Guest tipping?

[newbie124]

I''m curious what others think about this...

FI and I attended a wedding this weekend where there were valet attendants, coat checkers, and, of course, bartenders.

We came in a taxi so I didn''t give much thought to the valet. However, during cocktail hour, FI asked if I had a couple singles to tip the bartenders, and I told him I didn''t think we''re supposed to tip being that this was a wedding. I did notice, though, that the bartenders had created a little opening on the table w/ some soda cans and there were a few dollars in there so it did look like they were accepting tips.

The coat checkers also had a box out w/ money inside and FI ended up tipping them as well when we left.

Is this normal at a wedding? I thought the hosts were pretty much left responsible for tipping all the attendants at the end of the night so guests wouldn''t have to worry about that?

Now I''m wondering how I should handle it at our wedding for the bartenders and valet attendants. I''d prefer that they get their tips from us and not take them from our guests, but of course it might be hard to enforce that. The valet doesn''t bother me as much as the bartenders as that''s much more visible and I kind of find it tacky to see a tip jar at the bar for a wedding.

Plus, it seems a little dubious of them to accept tips from guests knowing that they''ll probably be tipped (if it isn''t already added automatically to the contract) by the hosts.

Do other people ever tip as a guest at weddings?

 

[neatfreak]

Personally as a host I would have stipulated no tip jars and would tip them myself. But I have seen more than one event with tip jars for the staff...so I guess I am in the minority here with the no tip jars maybe.

 

[meresal]

If it is open bar, then the tipping should be left up to the host. (I only say open bar, because if it was a cash bar, I would assume the host isn't already tipping the bartenders) I have very strong opinions about the tipping, and tip jars are very tacky at such an event. We are requiring that none of our bartenders attempt to attain tips in any way (ie tip jars, or sketchy make shift ones like what you explained).

Valet- Ideally, the guest shouldn't pay for anything, but since it is probably a different company and they are not receiving tips from the reception, then I think tipping the valet would be customary. However, if the valet company is owned by the venue and is already being covered by the host/venue, then it should be complimentary.

ETA:
Coat checkers: Definitely not. That is a service provided by the venue.

 

[Nocturnius]

I don't know, if it were my wedding, I would be quite upset if I'd seen the bartenders and coat checkers with tip jars. And actually, it would probably prevent me from giving them a tip, and the company they were hired through would get a letter of complaint about it.

Please keep in mind, I also think cash bars are tacky, and have been told numerous times cash bars are a "regional" thing. So tipping by the guests probably is, too.

Just me, personally, the way I see it: I would not invite people out to dinner and then expect them to pay for their own meal, and I would not invite them to my house and expect them to pay for some of the groceries I used to cook the food. So a wedding should be treated just the same. Guests should not pay for their meal, drinks or tip, in my personal opinion.

Not to mention my caterers, servers and barteder got a MUCH bigger tip than they would have ever received from my 20-person guest list. If I was concerned about the tip jars, I would enforce a "no tips accepted from guests" rule by putting it in the contract.

As for valet parking, I just wouldn't choose a venue that didn't provide free self-parking to my guests. I would choose a venue that provided either self-parking, or that offered an OPTIONAL valet service.

All just my two cents.

 

[newbie124]

neatfreak, I think I''m with you on this and would probably request that the bartenders not accept tips.

meresal, yes, this was an open bar. I actually just asked my friend about it and she said they were struggling a bit over it as well, but their catering manager actually told them that most catering companies allow the bartenders to accept tips (but of course the hosts can request that they don''t and put up a sign for guests).

Also, since they were just planning to tip the catering company to cover everyone, they didn''t think they''d be able to tip the bartenders enough to cover what they''d actually make if they were working at a bar for the night and making $1/drink, so they decided to allow them to accept additional tips.

They ended up also tipping the valet attendants but only minimally because they were sort of forced into hiring them even though they probably had to park only 2-4 cars.

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/12/2008 12:10:07 PM
Author: newbie124
neatfreak, I think I''m with you on this and would probably request that the bartenders not accept tips.

meresal, yes, this was an open bar. I actually just asked my friend about it and she said they were struggling a bit over it as well, but their catering manager actually told them that most catering companies allow the bartenders to accept tips (but of course the hosts can request that they don''t and put up a sign for guests).

Also, since they were just planning to tip the catering company to cover everyone, they didn''t think they''d be able to tip the bartenders enough to cover what they''d actually make if they were working at a bar for the night and making $1/drink, so they decided to allow them to accept additional tips.

They ended up also tipping the valet attendants but only minimally because they were sort of forced into hiring them even though they probably had to park only 2-4 cars.

I won''t touch that one with a rubber pole on this forum, but I have similar strong opinions.

