on buying a ring) is intrusive. There are many reasons I can think of that a man doesn't want his girlfriend's friends' help or advice, no matter how useful.

That being said, if I knew what my friend wanted, I'd be disappointed for her sake that he didn't ask for tips from me.
 

luv2sparkle

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 3, 2008
Messages
7,814
It has happened several times to me. I have offered help/guidance on what to look for in a couple upgrades of friends. One in
particular went to a local jeweler and paid way to much. Of course, I didn't say anything, but just complimented my friend on
her new upgrade. The funny thing is, she still compliments me any time she sees my ring, on how sparkly it is, and on my taste
in jewelry.

I have offered help to a few friends kids to help find engagement diamonds, so far no one has taken me up on it. I think some people
find comfort in going to a store and looking at stones even though they don't have a clue what they are looking at. All you can
do is offer.
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 17, 2008
Messages
22,678
Is it bad that I wanted to help my ex find a stone for his GF? I just know so much more than he does and wanted him to find
an excellent stone without getting ripped off. But, alas, they did not come to me (shocking right???) Anyway, she said that
it was an ideal cut stone so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they found a good one (havent seen it yet).
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
well I'm just glad they are not getting some maul diamond! it would be hard to bite my tongue then :)

tyty I don't think it's bad, or weird :)
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Yes! I never offer help unless they ask for it, but I've wished a couple people came to me first.

My best friend inherited a large RB and her husband asked for my input. He wanted to go to a particular local jeweler who isn't anything special, they just order settings from a catalog and set the stone, and it was really a shame because he ended up ignoring my input and choosing a setting that just doesn't do the stone justice.

I've helped three other men get engagement rings with much success, though. The rings all turned out gorgeous, the ladies are happy, and I had a ton of fun being a part of it.
 

MustangGal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2004
Messages
2,029
I offered to help a friend's BF, but he went to the "maul" instead and probably paid too much.

I did help my sister's BF with an e-ring, then she left him before he got around to proposing :errrr: I kinda wish I knew what he did with it.
 

mayerling

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 4, 2010
Messages
2,357
I'm confused. Is this post about being told by a friend that your BF has picked out a ring, or about a friend asking you to help him pick something out for his own GF?
 

Black Jade

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
1,242
I try to resist my tendencies to help people out with advice when I know a lot about something because from a LOT of experience I know that it isn't necessarily appreciated and that people can even feel bullied (or would be satisfied with a lot less than I am, and that's just how it is).
Usually I manage and when people come to me 'because she knows a lot about diamonds' AFTER they have bought the ring, which is usually the point at which you see them, wanting me to admire, I jsut bite my tongue and say "oh, how very pretty. what a good job you did."
the one time I had trouble recently was when the young couple insisted on getting eco-friendly wooden rings for their wedding bands. I knew this was a terrible, horrible idea. The rings were horrifically overpriced (you could have got a lot of gold and diamonds for less); even they knew that these were not lasting rings (she told me that they planned to get new ones every five years of so, as these got ruined with water or just simply wore out) and I couldn't understand WHY this was supposed to be eco-friendly. I mean, we are all recycling paper to save the trees, right? What is it about cutting down a tree to make a wedding ring that is more virtuous than using some gold, probably already in circulation that you would pay for ONCE and have a forever wedding ring with>
I did say a few things in this case but when I saw they were really and truly determined, I shut up. They got the overpriced wooden rings. Six months after the wedding I notice they are not wearing them anymore (they are wearing nothing) but they seem very happy together, a sweet young couple and that really is all the point, isn't it?
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
mayerling|1304011322|2907128 said:
I'm confused. Is this post about being told by a friend that your BF has picked out a ring, or about a friend asking you to help him pick something out for his own GF?
friend who picked out a ring for his GF.

I am so excited for them!
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
21,227
Gosh, yes!! And I have to literally bite my tongue sometimes - I know it's neither my place nor my business but I so want to be involved!


The worst one was when he *did* ask for my help - I was thrilled, and more than happy to spend a few hours searching and weeding and chatting up the gf, but then at long last he ignored every last bit of everything I'd said and bought the ring at the local jeweller's Xmas closeout because it was just "too good a deal to pass up, and exactly what you said she wanted!!"


