Has anyone here ever turned down a proposal?

[Bron357]

All up 5 engagements with 2 weddings. First one a dud, second one a gem and a “keeper”.
Pretty much like the ring

 

[Alexiszoe]

I was proposed to by a former boss who was also a friend. We hadn't seen each other in a while after I moved out of state, and decided to catch up over dinner when I was in town.

We had never dated or had any romantic inclinations (he was married and I was with someone). So when he brought up he was divorced, and asked me if I wanted to get married mid-dinner, I almost choked. His explanation was thus:

• We were both single
• We were both intellectually compatible (we met during our PhD program, specializing in similar areas, and both worked in research institutes and academia)
• We were both from a similar Asian culture
• We were similar in age, and we got along well
• He is attracted to me

I thought he was joking, but it turns out he was really serious, and asked me several times during the dinner, as well as a few days after what I thought about the proposal. I did manage to turn him down gently, eventually!

 

[MollyMalone]

No, but I broke off a post-divorce relationship because, like @KKJohnson , it seemed a proposal was soon forthcoming. And because a proposal seemed premature, that in and of itself gave me serious pause. We'd been dating for just about 6 months, so imo he didn't know me well enough to decide that he was eager to marry me. Then 9/11 happened, and I saw how uncomfortable he was with dying, death, and grief & therefore a poor fit for me in an aspect of life that from my perspective is not a trifling one.

So I terminated the relationship the following month. Because he was a good man, it pained me to hurt him; I'd like to think he's now enjoying a wonderful relationship with someone!

 

[missy]

Yes.

I was in my twenties and dating a sweet wonderful young gentleman who I loved and who my whole family loved. Including my grandma. He was smart, funny kind and generous. And he loved animals. An artist who made antique furniture and cooked (somehow men who were nurturing and cooked for me were men who were attracted to me lucky for me lol) and he was also a vegan. He was my "perfect" match on paper. I did love him and was in love with him to an extent. But I had my mind made up I was not getting married and had no desire to at least at that stage in my life. He proposed anyway knowing how I felt about marriage. I guess he thought I would change my mind.

Made me so sad because our relationship changed (for me anyway) after that and shortly thereafter I broke up with him. I just felt it was different and I felt differently towards him after that. It was a very sad breakup. He was such a good guy and for many years afterwards I felt badly still about hurting him. I have not looked him up since we broke up and have no intention to do so but occasionally I think of him and hope he is happy and well. I hope he married the love of his life and had children and is successful in his business. He had (and probably still does) a heart of solid gold. A standup guy in every way.

I once had an old boyfriend say to me that I wouldn't ever get married unless the guy dragged me to the altar. He was very perceptive. I remember being annoyed at that true statement though but now I think why was I annoyed. He was right. LOL. But luckily for me Greg turned out to be the guy who "forced" me to accept his proposal (or else I would have lost him as he didn't want to not move forward in our relationship) years later and he didn't have to drag me to the altar but instead was smart enough to let me take a long proposal to get used to the idea of marriage. My dh is a very wise man.

It was all meant to be because had I married any of the young (and all very lovely) men I dated in my twenties I would not have been available when my b'shert, ,my soulmate, came into my life. There is no one more perfect for me than my dh. He is my dream and the love of my life. I still pinch myself how did I get so lucky. And I am eternally thankful.

 

[partgypsy]

In college I had a pregnancy scare. Rather than being scared, my college sweetheart was in 100%, offered to drop out of school and get a job in order to support me and the child so I could finish college. I was kind of shocked because he had a bright future and that would have robbed him of that future to do that. My period came the next week. I ended up breaking up with him; I was in no way shape or form ready to settle down at that point. In retrospect I realize i was a bit of a jerk the way I acted.. He went on to have a successful career and even co-founded a start up company from one of his ideas. He got married later in life and is happy and I only wish the best for him.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I love these stories. It's sad, but I remember thinking "Ok but... what if NO one ever proposes to me ever again?"

I wish I had possessed the maturity and self worth to realize that marriage is a decision that should be yours entirely, not just some team you hope to get chosen for.

 

[Calliecake]

I love these stories.

I wish I had possessed the maturity and self worth to realize that marriage is a decision that should be yours entirely, not just some team you hope to get chosen for.

I wish ALL women realized this.

 

[doberman]

I haven’t turned down a marriage proposal but I have turned down other “proposals” by men.

