Happy... but SO disappointed

[ammayernyc]

Let me preface this by saying that I know I''m being a brat...

My birthday is a in two and a half weeks. I have been hinting to my bf (well, not really hinting, more like... oh, see that big diamond ring... birthday present?) that it would be fantastic if he gave me an engagment ring for my birthday. We started looking at rings in December and I''ve made it pretty clear which one I really like (he was the one who orginally picked it out... I would have never chosen it on my own). He has the money and at least two connections to get a close-to-wholesale price for the diamonds.

Second part of the story... we''ve been planning a trip to the Bahamas this May with us and two other couples. On Friday afternoon, we finished all the details on the hotel and flights and times. So excited.

Then, Friday night, my bf tells me that for my birthday he will be paying for the whole trip for me... flight, hotel, all excursions...

I am so disappointed I could cry.

Now, don''t get me wrong. I am thrilled that he is taking me on this trip. However, I have my own money and could easily pay for myself. And it''s not a ''romantic'' trip since two other couples (one with a baby) will be with us. Also, I spent at least five times the amount of the trip for his 30th birthday present in January. Not that really matters that much... but still...

So, now I know for sure that he is not going to propose for my birthday. Truthfully, I was pretty sure it wasn''t going to happen anyway, but know for sure really sucks!

Sorry for the long rant...

 

[Christy42]

Don''t be so sure......Maybe he''s got a little extra money that you don''t know about. Men are sneaky sometimes.......You might be getting this ring while on this trip. Or maybe not, but don''t start fretting about something that hasn''t happened yet.

 

[MINE!!]

Hang in the ammyer..

I know it can be disappointing. I had those times too and it just plain SUCKS>>>> I hated it. Sometimes men can be tricky but unfortunately they can be pretty thick too. HANG in there.. try to enjoy your trip and make the most of it... besides you never know.

 

[fountainfairfax]

Damn!!!!! I'm so sorry because I know what it feels like when the guy makes a gesture he thinks is GRAND and the whole time we're thinking "very nice honey but I spent/or did/or gave up ________ for you. couldn't you be either just as generous or really blow my socks off this one time?!!!!"

and especially where engagements and diamonds are concerned....can't they JUST ONE TIME blow us away, exceed our expectations (mine are rather low concening what my boyfriend can contribute $$ but he's a creative & romantic guy so it's not about money but effort & time) and just do the right thing....we all deserve that magic. Your b-day trip is a wonderful gift but it's e-ring time, buddy. Step up to the plate!!!!

can anyone tell I'm projecting my own frustrations on ammayer's thread

sorry about that!

Ammayer- I hope he's up to boy-trickery and is going to use your b-day trip as a diversion for popping the question! Everything else is in place and that's a great sign!

(I also realized this weekend it's pathetic that someone my age (36) and once-divorced is hanging out here on LIW! You're all young and hopeful- I'm old and bitter

April 1st was the 10 year anniversary of my ex asking for a divorce- where did 10 years go???)

 

[KBerly]

i am sure he has something planned, so don''t be too disappointed! he may just be throwing you off, so try to act like it doesn''t bother you, and try to think of something else! i know it is hard, i am doing the same thing right now...just waiting with anticipation, it''ll come soon enough and you will be so happy you will forget how long it took (even if only a few months

) i will keep my fingers crossed for you

 

[aljdewey]

WOW.

 

[ammayernyc]

Thanks for all of your replys.

FFF -- time really does fly. Sorry that this unhappy ''anniversary'' has come and gone. But my guess is that you are much happier now than you were then! And there is never an age limit for anything in life!

I really hope that I don''t sound ungrateful. I am thrilled that he''s paying for my trip. It''s just that I am a big fan of getting ''things'' for my birthday or anniversary. Last year for my birthday he just took me out to dinner. Now granted it was a VERY expensive dinner and the best meal I''ve ever had in my life, but I was also a little upset that I didn''t have a thing to hold and say G gave this to me for my bday, isn''t it nice. (He''s given me beautfiul jewelry before so it''s not like he''s gunshy).

Also, I''ve promised myself that if he doesn''t propose for my bday that it will be time to have ''the talk.'' I really want to avoid this. He''s such a non-talker that it makes it so difficult for me to discuss anything with him sometimes. I usually give him warning... we moved in together last September but in July or sometime around there I told him that my lease was running out and we would need to talk about it soon... our discussion lasted 10 minutes... I said my lease was up, what are we going to do? He gave his usual ''I don''t know response.'' After telling him this was unacceptable, he said that he would ask the ll to see if he could break his lease and if there were any apartments in the building. There were and the next day we found an apartment to live in. Considering that I was living in his apartment for literally 7 days a week there was no great transition except for we have more space and I have my own closet.

 

[Buena Girl]

Ugh! That is terribly disappointing news!!! Well, I guess when people ask you what your b/f gave you for your birthday, you could whip out the plane tickets for your trip and show that

Seriously, though, I don''t think you are being a brat at all. It''s so disheartening to want something so badly, and find out beforehand that there is a next to nil chance of it happening. It will be your 30th birthday, right? The trip is definitely a great present, but an e-ring would be perfection. Since it is your birthday, it would be so easy to remember the exact day you were proposed to. I would say keep dropping hints about the ring and having something to unwrap on your birthday. Maybe something in his brain will "click" before your birthday comes and he will get the e-ring in time. I think it couldn''t hurt and it''s never too late until the day has come and passed.

