Guesting Question

[megumic]

Okay, so we made our guesting rule that people had to be in serious relationships with the other person and we would accordingly put someone's name on the invitation, not just "guest."

Cousin Kate was invited with boyfriend Tom. Kate was with Tom for several years, and of course upon receipt of invitation that says "Kate & Tom", Kate and Tom broke up.

Kate has emailed, asking whether she might bring someone else in Ex-Tom's stead.

Before I dish my two cents on the situation, I want to hear it from y'all about your initial reactions and how you'd handle it. Keep in mind, our guesting criteria was truly whether someone was or was not in a serious relationship.

 

[meresal]

Is cousin Kate going to have other family there to hang out with?

If yes, then no, she does not still need a date, and you are perfectly fine to email her and let her know what your parameters were when inviting guests *plus 1*.

If there is not going to be other family, then I would just let her bring someone else. That is, if you care if she comes. More than likely if you tell her no date, and there is no other family, she won't show up.

 

[that_someone_special]

I would let her bring a date since you already had penciled in "two" for their party. I mean, I understand the parameters, but how many of your guests are going to have a break-up like that? I would keep it as special circumstance. That's just what I would do though.

 

[laine]

I think it depends on the circumstance of all of the guests. Are there other people of the same age who would probably like to bring a guest? More specifically, are there other cousins being denied a guest who might be annoyed that she got one and no one else did? In that case, I'd probably tell her no. Or is she now the only single cousin? In that case, I'd let her bring a guest.

We had made a similar "only serious relationships" rule, and DH's cousin replied "and guest". At first I was annoyed, then realized that out of all of the 30-something year old cousins, he's the only one who isn't married. That's probably an awkward place to be, so we let him bring the guest. On the other hand, my cousin in college asked to bring a guest--most of the cousins on my side of the family are young and single (and we were way over on numbers), so we politely explained why she could not.

 

[mrscushion]

I would let her bring a date since you already had penciled in "two" for their party. I mean, I understand the parameters, but how many of your guests are going to have a break-up like that? I would keep it as special circumstance. That's just what I would do though.

I agree with this.

 

[purselover]

I would tell her of course she can bring someone - it might be a bit sad for her to attend a wedding after a long term break-up (especially since he was originally supposed to attend) so why not allow her to bring someone to help get her mind off it?

 

[megumic]

Thanks for all of the input everyone!

Our concern is that there are 6 other cousins about the same age who were not guested, so we're worried they'll think "oh Kate got a random date but we didn't..????"

So I think we are going to respond and indicate that we're sorry about the break-up and that we guested those in serious relationships only, but if she does begin to date someone seriously, she is welcome to bring him. So without definitively saying "no", we want to kind of guide her to the fact of the parameters we have set for the wedding.

How does that sound?

 

[meresal]

To be honest... I would just give her a "yes" or "no" now.

Saying that she can bring someone if she gets into another serious relationship, not only leaves a pretty vague line of interpretation, but then you would actually have to tell all of the cousins that. Any one of them could meet someone and get into a serious relationship. You know?

If there are going to be other family members there, that are single, then I think it is just fine for her to come alone. Yes, it is very sad and hard to go thru a break-up... however, weddings are expensive and I would definitely have drawn the line at a sympathy date which was going to cast me $100+.

 

[megumic]

I agree, Meresal. Thanks.

We told her our parameters and before giving a definitive answer, I wrote, "did you have someone in mind?" We'll see what she says. If she's already been seeing someone, then that's okay with us. But if she just wanted to ask a friend, that's not okay.

Thanks again!

 

[Pushin40]

I would let her bring a date since you already had penciled in "two" for their party. I mean, I understand the parameters, but how many of your guests are going to have a break-up like that? I would keep it as special circumstance. That's just what I would do though.

I agree with this.

I agree with this as well.
Also it kinda does suck having to go to a wedding by yourself....especially when you just broke up from a LTR.
Let her bring someone.