going to propose?!!!

[dncer228]

hello all

i''m new here. my name is Renee and I live in chandler,az.

I have been in my relationship with my wonderful bf for 3 years now (just had our 3 year anniversary on 2-14).

he''s 29-no kids, never married
i''m 28 almost 29 (will have my b-day on thursday). i also have 2 girls from a previous marriage that my bf loves as his own.

we discussed living together and getting married at the 2 year mark so I always knew it would happen when the time was right. lately he''s been acting kind of funny.

we just went and got family pics taken with my girls for easter which is a first for us. while there, he commented that my dress looked like a wedding dress and I looked really pretty in it. that made me feel great but i didn''t read into it too much.

later he told me that our neighbor guy across the street was razzing him about us getting pictures taken together, telling him that we''d be married soon. he then told my bf that he was lucky b/c I was a good one. I asked my bf if it bothered him being teased about marriage to which he said (w/out hesitation) "no-i love you honey."

on friday while we were out shopping-we stopped by the jewelry case to look at rings-we didnt pull any out of the case but i pointed to 2 of them i liked.

he sent me an email a few hours ago asking me my ring size!!! i told him a 4 and he emailed back saying bummer-they only go down to size 5, i''ll have to call.

i''m SO excited but don''t want to get my hopes up too much.

he loves my kids as his own-even calls himself my husband and a stepdad. we don''t live together yet but i''m only at my house about 4 days a month. my cat has been living w/him for about 4 months now. the spare rooms in his house he is now referring to as my children''s rooms and has started to clear his things out of them (selling what he doesn''t need).

my daughters'' have a parent meeting at school this week and he also asked me what he needed to wear to this meeting when we go (giving me the impression that he already sees himself as a father).

what do you guys think?!! i emailed him back suggesting that he could just buy the ring in the size it comes in and get it sized later. this way he''ll have it for my b-day this coming thursday (we are going out to dinner w/the kids). he bought me a jewelry box for our anniversary too.

i''m trying SO hard to contain myself but it''s killing me!!! anyone else in this similar situation?!!
i''m so excited!!!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Well, that sounds like a wrap to me! It sure sounds like a proposal is coming.

I'm glad to hear he gets on so well with your girls. Do they get along well with him too?

Oh, and if it's not too late, you may want to send him to the diamond knowledge section of this website, to keep him from overpaying or getting less sparkle than he could for his dollar.

 

[dncer228]

hi!!

thanks for replying.

my kids ADORE him-especially my 5 year old.

we talked some more after i posted this and i suggested to him that we just get the ring and we can size it later. he agreed but said he still wanted to call them before he bought it.

he then told me not to go into overdrive too much and he hoped i liked it-now i''m even MORE confused!!!

he knows that I want to be engaged really bad and that i feel like the jewelry i already have is enough-the only thing left is THE ring. I also stressed how i felt at our age, promise rings were a little juvenile (we are both almost 30).

so now i don''t know what to think!!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Yeah, the relationship between step-daughters and dads can be really special under the right conditions. My step-dad will be walking me down the aisle at part 1 of my wedding in a few weeks time (dad at part 2) because he's just like another dad to me!

Just send him the link with a note that says 'This is very informative about how to pick a quality diamond. Now you're on your own!' That's hardly 'overdrive' and he may appreciate a little help from a neutral source that isn't trying hard to sell him something.

Seriously, paying twice what a stone is worth and being sold something that is of poor quality without realizing it is probably the rule rather than the exception in the diamond world. Even Tiffany sells some less than great diamonds if you're not careful. Knowledge is power! After all, you have to look at it for the rest of your life. It may as well be a great stone.

Congrats! Enjoy this exciting time.

 

[dncer228]

he''s been around my little one since she was just barely 2. she had a crazy obsession with him from the get-go. nobody could touch him and she was always calling him "my mike". it was cute.

so they already have a special bond that i''ve watched grow over the years.

i''m pretty sure he knows what I want. we''ve talked about size, stone shape, and price plus the one i pointed out at costco was dead on to my dream ring (he made note of it).

so i''m just going to leave it up to him.

i''m only slightly worried that he''ll pull the "promise ring" route which would be a little upsetting to me.

 

[bee*]

It definitely sounds like the ball is rolling and it will happen soon!

 

[LegacyGirl]

He sounds like a keeper too!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I would be very excited if I were you...however, I would also keep cool...there are a lot of women who have posted here *thinking* they were getting engaged and ended up being disappointed when it didn''t happen.

I personally think it sounds pretty close...but, for your emotional sake, don''t get your hopes up to-to high.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

i definitely think it sounds like he is going to propose, make sure to get a manicure before you go out to supper

 

[dncer228]

thanks for the kind words ladies but for those of you who told me not to get my hopes up-i should have listened....

i had sent him in email back this morning telling him that the "don''t go into overdrive too much" comment had really confused me and I was going to be a basketcase for the rest of the week!!

he read it on his laptop in the dining room after we got up today (we both work graveyard shift). I was standing by the back door, looking out the window-when I turned around he made a pouty face at me and said "what if it''s just a pretty ring?" i shrugged my shoulders and said ok. talk about heartbreak!!! I left the room b/c I didn''t want him to see me upset b/c I know he didn''t intentionally try to hurt me.

