guests for 5 year old birthday party

[agapitor]

My son who is turning 5 in January is already talking about his birthday party. Because his birthday is so close to Christmas, we don't generally have as big a shindig as his older brother whose birthday is in the summer. Fortunately, he hasn't really said anything but he has definitely expressed that he would like a birthday party and invite some friends from daycare for his birthday. My problem is one of the boys he would like to invite is rather rude. We attended another birthday party with this boy and I couldn't believe the lack of manners this boy had. He was demanding drinks from the celebrant's mom and instead of saying please, he would say NOW, because she couldn't get it fast enough.

I don't know what to tell my son.. do I invite the boy? and what do I do when he's being rude. I am adamant about teaching my children to be polite and rudeness is not tolerated in my house or anybody else's house. What amazes me is that I sit on the daycare board with their father who seems to be a wonderful and quiet person. I wonder if it's a case of permissive parenting?

Any suggestions would be great.

 

[megumic]

If your son goes to daycare with this boy, isn't he around the rude behavior all day every day? So long as your son's behavior has remained polite, I'm not sure I'd be concerned with inviting him to a birthday party. Sure, it's a PITA for you, but it's only a couple of hours, I'd probably invite him if my child wanted him invited. Maybe the kid has ADD or ADHD, not that it excuses his behavior, but it may explain it.

 

[agapitor]

thanks megumic.. you're right. This is really more my beef than anything. I'm not concerned with my children copying the boy's rude behavior. At daycare, the "teachers" correct his behavior but I think it will be hard for me to stand idly and not say anything if he's being rude in my house. But.. he must be fun or is a good friend because both my children like him. Guess I'll just have to grin and bear it.

 

[meresal]

Agapitor: Just wanted to share re: the Christmas birthday.
My brother's birhtday is Jan 4, and he was always upset that our sister had a summer birthday, so my parents started letting him celebrate his "half" birthday. He would have a pool party every year to invite friends, and on his real birthday, he just celebrated with family.

I don't have any advice re: rude boy. That would bother me to no end... especially the "NOW". However, like PP said, if it isn't changing your son, then ehh, it is his birthday.

 

[Puppmom]

I would invite him. Maybe you can give him a few lessons on proper manners during the party.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I would invite him. Maybe you can give him a few lessons on proper manners during the party.

Yep! Invite the boy and if he starts demanding things from you or being otherwise rude, respond calmly to him that he'll need to wait for a moment, etc. Be kind, but firm. That should get the message across that rude behavior doesn't fly at your house. Good luck!

 

[artdecogirl]

I would invite him. Maybe you can give him a few lessons on proper manners during the party.

Ditto, sounds like a great opportunity.

 

[agapitor]

meresal.. that sounds like a great idea although I don't know how my oldest will fee about his little brother having 2 celebrations. Because my youngest's birthday is so close to Christmas he's actually all peopled out by his birthday and end up celebrating with just the family for his birthday. Although, now that he's forming some friendships at daycare and likely at school next year, I'm sure that will change.

thanks puppmom and decogirl. It's always a challenge for me to discipline other kids.. particularly those who do not seem to be disciplined by their own parents. But as DivaD said.. I'll have to use my sweetest voice and be the kindest host. I guess the saying is true that you can catch more flies with honey.

Wish me luck!

 

[swingirl]

I have a birthday very close to Christmas so I know how that feels. Don't let your son's celebration be any less than that of his siblings. Eventually he'll be old enough that he won't care as much but young kids DO see the difference. As far as the fake 6 month birthday, I wanted my birthday celebrated when it was MY birthday (or with a few weeks). I did not want a half birthday because that still means the real day isn't celebrated as it should be.

Regarding the little rude boy. You wouldn't feel the need to correct a rude adult just because he was in your house. It's best just to watch his behavior, correct him only if he is harming other kids. Basically all the other daycare kids will be familiar with his rudeness and must have their own way of dealing with it if he is friend enough to be invited in the first place.

