Wedding *grrrr* Nicest way of saying NO MORE PEOPLE!

[xiuying]

My FI (I love saying that!) and I will be sending out invitations today, and I''ve already had TWO of my friends ask to invite someone else! I''ve known one of my friends since elementary school, and I''m definitely inviting him, along with his entire family. He just kinda-sorta broke up with his long-distance girlfriend in California, so I assumed that since his entire family was coming, that was all I needed to invite, right? Wrong. He called me asking to invite his sorta-girlfriend in CA anyway, just in case she COULD come, but if she couldn''t could he bring another date from his hometown since he lives close by?


WHAT? ... No!


I think my response was kind of mean, though. Our conversation went something like this...


[HIM]: I want to invite so-and-so, or so-and-so, depending on who can come, blah blah blah!
[*ME]: Um... if you really want to... if it''s that important...
[HIM]: Well, why not? Is that bad?
[*ME]: Well... the venue has limited space... plus every extra guest I invite costs me a decent amount of money... and didn''t you break up with so-and-so? And your family''s coming...
[HIM]: *pause* Well, that''s true.
*** insert uncomfortable silence ***
[*ME]: I mean, if it''s really that important to you... why don''t you think about it some? I mean, ideally I''d invite the entire world if I could, but the space and the cost...
[HIM]: No, it''s cool. I''ll figure something out.

Now I''m stuck at this point of trying to figure out how to say NO to people. FI and I are paying for as much of this wedding as we can, and we''ve seriously contemplated which invitations to tack on "and guest" on to (we''re essentially going by the "serious relationship only = guest" rule.) Frankly, we really can''t squeeze in that many more people... and I KNOW I''m going to have to deal with this issue again.


So... what exactly is the NICEST way of saying that we can''t accommodate more people? I don''t mind looking like a bit of a meanie, but I''d rather not come across as the Wicked Witch of the West...

 

[mimzy]

after talking to my cousin who is getting married this saturday i am beginning to anticipate this problem too! i think that the best way you can do it is just to say something like "i''d really love for them to come and meet them but unfortunately we are maxed out and can''t accommodate any more people". that way you aren''t telling them if it is space or money (and they would have to be pretty ballsy to ask which it was), and it''s a little more polite than "i don''t want to pay for them". whatever you do, DON''T leave it up to them! haha. that''s asking for disaster! if they haven''t been through a wedding themselves than they likely have little to no clue how much they cost and you''ll have a dozen guests bringing their friend along because ''one more can''t hurt''

 

[neatfreak]

You just need to say NO. Don''t waffle on it, don''t need to be nicey nice about it, just say NO.

To say it politely, you just say "I''m so sorry but our venue cannot accommodate any more people". Then it isn''t YOU that is saying no, you''re just full.

 

[xiuying]

mimzy, I think what you said is perfect. Neatfreak, I totally agree with you in theory, it''s just difficult for me. I have no issues saying "no" if I''ve thought about it, or if it''s to a stranger, or something where I''m more removed from the situation. What''s hard for me is when a friend calls me and giggles and asks and completely puts me on the spot.

(They''re not TRYING to put me on the spot, obviously, but it''s a still a whole lot harder to say no!)

I think I''m going to have to rehearse saying mimzy''s line. Hehe, I''ll do this in the car while I''m driving... "I''d really love for them to come and meet them but unfortunately we are maxed out and can''t accommodate any more people. I''d really love for them to come and meet them but unfortunately we are maxed out and can''t accommodate any more people. I''d really love for them to come and meet them but unfortunately we are maxed out and can''t accommodate any more people."

Whew!