;( :nono: :(sad If I'd known he was going to do that I wouldn't have wasted my time! And then I was forced to complement the ring - well, at least it was a solitaire w/ 'lots of little stones down the side', and had high colour and clarity going for it... Taught me to be judicious with my time, at any rate.
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
Yssie|1304031522|2907418 said:
Gosh, yes!! And I have to literally bite my tongue sometimes - I know it's neither my place nor my business but I so want to be involved!


The worst one was when he *did* ask for my help - I was thrilled, and more than happy to spend a few hours searching and weeding and chatting up the gf, but then at long last he ignored every last bit of everything I'd said and bought the ring at the local jeweller's Xmas closeout because it was just "too good a deal to pass up, and exactly what you said she wanted!!"


;( :nono: :(sad If I'd known he was going to do that I wouldn't have wasted my time! And then I was forced to complement the ring - well, at least it was a solitaire w/ 'lots of little stones down the side', and had high colour and clarity going for it... Taught me to be judicious with my time, at any rate.
oh I'm glad someone understands :)

sorry to hear about that experience though yssie!
 

suchende

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
1,001
tyty333|1304003398|2907012 said:
Is it bad that I wanted to help my ex find a stone for his GF? I just know so much more than he does and wanted him to find
an excellent stone without getting ripped off. But, alas, they did not come to me (shocking right???) Anyway, she said that
it was an ideal cut stone so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they found a good one (havent seen it yet).
I just picked out my ex's gf's new e-ring. I am totally over the relationship but dang I was jealous of his budget.
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 3, 2004
Messages
32,444
tyty333|1304003398|2907012 said:
Is it bad that I wanted to help my ex find a stone for his GF? I just know so much more than he does and wanted him to find
an excellent stone without getting ripped off. But, alas, they did not come to me (shocking right???) Anyway, she said that
it was an ideal cut stone so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they found a good one (havent seen it yet).
nope,just be sure to find her an ugly stone... :wink2:
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 3, 2004
Messages
32,444
suchende|1304039899|2907563 said:
tyty333|1304003398|2907012 said:
Is it bad that I wanted to help my ex find a stone for his GF? I just know so much more than he does and wanted him to find
an excellent stone without getting ripped off. But, alas, they did not come to me (shocking right???) Anyway, she said that
it was an ideal cut stone so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they found a good one (havent seen it yet).
I just picked out my ex's gf's new e-ring. I am totally over the relationship but dang I was jealous of his budget.
the rule is... #2 wife's diamond will always be bigger and better than wife #1... ;))
 

suchende

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
1,001
DF, just ex-boyfriend. The only ring I ever got from him came out of a arcade game.

I honestly don't want a ring bigger than her's will be though. My hand wouldn't fit in my jeans pocket.
 

Natylad

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 17, 2009
Messages
2,399
Dancing Fire|1304041137|2907577 said:
suchende|1304039899|2907563 said:
tyty333|1304003398|2907012 said:
Is it bad that I wanted to help my ex find a stone for his GF? I just know so much more than he does and wanted him to find
an excellent stone without getting ripped off. But, alas, they did not come to me (shocking right???) Anyway, she said that
it was an ideal cut stone so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they found a good one (havent seen it yet).
I just picked out my ex's gf's new e-ring. I am totally over the relationship but dang I was jealous of his budget.
the rule is... #2 wife's diamond will always be bigger and better than wife #1... ;))
:nono: :evil: he said it again...
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
8,087
suchende|1304039899|2907563 said:
tyty333|1304003398|2907012 said:
Is it bad that I wanted to help my ex find a stone for his GF? I just know so much more than he does and wanted him to find
an excellent stone without getting ripped off. But, alas, they did not come to me (shocking right???) Anyway, she said that
it was an ideal cut stone so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they found a good one (havent seen it yet).
I just picked out my ex's gf's new e-ring. I am totally over the relationship but dang I was jealous of his budget.
You guys are sweet and well-intentioned and I'm positive you will/would pick the best things possible, buuuuuuuuuut ... speaking as someone who hasn't stayed buddies with her exes and finds the people who do fascinating, I wouldn't want even my hypothetical SO's nicest ex picking out my engagement ring! Something about that would feel odd in a way that one of my friends wouldn't. Same would go, I think, for the hypothetical Mom question: he consults my mom, he's sensitive, he brings his mom e-ring shopping ... I'd foresee trouble. I might be weird, though!