I guess I can''t give an actual opinion because I am not hiring a bartender company, it will be thru my venue, and they are getting PLENTY in tip already. But, I specifically didn''t chose one venue becasue they wanted me to either pay $3/car for valet or have guests pay it themselves. I didn''t want either so we went with the venue that has a free parking garage only for guests.

Honestly if you''re going to go with open bar, then the guests should do their own tipping. It is exactly what it''s called "A Bar", where normally people pay thier own tabs and their own tips.

 

[newbie124]

Date: 11/12/2008 12:21:32 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 11/12/2008 12:10:07 PM

Author: newbie124

neatfreak, I think I''m with you on this and would probably request that the bartenders not accept tips.


meresal, yes, this was an open bar. I actually just asked my friend about it and she said they were struggling a bit over it as well, but their catering manager actually told them that most catering companies allow the bartenders to accept tips (but of course the hosts can request that they don''t and put up a sign for guests).


Also, since they were just planning to tip the catering company to cover everyone, they didn''t think they''d be able to tip the bartenders enough to cover what they''d actually make if they were working at a bar for the night and making $1/drink, so they decided to allow them to accept additional tips.


They ended up also tipping the valet attendants but only minimally because they were sort of forced into hiring them even though they probably had to park only 2-4 cars.

I won''t touch that one with a rubber pole on this forum, but I have similar strong opinions.

I guess I can''t give an actual opinion because I am not hiring a bartender company, it will be thru my venue, and they are getting PLENTY in tip already. But, I specifically didn''t chose one venue becasue they wanted me to either pay $3/car for valet or have guests pay it themselves. I didn''t want either so we went with the venue that has a free parking garage only for guests.

Honestly if you''re going to go with open bar, then the guests should do their own tipping. It is exactly what it''s called ''A Bar'', where normally people pay thier own tabs and their own tips.

Wait, meresal...I''m confused? Did you mean if it was a cash bar, then guests should do their own tipping?

My friend''s was an open bar as in guests did not have to pay for their drinks.

 

[newbie124]

Date: 11/12/2008 12:02:56 PM
Author: Nocturnius
As for valet parking, I just wouldn''t choose a venue that didn''t provide free self-parking to my guests. I would choose a venue that provided either self-parking, or that offered an OPTIONAL valet service.

All just my two cents.

Thanks for your input, Nocturnius.

Sigh...yes, I would have preferred not to have to pay for valet. Our venue actually does have parking (free), but during our contract negotiations, the new GM decided to force us into accepting valet and then decided he''d make ALL events require valet and not just ones with more than 60 guests (which is around what we''re expecting) b/c he was worried about parking for other hotel guests. It was a very backhanded move and irritated me to no end, but were already far along in our contract negotiations and I just wanted to have the place booked, so I sucked it up. But I guess at least it''ll be a nice gesture for our guests even since we''re not providing a shuttle, but it just sucked that he sort of blindsided us at the last minute.

 

[meresal]

I''m sorry, I was completely off... just replace "cash bar" with everything I said in the last post. If "cash bar" then guests should do their own tips.

 

[Sabine]

My venue had required valet parking, and when I asked the event coordinator how much valets were normally tipped, she flat out told us not to tip them, because even if we did, and told our guests we did, our guests would probably still tip them anyway. Our bartender tip was specifically part of our service charge.

 

[oobiecoo]

Every wedding I''ve been to, both with cash bars and open bars, have had a tip jar for the bartender.

We had a one at our own wedding... I figured if they wanted to tip then fine, but if not then they don''t have to.

 

[katamari]

I see no harm in letting the bartenders have a tip jar. In fact, I cannot imagine a bartender who would work a party where they couldn''t be tipped. It is a profession that lives off tips, not wages. If you are hiring them from a service, they are not seeing all or most of the money you are paying the service. Plus, your guests are still getting a night of free food and drinks for, maybe $10. I would not feel offended as a guest, I would feel incredibly lucky.

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/12/2008 5:23:17 PM
Author: katamari
I see no harm in letting the bartenders have a tip jar. In fact, I cannot imagine a bartender who would work a party where they couldn't be tipped. It is a profession that lives off tips, not wages. If you are hiring them from a service, they are not seeing all or most of the money you are paying the service. Plus, your guests are still getting a night of free food and drinks for, maybe $10. I would not feel offended as a guest, I would feel incredibly lucky.

Katamari: Could you explain, I don't think I follow, $10?? The food and drinks are most definitely not free. I guess I just see it as my opinion on my own reception, where the bartenders are employees of the venue, and are getting a very nice wage to be there. Not the $2.15/hr that a normal bartender at the local pub would be making. I feel if they want the bartenders to have tip jars, then they shouldn't ask for me to pay a fat gratuity in the beginning.