Oh don't get me started on those kind of proposals. I think when you're young, some men assume you're happy to make money any way you can.

 

[missy]

I love these stories. It's sad, but I remember thinking "Ok but... what if NO one ever proposes to me ever again?"

I wish I had possessed the maturity and self worth to realize that marriage is a decision that should be yours entirely, not just some team you hope to get chosen for.

All that matters is that you have the maturity and knowledge of self worth and self confidence now and moving forward. Can't change the past but we have the present and the future and all I can say is You Rock @Elliot86 and deserve all the happiness in the world. (((Hugs))).

 

[Tekate]

Dated a guy when I was a senior in high school who was already graduated, quit college and was moving to AZ to work for the phone company.. I was 17.. this guy (I liked him but he was one of a gaggle of guys I dated) asked my father for my hand in marriage! AND my mother tried to talk me into it.. I told her I didn't care for him that way.. my mom wanted me to marry him because his father was rich rich.. I said NO.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I dated a guy who was in the military a couple of times and he came home on leave and asked me to marry him and move to Hawaii with him. I said no.
Dated another guy in college who was heading that way and invited me to spend the summer at his families farm in Nebraska. Said no and broke up.

I really wanted to marry my high school sweetheart. He wasn’t ready and didn’t marry until he was over thirty.

I have seen photos of all these guys these many years later, and boy did I make the right choice. I look at my husband and think “Damn, that man is sexy”.
BTW, I got married at 20 years old. Stuff went faster back in the day. Almost everyone I knew was either married before me or within a year or so after, and very few have divorced. Married just over 38 years.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Yes. It really gave me a sick to my stomach feeling and a sense of shame. It is really hard to hurt someone who cares for you, but better that than a divorce later down the road.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

It wasn't an actual proposal, but almost. I had dated a man I met in grad school and we had a very turbulent relationship. He had a lot of issues stemming from his mother's death. He had gone diamond shopping several times and called me from the golf course, saying that he had a diamond on hold and before he bought it, he wanted to know if I was ready. I had to tell him not to buy it. That was the start of the (final) end.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I was reminded of this thread because in conversations with my folks today, they BOTH revealed that they think a proposal is on the horizon. Or maybe it's wishful thinking to marry me off

 

[OreoRosies86]

All that matters is that you have the maturity and knowledge of self worth and self confidence now and moving forward. Can't change the past but we have the present and the future and all I can say is You Rock @Elliot86 and deserve all the happiness in the world. (((Hugs))).

Life is in a really good place right now. All that's missing is maybe one more cat...

 

[partgypsy]

lol! I'm in the opposite situation. I got a divorce this May after being separated since 2016. I've been seeing someone for the past year and 4 months. After mulling about a number of flags, I broke it off this morning. Biggest one being he didn't like hanging out with me with my kids, or us spending time with him and his kid. Everything in his life is separate buckets. Since his family is very conservative I'm referred to as being just a friend. I understand before my divorce was final, but nothing has changed since then.

I'm at the point I would rather be 1) single and focus on myself and my kids, or 2) be in a relationship that is progressing into something. My life is already divided enough as it is. I do have some sadness and mixed feelings but I feel this is the right decision.

 

[OreoRosies86]

lol! I'm in the opposite situation. I got a divorce this May after being separated since 2016. I've been seeing someone for the past year and 4 months. After mulling about a number of flags, I broke it off this morning. Biggest one being he didn't like hanging out with me with my kids, or us spending time with him and his kid. Everything in his life is separate buckets. Since his family is very conservative I'm referred to as being just a friend. I understand before my divorce was final, but nothing has changed since then.

I'm at the point I would rather be 1) single and focus on myself and my kids, or 2) be in a relationship that is progressing into something. My life is already divided enough as it is. I do have some sadness and mixed feelings but I feel this is the right decision.

Dating when you have children is so ridiculously hard. Its like being in a band. Everyone on their own could be a ridiculously accomplished musician, but if the chemistry isn't there it's never going to work out. I'm really sorry. Breakups are terrible, even if they were the right choice.

I'd be heartbroken if things ended, but I'd be ok. I've always found a way to thrive in my single life, and I'm at a stage in life now where the right person will bring an effortless love. It should never be a job or an uphill struggle. Not that it doesn't require work, but more an attitude that "You can either hang or you can't, but I'll be fine either way!"