 

[MissAva]

Oh No...what do we need to do drop an anvil on their respective heads? Or perhaps a map with picture would help them. Okay perhaps I am being awee bit harsh but I know just how you feel. I am 22 and I am chomping at the bit. I think age is irrelevent when it comes to what we want when we want it. I feel like I am a toddler, I ahve seen I have held it it is mine, now go and bring it to me....I am not quite to that point but give me another year and I think I will be. beh i need to study.

 

[jenwill]

Ammer- I can totally see your point, and completely know some of your frustration. I also had the ''10 minute talk'' about moving in together- I moved in in january, but if I hadn''t broached the subject I would still be waiting. He has had the ring since the first week in February- since then we have gone to Maui and done other romantic things...a proposal maybe? NOPE! Still waiting. The other day I got a little huffy about the wait, and he said he wouldn''t have bought the ring if he wasn''t going to give it to me, but that only helps a little...the mind still wonders "Why hasn''t he given it to me? Other girls get the proposal the same day because the guy can barely hold in his excitement? What is wrong with us?" And the answer is , nothing is wrong with us, the men we are datin gwork on different clocks, and we jut have to wait for theire alarm to go off and signal time for action.

FFF- It is NOT ridiculous for you to be her on the LIW thread. Anyone who is LIW belongs here- and those who aren''t LIW also belong here to help with the advice. I am almost 35 and never married- my relatives in Oklahoma think I am a spinster (or gay- I do live in the SF bay area you know!) and gave up on me years ago.

 

[elepri]

Sorry you''re frustrated. I also was hoping my bf would propose on my birthday last year and was disappointed when he didn''t. Well, he proposed a month later. When I asked him about it, he said, "What kind of schmuck do you think I am?Birthday proposals are so predictable." He wanted to surprsie me so birthday was not an option. But in your case i wouldn''t be so sure anyway, going on a trip is such a perfect opportunity, he might just take advantage of it.

 

[fountainfairfax]

Date: 4/4/2005 7:57:36 PM
Author: jenwill

FFF- It is NOT ridiculous for you to be her on the LIW thread. Anyone who is LIW belongs here- and those who aren''t LIW also belong here to help with the advice. I am almost 35 and never married- my relatives in Oklahoma think I am a spinster (or gay- I do live in the SF bay area you know!) and gave up on me years ago.

Thanks Jenwill!!! Based on my past experience, I think a lot of people are better off waiting until after the age of 30 to get married anyway! Everyone is different of course, but many people don''t truly find themselves until a little later in life and its sad when couples grow apart....I also think you deserve a BIG award for patience...I don''t know what I would do if I knew he had the ring..we have the stone and not having it set (due to his $$ concerns) is driving me crazy...

 

[ammayernyc]

We''re going away with two other couples so it''s not going to be this super romantic vacation. It''s going to be closer to spring break.

Besides, G made it clear to me that he will not propose in a restaurant, so I''m assuming he doesn''t want a big public specticle.

I guess the Birthday Proposal is kind of obvious. But it still would have been nice. Now I have to figure out whether I have the talk after my birthday or after the trip... UGH!

 

[AChiOAlumna]

I agree that you need to communicate with him your needs and he needs to do the same, but please, for your own happiness, do not pressure him into proposing to you!! I made the crucial mistake of doing this when I was 22. I was dating this guy and he was my "first true love." I pressured him into an engagement...I got the ring and thought "This is the one!" Then we set a wedding date, booked the sight, etc. Everything was going well until....

We had agreed that we would live together for 6 months before the wedding as I was graduating from college and he still had a couple years left. Of course, I wanted him to graduate too!! The week of my graduation (aka Finals Week!) he called me and said, "I don''t know if I''m ready to get married." I said okay, we can always wait...then he followed up with, "I don''t know if I''m ready for us to live together." At this point, I knew our relationship was over. I took the ring off my finger before we even hung up. I had to go through my finals week with this hanging over my head!!

In the end, it worked out for the best for me...I met the REAL man of my dreams within the year and we''ve been married almost 10 years! I would''ve been miserable had I gone through the marriage with the first fiance as he really never wanted to get married and I didn''t want to listen...

When/if you do have that talk... really listen to what he has to say...Is he really ready to get married? Or is he catering to your wishes? Does he have an agenda of his own? What is it? Make sure you tell him what your expectations are too. See if your expectations cross paths at some point, because if they don''t then it''s better to find out now...if it does, then know that patience is a virtue and everything will work out for the best...

My grandmother had a saying that I live by, "If it''s meant to be, then it''s meant to be!"

 

[MelissaSue]

you dont'' KNOW that its not going to happen for your birthday! Just because he buys you a trip for your birthday, doesn''t mean he can''t buy you an engagment ring! I got an engagement ring this year not too long before christmas, and its not like I wasn''t expecting christmas presents! In fact.. I really wanted another diamond! (a pendant) (haha. I am a brat!!).. don''t get yourself too upset over this.. I thought you have known (or at least thought) that he was planning on taking you on this trip for your birthday?

Theres still a chance.. and also.. maybe he doesn''t WANT the ring to be a birthday gift! maybe he''ll do it between now and then, or very shortly after!