I'm not a caterer but I would imagine that most companies ask for gratuity/taxes up front for their meals and servers. This is like saying it's ok to slip a couple dollars to the person that brings you your food. They work for the caterer and it's already been paid for. I don't see it as a bad thig towards the host (being that they HAVE already agreed to tip them), I see it as tacky on the part of the bartenders.

 

[Haven]

Date: 11/12/2008 11:46:28 AM
Author: neatfreak
Personally as a host I would have stipulated no tip jars and would tip them myself. But I have seen more than one event with tip jars for the staff...so I guess I am in the minority here with the no tip jars maybe.

BIG ditto, Neatfreak. Most polite venues will discuss this with you beforehand, and many stipulate that the hosts will tip the staff in the event contract.

I think it is extremely tacky for staff to accept tips at a formal event. The hosts should take care of that.

But, like Neat, we''ve been to many weddings where the bartenders have had tip jars out. (We''ve also been to weddings where the bartenders gave out beer in the bottle, too, but that''s another issue . . . )

 

[Haven]

Date: 11/12/2008 5:23:17 PM
Author: katamari
I see no harm in letting the bartenders have a tip jar. In fact, I cannot imagine a bartender who would work a party where they couldn''t be tipped. It is a profession that lives off tips, not wages. If you are hiring them from a service, they are not seeing all or most of the money you are paying the service. Plus, your guests are still getting a night of free food and drinks for, maybe $10. I would not feel offended as a guest, I would feel incredibly lucky.

The bartenders should get tips, however at a formal event the tip should be provided by the host, not the guests.

Our caterer included tips for everyone in our contract, and their staff was instructed to politely thank guests who gave tips, and to tell them that they cannot accept tips.

As for the valet--if there is a valet, the hosts should arrange to tip them a flat fee for the night, and the valet staff should also politely decline tips from guests.

The same goes for venues where you must pay to park. Our friends married in the Sears Tower and paid for all of the guests'' parking, which was the correct thing to do.

 

[katamari]

Date: 11/12/2008 5:42:10 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 11/12/2008 5:23:17 PM

Author: katamari

I see no harm in letting the bartenders have a tip jar. In fact, I cannot imagine a bartender who would work a party where they couldn''t be tipped. It is a profession that lives off tips, not wages. If you are hiring them from a service, they are not seeing all or most of the money you are paying the service. Plus, your guests are still getting a night of free food and drinks for, maybe $10. I would not feel offended as a guest, I would feel incredibly lucky.

Katamari: Could you explain, I don''t think I follow, $10?? The food and drinks are most definitely not free. I guess I just see it as my opinion on my own reception, where the bartenders are employees of the venue, and are getting a very nice wage to be there. Not the $2.15/hr that a normal bartender at the local pub would be making. I feel if they want the bartenders to have tip jars, then they shouldn''t ask for me to pay a fat gratuity in the beginning.


I''m not a caterer but I would imagine that most companies ask for gratuity/taxes up front for their meals and servers. This is like saying it''s ok to slip a couple dollars to the person that brings you your food. They work for the caterer and it''s already been paid for. I don''t see it as a bad thig towards the host (being that they HAVE already agreed to tip them), I see it as tacky on the part of the bartenders.

Meresal, I meant $10 out of my own pocket! Oops. Yes, I totally know that when I go to weddings I am eating and drinking at a large expense to the hosts and their families. I also assumed, and perhaps should not have, that people don''t work entirely as bartenders at halls, but instead pick up these jobs on the side for extra money, in which case they have a legitimate need for the tips.

Passing costs onto your guests *is* tacky. I totally agree with this and don''t believe it should ever be done. I also agree that these service workers are paid by the venue/vendor and know what they are earning (as a guest I always assume this). And, you make a good point about the meal. I would never ever leave a tip on the table for the server at a wedding.

But, I also, as a guest, like being able to tip people I would normally, like the bartender or the valet. It makes me feel cheap to not. This is especially true since I have never noticed a protocol. But, I have been to several black tie events with tip jars. It may have been some scheming on the service worker''s part, though.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

At my wedding we forbid anyone from having a tip jar. We tipped those deserving of one....

 

[DMBsGirl]

my fh tips valet and bartenders at weddings we have been to. he used to valet in high school and knows that if he tips the valet guy, our car will be parked in an accessible spot and will be retrieved quickly at the end of the night. I never really thought about this before, but I feel that no matter what you say, guests will do what they want or are used to. These people are providing a service and if people are happy with the service, they will probably take it upon themselves to tip.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 11/12/2008 5:23:17 PM
Author: katamari
I see no harm in letting the bartenders have a tip jar. In fact, I cannot imagine a bartender who would work a party where they couldn't be tipped. It is a profession that lives off tips, not wages.