 

[agapitor]

I have a birthday very close to Christmas so I know how that feels. Don't let your son's celebration be any less than that of his siblings. Eventually he'll be old enough that he won't care as much but young kids DO see the difference. As far as the fake 6 month birthday, I wanted my birthday celebrated when it was MY birthday (or with a few weeks). I did not want a half birthday because that still means the real day isn't celebrated as it should be.

Regarding the little rude boy. You wouldn't feel the need to correct a rude adult just because he was in your house. It's best just to watch his behavior, correct him only if he is harming other kids. Basically all the other daycare kids will be familiar with his rudeness and must have their own way of dealing with it if he is friend enough to be invited in the first place.

You're right.. we definitely don't want to make our youngest's birthday celebration feel inferior just because it's so close to Christmas. I think now that he's forming some close relationships at daycare and next year at school, it will be easier for us to plan a party and know which children to invite. With our oldest the rule was he can invite as many guests proportionate to his age.

I feel for you though.. in my family(including first cousins) there are 4 children whose birthdays are within a week from Christmas. We do try to celebrate them individually but I'm sure it will bother them when they're older.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

How funny that the summer birthday seems to be coveted. I had a summer birthday and felt cheated because birthdays were recognized during the school year individually, with ALL summer birthdays getting a week at the end of school - nothing special for us summer birthdays. I didn't have a party with peers until high school when I was actually in contact with friends over the summer. Both my sisters had birthday parties because their birthdays are in April. It probably doesn't help that my birthday is July 3rd though! holiday birthdays for kids stink! I don't think I ever especially resented it though. My 16th birthday was way cooler than either of my sisters; I think my mom was trying to make up for 16 years of nothing special.

 

[agapitor]

How funny that the summer birthday seems to be coveted. I had a summer birthday and felt cheated because birthdays were recognized during the school year individually, with ALL summer birthdays getting a week at the end of school - nothing special for us summer birthdays. I didn't have a party with peers until high school when I was actually in contact with friends over the summer. Both my sisters had birthday parties because their birthdays are in April. It probably doesn't help that my birthday is July 3rd though! holiday birthdays for kids stink! I don't think I ever especially resented it though. My 16th birthday was way cooler than either of my sisters; I think my mom was trying to make up for 16 years of nothing special.

So true. Actually my oldest son's birthday is always on August long weekend. Last year he only invited friends from daycare since he saw them everyday.. it will be interesting to see who from his school will come.

 

[Haven]

We throw a couple of events each year where we invite all of the family children and our friends' young children. If children misbehave in our house I correct them in my best teacher voice. I don't see anything wrong with correcting a child's behavior if he is treating you or other people in your house in a rude manner.

When my little cousins demand something NOW! I say "We don't talk like that in this house. If you ask politely for what you'd like, I will be more than happy to get it for you."

When my nephew hurls something across the room because he's angry, I tell him "We don't behave like that in this house. Go and pick up what you just threw, and then tell me what you need in order to calm down."

Same goes for not cleaning up after yourself, sticking your finger in food on the buffet table, disrespecting anything in our home, etc. My house, my rules. Maybe it's because I'm a teacher, but I have no problem calmly redirecting children when they're misbehaving in my home.

 

[agapitor]

We throw a couple of events each year where we invite all of the family children and our friends' young children. If children misbehave in our house I correct them in my best teacher voice. I don't see anything wrong with correcting a child's behavior if he is treating you or other people in your house in a rude manner.

When my little cousins demand something NOW! I say "We don't talk like that in this house. If you ask politely for what you'd like, I will be more than happy to get it for you."

When my nephew hurls something across the room because he's angry, I tell him "We don't behave like that in this house. Go and pick up what you just threw, and then tell me what you need in order to calm down."

Same goes for not cleaning up after yourself, sticking your finger in food on the buffet table, disrespecting anything in our home, etc. My house, my rules. Maybe it's because I'm a teacher, but I have no problem calmly redirecting children when they're misbehaving in my home.

I completely agree Haven and normally would have no issues telling family children or friend's children the rules of the house. But I'm more apprehensive doing that to a stranger's child. I've just checked with my son and he would actually like to have his birthday party at a venue outside our home - either mini golf or a play area. I'm thinking this would work better and less clean up afterwards.