I don't think anybody in my life would ask me for e-ring advice, which is a pity, as I'd love to do it: but I'm surrounded by people who are such non-jewelry people that I don't think they even grok that there's a difference between the various things out there that are available. Alas, as I think my BIL is about to pop the question (or, at least, I hope so - I really like his GF!), and I'd love to find them a stunner!
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
B.E.G.|1303965302|2906842 said:
I wanted to help BFF #1 with her e-ring but her now husband never came to me! And then he got her a 3-stone when she wanted a solitaire. Thankfully she does love her e-ring but still! BFF #2's BF I scared half to death the first time we met because we had a little Talk - i.e. Bad Things will happen to him if he does not consult me :D

haha, this exact thing happened to my BFF, except she wanted a three stone and got a solitaire! maybe they can switch!

I would have loved to have been brought with my BFF's FI- as I was friends with him growing up as well and I knew what she really wanted. O well... I have a younger sister and am sure I will claw my way into at least emailing suggestions of her style to her BF. :Up_to_something:
 

suchende

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
1,001
Circe, it was weird as all get-out. And I am sure she would be mad if she knew. He asked me a couple questions and it ended in me picking it out. And then my own BF was annoyed (he usually is the most chill guy ever about exes; I think it was the subject matter). If I had it to over again, I wouldn't.
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
6,893
suchende|1304039899|2907563 said:
tyty333|1304003398|2907012 said:
Is it bad that I wanted to help my ex find a stone for his GF? I just know so much more than he does and wanted him to find
an excellent stone without getting ripped off. But, alas, they did not come to me (shocking right???) Anyway, she said that
it was an ideal cut stone so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they found a good one (havent seen it yet).
I just picked out my ex's gf's new e-ring. I am totally over the relationship but dang I was jealous of his budget.
I can actually totally see myself doing this for my ex. He knows how nuts I am about jewelry and that I'm good at finding good deals through the online vendors so I could really see him coming to me for help on picking out an e-ring. And I have to admit, months after the break-up, I am now more than happy to advise! :)
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
6,893
Amys Bling|1304045560|2907671 said:
B.E.G.|1303965302|2906842 said:
I wanted to help BFF #1 with her e-ring but her now husband never came to me! And then he got her a 3-stone when she wanted a solitaire. Thankfully she does love her e-ring but still! BFF #2's BF I scared half to death the first time we met because we had a little Talk - i.e. Bad Things will happen to him if he does not consult me :D

haha, this exact thing happened to my BFF, except she wanted a three stone and got a solitaire! maybe they can switch!

I would have loved to have been brought with my BFF's FI- as I was friends with him growing up as well and I knew what she really wanted. O well... I have a younger sister and am sure I will claw my way into at least emailing suggestions of her style to her BF. :Up_to_something:
Haha silly boys! :lol:
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,983
No! No one's ever asked me to assist with an e-ring. I've offered, and have plenty of friends who are ready to get engaged who just aren't quite ready yet and said they'd look me up when they were ready, but it just hasn't happened. Damnit. Maybe my taste is questionable...idk! :confused: :bigsmile: Not too worried about it, at any rate.
 

risingsun

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 19, 2006
Messages
5,549
I have had several online friends ask me for help with their e-rings. Then we went back to upgrade their settings. It was a lot of fun to help out. One friend had a particulary difficult time due to the designer's people not making the ring properly. I think she appreciated having someone to talk to who understood her frustration. People who don't care as much about their jewelry, often don't understand about those of us who do. They think we are a little loopy, or should I say loupey ;))
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
risingsun|1304184377|2908605 said:
I have had several online friends ask me for help with their e-rings. Then we went back to upgrade their settings. It was a lot of fun to help out. One friend had a particulary difficult time due to the designer's people not making the ring properly. I think she appreciated having someone to talk to who understood her frustration. People who don't care as much about their jewelry, often don't understand about those of us who do. They think we are a little loopy, or should I say loupey ;))
HA, good one!

I've only helped people who asked me specifically. My girlfriends all know how much I love diamonds and jewelry (and they also all love my e-ring!) so I think they'll at least try to send their boyfriends my way. Or they may just contact me themselves, like one of my girlfriends did recently.

I certainly don't push advice on anyone, and I would never badmouth someone's choice. My old boss asked me for help but then went and bought from some random site, but of course I didn't say anything bad. I just told him the ring was pretty, which it was.
 
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