This is why FI and I chose a caterer who employs his own bartenders and waitstaff, and compensates them at a high rate. IMO, the staff will do a better job if they are well-paid for being there and aren't hedging their bets on a tip at the end, so it was important to us (and worth paying slightly more overall) to use a company that treats its employees extremely well. Tip jars won't be allowed at our wedding; FI and I plan on tipping them generously, but it will truly be a gratuity as opposed to bringing them up to a living wage, and it won't be our guests' responsibility. Luckily, we had the luxury of being able to choose any caterer we wanted, since our venue is completely DIY -- but it was certainly a factor in our decision (I know that not everyone has this kind of choice).

ETA: our venue is self-parking, so no valets to worry about

 

[newbie124]

Well, personally I have no problem with the guests...if they WANT to tip the attendants, then they should by all means do so. But I don''t think they should feel like they''re obligated to, which I think is the impression that a visible tip jar gives to those on the fence. To me, it makes it look like the staff are soliciting our guests even when they will also likely be expecting a lump sum tip from the host. (Granted, if the host knows that they''re going to be accepting tips from guests, then maybe their lump sum tip will be adjusted accordingly.)

Of course, what I''m saying just applies to weddings/hosted events, where staff can usually count on a tip from the host at the end of the night (if it wasn''t already paid up front in the contract), and they are also likely being paid more than the avg wage at a club or restaurant.*

*I don''t know if this applies for ALL catering companies, but some of the ones I got contracts from did spell out the hourly wages for their staff and it was much higher than the $2 something an hour most restaurant workers get.

 

[a.Lei]

I think it is kind of awkward to have tips jars out. But even if there isn''t any in sight, the guest are still going to wonder if they have to tip. We went to a wedding with an open bar. There was no tip jar in sight but we still felt bad taking drinks from a bar and not tipping the bartender, so we did.

 

[Nocturnius]

I still disagree with tip jars at a wedding.

katamari, you say they depend on tips. Okay, here's my wedding scenario:

Guest list of 25 (if you include bridal couple and wedding party.) The actual reception only lasted two hours. Food was not plated and passed; it was a buffet. There were no mixed drinks, only sodas, water, tea, lemonade and a fresh fruit smoothie bar (instead of a liquor bar.)

Each of our servers received $150, handed to them in envelopes by me personally. The bartender received $250 because he did more work - he was making smoothies throughout the reception, the servers were just standing around making sure no one accidentally flipped something over or anything. After the event, my dad also tipped each of them another $50 in cash (after my husband and I had left.)

I'm sorry, but I would love to make $300 for two hours of work and a 25-person guest list.

Given the tip they received flat out at the event AND the percentage tip they received automatically through the catering contract, yes, I would have been very upset if they had set up tip jars or expected guests to tip them, and I think it would have been very unprofessional. Period.

 

[puffy]

we told everyone that they were not to have a tip jar at my wedding. we actually gave them a large percent of the tip beforehand and the the remainder after. not the way to do things which i get, but DH and i wanted them to know that we were going to tip them. but that did not stop our guests from just leaving money on the bar under empty glasses. we had an open bar. as the hosts of the event, DH and i were fine with giving them a tip and not expecting our guests to.

 

[ckrickett]

I''m a bartender (so I understand the tipping thing) But I don''t believe your guests should have to tip. I know when I have my reception I want an open bar and I fully intend on tipping them out of my own pocket, No jars that''s tacky. But I don''t think the guests should have to. If I saw a bartender put up a tip jar I would let them know they can put it away and get a nice tip from someone "in the biz" or make a few dollars and probably get a complaint from me for trying to skim money off of my guests.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''ve bartended for a bar owner who also had bartender catering business on the side. If the host said no tip jars there were no tip jars to be seen, we assumed we would be tipped by the host. We were all paid a flat rate to work by the owner of the bar/catering business, and then if there were tips we split them. There were nights when I made $100 for working 10 hours, and nights when I made $400 for working 6 hours (including loading, set up, service, tear down, and return to the bar). I never was bothered when a host said no tip jar.

I''ve been to weddings with cash bars where tip jars were on the counters, but never have I seen a tip jar at wedding with an open bar. Very awkward...

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/12/2008 11:55:35 AM
Author: meresal
tip jars are very tacky at such an event.

I normally don''t post in this forum

, but wanted to comment that yes, tip jars ARE tacky. Mall food courts have them and that has set up the conception of them being completely lacking in class.

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 11/12/2008 8:21:50 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
At my wedding we forbid anyone from having a tip jar. We tipped those deserving of one....

Perfect advice. Exactly what should happen. Especially if the venue adds a gratuity or service fee over and above what you''re paying the F&B dept.

 

[newbie124]

KimberlyH, out of curiosity how much on average do hosts tip when you work catered events? Does the tip usually make up the majority of your income for the night or does the bar owner pay you a higher wage when you work catered events?