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had a nice talk

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mariewest

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Messages
175
I had a talk with the SO the other night when I brought up the "Surprise Wedding" show on WE and how crazy I thought it was. These women surprised their boyfriends with a wedding on national television. He agreed and said he would not like that at all, and would say no and walk off. I know this about him of course, so that wasn''t a surprise. He then went on about how he''s got a plan and he knows what he has to do, but it will take him a little time because he''s got other stuff going on right now. This wasn''t really any new information, but somehow the way he said it wasn''t like "you''re not as important as the other stuff I have to do" but more like "I''m making progress, but this has to be done in order to do what I want to do."

He then went on a tangent about society and what they expect and that he can''t just propose without a ring, because society would judge him and us. He is very anti society, and it really doesn''t matter to him, but he realizes in the world that we live in that people will have their opinions and judge people, and no matter how much we say that we don''t care what people think about us, that it does effect us a little on a level.

He said that he knows how much he wants to spend on a ring, even though he thinks it''s just a piece of metal and a stone that is just a symbol and people put too much emphasis on, but needless anyways, he''s done his research. He reconfirmed that his plans about us never changed, and that I know this and that''s what should matter. We obviously won''t get married until he''s done with grad school (1-2 years.) He doesn''t really get the whole point of the engagement period, but I tried to tell him that it''s the time needed to plan the actually wedding, and still wanted a good amount of time to do so.

So although is may not be coming sooner, for some reason really having him talk about it and explain himself a little without me wining at him, the conversation helped me feel a little bit better. I feel like I go back and forth with my patience and inpatience, but I think I''ll be ok for right now.
 

Treasure43

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 11, 2009
Messages
655
That sounds promising and I"m glad you feel better :) I too, have talked with my boyfriend about the timing and it made me feel MUCH better because we were able to set a timeline to make me happy and give him time to save for the ring.

Communication is SO important in relationships and it's great that you can talk to your BF about that!

I myself go back and forth between patience and impatiece even though I know it will be within the next six months. Waiting's tough!
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
Sounds like a good conversation to have had and you guys are getting on the same page. My FI had a similar point of view as yours.
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,938
OT:
It's too bad he feels that way about the ring
I looked it up and it represents a circle of neverending love and also goes on the finger it does because it is the vein that leads to the heart. I read that men used to give a piece of jewelery or a ring before it became standard to give a diamond ring, and the point of it was to assure the woman's family that she would be ok living with him and that he could provide. Of course that wouldn't nessecarily apply today but some couples save together and could be seen as being able to provide for themselves outside of their immediate families :)

I thought I'd also throw in that me and fi are toying with the idea of tattoo-ed wedding bands to represent our committment to each other :)
 
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