I went back into our room, climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head. I was SO sad!! he came in a few mins later (he knew I was upset but wasn''t sure how to handle it i''m sure). he climbed into bed next to me saying please don''t be sad-it''s your birthday week. I had started to cry at this point (which I hate myself for-does anyone else do this?!). He saw this and asked why I was so upset-he was trying to do something nice for me.

I listed off the things that happened (him commenting on my dress looking like a wedding dress,the neigbor saying we''d get married and him not being bothered by it,us looking at rings and then him asking for my ring size!!). He felt really bad saying he was sorry but those things weren''t meant for me to think my ring was coming. I told him it probably wasn''t a good idea to flat out ask me my ring size when he knows how bad I want us to be engaged.

I then told him I was really frustrated with the whole thing. It''s been 3 years and we still aren''t any closer to being married. we don''t even live together!! I told him my bills were starting to become a problem which he knows b/c for the past 4 months-he''s had to loan me money to help me pay for things. I pointed out to him that I was paying 900/month to stay in my apt 6 days a month!! he said he didn''t realize it was such a small amount and suggested that the kids and I start staying at his house on thursdays during the week too which will drop me down to only staying at my apt 4 days a month. he said that by next month we could possibly break my lease.

I told him there comes a time in a relationship where you either go one way or the other-you can''t sit still. I told him it wasn''t good for my kids and I was tired of being strung along. I think that comment upset him b/c he snapped back that he might not want to marry me until the kids are 18 b/c I won''t get my child support or the tax break and we can''t afford to raise them alone. we both make about 3 grand a month so we can live easily. I started to cry after he made this comment and tried to get up to leave. He wrapped his arms around me saying he was sorry, he had just said it b/c he was mad.

so no ring

everything seemed ok when we went to leave for work but i''m still a little stung by the comment he made and i have to worry how much he really did or didn''t mean it.

 

[vslover]

You''d still get child support if you remarried...child support isn''t dependent on being single.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Dear Renee,

I am so sorry to hear about your disappointment. But, don''t throw the baby out with the bath! This man sounds sweet, considerate, and loving...he seems like the total package, and his love for you is something that comes thru strongly in your postings, which is by far more important than any ring ever will be.

I understand why you''re upset, it must be a very big let down for you. When you''re ready to get married, not being engaged can seem like a fate worse than death. But, you are in a stable, healthy and working relationships with a man who has your best interests at heart...marriage will probably be in your future, and it seems to be a subject he''s given much thought. I would continue to have open conversations with him about the fact that "married" is where you want to be, and do your research when it comes to child support, tax credits, and housing so that you can be honest when such hypothetical obsticals arise. Honesty is the corner stone to any good relationship, and I''m proud of you for confronting your disappointment with him when it arose. Keep being up front with him, and I''m sure, as partners, you both can come to an agreement about a timeline, arrangement, or future that will work best for both of you without money becoming an issue.

Also, alimony is the only thing that changes if you were to get married. Child support would remain constant, and will only change dependant upon your divorce decree.

I''ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...lots PS dust sprinkled on you and your relationship!!

 

[Mediterranean]

Italia got it right on the dot!

You know what? It may not have been the most ideal, perfect conversation in the world, but you were straight up. I know it''s probably not much consolation to you, but you should be proud of yourself for having the guts to stick up for your convictions. Now your man knows that you want to be married, and not date indefinitely, or spend a lot more time in an undefined relationship. He can''t say that he "misunderstood" anything, because you did not use any thinly veiled references.

Also, he was very honest with you about not being ready right at this very minute. Unless your alimony is extremely substantial, or an amount that would have to be depended upon for household income (a make-or-break-you amount) then he probably only said what he said about the kids being 18 because he felt flustered.

Please try to enjoy your relationship and your time together. This is your time to be falling in love with each other and making memories together,and it won''t be much fun if you''re anxious.

 

[dncer228]

hi guys!!

thanks for all the input-it helped a great deal.

I realize I should be enjoying our time together and not spending all of my energy on getting that ring!!!

i''m so focused on getting it that I haven''t realized that I might be pushing him farther and farther away from the idea.

I know one day my time will come but it''s SO frustrating having to be patient (lol)

thanks again all-it''s nice to know I have cyber friends going through similar situations and that i''m not just crazy!!!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Renee, it''s okay to be excited, and to want to be engaged. I firmly believe in not compromising your dreams or goals for anyone--and esspecially not a man. If you want to get married, then you should be excited about the prospect, and you should feel comfortable talking about it! Lets be honest, if you wanting to be married is pushing your boyfriend away, then it seems like you need to further investigate what is exactly causing this...after all, when you''re in a good, loving, healthy relationship marriage should be the goal! After all, you''re both a good age to get married, and you certainly don''t want to waste the pretty years of your life!

I hope you continue to enjoy your relationship, but remember to continue wanting what it is your really want...